Wife gone after 10 months

[Sha2011 0]

Since my wife arrived in the United States her dad and brother has been bothering her about money. I sent them money once and refused after that time. Soon she began to get upset with me. Once I saw her brother's instant message asking if my parents would send support them, and asking her to come back home so I'll take care of them like I had been doing. Not to mention her dad and brother didn't work when my wife was in the Philippines due to the $500 per month I sent them. They moved into a pretty luxorious apartment, and I paid the rent and bills on that also. After my wife came they wanted me to continue with the money and the rent I paid. I told my wife I have to care for you here now only in US.

Soon my wife began saying she wanted to go back home. Not long after she got in contact with a well off aunt in California that kept asking her to come and stay with her. I remember my wife asking me if she can go to California. This was 2 or 3 weeks after she came. "After 1.5 years of marriage and being separated. in 2 or 3 weeks you want to leave me already ? "

"

I believe because I am not caring for her family my wife is not making herself attractive for me. Her personal hygiene has went down. When I ask her to make some Filipino food she takes a whole bunch of mung beans and cabbage and thats it. No Pancit, no adobo, no shopow, no lumpia. I remember once I cooked pancit and lupia because I wanted it so bad, and she freely at of it. I told my wife before she came to US if she could learn how to cook these Filipino delicases. She didn;t work. She didn't do anything but sit home and had everything paid for her when she was in the Philippines. I would of paid for her to get a cooking course if she needed extra. she said she would learn how to cook, but she never did.

My wife wont cook. I have to work and come home and cook. When I do cook she ends up eating the food I cooked. I work nights shift and by 7 hours I have to go back to work. I have to cook my food, and all she does is sit home.

Back to the aunt. Recently, I became very depressed knowing that I spent all this time and effort on a woman that doesn't take care of herself and refuse to help me in anything. I began wanting someone else. My depression caused me to start smoking again. From 3 a day to neary a pack a day.. From their it got worst month by month.My sleep patterns changed. On average I got 2 or 3 hours sleep per day. My grades at school dropped. I lack clarity and find myself forgetful. My depression got worst and caused me to eat one small meal a day. I have lupus. It went into remission but it came back. My doctor said stress would cause it. Sometimes I am in severe pain. At times I would wake up screaming of pain, and she would just lay there in sleep. I didn't care if I lived or died. All I wanted was a woman that take care of herself, has good hygiene, loves me, and can cook her island delicases.

It got to the point whenever we got into an argument she would pack up and attempt to leave. It really hurt me to see this. I had no confidence our relationship would last. I began searching internet dating services hoping I would find someone to love me for me. My wife soon found out. She began accusing me of being the worst human type. I tried to reason with her on why I did it. All she could do is point the finger at me. I tried to tell her to change her faults. I offered to bring her to the doctor to find out why she has the odor she does. I tried !

When your spouse has bad hygiene can you sleep with them and refuses to change it, can you sleep with them. Would you see any hope in the relationship ?

Anyways, time went on. Her well of aunt in the Philippines bought her a ticket. My wife soon left. I came home one day and she said I am leaving

Then she jumps in a vehicle with an older male with two kids and his wife.

My wife didn't even tell me where she was going. I tried calling her friends to find out where she was and they had very nasty attitudes with me. I tried telling them if your husband was missing wouldn't you want to know where he is. They just got more irate. They sent me nasty text messages. Only one of them was semi nice, but yet you can see attitude all over. I have not known many Filipino people. I began resenting Filipino people. I am sory for that, because we can't judge an ethnic group by a few bad seeds.

My wife says her aunt will help her get a working permit and then green card, and she doesn't need me. she's not coming back to my house. When I think about my wife was here for 2 or 3 weeks her aunt had been begging her to come there. Recently, one of my wife's family members had a kid. I guess my wife is helping them out as a domestic. My wife said she'll work for them to pay for her working permit and green card.

I tried calling her aunts this morning, and they got some nasty attitudes with me. One was yelling and how she's an American citizen she can get my wife to stay in US she doesn't need me. One of them denied she knew my wife. I know these are lies.This mad me very angry with Filipino people. I know its not realistic to think all Filipinos are like this. I am sorry for thinking that. I've known some American kids of Filipino descent. They just as I stated Americans of Filipino descent. This is my first time being around Filipinos born in the Philippines. All of the one's my wife know are very unreasonable. If your spouse is missing wouldn't you want to know where there at ? But all I get is a mouth full of curses and yells.

I managed to get one of their addresses I called ICE, USCIS, and Department of State informing them my wife has left permanently. for some reason all of my wife's family members are trying to marry Americans. and once they do I guess they'll go to the aunts house in California. I have valid proof they've done that before with one cano. ICE said this is a fraud scam and they'll look into it. I gave them my wife's visa, and it might be canceled.

[frostysoftyeaton 6]

Since my wife arrived in the United States her dad and brother has been bothering her about money. I sent them money once and refused after that time. Soon she began to get upset with me. Once I saw her brother's instant message asking if my parents would send support them, and asking her to come back home so I'll take care of them like I had been doing. Not to mention her dad and brother didn't work when my wife was in the Philippines due to the $500 per month I sent them. They moved into a pretty luxorious apartment, and I paid the rent and bills on that also. After my wife came they wanted me to continue with the money and the rent I paid. I told my wife I have to care for you here now only in US.

Soon my wife began saying she wanted to go back home. Not long after she got in contact with a well off aunt in California that kept asking her to come and stay with her. I remember my wife asking me if she can go to California. This was 2 or 3 weeks after she came. "After 1.5 years of marriage and being separated. in 2 or 3 weeks you want to leave me already ? "

"

I believe because I am not caring for her family my wife is not making herself attractive for me. Her personal hygiene has went down. When I ask her to make some Filipino food she takes a whole bunch of mung beans and cabbage and thats it. No Pancit, no adobo, no shopow, no lumpia. I remember once I cooked pancit and lupia because I wanted it so bad, and she freely at of it. I told my wife before she came to US if she could learn how to cook these Filipino delicases. She didn;t work. She didn't do anything but sit home and had everything paid for her when she was in the Philippines. I would of paid for her to get a cooking course if she needed extra. she said she would learn how to cook, but she never did.

My wife wont cook. I have to work and come home and cook. When I do cook she ends up eating the food I cooked. I work nights shift and by 7 hours I have to go back to work. I have to cook my food, and all she does is sit home.

Back to the aunt. Recently, I became very depressed knowing that I spent all this time and effort on a woman that doesn't take care of herself and refuse to help me in anything. I began wanting someone else. My depression caused me to start smoking again. From 3 a day to neary a pack a day.. From their it got worst month by month.My sleep patterns changed. On average I got 2 or 3 hours sleep per day. My grades at school dropped. I lack clarity and find myself forgetful. My depression got worst and caused me to eat one small meal a day. I have lupus. It went into remission but it came back. My doctor said stress would cause it. Sometimes I am in severe pain. At times I would wake up screaming of pain, and she would just lay there in sleep. I didn't care if I lived or died. All I wanted was a woman that take care of herself, has good hygiene, loves me, and can cook her island delicases.

It got to the point whenever we got into an argument she would pack up and attempt to leave. It really hurt me to see this. I had no confidence our relationship would last. I began searching internet dating services hoping I would find someone to love me for me. My wife soon found out. She began accusing me of being the worst human type. I tried to reason with her on why I did it. All she could do is point the finger at me. I tried to tell her to change her faults. I offered to bring her to the doctor to find out why she has the odor she does. I tried !

When your spouse has bad hygiene can you sleep with them and refuses to change it, can you sleep with them. Would you see any hope in the relationship ?

Anyways, time went on. Her well of aunt in the Philippines bought her a ticket. My wife soon left. I came home one day and she said I am leaving

Then she jumps in a vehicle with an older male with two kids and his wife.

My wife didn't even tell me where she was going. I tried calling her friends to find out where she was and they had very nasty attitudes with me. I tried telling them if your husband was missing wouldn't you want to know where he is. They just got more irate. They sent me nasty text messages. Only one of them was semi nice, but yet you can see attitude all over. I have not known many Filipino people. I began resenting Filipino people. I am sory for that, because we can't judge an ethnic group by a few bad seeds.

My wife says her aunt will help her get a working permit and then green card, and she doesn't need me. she's not coming back to my house. When I think about my wife was here for 2 or 3 weeks her aunt had been begging her to come there. Recently, one of my wife's family members had a kid. I guess my wife is helping them out as a domestic. My wife said she'll work for them to pay for her working permit and green card.

I tried calling her aunts this morning, and they got some nasty attitudes with me. One was yelling and how she's an American citizen she can get my wife to stay in US she doesn't need me. One of them denied she knew my wife. I know these are lies.This mad me very angry with Filipino people. I know its not realistic to think all Filipinos are like this. I am sorry for thinking that. I've known some American kids of Filipino descent. They just as I stated Americans of Filipino descent. This is my first time being around Filipinos born in the Philippines. All of the one's my wife know are very unreasonable. If your spouse is missing wouldn't you want to know where there at ? But all I get is a mouth full of curses and yells.

I managed to get one of their addresses I called ICE, USCIS, and Department of State informing them my wife has left permanently. for some reason all of my wife's family members are trying to marry Americans. and once they do I guess they'll go to the aunts house in California. I have valid proof they've done that before with one cano. ICE said this is a fraud scam and they'll look into it. I gave them my wife's visa, and it might be canceled.

I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out good but at least you already knew her attitude before it gets worst..God do this things for a reason and you deserve someone better than her. Someone who will love you,someone who will always be there for you,someone who will take good care of you and someone who will cherish you. I am a Filipina and it hurts me that some of my fellowmen are doing such thing but not all of us are like because I can't see myself leaving my future husband,it will surely kill me because i love him so much.. I wish u all the luck and may u find your true happiness soon

Edited September 22, 2008 by frostysoftyeaton

[ED*Riza 0]

I am sorry that this happen to you.

[IAMX 3,055]

I'm sorry this happened to you as well. These problems look like they should have manifested when you met and communicated constantly. Either she was not prepared to move here and had a sudden culture shock that some people go through when they move to a new area and change completely, or I'm not sure you knew her well enough. Or allowed a bad situation to get worse.

[richo 0]

Its unfortunate that you had to experience this..I still say that it takes two to tango..Im not on her side because I'm a filipino but I think she was into a depressive state too..a person not planning to take care of herself is withdrawn..It's a big difference for us to come in here like myself without any relative in the states..its a good thingshe does..It's wrong that she go to her aunt to seek solace..and now its really a fraud situation..If she couldve not left and stayed and work it out with you. TO be wed is one thing and Marriageis another thing..Im not an expert with marriage but people choose to stay in the marriage. You already made a decision to call USCIS and Imsure she will learn alot with this experience. Good luck and hope everything will fall to its right place.

[Ban Hammer 12,878]

not real sure why this was moved from K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures General Discussion to K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress Reports, but i'll move it again.

mbc

[maliciant 7]

I don't know if this is some kind of troll posting, but seriously, there were problems long before she left, I don't know about you but searching around on an internet dating site for someone else sounds like a pretty solid reason for your wife to leave. This is something of a horror story, to have gone through the torture of the visa process to have things fall apart so quickly, but just reading the OP's message, I'm sure her story wouldn't be all that rosy either.

[IAMX 3,055]

I don't know if this is some kind of troll posting, but seriously, there were problems long before she left, I don't know about you but searching around on an internet dating site for someone else sounds like a pretty solid reason for your wife to leave. This is something of a horror story, to have gone through the torture of the visa process to have things fall apart so quickly, but just reading the OP's message, I'm sure her story wouldn't be all that rosy either.

Wow, I totally skipped over that.

From what I had read it did seem pretty suspect and I get the impression the OP jumped into a relationship with someone, it's not working out (of course), and is not faithful himself and looking for another quick fix.

[Jaynelle 0]

First of all i just wanted to say that not all filipinos are like that. Maybe you just married the wrong one. Filipinos, if we are really inlove, we tend to be really sweet and submissive with our spouses/fiances. You might have married the kind thats after your citizenship. Not to be judgemental and all because i really dont know your story but "I THINK" she just used you. Thats the simplest reason i can think of right now. This BAD reputation of the filipinos about marrying foreign people just to acquire a foreign citizenship causes a hard time for us to get approved by the USCIS. Unfortunately, it is causing much delays on us who are really in love and is really willing to be married here in the US. But then again, dont judge the filipinos in general, its just disappointing to know that a Filipina did this to you. Dont lose hope. You'll find the right person for you.

[maliciant 7]

Who knows what forum this thread will end up in eventually.

After rethinking a bit, I doubt this is a troll posting, the poster has been here for some time. It just looks like both sides had totally different expectations of how things in the marriage would work, having unrealistic expectations just leads to dissappointment, I don't know if it is possible to patch things up at this point, or even if either side would want to, but it's probably not over until the lawyers get their cut of the divorce...

[Ree 9]

Just a quick question to the OP. You mentioned that you want to cancel your wife's visa, and that she doesn't have neither work permit nor greencard. Does it mean that you have not filed AOS for your wife?

[morocco4ever 63]

I am really confused here. You were sending $500 a month plus living expenses before she came? And your requirements for her to be a stay at home wife was to bathe regularly, cook, and clean, correct? Why didn't you just hire a maid with benefits? You complain that you have to come home and cook your own food that she eats? Well welcome to real life. I do that every day of my life. And guess what, I am happy to have my husband eat the food I cook. Why would I deny him food just because I cooked it? When a person feels treasured they respond in kind. You frequented dating sites? Why, when you were already married. Why not spend that time loving your wife?

Sorry to say, but there are 2 sides to this story. I think anyone who read your post well enough would also be reading between the lines.

Okay everyone. Whenever I post like this I get bashed, so bash away, I am prepared.

[Dakine 26]

"Since my wife arrived in the United States her dad and brother has been bothering her about money. I sent them money once and refused after that time. Soon she began to get upset with me. Once I saw her brother's instant message asking if my parents would send support them, and asking her to come back home so I'll take care of them like I had been doing. Not to mention her dad and brother didn't work when my wife was in the Philippines due to the $500 per month I sent them. They moved into a pretty luxorious apartment, and I paid the rent and bills on that also. After my wife came they wanted me to continue with the money and the rent I paid. I told my wife I have to care for you here now only in US."

Looks like you set up most of your problems by doing the above. $500 is a HUGE amount of money to give someone in the Philippines [anywhere for that matter].

You were responsible for her family going from rags to "riches" and then back to rags when you cut them off. You searching for another "mate" sure isn't a easy thing for your wife to deal with either.

Just my 2 cents.

[TracyTN 237]

I am really confused here. You were sending $500 a month plus living expenses before she came? And your requirements for her to be a stay at home wife was to bathe regularly, cook, and clean, correct? Why didn't you just hire a maid with benefits? You complain that you have to come home and cook your own food that she eats? Well welcome to real life. I do that every day of my life. And guess what, I am happy to have my husband eat the food I cook. Why would I deny him food just because I cooked it? When a person feels treasured they respond in kind. You frequented dating sites? Why, when you were already married. Why not spend that time loving your wife?

Sorry to say, but there are 2 sides to this story. I think anyone who read your post well enough would also be reading between the lines.

Okay everyone. Whenever I post like this I get bashed, so bash away, I am prepared.

I, too, was surprised by the $ given to the family upfront and the thought that the expectation would change simply because the wife in question is now in the US.

[Ngoc-Anh 1]

sorry to hear about your situation.