Wife gone after 10 months

[bhajishah 4]

I run a LTC facility and Ive seen a lot of Lawyers who give this advice Die old and lonely..cant deny someone the pursuit of happiness..jeez

[Sha2011 0]

threads like this bring out the difference in perspective between the givers and the takers. there is give and take in every marriage, but it should be within a reasonable balance. few perspectives in this thread have balance.

to the OP, you were a giver, and you got taken. if you are a doormat, people will step on you. lesson learned, and don't do it again, with a foreign woman, or an american woman.

to people berating the guy for spending his entire life's effort/proceeds on someone who did not appreciate and respond in gratitude, grow up. give your time/emotion/ effort/money to someone who throws you away when you have nothing left. then tell us how you feel.

and before you say it, my wife and i are in balance, so i'm not speaking out of personal motivation. i'm just an impartial observer who is tired of watching unwise people set themselves up to be taken, and unscrupulous people taking advantage of them. seen it too many times.

There ya go again sharp shooter.

Again,two sides to every story. The fact that the OP held out applying for the AOS tells volumes. If you can't see that then you are blind.

Both need to grow up.

AOS for someone that shows all the signs of wanting to leave. Please ! Like I said I am not your neighborhood charity shop.

[carpe diem 2]

threads like this bring out the difference in perspective between the givers and the takers. there is give and take in every marriage, but it should be within a reasonable balance. few perspectives in this thread have balance.

to the OP, you were a giver, and you got taken. if you are a doormat, people will step on you. lesson learned, and don't do it again, with a foreign woman, or an american woman.

to people berating the guy for spending his entire life's effort/proceeds on someone who did not appreciate and respond in gratitude, grow up. give your time/emotion/ effort/money to someone who throws you away when you have nothing left. then tell us how you feel.

and before you say it, my wife and i are in balance, so i'm not speaking out of personal motivation. i'm just an impartial observer who is tired of watching unwise people set themselves up to be taken, and unscrupulous people taking advantage of them. seen it too many times.

There ya go again sharp shooter.

Again,two sides to every story. The fact that the OP held out applying for the AOS tells volumes. If you can't see that then you are blind.

Both need to grow up.

I don't know-- it took my husband almost two years to apply for my AOS. More precisely, it took me almost two years to get the ball rolling on that (I was the one taking the lead on this project). I am by nature a procrastinator and just wasn't in any rush as I was here lawfully and had an employer-sponsered visa that allowed me to work and enter the US after traveling abroad. I don't think this delay, in and of itself, "tells volumes." Moreover I can imagine that you'd delay this project if you become suspicious that the GC is the reason for marriage, and realize that you're on the hook financially if you sponsor the AOS.

This said, I have to say that on the basis of the one-sided story here, I cannot muster much sympathy for either of them. It sounds like the woman wanted a ride to the US, and the man had some rigid, stereotypical notions of the kind of wife the woman would be, "bought" her by subsidizing her family and didn't really bother to get to know her and find out about her expectations and desires. And now they both find themselves in a tough situation that's entirely the result of their own recklessness.

[Ree 9]

tangkas, what signs of wanting to leave she showed? And of course, you are not her neighbor's charity shop, you are her husband.

Also, may I ask you again, was your wife able to get to a car and drive to a store to buy groceries for a week while you were at work?

[bevs 0]

dude,sorry,but u need to grow up and find out what a real relationship is like.she mite have been wrong what shedid but even if it is with another girl.cook clean and smell good???come on man.advice--next relationship just love her for who she is and not what she can do for you, thats selfish and believe me filippinas are great woman.

U DONT KNOW EVER FILIPINA, I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM FILIPINA WITH BEAUTY AND HEART, BUT COMMON, EVERY FILIPINA HAVE DIFFERENT VALUES, WE GROW IN DIFFERENT WAYS OF LIVING, WE BEEN RAISE IN DIFFERENT ASPECT BY OUR PARENTS, WERE NOT ALL THE SAME. TRUST ME 2 OF MY FILIPINA FRIENDS ARE MEAN TO THERE WHITE MAN. THEY CHEAT, THEY SPEND MONEY LIKE THEY JUST PICK UP IT ON THE TRESS, THEY PLAY FIRE, WHILE THERE PARTNER IS NOT AROUND. BUT THEY ARE CLEAN. GIVE THIS A TRY, WHAT U HAVE A WIFE WHO DONT WASH HER DOWN EEVRYDAY? WHO DNT KNOW HOW TO BRUSH HER TEETH? WHO DONT TAKE A BATH EVERYDAY OR LET SAY TAKE A BATH EVERY 2 DAYS. THEN U MAKE LOVE? U THINK U CANNOT COMPLAIN OF WHAT UR SMELLING FROM HER? I DONT THINK SO A HUSBAND WILL LOVE TO HAVE A WIFE THAT IS HAVING A BAD ODORS. I GUESS A GOOD HUSBAND WILL STILL COMPLAIN FOR THIS ISSUE AND TRY TO GUIDE HER WIFE FOR THE THINGS SHE NEED TO CHANGE AND WORK OUT. W/O ANY OFFENSE FOR WIFE, THIS THINGS STILL FOR HER OWN GOOD.

ALSO IF UR A WIFE, ITS YOUR RESPONDSIBILITY TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR HUSBAND WHILE HE IS BUSY AT WORK, COOK, CLEAN HOUSE, WASH CLOTHES AND ETC WHILE YOUR AT HOME AND NOTHIGN TO DO. I GUESS FOR A FILIPINA LIKE US THIS KIND OF THINGS IS NOT HARD FOR US TO DO. THIS IS JUST A BASIS SHARE FOR BEING A WIFE.

I KNOW BOTH HAVE MISTAKES BUT EVERYTHING IS TOO LATE NOW FOR THEN TO SETTLE THE MESS, WELL I HOPE THEY CAB STILL BUT THEY ALREADY AIRED WHAT THEY WANTED TO AIRED. U GUYS NEED TO FORGIVE AND FORGET NOW. NEXT TIME TANGKAS, BETTER LOOK FOR A WOMAN THAT IS YOUR TYPE AND WANTS. BE CAREFUL AND BE COVSERVANT. SO U WOULNDT HAVE THIS MISTAKE IN YOUR LIFE I FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS BUT I FEEL PITTY FOR UR BABY! GOOD LUCK AND MOVE ON!

[justashooter 430]

let me tell you how many chinese immigrants i know who cannot drive a car after more than 2 years in the US. about 30% of the chinese immigrants i know. they do not drive for various reasons. some are afraid to drive, and some are not trained to drive. some have cars that their husbands have bought for them that sit in the driveway. some are married to guys that cannot afford a second car.

some immigrants are not able to (or choose not to) create enough income to afford their own lifestyle within a marriage. by this i intend to convey that they cannot create an income large enough to pay for their own food, clothing, phone calls to home country, and personal expenses, much less a new car or other expenses a couple may face, like mortgages, utility bills, and even the cost of the immigration process, itself. sometimes this is related to language barrier. sometimes this is related to lack of education. sometimes this is related to lack of motivation.

how is it that immigrants think that their new american spouse should buy them a car when they are not able/willing to do anything with it like driving to a job at which they earn enough money to make the car payments, or even contribbute to the house payment? do they think that cars grow on trees? did they bother to talk with their intended about the standard of life that they should expect to be GIVEN, or about their plans to contribute to this standard of life?

my wife took driving lessons and got a liscense in china. she got an international liscense that was good in US for the first year after her immigration. she now has a pennsylvania liscense, a job that pays the costs of her lifestyle, and contributes to our family budget. both she and i would tolerate nothing less. how is it that so many posters on this board expect American citizens to do so?

[Sha2011 0]

dude,sorry,but u need to grow up and find out what a real relationship is like.she mite have been wrong what shedid but even if it is with another girl.cook clean and smell good???come on man.advice--next relationship just love her for who she is and not what she can do for you, thats selfish and believe me filippinas are great woman.

U DONT KNOW EVER FILIPINA, I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM FILIPINA WITH BEAUTY AND HEART, BUT COMMON, EVERY FILIPINA HAVE DIFFERENT VALUES, WE GROW IN DIFFERENT WAYS OF LIVING, WE BEEN RAISE IN DIFFERENT ASPECT BY OUR PARENTS, WERE NOT ALL THE SAME. TRUST ME 2 OF MY FILIPINA FRIENDS ARE MEAN TO THERE WHITE MAN. THEY CHEAT, THEY SPEND MONEY LIKE THEY JUST PICK UP IT ON THE TRESS, THEY PLAY FIRE, WHILE THERE PARTNER IS NOT AROUND. BUT THEY ARE CLEAN. GIVE THIS A TRY, WHAT U HAVE A WIFE WHO DONT WASH HER DOWN EEVRYDAY? WHO DNT KNOW HOW TO BRUSH HER TEETH? WHO DONT TAKE A BATH EVERYDAY OR LET SAY TAKE A BATH EVERY 2 DAYS. THEN U MAKE LOVE? U THINK U CANNOT COMPLAIN OF WHAT UR SMELLING FROM HER? I DONT THINK SO A HUSBAND WILL LOVE TO HAVE A WIFE THAT IS HAVING A BAD ODORS. I GUESS A GOOD HUSBAND WILL STILL COMPLAIN FOR THIS ISSUE AND TRY TO GUIDE HER WIFE FOR THE THINGS SHE NEED TO CHANGE AND WORK OUT. W/O ANY OFFENSE FOR WIFE, THIS THINGS STILL FOR HER OWN GOOD.

ALSO IF UR A WIFE, ITS YOUR RESPONDSIBILITY TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR HUSBAND WHILE HE IS BUSY AT WORK, COOK, CLEAN HOUSE, WASH CLOTHES AND ETC WHILE YOUR AT HOME AND NOTHIGN TO DO. I GUESS FOR A FILIPINA LIKE US THIS KIND OF THINGS IS NOT HARD FOR US TO DO. THIS IS JUST A BASIS SHARE FOR BEING A WIFE.

I KNOW BOTH HAVE MISTAKES BUT EVERYTHING IS TOO LATE NOW FOR THEN TO SETTLE THE MESS, WELL I HOPE THEY CAB STILL BUT THEY ALREADY AIRED WHAT THEY WANTED TO AIRED. U GUYS NEED TO FORGIVE AND FORGET NOW. NEXT TIME TANGKAS, BETTER LOOK FOR A WOMAN THAT IS YOUR TYPE AND WANTS. BE CAREFUL AND BE COVSERVANT. SO U WOULNDT HAVE THIS MISTAKE IN YOUR LIFE I FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS BUT I FEEL PITTY FOR UR BABY! GOOD LUCK AND MOVE ON!

I have never said anything about Filipino people. That's not fair for you to accuse me of being racist. My cousin is married to a Filipino-American. My wife so happens to be a Filipina. She could of been from any country. I am not trying to imply any racist or ethnic stereotypes. Let's get that clear.

My mistake is noticing this stuff in her before I married ask her to change it, and went along with the wedding. I lived and learned. I've been patient enough. Don't wait till I try to find someone else without these flaws to try to change them.

I am giving it to God anyways. Thanks for your advice.

Edited September 27, 2008 by tangkas

[Sha2011 0]

dude,sorry,but u need to grow up and find out what a real relationship is like.she mite have been wrong what shedid but even if it is with another girl.cook clean and smell good???come on man.advice--next relationship just love her for who she is and not what she can do for you, thats selfish and believe me filippinas are great woman.

U DONT KNOW EVER FILIPINA, I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM FILIPINA WITH BEAUTY AND HEART, BUT COMMON, EVERY FILIPINA HAVE DIFFERENT VALUES, WE GROW IN DIFFERENT WAYS OF LIVING, WE BEEN RAISE IN DIFFERENT ASPECT BY OUR PARENTS, WERE NOT ALL THE SAME. TRUST ME 2 OF MY FILIPINA FRIENDS ARE MEAN TO THERE WHITE MAN. THEY CHEAT, THEY SPEND MONEY LIKE THEY JUST PICK UP IT ON THE TRESS, THEY PLAY FIRE, WHILE THERE PARTNER IS NOT AROUND. BUT THEY ARE CLEAN. GIVE THIS A TRY, WHAT U HAVE A WIFE WHO DONT WASH HER DOWN EEVRYDAY? WHO DNT KNOW HOW TO BRUSH HER TEETH? WHO DONT TAKE A BATH EVERYDAY OR LET SAY TAKE A BATH EVERY 2 DAYS. THEN U MAKE LOVE? U THINK U CANNOT COMPLAIN OF WHAT UR SMELLING FROM HER? I DONT THINK SO A HUSBAND WILL LOVE TO HAVE A WIFE THAT IS HAVING A BAD ODORS. I GUESS A GOOD HUSBAND WILL STILL COMPLAIN FOR THIS ISSUE AND TRY TO GUIDE HER WIFE FOR THE THINGS SHE NEED TO CHANGE AND WORK OUT. W/O ANY OFFENSE FOR WIFE, THIS THINGS STILL FOR HER OWN GOOD.

ALSO IF UR A WIFE, ITS YOUR RESPONDSIBILITY TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR HUSBAND WHILE HE IS BUSY AT WORK, COOK, CLEAN HOUSE, WASH CLOTHES AND ETC WHILE YOUR AT HOME AND NOTHIGN TO DO. I GUESS FOR A FILIPINA LIKE US THIS KIND OF THINGS IS NOT HARD FOR US TO DO. THIS IS JUST A BASIS SHARE FOR BEING A WIFE.

I KNOW BOTH HAVE MISTAKES BUT EVERYTHING IS TOO LATE NOW FOR THEN TO SETTLE THE MESS, WELL I HOPE THEY CAB STILL BUT THEY ALREADY AIRED WHAT THEY WANTED TO AIRED. U GUYS NEED TO FORGIVE AND FORGET NOW. NEXT TIME TANGKAS, BETTER LOOK FOR A WOMAN THAT IS YOUR TYPE AND WANTS. BE CAREFUL AND BE COVSERVANT. SO U WOULNDT HAVE THIS MISTAKE IN YOUR LIFE I FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS BUT I FEEL PITTY FOR UR BABY! GOOD LUCK AND MOVE ON!

I have never said anything about Filipino people. My cousin is married to a Filipino-American. My wife so happens to be a Filipina. She could of been from any country. I am not trying to imply any racist or ethnic stereotypes. Let's get that clear.

My mistake is noticing this stuff in her before I married ask her to change it, and went along with the wedding. I lived and learned. I've been patient enough. Don't wait till I try to find someone else without these flaws to try to change them.

I am giving it to God anyways. Thanks for your advice.

Edited September 27, 2008 by tangkas

[bevs 0]

dude,sorry,but u need to grow up and find out what a real relationship is like.she mite have been wrong what shedid but even if it is with another girl.cook clean and smell good???come on man.advice--next relationship just love her for who she is and not what she can do for you, thats selfish and believe me filippinas are great woman.

U DONT KNOW EVER FILIPINA, I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM FILIPINA WITH BEAUTY AND HEART, BUT COMMON, EVERY FILIPINA HAVE DIFFERENT VALUES, WE GROW IN DIFFERENT WAYS OF LIVING, WE BEEN RAISE IN DIFFERENT ASPECT BY OUR PARENTS, WERE NOT ALL THE SAME. TRUST ME 2 OF MY FILIPINA FRIENDS ARE MEAN TO THERE WHITE MAN. THEY CHEAT, THEY SPEND MONEY LIKE THEY JUST PICK UP IT ON THE TRESS, THEY PLAY FIRE, WHILE THERE PARTNER IS NOT AROUND. BUT THEY ARE CLEAN. GIVE THIS A TRY, WHAT U HAVE A WIFE WHO DONT WASH HER DOWN EEVRYDAY? WHO DNT KNOW HOW TO BRUSH HER TEETH? WHO DONT TAKE A BATH EVERYDAY OR LET SAY TAKE A BATH EVERY 2 DAYS. THEN U MAKE LOVE? U THINK U CANNOT COMPLAIN OF WHAT UR SMELLING FROM HER? I DONT THINK SO A HUSBAND WILL LOVE TO HAVE A WIFE THAT IS HAVING A BAD ODORS. I GUESS A GOOD HUSBAND WILL STILL COMPLAIN FOR THIS ISSUE AND TRY TO GUIDE HER WIFE FOR THE THINGS SHE NEED TO CHANGE AND WORK OUT. W/O ANY OFFENSE FOR WIFE, THIS THINGS STILL FOR HER OWN GOOD.

ALSO IF UR A WIFE, ITS YOUR RESPONDSIBILITY TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR HUSBAND WHILE HE IS BUSY AT WORK, COOK, CLEAN HOUSE, WASH CLOTHES AND ETC WHILE YOUR AT HOME AND NOTHIGN TO DO. I GUESS FOR A FILIPINA LIKE US THIS KIND OF THINGS IS NOT HARD FOR US TO DO. THIS IS JUST A BASIS SHARE FOR BEING A WIFE.

I KNOW BOTH HAVE MISTAKES BUT EVERYTHING IS TOO LATE NOW FOR THEN TO SETTLE THE MESS, WELL I HOPE THEY CAB STILL BUT THEY ALREADY AIRED WHAT THEY WANTED TO AIRED. U GUYS NEED TO FORGIVE AND FORGET NOW. NEXT TIME TANGKAS, BETTER LOOK FOR A WOMAN THAT IS YOUR TYPE AND WANTS. BE CAREFUL AND BE COVSERVANT. SO U WOULNDT HAVE THIS MISTAKE IN YOUR LIFE I FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS BUT I FEEL PITTY FOR UR BABY! GOOD LUCK AND MOVE ON!

I have never said anything about Filipino people. My cousin is married to a Filipino-American. My wife so happens to be a Filipina. She could of been from any country. I am not trying to imply any racist or ethnic stereotypes. Let's get that clear.

My mistake is noticing this stuff in her before I married ask her to change it, and went along with the wedding. I lived and learned. I've been patient enough. Don't wait till I try to find someone else without these flaws to try to change them.

I am giving it to God anyways. Thanks for your advice.

HEY READ READ PLEASE! I DIDNT ACCUSE U LIKE HOW U ACCUSE SHONE. LOOK AT THAT MESSAGE... LOOK AND READ DID I WROTE " HEY TANGKAS U DONT EVER KNOW A FILIPINA" DID I? DID I? AND AS FAR AS U READ IT WAS FOR FOR MARK AND JESS THAT SAY "FILIPINAS IS A GREAT WOMAN" WHICH I WANTED TO CORRECT THAT NOT EVERYBODY SINCE I KNEW SOME WHO IS NOT A GREAT FILIPINA WIVES. U KNOW WHAT, U BETTER READ OK, CUZ U DONT ACCUSED ME. U ARE FUN OF ACCUSING SOMEBODY. NOW U LET ME THINK SOMETHING ABOUT WHO REALLU ARE. OH BOY! READ OK READ! LIKE HOW U READ YOUR PHONE NUMBERS AND BUG SOMEBODY AROUND 11PM. PLEASE PLEASE BE EXTRA CAREFUL.

[morocco4ever 63]

threads like this bring out the difference in perspective between the givers and the takers. there is give and take in every marriage, but it should be within a reasonable balance. few perspectives in this thread have balance.

to the OP, you were a giver, and you got taken. if you are a doormat, people will step on you. lesson learned, and don't do it again, with a foreign woman, or an american woman.

to people berating the guy for spending his entire life's effort/proceeds on someone who did not appreciate and respond in gratitude, grow up. give your time/emotion/ effort/money to someone who throws you away when you have nothing left. then tell us how you feel.

and before you say it, my wife and i are in balance, so i'm not speaking out of personal motivation. i'm just an impartial observer who is tired of watching unwise people set themselves up to be taken, and unscrupulous people taking advantage of them. seen it too many times.

There ya go again sharp shooter.

Again,two sides to every story. The fact that the OP held out applying for the AOS tells volumes. If you can't see that then you are blind.

Both need to grow up.

I don't know-- it took my husband almost two years to apply for my AOS. More precisely, it took me almost two years to get the ball rolling on that (I was the one taking the lead on this project). I am by nature a procrastinator and just wasn't in any rush as I was here lawfully and had an employer-sponsered visa that allowed me to work and enter the US after traveling abroad. I don't think this delay, in and of itself, "tells volumes." Moreover I can imagine that you'd delay this project if you become suspicious that the GC is the reason for marriage, and realize that you're on the hook financially if you sponsor the AOS.

This said, I have to say that on the basis of the one-sided story here, I cannot muster much sympathy for either of them. It sounds like the woman wanted a ride to the US, and the man had some rigid, stereotypical notions of the kind of wife the woman would be, "bought" her by subsidizing her family and didn't really bother to get to know her and find out about her expectations and desires. And now they both find themselves in a tough situation that's entirely the result of their own recklessness.

Actually you and I see almost eye to eye. As for the delays, your delay was justifiable. And yes, some people have a tendancy towards procrastination. But you mix the procrastination with other clues he gives in his other posts and I see a very controlling person.

I highly doubt that either of them sat down and really discussed their expectations for their future. She found what she thought was a sugar daddy to her and her family. He found what he thought was a maid with benefits. Of course they aren't going to discuss their expectations because they are rediculous.

[Sha2011 0]

dude,sorry,but u need to grow up and find out what a real relationship is like.she mite have been wrong what shedid but even if it is with another girl.cook clean and smell good???come on man.advice--next relationship just love her for who she is and not what she can do for you, thats selfish and believe me filippinas are great woman.

U DONT KNOW EVER FILIPINA, I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM FILIPINA WITH BEAUTY AND HEART, BUT COMMON, EVERY FILIPINA HAVE DIFFERENT VALUES, WE GROW IN DIFFERENT WAYS OF LIVING, WE BEEN RAISE IN DIFFERENT ASPECT BY OUR PARENTS, WERE NOT ALL THE SAME. TRUST ME 2 OF MY FILIPINA FRIENDS ARE MEAN TO THERE WHITE MAN. THEY CHEAT, THEY SPEND MONEY LIKE THEY JUST PICK UP IT ON THE TRESS, THEY PLAY FIRE, WHILE THERE PARTNER IS NOT AROUND. BUT THEY ARE CLEAN. GIVE THIS A TRY, WHAT U HAVE A WIFE WHO DONT WASH HER DOWN EEVRYDAY? WHO DNT KNOW HOW TO BRUSH HER TEETH? WHO DONT TAKE A BATH EVERYDAY OR LET SAY TAKE A BATH EVERY 2 DAYS. THEN U MAKE LOVE? U THINK U CANNOT COMPLAIN OF WHAT UR SMELLING FROM HER? I DONT THINK SO A HUSBAND WILL LOVE TO HAVE A WIFE THAT IS HAVING A BAD ODORS. I GUESS A GOOD HUSBAND WILL STILL COMPLAIN FOR THIS ISSUE AND TRY TO GUIDE HER WIFE FOR THE THINGS SHE NEED TO CHANGE AND WORK OUT. W/O ANY OFFENSE FOR WIFE, THIS THINGS STILL FOR HER OWN GOOD.

ALSO IF UR A WIFE, ITS YOUR RESPONDSIBILITY TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR HUSBAND WHILE HE IS BUSY AT WORK, COOK, CLEAN HOUSE, WASH CLOTHES AND ETC WHILE YOUR AT HOME AND NOTHIGN TO DO. I GUESS FOR A FILIPINA LIKE US THIS KIND OF THINGS IS NOT HARD FOR US TO DO. THIS IS JUST A BASIS SHARE FOR BEING A WIFE.

I KNOW BOTH HAVE MISTAKES BUT EVERYTHING IS TOO LATE NOW FOR THEN TO SETTLE THE MESS, WELL I HOPE THEY CAB STILL BUT THEY ALREADY AIRED WHAT THEY WANTED TO AIRED. U GUYS NEED TO FORGIVE AND FORGET NOW. NEXT TIME TANGKAS, BETTER LOOK FOR A WOMAN THAT IS YOUR TYPE AND WANTS. BE CAREFUL AND BE COVSERVANT. SO U WOULNDT HAVE THIS MISTAKE IN YOUR LIFE I FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS BUT I FEEL PITTY FOR UR BABY! GOOD LUCK AND MOVE ON!

I have never said anything about Filipino people. My cousin is married to a Filipino-American. My wife so happens to be a Filipina. She could of been from any country. I am not trying to imply any racist or ethnic stereotypes. Let's get that clear.

My mistake is noticing this stuff in her before I married ask her to change it, and went along with the wedding. I lived and learned. I've been patient enough. Don't wait till I try to find someone else without these flaws to try to change them.

I am giving it to God anyways. Thanks for your advice.

HEY READ READ PLEASE! I DIDNT ACCUSE U LIKE HOW U ACCUSE SHONE. LOOK AT THAT MESSAGE... LOOK AND READ DID I WROTE " HEY TANGKAS U DONT EVER KNOW A FILIPINA" DID I? DID I? AND AS FAR AS U READ IT WAS FOR FOR MARK AND JESS THAT SAY "FILIPINAS IS A GREAT WOMAN" WHICH I WANTED TO CORRECT THAT NOT EVERYBODY SINCE I KNEW SOME WHO IS NOT A GREAT FILIPINA WIVES. U KNOW WHAT, U BETTER READ OK, CUZ U DONT ACCUSED ME. U ARE FUN OF ACCUSING SOMEBODY. NOW U LET ME THINK SOMETHING ABOUT WHO REALLU ARE. OH BOY! READ OK READ! LIKE HOW U READ YOUR PHONE NUMBERS AND BUG SOMEBODY AROUND 11PM. PLEASE PLEASE BE EXTRA CAREFUL.

ok i didnt read it right

[SterlingGirl 1]

What did she do that was fraudulent?

I'm serious. Ten months. She doesn't leave with another guy. You're not going to be able to say 'well, after I cut her family off after I had her brought here, she wasn't as hot and didn't cook for me like I thought she would, so I started cheating online and she left.'

Ha, wonderfully stated.

No one can really know her side of things because she isn't here to share them, but more often than not - at least in these "particular" cases - I find I have to sympathize a little more with the one immigrating than the USC. Especially when she comes from a place like the Philippines, a culture whose values and customs are probably going to be a little different from ours. Regardless of what anyone might say about her family, the bottom line is that's her family and she probably misses them dearly. I mean - if he's sending her a $500 a month allowance, why would she even WANT to immigrate, really? She probably easily could've strung him along for a long while, citing excuses why she couldn't fly out immediately, and when the charade was dropped, pick up some other guy who'd pay her a monthly stipend.

It takes a lot to move country to be with someone. Even my fiance, who is from England and HATES it there, knows it's going to be a huge adjustment - that's his home. That's the only home he's ever known. My job as his wife is going to be as a firm hand of support to hold on to. My job will be to show him around, to get him comfortable, to talk about how he's feeling about being over here, to work out when and what times we might be able to visit his home again, and to let him know that he's not adrift in his completely new country - that he has me, that my parents support and love us, that my friends are excited he's coming. My job is to create a support net for him, so that he feels comfortable and like he really is *home*.

Sounds like the USC simply didn't do that. He expected it to be like any other marriage within the US, where husband and wife immediately "know their role" and set about doing it. She was depending on you to be her guide and sometimes it doesn't just take "whoa, 10 months!" Sometimes it might take a year, or two, or three. It's a huge adjustment, but I guess since the burden's not yours, who cares? All you know is, she doesn't cook or clean for you, eats your food - wow, what a horrible person she is. And then to top it off, after wow, count 'em - TEN months, your strategy is to get on dating sites, essentially proving that you've emotionally discarded her in search of someone else?

Hell, dude, I weep for you. What a sorry lot life has given you.

Edited September 27, 2008 by SterlingGirl

[Caladan 19]

let me tell you how many chinese immigrants i know who cannot drive a car after more than 2 years in the US. about 30% of the chinese immigrants i know. they do not drive for various reasons. some are afraid to drive, and some are not trained to drive. some have cars that their husbands have bought for them that sit in the driveway. some are married to guys that cannot afford a second car.

some immigrants are not able to (or choose not to) create enough income to afford their own lifestyle within a marriage. by this i intend to convey that they cannot create an income large enough to pay for their own food, clothing, phone calls to home country, and personal expenses, much less a new car or other expenses a couple may face, like mortgages, utility bills, and even the cost of the immigration process, itself. sometimes this is related to language barrier. sometimes this is related to lack of education. sometimes this is related to lack of motivation.

how is it that immigrants think that their new american spouse should buy them a car when they are not able/willing to do anything with it like driving to a job at which they earn enough money to make the car payments, or even contribbute to the house payment? do they think that cars grow on trees? did they bother to talk with their intended about the standard of life that they should expect to be GIVEN, or about their plans to contribute to this standard of life?

my wife took driving lessons and got a liscense in china. she got an international liscense that was good in US for the first year after her immigration. she now has a pennsylvania liscense, a job that pays the costs of her lifestyle, and contributes to our family budget. both she and i would tolerate nothing less. how is it that so many posters on this board expect American citizens to do so?

Come on, no one is saying that American citizens are required to buy their foreign wives cars. Let alone 'so many.'

But there's also nothing wrong with a man buying his wife a car if she's a homemaker. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. She didn't provide any income, but she kept the home and was the primary caregiver for four children. Was she taking advantage of my dad when they bought a car so she could run errands and do the grocery shopping? Was she not contributing? Doesn't seem like it to me. Every couple figures out how they're going to manage their lives in a way that works for them.

And all anyone is saying here is that just because his wife seemed to be miserable and wanted to be able to get a driver's license or a car or her own job doesn't mean she's taking him for a ride or perpetuating fraud.

It might just mean that she wants to learn to live in America like an American homemaker. Or that maybe she thought that her husband was going to continue to help support her family, not because she's greedy, but because that had already been the arrangement, and when that turned into 'cook, clean and put out, don't eat my food even though I don't want you to work, I'm cutting off your family, and I won't file for your green card, and I'm already looking for your replacement online' she began to have doubts.

[nowhereman 1]

Personally I believe that the vast majority of Filipino women looking for an American husband have good intentions. They want a better life (can't blame them) but they also want a man who will love & respect them & treat them well. In this case it appears to me that the woman didn't have the best intentions in mind & she found a man who gave her what she wanted (money for her family). I suspect that she never loved him in the first place, but I could be wrong.

However as others have stated there are two sides to every story... to paraphrase another poster if you are "looking for a maid with benefits" you already have two strikes against you. Marriage is hard, very hard, and if you go in with some screwed up pre-conceived motions you will likely fail. If you end up finding another Filipino woman I hope she has better intentions, but I also hope you have learned your lesson as well.

[bevs 0]

dude,sorry,but u need to grow up and find out what a real relationship is like.she mite have been wrong what shedid but even if it is with another girl.cook clean and smell good???come on man.advice--next relationship just love her for who she is and not what she can do for you, thats selfish and believe me filippinas are great woman.

U DONT KNOW EVER FILIPINA, I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM FILIPINA WITH BEAUTY AND HEART, BUT COMMON, EVERY FILIPINA HAVE DIFFERENT VALUES, WE GROW IN DIFFERENT WAYS OF LIVING, WE BEEN RAISE IN DIFFERENT ASPECT BY OUR PARENTS, WERE NOT ALL THE SAME. TRUST ME 2 OF MY FILIPINA FRIENDS ARE MEAN TO THERE WHITE MAN. THEY CHEAT, THEY SPEND MONEY LIKE THEY JUST PICK UP IT ON THE TRESS, THEY PLAY FIRE, WHILE THERE PARTNER IS NOT AROUND. BUT THEY ARE CLEAN. GIVE THIS A TRY, WHAT U HAVE A WIFE WHO DONT WASH HER DOWN EEVRYDAY? WHO DNT KNOW HOW TO BRUSH HER TEETH? WHO DONT TAKE A BATH EVERYDAY OR LET SAY TAKE A BATH EVERY 2 DAYS. THEN U MAKE LOVE? U THINK U CANNOT COMPLAIN OF WHAT UR SMELLING FROM HER? I DONT THINK SO A HUSBAND WILL LOVE TO HAVE A WIFE THAT IS HAVING A BAD ODORS. I GUESS A GOOD HUSBAND WILL STILL COMPLAIN FOR THIS ISSUE AND TRY TO GUIDE HER WIFE FOR THE THINGS SHE NEED TO CHANGE AND WORK OUT. W/O ANY OFFENSE FOR WIFE, THIS THINGS STILL FOR HER OWN GOOD.

ALSO IF UR A WIFE, ITS YOUR RESPONDSIBILITY TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR HUSBAND WHILE HE IS BUSY AT WORK, COOK, CLEAN HOUSE, WASH CLOTHES AND ETC WHILE YOUR AT HOME AND NOTHIGN TO DO. I GUESS FOR A FILIPINA LIKE US THIS KIND OF THINGS IS NOT HARD FOR US TO DO. THIS IS JUST A BASIS SHARE FOR BEING A WIFE.

I KNOW BOTH HAVE MISTAKES BUT EVERYTHING IS TOO LATE NOW FOR THEN TO SETTLE THE MESS, WELL I HOPE THEY CAB STILL BUT THEY ALREADY AIRED WHAT THEY WANTED TO AIRED. U GUYS NEED TO FORGIVE AND FORGET NOW. NEXT TIME TANGKAS, BETTER LOOK FOR A WOMAN THAT IS YOUR TYPE AND WANTS. BE CAREFUL AND BE COVSERVANT. SO U WOULNDT HAVE THIS MISTAKE IN YOUR LIFE I FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS BUT I FEEL PITTY FOR UR BABY! GOOD LUCK AND MOVE ON!

I have never said anything about Filipino people. My cousin is married to a Filipino-American. My wife so happens to be a Filipina. She could of been from any country. I am not trying to imply any racist or ethnic stereotypes. Let's get that clear.

My mistake is noticing this stuff in her before I married ask her to change it, and went along with the wedding. I lived and learned. I've been patient enough. Don't wait till I try to find someone else without these flaws to try to change them.

I am giving it to God anyways. Thanks for your advice.

HEY READ READ PLEASE! I DIDNT ACCUSE U LIKE HOW U ACCUSE SHONE. LOOK AT THAT MESSAGE... LOOK AND READ DID I WROTE " HEY TANGKAS U DONT EVER KNOW A FILIPINA" DID I? DID I? AND AS FAR AS U READ IT WAS FOR FOR MARK AND JESS THAT SAY "FILIPINAS IS A GREAT WOMAN" WHICH I WANTED TO CORRECT THAT NOT EVERYBODY SINCE I KNEW SOME WHO IS NOT A GREAT FILIPINA WIVES. U KNOW WHAT, U BETTER READ OK, CUZ U DONT ACCUSED ME. U ARE FUN OF ACCUSING SOMEBODY. NOW U LET ME THINK SOMETHING ABOUT WHO REALLU ARE. OH BOY! READ OK READ! LIKE HOW U READ YOUR PHONE NUMBERS AND BUG SOMEBODY AROUND 11PM. PLEASE PLEASE BE EXTRA CAREFUL.

ok i didnt read it right

yeah thank u thats all u say... ok didnt read it right! ur missing something. hope u know what it is.