Decoding Dictionary

[Melo 1]

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish = 49

Adventurous = Slept with everyone.

Athletic = No breasts.

Average looking = Mooooooo.

Beautiful = Pathological liar.

Emotionally Secure = On medication.

Feminist = Fat.

Free spirit = Junkie.

Friendship first = Former sl*t.

New-Age = Body hair in the wrong places.

Old-fashioned = No BJs.

Open-minded = Desperate.

Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing.

Professional = B*tch.

Voluptuous = Very Fat.

Large frame = Hugely Fat.

Wants Soul mate = Stalker.

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

[Welshcookie 17]

true....

[Angelica 0]

[iceyspots 0]

[aussiewench 9]

I had to laugh at the first lot....if I pick all the words that relate to me......and being honest.....they would be.......

Open-minded - Outgoing - Voluptuous (Im curvy ) - Free spirit - Wants Soul mate - Emotionally Secure - Adventurous - Old-fashioned

Which equates to....

That I am a Desperate, Loud and Embarrassing Very Fat Junkie Stalker who is On Medication that Sleeps with everyone but gives No BJs

[silvanski 1]

I had to laugh at the first lot....if I pick all the words that relate to me......and being honest.....they would be.......

Open-minded - Outgoing - Voluptuous (Im curvy ) - Free spirit - Wants Soul mate - Emotionally Secure - Adventurous - Old-fashioned

Which equates to....

That I am a Desperate, Loud and Embarrassing Very Fat Junkie Stalker who is On Medication that Sleeps with everyone but gives No BJs

brooohahahahaha wenchie

[MichelleandCraig 1]

:lol: Well Wenchie...without actually KNOWING...I think we can safely eliminate at least a few of those.......

funnyyyy post!!

[rooster 1]

With a name like aussieWENCH, I somehow doubt the accuracy of THAT decoding!!!!

[Indo_mommy 0]

OMG

[almaty 19]

I had to laugh at the first lot....if I pick all the words that relate to me......and being honest.....they would be.......

Open-minded - Outgoing - Voluptuous (Im curvy ) - Free spirit - Wants Soul mate - Emotionally Secure - Adventurous - Old-fashioned

Which equates to....

That I am a Desperate, Loud and Embarrassing Very Fat Junkie Stalker who is On Medication that Sleeps with everyone but gives No BJs

you sure about the lack of bj sister lorelle?

[Cristy 4]

[Melo 1]

I had to laugh at the first lot....if I pick all the words that relate to me......and being honest.....they would be.......

Open-minded - Outgoing - Voluptuous (Im curvy ) - Free spirit - Wants Soul mate - Emotionally Secure - Adventurous - Old-fashioned

Which equates to....

That I am a Desperate, Loud and Embarrassing Very Fat Junkie Stalker who is On Medication that Sleeps with everyone but gives No BJs

[iceyspots 0]

[aussiewench 9]

:lol: Well Wenchie...without actually KNOWING...I think we can safely eliminate at least a few of those.......

funnyyyy post!!

Only a few you say

I would hope I wasnt any of the decoded ones hahahaha

[Jaylen Brit 1]

You have probably seen these before but they are funny

1. "Fine" This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they

are right, but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes" This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing" "Nothing" means something, and you should be on your toes. "Nothing"

is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a

few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh" This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement.Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot, and she wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

7. "Soft Sigh" Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few

things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh" This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay" This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do" This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks" The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meanings. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot" "Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman

willsay "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the"Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

13. "We'll See" This is one of the most notorious statements, equivalent to saying "No," that has ever been put on a woman's lips. If you ever think "We'll See" might mean there is a possibility, you have a better chance of bin Laden becoming president of the United States.