Please help

[MMW 2]

... perhaps he has hesitations to add you to the deed of his house because of community property laws.

Today we went to refinance the house (and put me on the title while refinancing), only to find out that we won't be able to refinance because of the current mortgage crisis and the banks are more scrutinizing.

I thought you said the house was in your name prior to the marriage?

No,the house we live in is his.

In exchange for putting me on the deed of his house he would have been put on the deed of the two smaller properties I'm about to buy

In most states assets bought after a marriage are considered joint even if only one person appears on the deed so it might be a mute point.

[Teacher Mark 53]

... perhaps he has hesitations to add you to the deed of his house because of community property laws.

Today we went to refinance the house (and put me on the title while refinancing), only to find out that we won't be able to refinance because of the current mortgage crisis and the banks are more scrutinizing.

I thought you said the house was in your name prior to the marriage?

No,the house we live in is his.

In exchange for putting me on the deed of his house he would have been put on the deed of the two smaller properties I'm about to buy

In most states assets bought after a marriage are considered joint even if only one person appears on the deed so it might be a mute point.

A point that can't speak?

[luckytxn 2,263]

Of course this is late advice but this should have been discussed before marrying. After marrying to now come to this only makes it harder.

One can be business partners and married but one must seperate the two when needed. Personally I would only put in what the other puts in and be equal. If the two little properties equal what he has in his house then that is an equal partnership and then it is a small charge for him to add you to his property. (It cost me 100 dollars to take my brother off my house deed and gain sole ownership) The income from the two little properties then are truly family money.

In my state a so called "snapshot" of each others assets and liabilities are done. Anything after the marriage is community property. If you go into this unequal now it may be ok now but many times later there could be resentment that builds and becomes a grudge. This causes many splits in marriage. I have talked with my fiancee about the finances and we both agree that my assets are mine and that my will is very uneven now on what she will receive. As we go along she will get more of my meager savings, parcels of lands, 401K's, and even the house. We even have this in writing and my current estate guardian is in on. It was not a question of trust I had but one of sound money management. I may love my fiancee very much and plan on a lifetime together but after a lifetime of hard work and frugal savings I have amassed a good nest egg. As she incorporates more into my life over the years and we mesh more, than our assets will also merge and mesh. Peace of mind is peace of life for us both.

Of course I am talking about me and my experience and only you can figure what is your own comfort level. Go outside your comfort level and possible disaster can strike. Both of you need to sit and talk and work this out now. Take time and make no hasty decisions. Since you both have a lifetime together there is no hurry yet. Find out what his comfort level is and let him know yours. I am sure you both can reach a agreement that will be satisfactory. If he or you can't work this out now then ask yourself if in the future will you both be able to. The answer will tell all.

[NickD 202]

In most states, I assume yours, both spouses are liable for each others debts, don't mention this in the marriage ceremony, but sure learn about quick during a divorce. If closing, with the agreement of the seller, can be postponed until your husband gets back, but he will be liable for your payments, and if you don't make those payments and lose it, his credit rating will go to hell as well.

Both small properties I'm about to buy are cash deals. No mortgages involved. I'm going to rent out both, the rental income will be family money

In these troubled times, and unless you are buying these homes for something like 20-30 cents a dollar and very fortunate to find good renters, can be a major loss. You are liable for both the maintenance and the property taxes on these properties, and if you get a poor renter, the judge may not want to put that renter out on the street. If you are doing this for profit in your investment, can only ask, why isn't that renter buying that property himself.

My wife had the same bug, a rental corporation that owns many homes is trying to get out of it, selling homes below assessed value, but not that much below assessed value, looked at several homes, need a lot of work, and some have to be brought up to code, others have sewer line problems with major plumbing problems. Then that rental market, ha, we did this two years ago, those homes are still on the market. Was told by several financial advisers to leave our money in CD's. Don't like that either, interest rates are below the inflation rates and have to pay taxes on that interest, what a rip off.

Don't know what kind of properties you are looking at or if it is a good investment or not, but would certainly would take a hard look at it. You could be doing the seller a very big favor.

We are going through that now with my wife's condo in Venezuela, wife thinks it's worth a lot now, but mostly because they had 700% inflation since she purchased it. Has a single mom renting it with a ten year old son, hasn't paid rent in over two years, and almost impossible to get her evicted plus she has done considerable damage to that once brand new condo. And the way Venezuela is going now, would expect a complete financial collapse of that country and her condo would be worthless. But we hired an attorney anyway, can't do a thing now, the tribunal, their court system is on strike and has been for the last two months. Can you imagine our court system going on strike. If I look at what she has in it, and what we have now, just let it go, but honoring her wishes, only money.

Friends that own rental property here with mortgages are working two jobs just to make the mortgage and property tax payments, here it's that damned property tax, no way to get out of it and if you don't pay it, you lose it.

I had a small claims court case recently, about 25 landlords were ahead of us, the judge ruled in favor of all 25 renters, I can't through these people out in the cold he said, you renters, try and get caught up, in the meantime, the landlords are responsible for those damned interest and tax payments.

Spoke to several financial advisers, none of them have a crystal ball, foreign investments are iffy, and if the buck goes to hell here and it may, we would all be screwed.

I feel we really have been screwed by our government, the city, the township, the county, the state, and the federal. I really do not know what to do.

Of course this is late advice but this should have been discussed before marrying. After marrying to now come to this only makes it harder.

One can be business partners and married but one must seperate the two when needed. Personally I would only put in what the other puts in and be equal. If the two little properties equal what he has in his house then that is an equal partnership and then it is a small charge for him to add you to his property. (It cost me 100 dollars to take my brother off my house deed and gain sole ownership) The income from the two little properties then are truly family money.

In my state a so called "snapshot" of each others assets and liabilities are done. Anything after the marriage is community property. If you go into this unequal now it may be ok now but many times later there could be resentment that builds and becomes a grudge. This causes many splits in marriage. I have talked with my fiancee about the finances and we both agree that my assets are mine and that my will is very uneven now on what she will receive. As we go along she will get more of my meager savings, parcels of lands, 401K's, and even the house. We even have this in writing and my current estate guardian is in on. It was not a question of trust I had but one of sound money management. I may love my fiancee very much and plan on a lifetime together but after a lifetime of hard work and frugal savings I have amassed a good nest egg. As she incorporates more into my life over the years and we mesh more, than our assets will also merge and mesh. Peace of mind is peace of life for us both.

Of course I am talking about me and my experience and only you can figure what is your own comfort level. Go outside your comfort level and possible disaster can strike. Both of you need to sit and talk and work this out now. Take time and make no hasty decisions. Since you both have a lifetime together there is no hurry yet. Find out what his comfort level is and let him know yours. I am sure you both can reach a agreement that will be satisfactory. If he or you can't work this out now then ask yourself if in the future will you both be able to. The answer will tell all.

Sounds like a prenuptial agreement, not recognized by the courts in WI, what about your state?

[almaty 19]

we own 2 houses..sanita bought the 1st one with $$ she brought from almaty..i am on the deed..i bought the 2nd one...she is on the deed..i had a house i sold prior to her coming here....and used the $$$ to buy massive amount of stock in fencing...

[Heracles 417]

Before you proceed with anything I would see a lawyer. Remember, prevention is much better than cure. Your husband should be fine with you guys seeking legal advice. If he is not fine with it then I would definitely recommend you seek a lawyer's advice and discuss the situation and what is the best way to proceed. It would be a different story if both of you were going into this half / half.

Considering the unfortunate situation with you dad, he should understand where you are coming from and that simply signing money away is not an option. You need to cross your t's and dot your i's.

Edited February 5, 2009 by Aficionado

[cantbelieveit 0]

Thanks y'all for your inputs,I appreciate it a lot.

I've been up all night and couldn't sleep brooding over this question. I think the prudent thing to do is to be sole owner of the two small properties, for now.

As soon as we have sorted out what I'll get in return from him I'll go ahead and put him on the deed on both of my properties.

It doesn't seem to be a big problem to add a spouse on a deed, you just need to file a quitclaim deed and record it at the county clerk's office for a small fee. So that shouldn't be a problem.

We are now about to build the financial foundation as newlyweds, and I hope that we have a whole lifetime together to sort the legal terms out.

I guess I don't ever want to be put in the position again to be worried about finances, like I was when my Dad abandoned me with a fat minus on the bank account. I'll never forget the feeling of pure disbelief when I learned that my Dad had chosen to just vanish without even leaving a note behind.

I just need a sense of safety, this time with my husband. If he loves me, then he'll understand.

I love him with all my heart, that's why I've come here, to be with him. But I have obviously brought some baggage with me, in form of my history with my father.

Thank you guys a lot for your help, I love 'ya for that....

Edited February 5, 2009 by cantbelieveit

[almaty 19]

sister, in life there is no sure thing..

but in marriage..if you have no trust in your spouse..the marriage will end in failure...no charge..dr. dean

[cantbelieveit 0]

Guys, brother Dean,

I just wanted to give you a quick update of what happened and a little funny twist in my deed-drama :

I went to closing this morning and was thinking #######, Dr Dean said a marriage w/o trust is no marriage, so I might as well just go ahead and put my husband on the deed. Life will bring what life will bring any freakin' way.

I come home, open my emails, there's an email from my husband saying:

"Honey, stop worrying so much.I'm not your father, I'm your husband.My life is your life and vice versa. We'll go on Monday and put you on the deed of our house.....etc"

I'm glad that stuff seemed to sort itself out. Maybe I should finally really stop worrying...? Who knows....

I sure love 'ya all, thanks a ton for being there...( and sorry for the different screen name,I was just too embarrassed )

[almaty 19]

Guys, brother Dean,

I just wanted to give you a quick update of what happened and a little funny twist in my deed-drama :

I went to closing this morning and was thinking #######, Dr Dean said a marriage w/o trust is no marriage, so I might as well just go ahead and put my husband on the deed. Life will bring what life will bring any freakin' way.

I come home, open my emails, there's an email from my husband saying:

"Honey, stop worrying so much.I'm not your father, I'm your husband.My life is your life and vice versa. We'll go on Monday and put you on the deed of our house.....etc"

I'm glad that stuff seemed to sort itself out. Maybe I should finally really stop worrying...? Who knows....

I sure love 'ya all, thanks a ton for being there...( and sorry for the different screen name,I was just too embarrassed )

..good luck little sister in your marriage..and in your life..your friend..dean

[kitteh 1]

I'm so glad this worked out for you and that you and your husband are communicating better.

This is none of my business really, but have you ever gone to counseling for what your father did (to you and to himself)? Because I can imagine that something as traumatic as what happened could really throw you off your bearings and leave some scars that will likely resurface in the future. It is completely understandable that you'd have trust and abandonment issues after that, which could have an effect on your marriage and relationship.

Just a thought.

[anitacastillo 0]

I love a story with a good ending.

May you find success in your financial decisions!

[Chocolot 0]

I realize that we are not business partners,but it hurt my feelings that he didn't say after we had learned that we can't refinance, that he'd just go ahead and put me on the deed w/o refinancing.It seems to me that we are starting off with a big disadvantage for me, which really bugs me.

If it had been the other way around I would have said to him "Ok, we won't add you to the deed through refinancing, but there are other ways"...but he didn't. That started the argument.

Please folks,let me know how you folks have handled the deed subject.Did your spouse add you to the deed without asking anything in return?

I have been burnt in the past by my Dad whom I trusted with my life. He left a huge dept in my name and took off by committing suicide.

I was the one who had to pay off that dept . I am just scared that I might be f'cked over in that manner again.....

Please,I appreciate any comments....

Married or no, I still think you have to be responsible and make sound decisions. I dont think it is necessary to have a fifty fifty share in everything. What you bring to the marriage was your independence and if you are reluctant it may be better to put it off until later.

Wills and financial settlements are very important for everyone and even more so for the couples who are not already financially comingled but have family or other good reasons. I think it is quite ok to share other parts of your life but not every part of the financial without causing harm to your marriage. It does need a great deal of communication though and when you both are calm it can be carefully discussed.