Third K1 Visa

[USAplusColombia 1]

Wow...I never had an income problem with a girl in the US...or abroad. Maybe you are looking for the wrong girls?

[Old Dominion 26]

MsZ still hasn't responded to the question -- what income level do YOU think an American woman should seek in a guy who is 40? Obviously poverty level is unacceptable, so stay away from small town guys in the boondocks. They often regard $8.50 per hour as a living wage.

[MsZ 6]

Depending upon where you live, the number will be different. What's rent or mortgage in your area? Inner city folk tend to spend more on food. What about transportation costs? There isn't a single number that answers the question.

But if someone were making in the mid-30s or better, they can probably provide an acceptable home and life depending on where that life is located. 18K is a ridiculous number for just about everywhere and I'm sure you realize that yourself.

I thought the question was rhetorical by the way. I wasn't avoiding it.

You know, my father moved his family in order to find a job that payed enough to provide decent living. So did my uncles. They pursued opportunity. People who sit in the same spot complaining that there is no work and no opportunity must not realize that it is a big world. Many people come to the US and eat these guy's lunch because they are neither lazy nor stupid. Why is it that someone who barely speaks the language and has little education can come here and succeed? Because they want to. Because they have drive and desire to make a better life.

Seems like the 18K 40 year old wants to blame other people for his lack of success. I think that corresponds nicely to his level of income if you ask me. It is symbollic of who he is.

[MsZ 6]

Come to think of it, I moved my family as well when I became a single mom because I needed to follow opportunity. And when/if I get RIFed (reduction in force) in July or next year, it may require another move. I'll do what I must.

[Ban Hammer 12,880]

Isn't that the point though? If you can weed out someone who appears to be materialistic, isn't the income requirement that some pose useful information?

And did it ever occur to you that you could just as easily "impose" an income requirement as well? That way you could look for someone who makes around what you make and feel less like a wallet and more like an equal.

BTW, Viagra falls is very amusing.

conversely, can't someone impose an appearance requirement? while i didn't feel the need for an income requirement, having gotten out of a relationship with a gold digger just prior to checking out match.com, that sorta stuff really set off some bells in my head

viagra falls was swiped from mena - they got a sense of humor over there

[MsZ 6]

Isn't that the point though? If you can weed out someone who appears to be materialistic, isn't the income requirement that some pose useful information?

And did it ever occur to you that you could just as easily "impose" an income requirement as well? That way you could look for someone who makes around what you make and feel less like a wallet and more like an equal.

BTW, Viagra falls is very amusing.

conversely, can't someone impose an appearance requirement? while i didn't feel the need for an income requirement, having gotten out of a relationship with a gold digger just prior to checking out match.com, that sorta stuff really set off some bells in my head

viagra falls was swiped from mena - they got a sense of humor over there

I'm pointing out a double-standard. I'm not saying he can't have personal preferences in choosing a mate. Being attracted to your mate is super important. It can get you over a number of humps when other things aren't going well. Having the most points that work for you in a relationship is the best thing you can do.

I think any time there is a huge discrepency in income there is room for someone to take advantage of the other person -- and that goes both ways. So you need to make sure you know the person before entering into anything serious. Heck, I was worried because my (now) husband was too keen to get married too early. Did he miss his former standard of living with his ex-? That was a question we discussed. I wanted to be sure that we discussed the reasons to get (re-)married and to be sure we were on the same page. And this is a guy who also makes a good living. Does that make me untrusting? Possibly. It also makes me someone serious about life decisions.

Glad you got away from the girl who wanted you for your $$.

[AnnexoxShay 1]

I frankly do not see anything that Steve said, at least in his original post, which should upset so many people. He made some generalizations, but those are true generally according to studies and researches.

He said he wants something that is not overweight. That puts him in the same category as 99% of the men on earth, including the ones who are madly in love with overweight women. As most would know, men are hard-wired to like hour-glass-shaped women. More evolved men would engage with overweight women, fall in love with something else like personality, and then weight or shape of body is not a factor. And that is great, but not being one of them is hardly a fault.

He made comments about westernized women being very interested in how much money the man makes. That claim is backed by major studies, just not his experiences. Again, as you all know, evolution-wise, women look for provider in a man just like men dig hour-glass-shape in women. And that in today’s terms mean money in western hemisphere, and there is nothing wrong with it. Studies after studies have shown this, and you see plenty of such articles such as this one on msnbc today - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29163128/. A man can be ugly and have none of the characteristics that women find attractive, but if he is rich he will attract a lot of women. This is not about gold-diggers; women honestly find richer men attractive.

Steve said something about women in west comparing gifts and such and never being happy. If you google for it, you will again find studies that have shown that though the people (both men and women) in the west have continued to become more richer and have more resources (this was before the current recession), the happiness continue to decrease. This is because there is an increasing attitude in the western, capitalist society to always compare what you have to something that others have more of, resulting in lesser satisfaction with what they already have. This applies to both men and women, and is cause of a lot of unhappiness and discontent. The difference though is men do not expect women to provide whereas women do.

I think it was the tone of Steve's posts that drove some other VJers crazy - not the message itself. Everybody has preferences and opinions, hardwired or not, but sweeping generalizations tend to draw fire. Just saying.

Exactly!!! .... I actually find Steve quit amusing and makes me appreciate my fiance even more .... Surprisingly I see where Steve is coming from, cant say I agree with it but I can see what his saying ....

My fiance is 38 and when we first met he also mentioned that he had trouble finding someone .... not that he didnt have anyone interested in him but more the point someone he found interested enough to persue a relationship with .... He also mentioned that he found the fact that a lot of woman were very materialistic a trait he found very unattractive ... and also a lot were very lazy ... He works in the restaurant business as a chef and he tends to see the same people eating or ordering out on a daily basis paired with the fact that he has 2 sisters-n-law that keep the local pizza store in business its not a difficult conclusion to come ups with .... Being a small town there isnt a lot of activity around the place soo a lot of the singles hang out at the restaurant bar half the day, not being a drinker he also found that very unattractive ... This off cause isnt true off every single female in the entire town but the fact is being a small town a majority are either married, to young or to old and working 12 hour days doesnt give you much time to travel to neighbouring towns to meet people ...

Being a small town any type of dating setup like speed dating is unavailable ... Dating sites are just not his thing ... When we first me online (writers forum) neither of us were looking for someone and certainly not someone from overseas... but being only a year apart in age certainly gave us a lot of things in common also we had a lot of the same values and future goals ... The main thing that I found very attractive about him and I hadnt seen any pics at this stage, was his kindness and giving heart .... I do a lot of volunteer work and have done for many years at the moment Im with Salvation Army in a relief centre and honestly I didnt think there was a lot of giving people left out there ... meeting someone who would always put himself second and help someone who was in need first was a great big bonus for me .... it impressed me that he was willing to give up his home, friends, a very good, well paying job to travel across the country to care for his grandmother who had alzheimer's ... the poor dear passed away 10months ago but now his caring for his ill mother..

For me that spoke volumns about his character ... and when I met him in person I realised that, that was him ... While he was in Oz visiting me I got sick and was unable to do anything for 4 days, the entire time he served me hand and foot, cleaned the house, did the washing etc etc ... Ive honestly never met anyone that is so unselfish and giving, how can you not fall in love with someone like that?

Now, the problem I have with Steves posts is the attitude .... Personally I dont give a rats rear end who he marries or how many visa app's he submitts ... but I get the impression he is after someone who he can control and influence to his way of thinking .. effectively creating what he thinks is the perfect little wife .... I could be completely wrong but I have this vision of this cute little Filipino girl who is told what to eat because heaven forbid she puts on a kg ... told what to wear because she has to be attractive by his standard ... told what to think because we need to stroke the ego .... and the hand outstretched for the weekly allowance because the money is after all, all mine, mine, mine.... If by chance she does get a job the money will be pooled into the joint account and strictly monitored and the excuse will be its there for a. purchasing a house or b. trips to home .... all the while his sitting on the back porch drinking his evening beer while the sweet little thing is either slaving at the kitchen sink or change one of the 5 kids diapers...

[Brad and Vika 129]

Anne paints a much more vivid picture than I had in mind.... But it proves my point about the tone.

MrsZ, I read your post about the double standard with concern about weight and earning potential. One comment - I think men definitely need to be PC and careful when voicing concerns or standards that encompass a woman's appearance. Much more so than women if they don't want to be roasted IMO. About income, I really don't believe that most men think about it that much, and sure don't use it as a screening tool. I just think you girls are more complex than we are, and have the ability to look past things like appearance or income if you fall for a guy. Maybe we are hardwired that way, maybe not. Speaking as an old fat guy - Vika definitely loves me in spite of that, and had no idea what my income was when she agreed to marry me. Honestly, I was so programmed to expect an age/income bias in some one her age that I had trouble believing that she was sincere early on in our relationship - and she still kids me about it.

[sweet_peach 0]

....... Im still hoping to find a filipina wife cause I just cant meet the kind of woman I want here. .......

After three tries, obviously you cannot find one there either....

[ginger1981 0]

He doesn't want someone who is overweight but he wants women to look past weight when making a decision about his friend? Uh huh.

I noticed that one...so she has to keep fit and trim while he can let himself go? HUGE double standard!

Steve, have you perhaps thought as well that if you married a foreign woman that she would change after living her for a while and being exposed to our culture? Do you not think that maybe she would like things like new appliances, shoes and clothing? I think the second thing that bothers OP here is that you are totally and absolutely unrealistic about women in general! Yeah you can go on match.com and find women who have certain income level expectations but you can also turn it the other way around and I betchya that most of the men have certain expectations regarding women's looks/weight as well. It's a two way street bro, and finding the right person for you isn't as easy as finding the first girl on the match.com pages.

[MsZ 6]

Anne paints a much more vivid picture than I had in mind.... But it proves my point about the tone.

MrsZ, I read your post about the double standard with concern about weight and earning potential. One comment - I think men definitely need to be PC and careful when voicing concerns or standards that encompass a woman's appearance. Much more so than women if they don't want to be roasted IMO. About income, I really don't believe that most men think about it that much, and sure don't use it as a screening tool. I just think you girls are more complex than we are, and have the ability to look past things like appearance or income if you fall for a guy. Maybe we are hardwired that way, maybe not. Speaking as an old fat guy - Vika definitely loves me in spite of that, and had no idea what my income was when she agreed to marry me. Honestly, I was so programmed to expect an age/income bias in some one her age that I had trouble believing that she was sincere early on in our relationship - and she still kids me about it.

I get the same feeling about Steve. (But I do care that he's trying to get young women to come here. I care about other people's daughters just as I hope other people would care about my own.)

Both men and women need to be PC about discussing physical characteristics. That women get away with it (more and more it seems) only says to me that a side-effect of becoming more independent and powerful is that some women believe that adopting male bad-behavior somehow is a right bestowed upon the powerful and independent. So I don't give women a pass.

You could be right about what happens once a woman falls. But at least in my case, the one time I let myself fall for a "poor" guy, I was still in college and all he could talk about was getting married and making babies. I don't know why I melted when I was with him, but I do know that when I was away from his influence I thought about what it really meant for my future and it just wasn't the future I had in mind. It wasn't completely about money, but it was about my career and what I wanted to do with my life in terms of career (studying to be a chemist). We broke up. I felt horrible. But I couldn't do it. And because of that I didn't date many guys who were not on the same track as me because I didn't want to go through that again.

Looks however, well, I can handle a few extra pounds or a follicle deficiency or things like that. I guess though, I should provide a little more on that though -- I'm not overlooking extra pounds or hair or whatever. I can find someone extremely physically attractive (meaning, sexually attractive) without their body being perfect.

Getting back to income, we did a full disclosure before we agreed to marry.

[kawawa 0]

I've noticed alot of discussion regarding filing a second K1 visa within two years of the first, and how the US CIS mistakes "beneficiary" for "petition". What I'm curious about is the two per lifetime K1 visa sponsorship limit. It seems that the wavier for that should only be granted if a previous beneficiary dies (or a female is abused by a previous beneficiary), at least, that's the impression i get reading the forms & internal memo. I've read the GAO report that states most K1 waivers are granted, but that's for the two-year rule if I'm reading it correctly. Is there any information regarding someone who's actually willing to risk a third round of Russian Roulette? I mean, even felons get three strikes, we get only two?

Mind you, this is purely of intellectual interest to me. I have no intention of going down the aisle again, regardless of her citizenship.

I had my 3rd approved and it was within 2 years of the 2nd approval. The first 2 girls had backed out on me and never made it here to the US (they were 19 yrs old and this had most to do with it). This time it was me who backed out on this 3rd one, and she went back to the Philippines. Im still hoping to find a filipina wife cause I just cant meet the kind of woman I want here. So I may be looking for my 4th petition some day, perhpas sooner than later. Im just havent been ready to give my search any effort yet. Maybe Ill be the first 4th petition IMBRA test case here. If so, Ill be sure to let everyone know how it goes. If I could only find a 30 to 36 yr old woman in the states who isnt overweight, carrying baggage from previous marriages, and who doesnt care how much money I make, then I just might not need to look overseas for marriage.

instead of askin whats wrong with your woman, please try to ask yourself first whats wrong with you!!!

Goodluck on the next one!!!

Edited February 17, 2009 by kawawa

[kawawa 0]

I've noticed alot of discussion regarding filing a second K1 visa within two years of the first, and how the US CIS mistakes "beneficiary" for "petition". What I'm curious about is the two per lifetime K1 visa sponsorship limit. It seems that the wavier for that should only be granted if a previous beneficiary dies (or a female is abused by a previous beneficiary), at least, that's the impression i get reading the forms & internal memo. I've read the GAO report that states most K1 waivers are granted, but that's for the two-year rule if I'm reading it correctly. Is there any information regarding someone who's actually willing to risk a third round of Russian Roulette? I mean, even felons get three strikes, we get only two?

Mind you, this is purely of intellectual interest to me. I have no intention of going down the aisle again, regardless of her citizenship.

I had my 3rd approved and it was within 2 years of the 2nd approval. The first 2 girls had backed out on me and never made it here to the US (they were 19 yrs old and this had most to do with it). This time it was me who backed out on this 3rd one, and she went back to the Philippines. Im still hoping to find a filipina wife cause I just cant meet the kind of woman I want here. So I may be looking for my 4th petition some day, perhpas sooner than later. Im just havent been ready to give my search any effort yet. Maybe Ill be the first 4th petition IMBRA test case here. If so, Ill be sure to let everyone know how it goes. If I could only find a 30 to 36 yr old woman in the states who isnt overweight, carrying baggage from previous marriages, and who doesnt care how much money I make, then I just might not need to look overseas for marriage.

hello Steve, forget about WOMAN, i suggest you find a MAN!

that my help you!

i really wish you can find what are you looking for!

[Brad and Vika 129]

Getting back to income, we did a full disclosure before we agreed to marry.

You make another good point here. Even though Vika is an accountant, we had trouble with the full disclosure. She was confused by the apparent difference in salary levels. The big problem was translating the cost of living and doing some comparables. The cost of things here is mind-blowing to some one from a country where $500 per month is a good wage. So I am saying that the disclosure wasn't all that helpful.

I also share your concerns about anybody bring a teen (of either gender) here on a K-1 visa. I think the risk is high for both parties, for a number of reasons. When I made allowances for "personal preferences", I definitely did not mean to include a desire to get close to children as a normal life choice. In fairness, when I was in the PI working years ago, most Filipinas past their mid-twenties were already married with kids - so Steve55s options for more mature prospects there are probably pretty limited.

[MsZ 6]

My ex-husband and I have close friends who are an American male and a Filipina so when I discuss this area, it is one close to my heart. My own experience says that he's way underselling these gals. He's not buying some poor girls who will think he's their savior. They're going to expect a guy to work hard and to do their best. As far as I can tell, he wants someone who is willing to settle for a slacker.

My husband (and doesn't it get old saying my "now-husband?" There is another reason not to divorce. It is just so silly and it diminishes the value of spouses to have to distinguish between the old and the new. Don't follow my lead, kids! That said, my ex- and I are still good friends. But that doesn't make it OK.) is from Canada and so at any moment our border towns can give you a discounted Canadian dollar value. Whether it matches reality or not is debatable.

We had a moment in time where we were nearly on par. I'd love to go back there. My goofy country doesn't deserve a dollar that is worth more, however much I love my country.

I wish we'd come up with a single currency across the board. It'd be very revealing. It'd be difficult to accept, but it would be helpful. I think it would make it easier for people to get a real view of the poverty that some nations experience.