I just HAD to say something ...

[almaty 19]

hmmm. i think sister monique was brave and did the right thing...there were many others including staff that did nothing..

[gimygirl 0]

The idea of actually being able to raise a child without using any kind of physical punishment or verbal abuse seems like a dream world. It's good to hear that there are some people who actually have been raised that way, and there are parents successful in implementing it.

that dream world is 100% positive if you are a patient parent. our children have been raised in a household that does not hit, nor swear, nor yell. degrading adjectives such as stupid and dumb or the phrase 'shut up' are simply not tolerated here. that may not be a reality for some but we are able to live it. the compliments we receive about nico and gabriella come on a daily basis ... and we praise them for it, we give them the credit (even though we put in the work) ... they are just great kids!

i posed a few questions to my son, nico (9yrs old) about fearing your parents to respect them and using violence as a punishment on a child ... his thoughts verbatim:

"i don't think that's right ... violence doesn't solve anything. why should they have to fear their parents? i don't think it's right to hit other people just to solve a problem. i do the right thing because i get good feelings, not because i'm afraid."

there is a level of abuse that's become accepted and tolerated in our country today and it's quite sad. i'm fine with the members of this forum that would idly sit by and ignore their surrounding ... that is something that i could never do, EVER! just last weekend at the Sands Casino i asked an elevator packed liked sardines to empty out a bit because in their rush to get on they almost trampled this old (in their 80's) couple trying to board.

how can you argue the fact that emotionally crippling, forcing food until she gags, or threatening to smash a young child is right or wrong? i will continue to speak up for anyone that can't (or sometimes won't) do it themselves ... children, elderly, handicapped, mentally challenged, etc ...

as for why i didn't call the police or child protective services ... there are many factors when making a decision like that. as someone said maybe the little girl had been in a bratty mood all day, maybe the mom had a bad day at work ... but i hope, just maybe, that she took my words to heart and calmed herself down a bit. my voice never raised nor did her's ... she didn't appear to be overly defensive probably because i was very emotional.

parents should ALWAYS be a safe place to fall ... without fear. what will happen to them i will never know ... but i do hope that little girl realizes that there are people out there that care and if she ever needs to reach out ... i hope she finds a safe hand.

*back to my family now*

[tmma 467]

hmmm. i think sister monique was brave and did the right thing...there were many others including staff that did nothing..

Well, yes, it does take guts to go up to a stranger and tell them what you think, certainly....

My question is....If there was clear abuse like she stated in the original post, then surely just telling off the mother did not really "do anything" to help in a practical sense.

My point was if there is abuse-report it to the people that can do something.

It's like watching a train wreck happen then admonishing verbally the driver afterwards. It doesn't help clean up the mess of the wreck nor prevent another from happening.

Also did the mother cease that behaviour after Gimy left the restaurant because of what Gimy had said to her? Maybe-maybe not. Although I doubt parents who are abusive change in an instant because someone voices their distaste of their behaviour as a parent.....

We don't know if it actually helped the child because Gimy said her piece then went home. So we do not know if Gimy confronting her actually did accomplish anything to help the child or change the mother's attitude.

What we do know is that sounding off about it made Gimy feel better.

I guess that's something.

[mercuryroad 0]

gimy - you did what you thought was right and that is admirable......but for me you were out of line for this particular scenario. I'm happy you come from Perfect Land but not everyone lives in that situation.

Different kids respond differently to parenting techniques and no one way is absolutely correct for every situation. Some kids require a harder edge and they respond positively. You found what your kids respond to and it works, but it might not work for everyone.

[iceyspots 0]

[gimygirl 0]

gimy - you did what you thought was right and that is admirable......but for me you were out of line for this particular scenario. I'm happy you come from Perfect Land but not everyone lives in that situation.

Different kids respond differently to parenting techniques and no one way is absolutely correct for every situation. Some kids require a harder edge and they respond positively. You found what your kids respond to and it works, but it might not work for everyone.

you're absolutely right, merc, different methods DO positively work for childrearing!! but i can guarantee you that NO child will EVER respond positively to fear or violence ... maybe positively in the abuser's eyes but you will be forever altering their outlook on life. *shrugs*

[almaty 19]

gimy - you did what you thought was right and that is admirable......but for me you were out of line for this particular scenario. I'm happy you come from Perfect Land but not everyone lives in that situation.

Different kids respond differently to parenting techniques and no one way is absolutely correct for every situation. Some kids require a harder edge and they respond positively. You found what your kids respond to and it works, but it might not work for everyone.

you're absolutely right, merc, different methods DO positively work for childrearing!! but i can guarantee you that NO child will EVER respond positively to fear or violence ... maybe positively in the abuser's eyes but you will be forever altering their outlook on life. *shrugs*

i agree with you sister monique,....fear...threats and violence towards a child = problems for the child as an adult and for ohters in his/her life...

also, to report someone, you need an address or some information besides i saw this at a restaurant..i worked with the folks her investigate this and they would not pursue it...

[Fuzzness 2]

how is shoving food down a child's throat until she gags not abuse? i still haven't received an answer to that one

[Peggy 1]

I dont believe in spanking a child, or making them afraid of you.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I dont believe in spanking a child, or making them afraid of you.

I think I got spanked twice when I was younger, and I liked it.

[almaty 19]

how is shoving food down a child's throat until she gags not abuse? i still haven't received an answer to that one

do not disagree..but the government officials who investigate may....

[chri'stina 190]

I think you were brave to say something, and I don't really think you were wrong to do so. The part that was definitely not normal is the mom force feeding the child until they gagged. That is a red flag. The mother made a scene and should expect such comments in public from those around her.

At the same time, I also hate seeing children being bratty in public and the parents saying nothing to them to correct them. There has to be a balance. A child shouldn't rule the parents, and at the same time the parents shouldn't harrass a child or provoke them in a way that is not right.

[I'm Gone 60]

A couple weeks ago at my daughter's soccer game I was working the flag on the sideline and my daughter screwed up a play and I said something to her, which this man and woman took offence to. At half time I sitting wife my wife and the woman comes over to me and says "I'm a teacher and I would never talk to a child like that." I told her this isn't school and and I'm not one of your students so go sit your @ss down.

I think people should mind there own business.

Edited June 2, 2006 by mdyoung

[sarah and hicham 3]

A couple weeks ago at my daughter's soccer game I was working the flag on the sideline and my daughter screwed up a play and I said something to her, which this man and woman took offence to. At half time I sitting wife my wife and the woman comes over to me and says "I'm a teacher and I would never talk to a child like that." I told her this isn't school and and I'm not one of your students so go sit your @ss down.

I think people should mind there own business.

so... what did you say to her?

[I'm Gone 60]

A couple weeks ago at my daughter's soccer game I was working the flag on the sideline and my daughter screwed up a play and I said something to her, which this man and woman took offence to. At half time I sitting wife my wife and the woman comes over to me and says "I'm a teacher and I would never talk to a child like that." I told her this isn't school and and I'm not one of your students so go sit your @ss down.

I think people should mind there own business.

so... what did you say to her?

She shot the ball right at the goalkeeper and I said to her "what part of aiming for the corners of the goal don't your understand?"