Fiance Relationship Issues

[Miwa 1]

I find dmartmar's comments terribly offensive as I definitely did not marry Miwa for the GC.

I had a fantastic job back where I was from, living a life of relative luxury, I had a nice new car, my friends, my family, etc. If not for the fact that I could find a job here and Miwa can't find a similar job back in Malaysia and it's easier for me to move to US than for him to move to Malaysia (even more red tape to get the PR'ship), I will not have moved here.

I did not fall in love for the GC... in fact, the major con of marrying him was the fact I have to get the GC. But love is something weird and there was just no other logical choice for me but to marry and move here.

dmartmar, please don't go generalizing things when you have no idea what sort of sacrifices most non USC are facing just to be with their partners.

Sincerely,

Miwa's wife

[mrsushi66 0]

I have not read all the other posts but I can tell you how I dealt with helping my fiance through this. I asked her what would put her mind at reast and allow her to not stress so much and understand the process thuroughly.

Her answer was to email the link to a law firm that had both a US and Russian lawyer. While this does cost money and everyone here will tell you that a lawyer is not required for me the best solution was to have the lawyer since she could converse with the lawyer in Russian and relieve a lot of stress from both of us, me so I do not worry so much that I might explain something wrong and her to ensure a better understanding of the process.

Paul/Anna

[dmartmar 1]

I find dmartmar's comments terribly offensive, as I definitely did not marry Miwa for a GC.

You should then have no reason to get offended in the first place, as my comments do not apply to you or your situation.

[aussiewench 9]

I find dmartmar's comments terribly offensive, as I definitely did not marry Miwa for a GC.

You should then have no reason to get offended in the first place, as my comments do not apply to you or your situation.

One can be offended even when it does not apply to self....just as one can be offended by sheer arrogance. Arrogance is never becoming.

[Miwa 1]

I find dmartmar's comments terribly offensive, as I definitely did not marry Miwa for a GC.

You should then have no reason to get offended in the first place, as my comments do not apply to you or your situation.

You made the following comment earlier:

"I don't find it hard to believe that people really fall in love. What I find hard to believe is that one of the reasons why immigrants fall in love with American citizens is NOT a Green Card!"

I am an immigrant, I fell in love with an American citizen, therefore the above callous, ignorant and horrid comment did apply to me.

Why can't you keep your negative comments to yourself?

[Mandi+Ryan 1]

You are definitely not alone. I know how your fiancée feels about not showing much interest in the visa process. I too, was once there, my fiancé, the beneficiary, had to fill me in on what this and that was and so forth. It seems like a lot of work to have to deal with, and can be very stressful, but it is just a test.

As for wanting to be together asap. I have been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt. My fiancé and I have been together for 2 years and 6 months, 2 months in which were actually spent together in person. I don't want to know the truth. That it may take a long time before he and I will be together again, but...it's THE TRUTH. We also have an imaginary deadline, the clock is ticking, and though we may not make it before the deadline we have set for ourselves, doesn't mean we should give up, that just means we are closer to being together. It is tough when you watch the deadline creep up, then quickly pass by with the blink of an eye. It's heart-breaking, but what to do? Just reassure her, over and over if you have to, that you will be together soon. That in itself helps a lot.

There are a lot of things to consider...PATIENCE (I too, am guilty of not having them), money, the government, etc. But know that as long as you truly love each other, nothing can stop you from being together. As long as you stay loyal and wait it out, you will be rewarded. I know it doesn't seem like such a great thing right now, but in the end your fiancée will be glad she waited. The best things in life are worth waiting for.

This can be a very stressful thing for her. Maybe that is why she shows no interest. Some women stress out more when separated from the one they love. And if she is like me, knowing more about the process isn't going to lessen the desire to be with you NOW. I'm still that way, and still VERY impatient.

[timmaricel 0]

While I could wait for her forever and know that this process is a test of will and determination, she on the other hand, while being incredibly faithful, loyal and an incredible partner in life, doesnt know much about this visa process, and doesnt show any sign of trying to understand it. Maybe in her part of the world people think more with their hearts, and arent as excited by the sport of all of this k1 process and interviews and timelines and fancy acronyms like NOA and IMBRA.

You'd be surprised at just how much immigrants do know about US visa processes, even moreso than American citizens themselves!

Let's play the devil's advocate game, using your case as an example.

Think about this for a second: of all the men that were available in Argentina when you first met your fiancee, she picked you, an American citizen, who just so happened to be there on vacation. Do you really think she had no knowledge that marrying a US citizen equals a Green Card? I mean, c'mon. Everybody in the whole wide World knows that!

dmartmar

Why is it hard to believe that people do fall in love with someone for reasons other than a green card?

I have a fiancee that is from the philippines and she tells me every day that she just wants me to go there and live and forget about the visa.

We are making plans on me moving there in the future but for now i am doing everything i can to bring her here so she can experiance my culture so she can understand who i am and what makes me who i am .

Not every person from other countries have this big desire to come to america and live.Maybe you need to open your eyes and see that love is a powerful thing and america isnt the only destination for lovers.

Maybe you have had bad experiances with past relationships and you have been hurt before but thats not the case for everyone here in VJ so please dont try to put everyone in a catagory .

Thanks for your reply. In many instances people aren't just trying to scam people into getting to the US although it does happen from time to time. In my case I met my fiance online while just trying to make friends in other countries.....thought it would be cool to have a contact in a place I'd like to travel to someday. Turns out she had just finished having a house built for herself there in the Philippines and was all set to settle down, just her and her son. She had no intentions of ever getting re-married, having any more children, let alone ever going to the US, but now that we've met, fell in love, got engaged, thats all changed. There are decent, honest, loving people out there.

[dmartmar 1]

You made the following comment earlier:

"I don't find it hard to believe that people really fall in love. What I find hard to believe is that one of the reasons why immigrants fall in love with American citizens is NOT a Green Card!"

I am an immigrant who fell in love with an American citizen. Therefore, the above callous, ignorant and horrid comment did apply to me.

Why can't you keep your negative comments to yourself?

Miwa,

in your case, you fall in the "I don't find it hard to believe that people really fall in love" category.

One can get offended, even when it doesn't apply to oneself, just as one can be offended by sheer arrogance. Arrogance is never becoming.

True arrogance is shown by the person getting offended for no reason. Not getting offended shows humbleness and maturity.

[Isabel 0]

Hi there....

It might sound totally naive, but I did not know I would obtain a GC when I first met my now-husband. I did not know about any visa procedures, just because I never even planned moving to America. Honestly, the US was the last place in the world I wanted to be in. My husband had quite a hard time trying to explain the US' system to me, how it worked, how people think and all of that. Slowly I've found out I actually think the same way. I decided to marry him because I love him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm playing the angel's advocate.

When you started dating your now-husband and told your friends and family in your home country that he was a US citizen; what did they tell you and/or suggest?

*lol* well that is a longer topic, but ok I have time

First off they told me to leave him immediately because he is a Soldier. I got to hear everything from "he is just using you to have fun" up to " you end up being alone when he is leaving anyway". My grandparents still wont talk to me because I am not just his girlfriend anymore....no I really married him. They are all like Americans are rapers and all that #######. My friends? What should they suggest? I mean I didnt ask for advice when I was dating him...I think I can date him on my own *just kidding*. When he asked me if I would come with him to the US I indeed asked friends for advise. All I got was *how can you intend leaving your Home and family for just a guy and a foreign country???*

Yea there was no GC discussion. We didnt even know by that time that we actually had to get a GC to bring me to the US(I know it is stupid, but hey when you ddint thought about it before...so what?). Over a friend of my now husband we were told that he cant just take me with him and we actually have to obtain a visa.

And to come to an end....It was a hard time to decide if I wanna leave everything behind me. I still dont believe that life in America is easier than here. And to answer your other question why we dont stay here....first off he is stationed for the next 2 years in America and 2nd he doesnt speak german. And he already studied and gets education in computer forensic etc...so why should he leave all that? That would be stupid. Im just working a part time job and I intended making my nurse trainee this year...but well with me moving over to him we just have better chances.

Why are people so judgemental? I mean ok, sometimes there are these cases, but not always.

Isabel

[Cristy 4]

We go through the tiffs all the time. I am the one who has done all the research. I have told him each step of the way what to do. Then if I get something wrong he is like...you said this but the form says this.....ok well sorry....maybe you could read at VJ and then you would know stuff too lol

Of I tell him something and he acts like he has never heard it....never mind that I sent him links in an email showing him all the stuff.

But I know it is pretty daunting when you first read it, it took me a long time to grasp the lingo and exactly what was going to happen. So an email with links might not be the best way to tell him stuff.

It is frustrating but he does so many other things so it is ok...sorta

[Isabel 0]

Well I am from Germany and I do know what visa I am applying for....even my hubby knows although I do most of the paperwork since he is most of the time working. Huh how can someone not know what visa he is applying for ????

BTW I think everyone can tell his thoughts, even dartmar . Whatever people 's opinions are I think that should be respected. Trying to change one's opinion doesnt work. At least my experience

Isabel

Edited June 18, 2006 by Isabel

[Fandango 1,440]

what's more curious is why on earth she's not supporting herself & why you seem to be 'hemmorrhaging money' for her cellphone bills & mad money....

[*Robert* 2]

Dude, I feel for you. Sounds like you have some soul searching to do, or win powerball.

[anya-D 8]

Well, im doing the best I can and the best I ever have done in my life, this year, since July 05, to get everything worked out for me and my fiance.

While I could wait for her forever and know that this process is a test of will and determination, she on the other hand, while being incredibly faithful, loyal and an incredible partner in life, doesnt know much about this visa process, and doesnt show any sign of trying to understand it. Maybe in her part of the world people think more with their hearts, and arent as excited by the sport of all of this k1 process and interviews and timelines and fancy acronyms like NOA and IMBRA.

From what I see in this forum, Ive gathered that alot of people here are experts in the K1 world, myself somewhat included in that category, and I always get the feeling that their fiances are as well, because I imagine that people here are always informing their fiance on every new detail that comes up.

I try to inform my fiance, so that she can know exactly where we are at, I love my fiance dearly and feel like I owe her my heart and soul for the fact that she has endured 2 years now of on and off again long distance seperation, but often I feel that it falls on deaf ears and she just wants to know when i will be back to her.

What is keeping me up at night lately and practically driving me crazy is this imaginary deadline I have in my head of when I can get back to her. She is desperate for me to get back in July. I have alot of pressure and each month is slipping by that I did not get back to her like i promised. Im hemoraging cash in so many ways its unbelievable.

Man, maybe this thread i wrote to just get this off of my chest cuz its killin me. Any one else have any problems like this or am I the only one?

You are not alone.. My husband (USC) was the one who did the K1 for me.. and i mean everything... I had NO CLUE about the process and everytime my husband told me with excitement about our process.. I actually didnt understand what part of the process was that and so on.. but i got more involved after the case sent to the embassy (but again.. my husband was with me in Thailand and went to the embassy and contact them.... stuff like that for me..) but because i can see what's going on so i got more involve and very excited with him.

But when we were doing AOS.. it was my job to do it.. so i appreciate his hard work more and more and we both share same excitement then.. and thanks goodness our journey is done for now

by the way.. i met my hubby in the US... i know that we have to apply for the visa.. i just didnt understand the process and i took him for granted for knowing everything about the process

[Ladylethal 12]

Everyone was skeptic at first with my relationship. I wasn´t trying to meet anyone, as I just posted on a board about Harry Potter ´cus I was trying to get info on an upcoming book. He saw something I said, wanted to discuss it further and added me to his MSN. We started talking from there, and both of us didn´t believe people could have long distance relationships, that was until we met in person a year later, fell in love, and decided we could try the long distance thing. We didn´t think we´d come this far (3 and half years together), and after the engagement we discussed living here in Brasil, or there in Puerto Rico, trying to find our better options. We never realized it´d be this hard to be together after all these years of not seeing each other.

Just stating there´s a lot of people out there that doesn´t think of the GC for even one minute, as it has no importance in our lives except it´s the only way (I wish it didn´t have to be) we can actually live in the same place.