Fiance Relationship Issues

[mozplay 29]

I'm new to this process but I feel for you. I had a friend here in Canada that fell in love with a Cuban girl and went through the same process of trying to satisfy her and get everything done at once. I think that it is easy to judge her, but if you really want to walk in her shoes then you need to look at cultural differences. People in the southern part of this world really do work and play by different rules. Red tape is often something that can be rushed through if you know the right people, or if you pay the right people. I am not saying that Argentina is corrupt - please do not assume that. I have not been to Argentina and only know a few people from the country but it is often the case that bureaucracy is a completely different thing.

As for my friend here in Canada, he really did bring a lot of it on himself and regretted not being more honest with her about how much of a financial strain he was under (as well as an emotional one). She needed to have a better understanding that the money that was being spent on immediate gratification was money that would secure them a more comfortable future. By the way, that couple are currently married and living together here. Just be as honest as you can and involve her as much as you can.

As for me, some of the best advice I have received since joining this forum less than 48 hours ago is simply to try not to drown in it. I have seen myself becoming obsessed about the whole visa process and working it into every conversation. Luckily though, the process for me is one that is shared 50/50. We often research together on the internet - he in his corner of the world and me in mine. That way, we make 'real-time' discoveries together.

As for the comment that everyone in the world knows about the green card and the implication that everyone wants it - not so much. I have spent half my life in the Caribbean and half here in Canada (Canadian born) and have rights to live in both countries plus the UK through ancestral ties. Like others here, I never considered the US before life with David and knew NOTHING about the process. Everything I know about the green card I learned through the movie "Green Card". At this point in the research - I am concentrating on the K-1 process - one step at a time right? Perhaps give her the information in small doses so that she does not become overwhelmed and daunted by the process.

Anyway - I wish you all the luck in the world. Something all of us could use

[iceyspots 0]

I really do feel you about this one...

Sometimes I have to re-explain things to Yacine a couple times before he understand the bureaucracy... but we have to get through it.

[edsperfect 25]

Yes, I can relate. My application is being delayed for unknown reasons and it is very hard to be positive when explaining this to my fiance. She understands, but obviously it is hard on both of us to be apart for so long. I try to keep her informed of everything I do, and it can really be a comfort to her. I know when it is 'her turn' to get medical/police checks/interview, I will want to be informed of everything that is going on so I can be comforted.

Like you, I can't just hope on a plane and spend a long weekend with her, nor can I drive to her. It is terribly far away and costs several thousand dollars and a minumum of a week off work to do. In short, it needs to be planned out and costs the several thousand dollars plus lost wages. It feels like wasted money since at times, I think this process does not need to be so long. Anyway, it causes extra stress on me when I really need it the least. She has a good job in Russia, but because of the value of the Ruble, it is not enough to help paying for flights etc.

Most people here can relate to all this, and I don't care to whine to people who might very well be worse off then me. Just keep it together, and keep reminding her you love her, and why you do this.

What ever anxiety you are feeling is really self-imposed. We as americans have a tendancy to want to know whenevery thing is going to be completed, finished, what are the deadlines, timelines. I don't think most foreigners have the same anxiety unless we give it to them by telling them things will happen in so many days or weeks.

There vis nothing you can do about it so just chill out. Worrying is a waste of time since you have no control over anything here.

[jpine 0]

What i did for me because it seems i have bad luck when it comes to this sort of thing, case in point stuck in the middle of thid IMBRA thing. I from the start put a 1 year timeline for this to happen. Anything sooner is a bonus, i told my fiance the same thing that it would take 1 year. not sure if this helps at all but just hold on.

Yep I am the USC and she is the beneficiary.

See to shed some more light on this story, She and i were basically forced to be apart since July 05 because the cost paying for 2 for everything, after 3 months together, for the second time, became too much for me, even in Argentina and I had to return to the United States to make more money and to take care of the fiance visa for her.

So i returned here in July 05 and wasnt even able to begin the process until for the love of February if you can believe that, due to the cost of paying still for everything on her side and my side and also paying like crazy to stay in constant contact and for her cellphone bills and for her leisure money and atrociously timed car problems on my end, which simply had to be payed for otherwise i wouldnt be able to work.

I often worked two jobs in 05 and 06 and still it wasnt enough. Now July is upon us and, well, ill stop blabbering..........I guess my complaint is that, in this situatoin for some of us, if the fiance knew more about the process and the progress within it and if the fiance knew the half of what we do to keep things rolling and to keep the roof from caving in then maybe there wouldnt be so much pressure to return immediately...anyway thanks to everyone here....

KITKAT WROTE::

.........intially I explained the whole process, step-by-step to my fiance...................

This is also something that Ive wondered about. Seeing as how alot of peoples fiances are from non English speaking countries, how is everyone fairing when it comes to explaining things about this process while using the technical jargon and fancy acronyms? I imagine it could pose a bit of a challenge..

[Maria&Robert 0]

What i did for me because it seems i have bad luck when it comes to this sort of thing, case in point stuck in the middle of thid IMBRA thing. I from the start put a 1 year timeline for this to happen. Anything sooner is a bonus, i told my fiance the same thing that it would take 1 year. not sure if this helps at all but just hold on.

I am understanding alot of what you guys are saying. One thing I can say is that I havent been honest with myself about how much financial stress i can support. I want to be her hero in a way so whenever a surprise expense pops up on her end I say no problem but I know it will mean another week of sacrifice.

Also, Jpine that is a good idea. I wish I had done that. I told her id be back in december of 05 which has now turned into july of 06 which will turn into god knows what, and she has stuck with me all the way. Im not a dishonest person, and im working myself to the bone for this relationship, maybe I could have handled it differntly. I think once she gets here we will be more on equal footing and both be able to provide financially for the relationship.

[jpine 0]

Robert man i dont know what to say, if it is not such a finacial strain for you meat somewhere in the middle. What i am saying i know its a long haul to argentina, meet in the middle for a nice weekend, the 1,000-2,000 you have to spend now to enjoy each others company you can look at as an investment. not saying i am an expert on south america, but have been living there past 4 years and my fiance is from colombia so i have some idea's of the conversations you are having with her. just meet up for a long weekend in panama. if you do some searching you can find cheap airfares to paname from usa and from argentina, or even dominican republic. just an idea and let me know if you go that route i can recommend a lot of cheap places in s america to meet up in.

[Isabel 0]

While I could wait for her forever and know that this process is a test of will and determination, she on the other hand, while being incredibly faithful, loyal and an incredible partner in life, doesnt know much about this visa process, and doesnt show any sign of trying to understand it. Maybe in her part of the world people think more with their hearts, and arent as excited by the sport of all of this k1 process and interviews and timelines and fancy acronyms like NOA and IMBRA.

You'd be surprised at just how much immigrants do know about US visa processes, even moreso than American citizens themselves!

Let's play the devil's advocate game, using your case as an example.

Think about this for a second: of all the men that were available in Argentina when you first met your fiancee, she picked you, an American citizen, who just so happened to be there on vacation. Do you really think she had no knowledge that marrying a US citizen equals a Green Card? I mean, c'mon. Everybody in the whole wide World knows that!

Hy there....

well it might sound totally naiv, but I did not know that I would obtain a GC when I first met my now-husband. I did not know about any of the visa procedure. Just because I never planned on even moving to America. Honestly the US was the last place in the world I wanted to be. Well my husband had quite a hard time to try to explain the US system to me...how it works...how people think and all that and slowly I found out that I actually think the same way. Well I decided to marry him because I love him and spend the rest of my life with him So Im playing the angels advocate

And still obtaining the GC is for me just a good thing so that we can be together . Im still amazed how often I read about fraud and all that #######....how can people think life in the states is so much easier??? I dont get it at all.

but to come back to the topic

What does your fiance(e) does for living? Is she working as well? With you working a second job and all that...man that is just insane. My husband does the same thing cos we bought furniture recently and believe me I feel so guilty because of that. Here it is not to easy to get a second job . And Im not in the health condition to do so.

But why does she want you to fly over there over and over again, when it costs so much money....I dont see the good thing behind it. Sure she is missing you...and all that. But unfortunately money seems to be a main issue.

And still a year is sooo long Keep on going.

Im the beneficiary as well and Im doing most of the stuff related to the visa...he is just to busy...and I gladly do it.

Wish you all the best!

Isabel

[Bunnyqr 0]

As you can see with all the replies you got on your post, you are not alone.

I am dealing with my fiance who does evvvveerrrryyyyttttthhhhiiiinnnngggg iinnnnnn ssssslllllooooowwww mmmmmooooottttiiiooooonnnn. And here I am, the New York City gal that does everything on-line, banking, shopping, emailing, K-1 Visa Process, etc.

I try to explain things to him and all he wants to say is I MISS YOU, I NEED YOU, COME HERE AND WAIT WITH ME, OR MOVE HERE!

We made the decision for him to move here. Give it a year and if he absolutely hates it, that we will move back to Greece together.

But I don't blame him for not paying attention to all that I am going through with the process. My own friends, family and co-workers start get this glazed over look on their faces when they ask me "So, how's it going with Immigration" and as I start to explain the process, the papers, the going back and forth between here and Greece and talking about RFE... as I see them with the look of a deer caught in head lights, I stop my story and just end it with "still waiting".

Take a deep breath and PATIENCE!!!!!!

[Caladan 19]

My boyfriend (Canadian) and I haven't yet started the process (September), but both he and I have shared and researched independently, but more or less equally. I'm the only one on visajourney, but other than that, both of us know the details on what's coming. Including IMBRA. I'm hoping they've got it somewhat sorted by the time we apply.

We've been a couple since March 2004, so we've become accustomed to the distance and waiting, but communication is really important. That said, it's also important not to let the stress of applying be the only thing you talk about. Make time for just chatting about the weather.

Good luck.

[Karen_L 1]

My own friends, family and co-workers start get this glazed over look on their faces when they ask me "So, how's it going with Immigration" and as I start to explain the process, the papers, the going back and forth between here and Greece and talking about RFE... as I see them with the look of a deer caught in head lights, I stop my story and just end it with "still waiting".

LOL! I get that similar glazed over look when people innocently ask me how the visa's coming and I explode with all this information they don't need to know -- about NOA1 and NOA2 and NVC and Naples and Packet 3 and about the direct line to the visa office instead of the switchboard lol.

Everyone is always excited about the "back and forth to Italy" part though

[YnaYeBa0808 0]

My own friends, family and co-workers start get this glazed over look on their faces when they ask me "So, how's it going with Immigration" and as I start to explain the process, the papers, the going back and forth between here and Greece and talking about RFE... as I see them with the look of a deer caught in head lights, I stop my story and just end it with "still waiting".

LOL! I get that similar glazed over look when people innocently ask me how the visa's coming and I explode with all this information they don't need to know -- about NOA1 and NOA2 and NVC and Naples and Packet 3 and about the direct line to the visa office instead of the switchboard lol.

Everyone is always excited about the "back and forth to Italy" part though

hahah ditto it gets tiring though. you tell them that IMBRA is affecting you and all of a sudden you get a blank stare. im lucky my co workers as well as my friends are more inquisitive or seem (the operative word being seem) to be quite interested on what's going on and what the hold up is. it gets tiring to explain to each one. i was thinking of tape recorded message of the updates that i may have.... that way i dont have to repeat my long stories and explanations. heehhee

[dmartmar 1]

Yep! I am the USC, she is the beneficiary.

To shed some more light on this story, she and I were basically forced to be apart since July of '05, because the cost of paying everything for us 2, after 3 months together a second time, became too much for me, even in Argentina. I had to return to the United States to make some more money and take care of her fiance visa.

So I came back here to the US in July of '05 and wasn't able to even begin the process until February of this year, due to the costs of paying for everything on her side, my side and constantly stay in contact (her cell phone bills and leisure money), plus atrociously timed car problems on my end, which simply had to be paid for or otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to work.

I often worked two jobs in '05 and '06 and it still wasn't enough. Now July is upon us and, well, i'll stop blabbering..........I guess my complaint is that for some of us in this situation, if the fiance knew more about the process, the progress within it, half of what needs to be done to keep things rolling and keep the roof from caving in, then maybe I wouldn't feel so pressured to return immediately...Anyway, thanks to everyone here....

Didn't you say she worked at the hotel you were staying at when you first met her? Is she currently not working anymore?

What I can't seem to understand is why you're giving her leisure money and paying for her cell phone bills as well, so she can contact you. You're not even married yet!

You know, this may come as something of a shock to you, but not EVERYONE wants a Green Card! In fact, I didn't even want to live in the US (although I've been there many times before and love the place), but fell in love with someone that lives there and if we want to be together, I have to then move.

If he moved to the UK (which isn't practical, since he has a good job in the US) would be a bit mad to leave for 'no job' in the UK), then he would want to work.

Does that mean he's marrying ME for a UK work permit?

Or maybe it's b/c of the 'free' health care we offer? I mean, c'mon! Everyone in the whole wide world knows about the UK's 'free' health care program!

Your analogy really doesn't apply to the OP's situation, nor my post. Marrying someone for a work permit is not the same as marrying someone for a Green Card.

You think just like all immigrants do: since there are no jobs here in my home country, I love the US just enough to only go there and work temporarily, but not enough to stay and live permanently!

And FYI, the US also offers free health care.

dmartmar

Why is it hard for you to believe that people do fall in love for reasons other than green cards?

My fiancee is from the Philippines. Every day she tells me she just wants me to go live with her over there and forget about the visa.

We are making plans on me moving there in the future, but for now I am doing everything I can to bring her over, so she can experience my culture and understand who and what makes me who I am.

Not every person from other countries have this big desire to come to America and live. Maybe you need to open up your eyes, see that love is a powerful thing and that America isn't the only destination for lovers.

Maybe you have had bad experiences in past relationships and have been hurt before, but that’s not the case for everyone here in VJ, so please don't try to put everyone in a category.

I don't find it hard to believe that people really fall in love. What I find hard to believe is that one of the reasons why immigrants fall in love with American citizens is NOT a Green Card!

If America isn't the only destination for lovers and love is such a powerful thing to you; why then not move to the Phillipines and live with your fiancee instead? Perhaps she wants you over there b/c she thinks the same way you do!

Hi there....

It might sound totally naive, but I did not know I would obtain a GC when I first met my now-husband. I did not know about any visa procedures, just because I never even planned moving to America. Honestly, the US was the last place in the world I wanted to be in. My husband had quite a hard time trying to explain the US' system to me, how it worked, how people think and all of that. Slowly I've found out I actually think the same way. I decided to marry him because I love him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm playing the angel's advocate.

When you started dating your now-husband and told your friends and family in your home country that he was a US citizen; what did they tell you and/or suggest?

Edited June 13, 2006 by dmartmar

[Jaylen Brit 1]

Just FYI dmartmar - I dont plan to work in the US, (Im a full time mum here in the UK, not on benefits either) and therefore have no use for a GC, so your argument, apart from being incredibly offensive, not to mention a huge generalization about 'all immigrants' is incorrect.

[LenJayUS 0]

Chopf**k... just because he's been burned doens't mean everyone's out to get a GC. But I guess that's hard for someone in his position to understand.. it's actually possible for people to be in LOVE and not to just use them.

[dmartmar 1]

Just FYI dmartmar - I dont plan to work in the US, (Im a full time mum here in the UK, not on benefits either) and therefore have no use for a GC, so your argument, apart from being incredibly offensive, not to mention a huge generalization about 'all immigrants' is incorrect.

My apologies. I should've written "a great majority of immigrants."