How is it possible!!

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

You can have all the high values in the world and the best of intentions when you marry...things happen. It has become easier to (change) relationships here but there usually is more of a reason than im just tired of them....you cant plan ahead for things not known....i doubt anyone marrys with the thought in the back of their mind, oh well if it dont work i can divorce..In the olden days women stayed in abusive marriages because they had no where else to go, now they dont have to accept this and are more capable to care for themselves and their children. Life is not really something taught its an experience.

I agree most women stayed in abusive relationships long ago because of the shame of being divorced and the fear of not being able to support herself and or children. There is no shame anymore to be divorced in America, as this thread was started with a comment about divorce parties. There is no shame in most things that used to be considered bad long ago here.

If someone is in an abusive relationship and the abuser won't change then yes get out or if one spouse is cheating but why is their such an increase in divorce? Are people cheating and abusing more now?

[Ban Hammer 12,835]

Divorced, when is the time, which is a hard question. For me I lasted 23 years, that is a sentence really, did my best. I knew he had cheated on me, never caught him, but just a feeling. He drank the entire 23 years of our marriage, and a couple of slaps for good measure, oh and after he retires from the navy, he became a cop. Wonderful, yes, than one night, I try to go to our office in the house; he has it locked, with him inside the room. So finally he opens the door, and my ex being drunk forgets to wipe out the memory on the computer, I go and bring it up. OMG, I will never forget that feeling of seeing for yourself, I was sick, and that was the point where I decided to leave, or course when he threaten to kill me and dump me that help also. Long term relationships are hard, but with an alcoholic it becomes impossible. It really is something that person decides for themselves, can’t really tell you where your break point is. Cheating, beating, and drinking all helped to end my marriage.

just outta curosity, did you get part of his military retirement?

for me, divorce was easy when i found out she didn't like to fish.

[morocco4ever 63]

You can have all the high values in the world and the best of intentions when you marry...things happen. It has become easier to (change) relationships here but there usually is more of a reason than im just tired of them....you cant plan ahead for things not known....i doubt anyone marrys with the thought in the back of their mind, oh well if it dont work i can divorce..In the olden days women stayed in abusive marriages because they had no where else to go, now they dont have to accept this and are more capable to care for themselves and their children. Life is not really something taught its an experience.

I agree most women stayed in abusive relationships long ago because of the shame of being divorced and the fear of not being able to support herself and or children. There is no shame anymore to be divorced in America, as this thread was started with a comment about divorce parties. There is no shame in most things that used to be considered bad long ago here.

If someone is in an abusive relationship and the abuser won't change then yes get out or if one spouse is cheating but why is their such an increase in divorce? Are people cheating and abusing more now?

Unfortunately I do believe that some couples go into this with the thought that "if it doesn't work I can just get a divorce". I had a friend do that once. She announced to me the night before her wedding that she thinks she is making a mistake, and that she still loves her ex bf. My advice was to cancel the wedding and find out what is in her heart. She said she can't because her dad had already spent a lot of money for the wedding. Now this may sound like a young girls response, but she was in her 30's and it was her second marriage. She followed through with the marriage and had filed for a divorce within a week. How crazy is that????

[SaadBell 0]

Unfortunately I do believe that some couples go into this with the thought that "if it doesn't work I can just get a divorce". I had a friend do that once. She announced to me the night before her wedding that she thinks she is making a mistake, and that she still loves her ex bf. My advice was to cancel the wedding and find out what is in her heart. She said she can't because her dad had already spent a lot of money for the wedding. Now this may sound like a young girls response, but she was in her 30's and it was her second marriage. She followed through with the marriage and had filed for a divorce within a week. How crazy is that????

Wow, that is ballsey, maybe she just likes the cermoney or somthing.

No I got nothing of my husbands retirement, suppose to, but I never pushed him for it, he may give me $100 a month. I left him the home, all of the assets, I walked away with the clothes on my back and my daughter. I still get upset thinking about it, but I guess that is how life is. I have to believe that what comes around goes around.

[sarahaziz 0]

I watched movies/tv and my friends crying about being cheated on. Oh my I can't even begin to start with what pain I would have if that happened to me. I still remember my friend crying about her divorce she's so young like 22. I love her so much I hope God blesses her and all the women who have gone thru that #######. I see it makes women stronger tho after a divorce. I just can't picture how divorce happens. I hope it's bec I'm with something that will last forever.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

You can have all the high values in the world and the best of intentions when you marry...things happen. It has become easier to (change) relationships here but there usually is more of a reason than im just tired of them....you cant plan ahead for things not known....i doubt anyone marrys with the thought in the back of their mind, oh well if it dont work i can divorce..In the olden days women stayed in abusive marriages because they had no where else to go, now they dont have to accept this and are more capable to care for themselves and their children. Life is not really something taught its an experience.

I agree most women stayed in abusive relationships long ago because of the shame of being divorced and the fear of not being able to support herself and or children. There is no shame anymore to be divorced in America, as this thread was started with a comment about divorce parties. There is no shame in most things that used to be considered bad long ago here.

If someone is in an abusive relationship and the abuser won't change then yes get out or if one spouse is cheating but why is their such an increase in divorce? Are people cheating and abusing more now?

Unfortunately I do believe that some couples go into this with the thought that "if it doesn't work I can just get a divorce". I had a friend do that once. She announced to me the night before her wedding that she thinks she is making a mistake, and that she still loves her ex bf. My advice was to cancel the wedding and find out what is in her heart. She said she can't because her dad had already spent a lot of money for the wedding. Now this may sound like a young girls response, but she was in her 30's and it was her second marriage. She followed through with the marriage and had filed for a divorce within a week. How crazy is that????

I think her father would have understood if she explained to him before the wedding. I know we will teach our child by example and explain to him that marriage is forever so make his choice wisely. Be respectful with girls and treat them nicely but do not let them walk all over you. If they are not good to you walk away well before you are close to marriage. People typically don't change their character so if this is what you think will change after marriage think again.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

No i dont think the cheating, lieing, drinking or anything else is less or more. It was all there many many years ago, just not talked about AT ALL, men were the rulers and providers (period) end of the discussion, this was the way everyone was brought up generation to generation, Actually alot has to do with the women getting these rights now i think> The right to choose where you work, the right to choose who you marry really because long ago that was decided for you and you complied and you stayed no matter what. (some at age 13) Women can have babies now, they dont have to marry the man, years ago it was expected you married him and agin you had no choices. Now you work where you want, live where you want and if you decide to marry you find who you feel would make a good life partner based on the standards you have for your life.

Now you marry this person, the new is gone, he doesnt show the same respect to you so of course you dont return. There are 10 million cases on the computer talk to any married man and he will tell you the same story of how hes not happy at home......why? The thing is that wife probably isnt either, but shes probably the one trying to make things better.....before you know it one of them strays...what interest (whichever one ) had in the marriage is now replaced by this (other) newer, more exciting person.....things just fall apart. Why such a increase? because we can, we dont have to tolerate anything...but as i said once before on here the grass is not always greener on the other side, all grass is green at one time, but given time it will also have weeds....pull the weed get rid of it and keep working on the lawn. If after a time you see its impossible to kill all those weeds and they keep coming back you dig up the grass and plant a new brand or pour concrete ha sorry it just sliped out it is a serious subject and i see it in my young marrying age kids each one have had their problems but it wasnt something i could teach them or prepare them for, they just had to experience it

[Ban Hammer 12,835]

Unfortunately I do believe that some couples go into this with the thought that "if it doesn't work I can just get a divorce". I had a friend do that once. She announced to me the night before her wedding that she thinks she is making a mistake, and that she still loves her ex bf. My advice was to cancel the wedding and find out what is in her heart. She said she can't because her dad had already spent a lot of money for the wedding. Now this may sound like a young girls response, but she was in her 30's and it was her second marriage. She followed through with the marriage and had filed for a divorce within a week. How crazy is that????

Wow, that is ballsey, maybe she just likes the cermoney or somthing.

No I got nothing of my husbands retirement, suppose to, but I never pushed him for it, he may give me $100 a month. I left him the home, all of the assets, I walked away with the clothes on my back and my daughter. I still get upset thinking about it, but I guess that is how life is. I have to believe that what comes around goes around.

if you were married for 23 years and over half of that time was while he was active duty, you have a very good claim to his military retirement and it should be stated in your divorce decree. if it is, this is not something he pays to you. the court should send a letter to dfas cleveland and inform them of it. if you need the cleveland address let me know.

eta: you should be getting at least half of his retirement btw if you were married for that long, i'm guessing that about 20 of it was while he was active duty.

Edited April 16, 2008 by charlesandnessa

[djcess 0]

when the nagging won't stop....

[brnidokiegurl 0]

You can have all the high values in the world and the best of intentions when you marry...things happen. It has become easier to (change) relationships here but there usually is more of a reason than im just tired of them....you cant plan ahead for things not known....i doubt anyone marrys with the thought in the back of their mind, oh well if it dont work i can divorce..In the olden days women stayed in abusive marriages because they had no where else to go, now they dont have to accept this and are more capable to care for themselves and their children. Life is not really something taught its an experience.

I agree most women stayed in abusive relationships long ago because of the shame of being divorced and the fear of not being able to support herself and or children. There is no shame anymore to be divorced in America, as this thread was started with a comment about divorce parties. There is no shame in most things that used to be considered bad long ago here.

If someone is in an abusive relationship and the abuser won't change then yes get out or if one spouse is cheating but why is their such an increase in divorce? Are people cheating and abusing more now?

Unfortunately I do believe that some couples go into this with the thought that "if it doesn't work I can just get a divorce". I had a friend do that once. She announced to me the night before her wedding that she thinks she is making a mistake, and that she still loves her ex bf. My advice was to cancel the wedding and find out what is in her heart. She said she can't because her dad had already spent a lot of money for the wedding. Now this may sound like a young girls response, but she was in her 30's and it was her second marriage. She followed through with the marriage and had filed for a divorce within a week. How crazy is that????

very and i would say tho not the normal..i think everyone has some doubt ha i know i did but married had 4 kids (then divorced)

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Divorce doesn't happen as a bam! overnight thing. For most people, it's coming over time. For me, I was trying to "fix" it for 5 years, but you can't fix it alone. The other party has to be interested as well. His response to me was, this is just how it's gonna be, learn to live with it. I realized I couldn't learn to live with it. After a year of counseling, I was strong enough to walk away and start over. I don't regret doing it. It was necessary for both me and my child. After I left, it took two more years of counseling to be functioning and fully "alive" again. I'm horribly horribly sorry for what it meant for my daughter and she has been growing out of it and dealing so much better now. I didn't realize how stunted she was just by being in that relationship in that way. She had no idea what love and marraige is really supposed to be like. Tthere were many many people in my life who were surprised at my divorce and felt that it wasn't a good idea. These same people didn't help me when I was married. Didn't have open doors when my infant and I drove as far away from home as we could, to sleep in the car to feel "safe". But they have opinions now. I dealt with my feelings about them in therapy and now they can all kiss my a$$! BUT, and this is a big but for me, I now find myself talking to women who I see in their eyes what I was dealing with and trying to be a sounding board. Cause those were a lonely 10 years for me and I wish that I had someone to just listen so that I didn't have to feel so alone. No one could fix it or make a decision but me. I just wish someone listened and held me when I cried.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

when the nagging won't stop....

Men too divorce too easily. Women have nagged thoughout history. My mom nagged my father as long as I can remember but he never once wanted a divorce. When he was younger he just walked away and cussed her to himself, after he retired and wasn't able to walk away he would nag her right back. His last year alive she washed him, fed him, and held his hand as he died and they still loved each other. My mom is only mad that he died before her and left her alone but she still loves him.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

havent you even noticed these couples that do fight constantly? this is their LOVE routine, for them its normal, then theres the ones we see all lovely dovey to look at but dont mean a word of it...

[sarahaziz 0]

me and my spouse fight so much it's crazy (we're not face to face yet) we've gone too far with each other in fighting terms but divorce never once comes up it's just too strong of a love. It's so wierd even if we fight we know the other won't stray cuz there's no point why would I give this up for someone else for 5 mins with them! like 2 years ago I always brought up the word divorce if we married and my spouse cried and said that would never happen to us. Death could do us apart but never divorce. I hope divorce stops it's a childish wish but I really hope it would

[SaadBell 0]

I am suppose to get half of the retirement, but don’t push it. I may one day fight for that, but at the time of my divorce I was so used, abused, and sick of the whole thing, I just wanted to hide. In a way the military life was good, I always had medical care, people that supported you, and it was hard not to live that way anymore. I did get something from my husband’s retirement, a plaque, oh yea, that was the ticket for all the time I spent alone on some base waiting for him to come back from some mission. One time he was home all of two weeks in one year. There is something humors though, my ex-husband doing missions in Kuwait, flying on missions, and now, my husband lives in Kuwait. So I went to being the good naval officer wife to women marrying the supposed enemy. I have lost some friends, but, I will be ok. My ex-husband could care less who I marry; he just wants someone to take me away so he doesn’t have to deal with me. He would be happy if I married Bin Laden himself. I still miss the days of being in the military, the friends, the wife’s, sharing and helping each other.