How is it possible!!

[sarahaziz 0]

just side note it's not a personal post it's just reading through all the divorces on here on the whole site/when you listen to people face to face that got me wondering how could something go wrong .

That makes alot of sense that some people marry young and change it's sad but I guess as long as both aren't totally depressed and hurt over the divorce it probably fades away.

[Nutty 2]

Sarah,

In the wrong marriage, things become progressively worse over time. Not better.

I was married before at age 30. We were both in love. BUT sometimes it is not only about "love" but also how our characters co-exist. We constantly clashed over the way our life should be (finances, how to spend our free time, our interests/hobbies differed, one person a homebody the other a barfly)....

So sometimes you can love someone and find you can't share a life with them.

I am good friends with my ex-husband now. He cares for me and me him, but he was never "husband material."

And he still isn't. Too independent and hot headed.

[honeyblonde 0]

I have to agree with the lady who said that her bad marriage had an impact on her child. I think many people have bad marriages because that's all they've seen growing up and don't even know a good marriage can exist. They think they have to put up with someone who doesn't respect them or be alone.

I've been divorced 3 times and never thought I'd be in the kind of marriage I'm in. After 2 1/2 years of marriage everyone we know still calls us newlyweds because we're still deeply in love and it shows. This has had a huge impact on my grown sons lives. Since Abdel and I got married both of my sons have been able to stay in stable relationships. Neither of them are married yet, but they're talking about it. After my experiences they chose to live together first to make sure they really wanted to spend their life with that person. I know I wish I had done that a few times but my religious beliefs at the time prevented me from having that option.

It is sad that divorce exists, but it always will as long as people rush into permanent relationships so they can become sexually active due to religious restrictions, as long as young girls dream of fancy weddings without realizing there is a marriage and life with someone else to follow, as long as lonely people marry someone they know isn't Mr. or Mrs. Right but is Mr. or Mrs. Right Now, as long as single moms marry a man who can support them and their kids even though they don't really love him, as long as older people marry very young people hoping to somehow revive their youth, etc. I am speaking from experience on some of those because some are the reasons for my first 3 marriages.

As parents we can help our children to end up in good marriages by teaching them to be self-sufficient confident adults and by setting an example of having a great marriage.

[morocco4ever 63]

It's funny you say that about being considered newlyweds. My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years now and we feel the same. We still have those butterflies in our stomach when we see each other. After 1 year of my first marriage I wanted a divorce although I held out for 15 years.

As for kids, your right. Staying together for the kids is a lame excuse. My kids were much better after the divorce.

[sarahaziz 0]

It's funny you say that about being considered newlyweds. My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years now and we feel the same. We still have those butterflies in our stomach when we see each other. After 1 year of my first marriage I wanted a divorce although I held out for 15 years.

As for kids, your right. Staying together for the kids is a lame excuse. My kids were much better after the divorce.

I hope we still have those butterflies like yall

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

I have to agree with the lady who said that her bad marriage had an impact on her child. I think many people have bad marriages because that's all they've seen growing up and don't even know a good marriage can exist. They think they have to put up with someone who doesn't respect them or be alone.

I've been divorced 3 times and never thought I'd be in the kind of marriage I'm in. After 2 1/2 years of marriage everyone we know still calls us newlyweds because we're still deeply in love and it shows. This has had a huge impact on my grown sons lives. Since Abdel and I got married both of my sons have been able to stay in stable relationships. Neither of them are married yet, but they're talking about it. After my experiences they chose to live together first to make sure they really wanted to spend their life with that person. I know I wish I had done that a few times but my religious beliefs at the time prevented me from having that option.

It is sad that divorce exists, but it always will as long as people rush into permanent relationships so they can become sexually active due to religious restrictions, as long as young girls dream of fancy weddings without realizing there is a marriage and life with someone else to follow, as long as lonely people marry someone they know isn't Mr. or Mrs. Right but is Mr. or Mrs. Right Now, as long as single moms marry a man who can support them and their kids even though they don't really love him, as long as older people marry very young people hoping to somehow revive their youth, etc. I am speaking from experience on some of those because some are the reasons for my first 3 marriages.

As parents we can help our children to end up in good marriages by teaching them to be self-sufficient confident adults and by setting an example of having a great marriage.

This is what needs to change in the US, parenting.

Also if children are taught that divorce is a bad thing then they also won't rush into marriage.

You said you were married 3 times, why so many mistakes? Is the reason your relationship is good now because you have learned from your mistakes?

I am not trying to be critical, only get to the truth why people are getting divorced so much?

Do people think marriage isn't serious anymore? Is divorce too easy? Do they think their SO will change after marriage? What are the honest reasons?

I would be willing to bet everyone here that has said divorce isn't such a bad thing has been divorced at least once.

Can everyone say if they knew what they know now could they have avoided divorce in their past? Would they have made better choices? Some may say that they dont regret what has happened because of their children possibly but if time turned back to before they met all their ex's would they make better choices and avoid divorce?

[honeyblonde 0]

This is what needs to change in the US, parenting. - I definitely agree with you on this.

Also if children are taught that divorce is a bad thing then they also won't rush into marriage. Not necessarily. I think kids should be taught that marriage isn't just a game, or an escape or any of the other things that people use it for. Teaching that divorce is bad tends to just keep more people in bad situations longer.

You said you were married 3 times, why so many mistakes? Is the reason your relationship is good now because you have learned from your mistakes? I had a very abusive childhood and married for all the wrong reasons. Yes, I definitely think this time I finally understood marriage and got it right. It still isn't easy but now we're both working at it and that makes a huge difference compared to just me trying to make things work.

I am not trying to be critical, only get to the truth why people are getting divorced so much? I don't take your questions as critical. It's good that people try to understand things.

Do people think marriage isn't serious anymore? Is divorce too easy? Do they think their SO will change after marriage? What are the honest reasons? I think all of those are reasons. I also agree with whoever above said that many of our parents didn't divorce for economic or social reasons. In fact, as an economics student I can verify that. We learned in one of our classes that right after no-fault divorce became legal, there was a huge surge in divorces, then it leveled off and actually has been decreasing somewhat since then. That shows that there were a lot of unhappy people who couldn't get out before that time but once those people got out, the number of people unhappily married stabilized and even began to taper off somewhat.

I would be willing to bet everyone here that has said divorce isn't such a bad thing has been divorced at least once. Or maybe they had parents (like mine) who didn't divorce and put their kids through hell because of it.

Can everyone say if they knew what they know now could they have avoided divorce in their past? Would they have made better choices? Some may say that they dont regret what has happened because of their children possibly but if time turned back to before they met all their ex's would they make better choices and avoid divorce? We can't change the past. All of us have 20/20 vision in hindsight.

[Aymsgirl 0]

I have to agree with the lady who said that her bad marriage had an impact on her child. I think many people have bad marriages because that's all they've seen growing up and don't even know a good marriage can exist. They think they have to put up with someone who doesn't respect them or be alone.

I've been divorced 3 times and never thought I'd be in the kind of marriage I'm in. After 2 1/2 years of marriage everyone we know still calls us newlyweds because we're still deeply in love and it shows. This has had a huge impact on my grown sons lives. Since Abdel and I got married both of my sons have been able to stay in stable relationships. Neither of them are married yet, but they're talking about it. After my experiences they chose to live together first to make sure they really wanted to spend their life with that person. I know I wish I had done that a few times but my religious beliefs at the time prevented me from having that option.

It is sad that divorce exists, but it always will as long as people rush into permanent relationships so they can become sexually active due to religious restrictions, as long as young girls dream of fancy weddings without realizing there is a marriage and life with someone else to follow, as long as lonely people marry someone they know isn't Mr. or Mrs. Right but is Mr. or Mrs. Right Now, as long as single moms marry a man who can support them and their kids even though they don't really love him, as long as older people marry very young people hoping to somehow revive their youth, etc. I am speaking from experience on some of those because some are the reasons for my first 3 marriages.

As parents we can help our children to end up in good marriages by teaching them to be self-sufficient confident adults and by setting an example of having a great marriage.

I wouldn't have my kids if it weren't for my ex but I wouldn't be ignorant as I was if I had it to do over again. The signs were there that he was sneaky. I chose to overlook them and that caused humiliation for myself, my children and my family. I think at first the kids were devastated that we split. The still to this day do not know why but when they are old enough when they ask we will pay a visit to him and let him do the explaining. Now my children have adjusted to the divorce as far as I can tell. I will teach them that divorce doesn't have to be the end of the world or all peaches and cream. You need to stand up for what you believe in and how you want to be treated. I did this divorce for them as well as myself. If not, they would have grown to witness in our home some of the awful things he did.

This is what needs to change in the US, parenting.

Also if children are taught that divorce is a bad thing then they also won't rush into marriage.

You said you were married 3 times, why so many mistakes? Is the reason your relationship is good now because you have learned from your mistakes?

I am not trying to be critical, only get to the truth why people are getting divorced so much?

Do people think marriage isn't serious anymore? Is divorce too easy? Do they think their SO will change after marriage? What are the honest reasons?

I would be willing to bet everyone here that has said divorce isn't such a bad thing has been divorced at least once.

Can everyone say if they knew what they know now could they have avoided divorce in their past? Would they have made better choices? Some may say that they dont regret what has happened because of their children possibly but if time turned back to before they met all their ex's would they make better choices and avoid divorce?

[Aymsgirl 0]

Well, poo, it didn't take what I wrote!

I will have to say that I wouldn't have my children if it weren't for my ex. That he did well in doing for me. I would have been on my toes a little more and not thought that my ex would never do what he did, he loves me and life is perfect. I would have probably not put myself through the battle alone as long as I did. My children were devastated when we first split up. They never heard a fight or a bad word between us. When I got a phone call threatening the police I went in the bedroom woke him up and said leave now. My kids never knew he was gone until the next evening when he didn't come home. When it was time for divorce I had to even explain what it would mean to them. They love their dad and I hope that will never change. I did what I did for all of us. I tried to keep it together and couldn't. Our family wasn't important enough for him to stop what sin he was doing. Now my children have adjusted to being in a divorced family and having mom and dad remarry others. I'm sure they will have questions as to why and when that day comes...dad can do the explaining and mom can be there as their shoulder to lean on if need be. I think that divorce is ok, not always the most awful thing somebody can do and not the best but it is life changing and if can be avoided and problems worked through than wonderful if not then life will go on and wounds will hopefully heal.