Getting married after visa has expired or calling off engagement

[justsomebody 0]

Ok, here is my 2 cents. There is no such thing as anything perfect, so no perfect relationship exist. People have problems sometimes and problems can be solved. None of us here have all the facts of the problems in this relationship and we are only hearing 1 side. We do not know what is happening in the fiance's head to cause any of his actions. We don't even know what his actions were other than the vague "not nice, cruel, and mean". Who knows what really happened? Maybe he was having a stressful time at work. Maybe there are money problems that he doesn't want to reveal and it comes out a different way verbally. So, don't be so quick to rush to judgment about a situation when you don't even know 10% of facts.

From a pure logical view point, I would say that she should get married. As bad as it is, there is always divorce if things don't work out. So it is not as if marriage is the end of choices. If it does turn out that he is abusive later on in the marriage, then this is what divorce was designed for. The flip side is if she doesn't get married, she will never know if she lost the man she wanted to be with.

I think everyone should keep in mind that the man has a lot to lose as well if a divorce happens, half of his things. I think she should point out to him before the marriage that if things return to an unbearable state that she will file for divorce and take half of all his things and return to her country. If he still agrees to the marriage, then this is good reason to have some trust in his change.

Marriage can be a very stressful time for men. It is a major change in a person's life. Living together with another person for the first time can add new stress for someone unprepared. Only time and two people finding solutions together can solve some of these issues in life.

And like other people already said, you will have already over-stayed your visa, so take a few more days if you need before getting married.

I hope and pray that you can be strong and find peace in your heart with whatever decision you make.

[pushbrk 12,092]

Ok, here is my 2 cents. There is no such thing as anything perfect, so no perfect relationship exist. People have problems sometimes and problems can be solved. None of us here have all the facts of the problems in this relationship and we are only hearing 1 side. We do not know what is happening in the fiance's head to cause any of his actions. We don't even know what his actions were other than the vague "not nice, cruel, and mean". Who knows what really happened? Maybe he was having a stressful time at work. Maybe there are money problems that he doesn't want to reveal and it comes out a different way verbally. So, don't be so quick to rush to judgment about a situation when you don't even know 10% of facts.

From a pure logical view point, I would say that she should get married. As bad as it is, there is always divorce if things don't work out. So it is not as if marriage is the end of choices. If it does turn out that he is abusive later on in the marriage, then this is what divorce was designed for. The flip side is if she doesn't get married, she will never know if she lost the man she wanted to be with.

I think everyone should keep in mind that the man has a lot to lose as well if a divorce happens, half of his things. I think she should point out to him before the marriage that if things return to an unbearable state that she will file for divorce and take half of all his things and return to her country. If he still agrees to the marriage, then this is good reason to have some trust in his change.

Marriage can be a very stressful time for men. It is a major change in a person's life. Living together with another person for the first time can add new stress for someone unprepared. Only time and two people finding solutions together can solve some of these issues in life.

And like other people already said, you will have already over-stayed your visa, so take a few more days if you need before getting married.

I hope and pray that you can be strong and find peace in your heart with whatever decision you make.

All good but the overstay would begin on the 26th. This is only the 23rd.

[justsomebody 0]

Ok, here is my 2 cents. There is no such thing as anything perfect, so no perfect relationship exist. People have problems sometimes and problems can be solved. None of us here have all the facts of the problems in this relationship and we are only hearing 1 side. We do not know what is happening in the fiance's head to cause any of his actions. We don't even know what his actions were other than the vague "not nice, cruel, and mean". Who knows what really happened? Maybe he was having a stressful time at work. Maybe there are money problems that he doesn't want to reveal and it comes out a different way verbally. So, don't be so quick to rush to judgment about a situation when you don't even know 10% of facts.

From a pure logical view point, I would say that she should get married. As bad as it is, there is always divorce if things don't work out. So it is not as if marriage is the end of choices. If it does turn out that he is abusive later on in the marriage, then this is what divorce was designed for. The flip side is if she doesn't get married, she will never know if she lost the man she wanted to be with.

I think everyone should keep in mind that the man has a lot to lose as well if a divorce happens, half of his things. I think she should point out to him before the marriage that if things return to an unbearable state that she will file for divorce and take half of all his things and return to her country. If he still agrees to the marriage, then this is good reason to have some trust in his change.

Marriage can be a very stressful time for men. It is a major change in a person's life. Living together with another person for the first time can add new stress for someone unprepared. Only time and two people finding solutions together can solve some of these issues in life.

And like other people already said, you will have already over-stayed your visa, so take a few more days if you need before getting married.

I hope and pray that you can be strong and find peace in your heart with whatever decision you make.

All good but the overstay would begin on the 26th. This is only the 23rd.

Yes, I understand that she currently has not over-stayed her visa. But, based on her previous post, by the time she would get married, she will have already over-stayed.

"will have", has not happened yet.

[Piyanet&Dan 0]

Ok, here is my 2 cents. There is no such thing as anything perfect, so no perfect relationship exist. People have problems sometimes and problems can be solved. None of us here have all the facts of the problems in this relationship and we are only hearing 1 side. We do not know what is happening in the fiance's head to cause any of his actions. We don't even know what his actions were other than the vague "not nice, cruel, and mean". Who knows what really happened? Maybe he was having a stressful time at work. Maybe there are money problems that he doesn't want to reveal and it comes out a different way verbally. So, don't be so quick to rush to judgment about a situation when you don't even know 10% of facts.

From a pure logical view point, I would say that she should get married. As bad as it is, there is always divorce if things don't work out. So it is not as if marriage is the end of choices. If it does turn out that he is abusive later on in the marriage, then this is what divorce was designed for. The flip side is if she doesn't get married, she will never know if she lost the man she wanted to be with.

I think everyone should keep in mind that the man has a lot to lose as well if a divorce happens, half of his things. I think she should point out to him before the marriage that if things return to an unbearable state that she will file for divorce and take half of all his things and return to her country. If he still agrees to the marriage, then this is good reason to have some trust in his change.

Marriage can be a very stressful time for men. It is a major change in a person's life. Living together with another person for the first time can add new stress for someone unprepared. Only time and two people finding solutions together can solve some of these issues in life.

And like other people already said, you will have already over-stayed your visa, so take a few more days if you need before getting married.

I hope and pray that you can be strong and find peace in your heart with whatever decision you make.

WOW- So this is what is in your head. May I ask you what you brought to the marriage?

Maybe he should get half of your things?

[justsomebody 0]

Ok, here is my 2 cents. There is no such thing as anything perfect, so no perfect relationship exist. People have problems sometimes and problems can be solved. None of us here have all the facts of the problems in this relationship and we are only hearing 1 side. We do not know what is happening in the fiance's head to cause any of his actions. We don't even know what his actions were other than the vague "not nice, cruel, and mean". Who knows what really happened? Maybe he was having a stressful time at work. Maybe there are money problems that he doesn't want to reveal and it comes out a different way verbally. So, don't be so quick to rush to judgment about a situation when you don't even know 10% of facts.

From a pure logical view point, I would say that she should get married. As bad as it is, there is always divorce if things don't work out. So it is not as if marriage is the end of choices. If it does turn out that he is abusive later on in the marriage, then this is what divorce was designed for. The flip side is if she doesn't get married, she will never know if she lost the man she wanted to be with.

I think everyone should keep in mind that the man has a lot to lose as well if a divorce happens, half of his things. I think she should point out to him before the marriage that if things return to an unbearable state that she will file for divorce and take half of all his things and return to her country. If he still agrees to the marriage, then this is good reason to have some trust in his change.

Marriage can be a very stressful time for men. It is a major change in a person's life. Living together with another person for the first time can add new stress for someone unprepared. Only time and two people finding solutions together can solve some of these issues in life.

And like other people already said, you will have already over-stayed your visa, so take a few more days if you need before getting married.

I hope and pray that you can be strong and find peace in your heart with whatever decision you make.

WOW- So this is what is in your head. May I ask you what you brought to the marriage?

Maybe he should get half of your things?

This is not in my head, this is the law on paper, in black and white. My point is for her to understand that if a man is ready to make a commitment of marriage understanding what there is to lose if he does not treat her right, might bring some confidence to her and allow her to make a better decision about trusting him.

I am simply showing the facts so a decision can be made clearly.

Who cares what is in my head? This is not about me. What are you talking about? What did I bring to the marriage. We are talking about 2 people that are not married yet, not me. No other man is going to get half of my things, because I am not going to marry a man. I am a man. But through experience of divorce myself, I can tell you that the law is pretty clear. In divorce things get split 50/50 is most cases unless each person decides differently.

[Johana&Jared 0]

You assume too much, my visa hasn't expired yet, and I actually have already bought the ticket to return to my country, the ticket is bought for tomorrow, so don't assume too much without reading carefully.

Yeah, at this point, I suggest you go on back and start all over again if necessary.

Since you didn't marry with the original K-1 and it expired long ago, you are way out of status.

Start again? They can still adjust, just not based on the K1.

She's not even sure she wants to marry the guy.

Don't do it!!!! Don't get married, I mean. I know from experience (friends', luckily never my own) that if a boyfriend is cruel to you, it will only get worse with time. All relationships have their problems, and we all say and do things we don't mean, but if you don't trust him in your gut, I would really really pay attention to that and definately return to finish your studies. Believe me, most people don't change when it comes to these things, they only get worse.

Sorry if that sounds pessimistic, but it's my experience. Take care and I'm sorry that things didn't work out as you were hoping.

[Johana&Jared 0]

msmuth, I really appreciate your advice and nice post. I think it was full of wisdom and so does my fiance, who happened to read it. If you want to hear briefly a part of the story, from his perspective, yes, financial stress and stress caused by his job and other situations going on made him act that way but it didn't mean he meant to be like that on purpose. We do love one another, but are just confused for how things went those first 2 months, we wish to have more time to see how things would work out in better conditions, we do wish to be with one another, so we thought that we should get married after all and see how things went after agreements from both sides to help the relationship. Now, the legal issue, we have time against us, I actually like my country a lot and I miss my family and my school there, too, but my fiance became my priority. Yeah, life is not a bed of roses. We got a marriage license today and were told we could go to see a judge tomorrow and ask for a waiver so we can get married during the 90 days of my K1 visa.

We do hope it will work, I don't think marriage guarantees anything anyway, for anyone, it's something you continuously work on through life and at least I'm sure of it. Now, about the divorce, it sounds though to me to think about it since I'm not married yet, but I particularly don't think one should get half of the goods the other person has, unless there are devastating reasons like betrayal or infidelity, or the like, or perhaps if there are children that will need the money. Don't think it is actually fair to stick to that law and even though I've given up lots of things for this relationship, such as scholarships, education, family, friends and country, I think that law you have in the US, of 50/50 is unfair, unless you both worked somehow to get the things during the marriage =/

Anyway, thanks for your advice, and I certainly hope you are just doing good, too.

[justsomebody 0]

msmuth, I really appreciate your advice and nice post. I think it was full of wisdom and so does my fiance, who happened to read it. If you want to hear briefly a part of the story, from his perspective, yes, financial stress and stress caused by his job and other situations going on made him act that way but it didn't mean he meant to be like that on purpose. We do love one another, but are just confused for how things went those first 2 months, we wish to have more time to see how things would work out in better conditions, we do wish to be with one another, so we thought that we should get married after all and see how things went after agreements from both sides to help the relationship. Now, the legal issue, we have time against us, I actually like my country a lot and I miss my family and my school there, too, but my fiance became my priority. Yeah, life is not a bed of roses. We got a marriage license today and were told we could go to see a judge tomorrow and ask for a waiver so we can get married during the 90 days of my K1 visa.

We do hope it will work, I don't think marriage guarantees anything anyway, for anyone, it's something you continuously work on through life and at least I'm sure of it. Now, about the divorce, it sounds though to me to think about it since I'm not married yet, but I particularly don't think one should get half of the goods the other person has, unless there are devastating reasons like betrayal or infidelity, or the like, or perhaps if there are children that will need the money. Don't think it is actually fair to stick to that law and even though I've given up lots of things for this relationship, such as scholarships, education, family, friends and country, I think that law you have in the US, of 50/50 is unfair, unless you both worked somehow to get the things during the marriage =/

Anyway, thanks for your advice, and I certainly hope you are just doing good, too.

Johana,

I know that we are getting off of your main subject, but I just wanted to let you know that i agree with you. I also don't believe that everything should be split 50/50 just because that is the law. You are right, everything should be looked at as far as who contributed what in the marriage. Sometimes it is not so easy to put a monetary value on feelings and to quantify the importance of what what one person thinks something should be versus the other. Hopefully you never need to think about or talk about divorce your entire life. Grow old together. When you are too old to do much, sit together and smile talking about all your memories together, vacations you took together, the crazy things your children did. Enjoy life together and prioritize what you let consume your thoughts. Your thoughts will dictate your feelings and affect everyone around you. Make a choice to not stay angry over the small things because it is always better to be happy. And when those bad times happen, use the memories of the good times to drown the bad things out. Never stop talking and never go to bed angry.

Take care. Hugs.

[Singers 0]

Well, the shortest answer to your question is no. They cannot remain in the US if they do not marry the petitioner within 90 days. They should go home but since nobody is around to enfore this many remain illegally accumulating days as an "overstay"

This case is more straightforward as it is the same petitioner. It becomes more complicated if they want to marrya DIFFERENT person.

It's actually not complicated at all - if they marry someone else - they cannot adjust status - they must go home & apply for the appropriate visa.

In the case of the OP - there might be an overstay involved - but generally that is forgiven when/if they marry the USC.

LAL has a good handle on this. All the speculation and assuming don't help.

1. The K1 isn't expiring, the I-94 is. The K1 was dead on arrival in the USA.

2. They can marry later and file the I-130 concurrent with an I-485. Until they do, she's accumulating some overstay. there's no hurry to marry but to preserve her ability to return to the US without penalty, she'll need to either marry the original petitioner or leave within 180 days of the I-94 expiry. Leaving after 180 days would incur a ban from entering the USA.

My advice is to take some additional time and make a decision you're comfortable with but keep the 180 days in mind.

Who said I was speculating? It DOES become more complicated if they marry someone else. As LAL said they cannot adjust status they must return home first. That doesn't even touch on the fact they might have accumulated enough days to trigger a ban. It only takes 181 days. From the ban you then need a waiver if you don't want to wait it out... that to me is complicated.

Edited July 24, 2008 by Singers

[crs 0]

Guys,

I think the point is that she has been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years, moved to the US after getting her K1 visa more or less in May 2008, and now (July, 2 months after coming) she wants to break up with him and move back to Peru.

She is wondering what she has to do to call off the wedding or if she can just move back to Peru.

I think the 2 years were referred to: 1) she was in a relationship for 2 years, but got her visa about 2 months ago

2) she has 2 more years

I think she doesnt have to do anything: just move back to Peru and in case you decide at some point to marry this guy again just apply for a K1 again.

Good luck and sorry it did not work out!

[Susita 175]

mija.... ya tú sabes como me siento, te mereces mucho mucho mejor y aunque piensas que es sincero, y probablemente es sincero lo que dice, quiero que sepas que tienes una amiga por ahí por si acaso las cosas se ponen peor, ya sabes a quién puedes llamar...

desafortunadamente, según lo que me constaste, no estoy de acuerdo con tu decisión, no es que quiero que te vayas a Perú, pero quiero que alguien te trate como te mereces.

me gustó lo que dijo alguien sobre esos 180 días... quizás uds deben esperar un poquito más para saber si realmente ha cambiado su actitud o si de repente, sigue con lo mismo...

cuidate Johana,

Susy

[pushbrk 12,092]

Well, the shortest answer to your question is no. They cannot remain in the US if they do not marry the petitioner within 90 days. They should go home but since nobody is around to enfore this many remain illegally accumulating days as an "overstay"

This case is more straightforward as it is the same petitioner. It becomes more complicated if they want to marrya DIFFERENT person.

It's actually not complicated at all - if they marry someone else - they cannot adjust status - they must go home & apply for the appropriate visa.

In the case of the OP - there might be an overstay involved - but generally that is forgiven when/if they marry the USC.

LAL has a good handle on this. All the speculation and assuming don't help.

1. The K1 isn't expiring, the I-94 is. The K1 was dead on arrival in the USA.

2. They can marry later and file the I-130 concurrent with an I-485. Until they do, she's accumulating some overstay. there's no hurry to marry but to preserve her ability to return to the US without penalty, she'll need to either marry the original petitioner or leave within 180 days of the I-94 expiry. Leaving after 180 days would incur a ban from entering the USA.

My advice is to take some additional time and make a decision you're comfortable with but keep the 180 days in mind.

Who said I was speculating? It DOES become more complicated if they marry someone else. As LAL said they cannot adjust status they must return home first. That doesn't even touch on the fact they might have accumulated enough days to trigger a ban. It only takes 181 days. From the ban you then need a waiver if you don't want to wait it out... that to me is complicated.

I agree with you. The speculation to which I referred, came from other posters. My response was to LAL. You just happened to post immidiately previous.

[NickD 202]

As an engineer, always had to analyze failures, my first marriage was no exception, but the first thing I learned and had to admit, my mating IQ was about 1.38, had to do some learning.

First thing I learned was if you have any doubts whatsoever, keep on looking, and if there is anything you want to change about a potential mate, keep on looking. Marriage does not change anything, at least not for the better, but definitely for the worst.

Perhaps the most important parameter of all, is trust, if you cannot trust your potential mate in all ways, forget it, either that trust comes early in a relationship and grows with time or gets worse, if it gets worse, keep on looking.

Could any of us live with a perfect person, and that would be strictly by definition as to what a perfect person is. My wife has her faults, but those faults make up her personality that I wouldn't change for the world, but she also has her strengths. And the two of us complement each other, in mathematical terms, she is one, and I am one, but one plus one does not equal two, but a much greater number. When faced with day in and day out problems, the two of together come up with solutions that neither one of us would ever come up with separately, even if there were two each of us. You should be looking for that kind of compatibility in a mate. After six years, we have yet to have a major agreement, but do have a lot of teasing between us, and always in a humorous fashion.

Physical attraction is equally importantt, what popped into my head and she inspired it, was if I walked into a ballroom with a thousand beautiful women, would walk directly to you and ask you to dance. LOL, pretty good line, eh? It works and you guys are welcome to use it. But I meant it in deep sincerity, seems like a miracle from God to meet a person like that and she says the same about me.

Assume the OP is here on a student visa, and not really difficult to assume that her boyfriend met somebody, was dumped, and she was better than nothing. But you know the definition of assume, ###-u-me.

Gosh thousands of girls in my life, high school, military, college, work, after my divorce and getting my life back together again never really clicked in with any one of them, well maybe one, but she was killed in an automotive accident, perhaps marrying my ex was an act of desperation. Did join singles clubs,dating clubs, etc., but came up with zero already learned the hard way how desperation works. Do not recommend it.

Said the heck with women until quite by accident met my wife on the internet of all things, somehow got this strange feeling she was the one I was searching for all my life. We developed a deep platonic relationship, but both had our doubts about that biological attraction that scientists are trying to figure out today. That attraction was instant the first time we met. But we were over 4,500 miles apart, after over nine months of this, finally said we have to meet, thanks to phone cards was calling her every night. She was able to get a tourist visa and I sent her money for a plane ticket. We spent as much time together as work would permit for the next year. She also had a low marriage IQ and just wanted to be sure as I did.

But then the USCIS entered our lives, need I say more? Had to wait another very long year before we could get married and finally be together. Parting was not such sweet sour, was darn right painful. When we wake up in the morning, still tell her I cannot believe she is here and she never gets tired of hearing that. Many of us have found our true love on the other side of the world, do not limit your searches to the girl or guy next door. There is somebody on this planet that God made especially for you.

[*JG* 2]

You assume too much, my visa hasn't expired yet, and I actually have already bought the ticket to return to my country, the ticket is bought for tomorrow, so don't assume too much without reading carefully.

Yeah, at this point, I suggest you go on back and start all over again if necessary.

Since you didn't marry with the original K-1 and it expired long ago, you are way out of status.

Start again? They can still adjust, just not based on the K1.

She's not even sure she wants to marry the guy.

Don't do it!!!! Don't get married, I mean. I know from experience (friends', luckily never my own) that if a boyfriend is cruel to you, it will only get worse with time. All relationships have their problems, and we all say and do things we don't mean, but if you don't trust him in your gut, I would really really pay attention to that and definately return to finish your studies. Believe me, most people don't change when it comes to these things, they only get worse.

Sorry if that sounds pessimistic, but it's my experience. Take care and I'm sorry that things didn't work out as you were hoping.

It was not assuming. It was misreading. No need to get snarky.

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

You assume too much, my visa hasn't expired yet, and I actually have already bought the ticket to return to my country, the ticket is bought for tomorrow, so don't assume too much without reading carefully.

We got a marriage license today and were told we could go to see a judge tomorrow and ask for a waiver so we can get married during the 90 days of my K1 visa.

So which did you decide on? One of your posts said that you bought the ticket to go home, than 30 minutes later that you guys are deciding to get married?

90 days is a short period of time, but its short for a reason. Its just to come to get married. Some people have relationship or adjusting issues and then the getting married part gets put off. Its cause the relationship wasn't ready, still needed some working on, or perhaps changes evolved with a country switch. We all know its no piece of cake.

Personally, I don't think people should change for marriage. If they do, they resent it and go back to their old ways anyway in a matter of time. I think that's why we have such a high divorce rate. You should be able to be who you want to be, the more contstraints a relationship puts on you, the more chances it will fail.

Good luck to the OP in whatever you decide. Personally, I'd go home.