Please help

[cantbelieveit 0]

Guys,I'm a long time member, but haven chosen to post under a different name because I really can't believe what I have been fighting with my husband as of recently.

I really need some advice,I feel very hopeless and lonely right now.

I have some savings that I brought with me when I immigrated to the US and am just about to buy a small house and a small condo in cash.I was planning on putting my husband on the title on both.In exchange he wanted to put me on the title of the house we live in right now. He doesn't own that house, but has some equity in it. Today we went to refinance the house (and put me on the title while refinancing), only to find out that we won't be able to refinance because of the current mortgage crisis and the banks are more scrutinizing.

After we learned that, I asked him how we want to move on with our deal, my small house and condo in exchange for being put on the deed...and we got into a huge fight. I told him if he doesn't want to discuss this subject in a business manner (since we are about to merge our assets like two companies and it should be equitable) I wouldn't put him on the title of my properties either.

This has caused a huge argument now.He's left for business today and won't be back until Saturday,and I just feel horrible. A married couple should be able to communicate in a better way.

I know that he's not up to screwing me over,and I know that he'd put me on the deed of his house.But I don't want to be in the position that he's already on the deed of my properties and I have to remind him later to put me on his....

Please guys,what do you think about my situation?!? Am I being paranoid?

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

I told him if he doesn't want to discuss this subject in a business manner (since we are about to merge our assets like two companies and it should be equitable) I wouldn't put him on the title of my properties either.

Doesn't matter what you two are doing, you'll never be business partners. You're married. There's a difference and no matter how businessy the transaction you're undergoing is, that doesn't change. You're married to the guy and he's married to you. And it's not like he didn't try to get you on the title. He's demonstrated good faith IMO.

Note: I am not recommending you go ahead or that you not go ahead. That's your call to make. All I'm suggesting is you not approach him as your business partner because he's not. He's much more.

[cantbelieveit 0]

I realize that we are not business partners,but it hurt my feelings that he didn't say after we had learned that we can't refinance, that he'd just go ahead and put me on the deed w/o refinancing.It seems to me that we are starting off with a big disadvantage for me, which really bugs me.

If it had been the other way around I would have said to him "Ok, we won't add you to the deed through refinancing, but there are other ways"...but he didn't. That started the argument.

Please folks,let me know how you folks have handled the deed subject.Did your spouse add you to the deed without asking anything in return?

I have been burnt in the past by my Dad whom I trusted with my life. He left a huge dept in my name and took off by committing suicide.

I was the one who had to pay off that dept . I am just scared that I might be f'cked over in that manner again.....

Please,I appreciate any comments....

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

I added my wife to my deed, no quid pro quo. I had this house before I got married, now she owns it with me.

[cantbelieveit 0]

A.J., thanks for your comment!

Folks, please, anybody else with an opinion?!? Is it possible that nobody else has dealt with the deed question!?!

It's hard to deal with these kind of questions when your are in your own country,even more when you're in a foreign one. Right now I just feel like I have freakin' no one to turn to for advice

[cantbelieveit 0]

To make it even more complicated,I have to go to closing on Friday and have to decide whether to put my husband on the title of the small house I'm about to purchase, and he's not here to discuss all of this. I don't think anyway that we'd be able to discuss it in a calm manner, anyway...

what should I do...

I just wanna do what 's right...but, ####### is right?

Edited February 5, 2009 by cantbelieveit

[msu17 0]

I think you should do what you are most comfortable with. As was said, he's your husband, not a business partner so it doesn't have to be equal with titles but you have to be happy with whatever decision you make. Your husband should understand considering what happened with your father if you chose not to put him on right now. He has shown good faith so far to put you on the title, and might not have thought about other ways to put you on the title after finding out he couldn't refinance right now. It probably would have slipped my mind if I was in that situation. Just do what you feel is best for you.

[Danno 1,228]

Seems like the answers depend on who you are and who he is, because what ever either of you agree to now.... should be what you can live with long term.

Maybe you can cut the baby in half by putting his name on one of the properties and when your name is on his house, you will put him on the second property you want buy.

If you two are newly married, and if putting his name on those Properties would mean he would gain a considerable amount in the case of Divorce.... I would think twice about that too.

Just a collection of thoughts.

[boo boo 1]

Hello

I really do not have any sound advice, but I hope that you make the best decision.

[cantbelieveit 0]

Maybe you can cut the baby in half by putting his name on one of the properties and when your name is on his house, you will put him on the second property you want buy.

That's sounds like a good idea...

If you two are newly married, and if putting his name on those Properties would mean he would gain a considerable amount in the case of Divorce.... I would think twice about that too.

Yes, we have been married for half a year now. With these financial transactions we are currently trying to merge our assets...so we are basically building the foundation for whatever might come in the future, whether good or bad. It seems so hard to stay objective when it comes to combining love and finances.

Thanks for your thoughts!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

To make it even more complicated,I have to go to closing on Friday and have to decide whether to put my husband on the title of the small house I'm about to purchase, and he's not here to discuss all of this. I don't think anyway that we'd be able to discuss it in a calm manner, anyway...

what should I do...

I just wanna do what 's right...but, ####### is right?

If you want to add him to the deed, then do it and not hold it as collateral. My thought is that perhaps he has hesitations to add you to the deed of his house because of community property laws. If that's at the heart of the argument - then I'd hold off discussing that issue until you two can work it out through counseling.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

... perhaps he has hesitations to add you to the deed of his house because of community property laws.

Today we went to refinance the house (and put me on the title while refinancing), only to find out that we won't be able to refinance because of the current mortgage crisis and the banks are more scrutinizing.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

... perhaps he has hesitations to add you to the deed of his house because of community property laws.

Today we went to refinance the house (and put me on the title while refinancing), only to find out that we won't be able to refinance because of the current mortgage crisis and the banks are more scrutinizing.

I thought you said the house was in your name prior to the marriage?

[William33 110]

... perhaps he has hesitations to add you to the deed of his house because of community property laws.

Today we went to refinance the house (and put me on the title while refinancing), only to find out that we won't be able to refinance because of the current mortgage crisis and the banks are more scrutinizing.

I thought you said the house was in your name prior to the marriage?

A.J. was quoting the OP.

[cantbelieveit 0]

... perhaps he has hesitations to add you to the deed of his house because of community property laws.

Today we went to refinance the house (and put me on the title while refinancing), only to find out that we won't be able to refinance because of the current mortgage crisis and the banks are more scrutinizing.

I thought you said the house was in your name prior to the marriage?

No,the house we live in is his.

In exchange for putting me on the deed of his house he would have been put on the deed of the two smaller properties I'm about to buy