Internet Love

[Osakeme 0]

Here is your popcorn.

Oh thank you, you're great.

[Awa_Mugu 1]

Ms Idocare, I know you going thru some thing, but get the terminology right. Mugu = big fool.

Off to see the wizard, anyone want some mojo done? To get these men to stay with us. Fill a jelly jar (welch's perferably) with rubbing alcohol, place his picture face down on the jar, place underneath the head of the bed. Let it stay there now, even when he get here. He'll never leave. In order to find out why, ask the question. I'll tell you.

The question has to be, Ms. Awa_Mugu why he won't leave? And I'll tell you.

[*JG* 2]

Ms Idocare, I know you going thru some thing, but get the terminology right. Mugu = big fool.

Off to see the wizard, anyone want some mojo done? To get these men to stay with us. Fill a jelly jar (welch's perferably) with rubbing alcohol, place his picture face down on the jar, place underneath the head of the bed. Let it stay there now, even when he get here. He'll never leave. In order to find out why, ask the question. I'll tell you.

The question has to be, Ms. Awa_Mugu why he won't leave? And I'll tell you.

The question I want to ask is Are you sure it's Rubbing Alcohol? Sounds like you're hitting a bit of the real stuff right now. Crazy talk!

Idocare,

I did not meet my husband on the internet. And I know that you said not to reply if this message does not apply, but oh well ..... I'm replying anyway.

For a period of time I would read your comments, and silently sit back and observe the actions of my husband. Often times I was guilty of over analyzing, or not keeping in mind that this is Idocare's story, not Boaz's. Then ... a few times I started to bottle up with frustration, wondering why in the world you won't let this matter go. At one point I replied to one of your posts by politely acknowledging your pain, and encouraged you to turn the matter over to God, and stop wasting energy on mess.

In the mist of all of this, I've had the privilege of getting to know a few people here on VJ. We regularly email and have lengthy/detailed conversations via telephone. Over the course of communicating with some of my VJ friends, I've learned some horror stories as it applies to this whole immigration matter (irregardless to the country of origin, age of the sponser, educational level, etc.,etc.). Many times I say - 'why don't you post this on VJ, people need to know this?'. Most of the time the response is simply 'no'. As a matter of fact, your story often comes into the conversation.

So in spite of the fact that you've asked that we not reply if this post does not apply to us, I am writing to say 'thank you'. Thank you for your boldness, and unwavering efforts. While your situation is not mine, it is very similar to several memebers of VJ who would rather not publically address the matter. Your situation is not mine, but it does illuminate what takes place behind closed doors of many members of the VJ family. Hopefully, in the long run it will open the eyes to others who may be in similar situations before any damge is done, or feelings are hurt.

Again - thank you for refusing to be silent.

Boaz

P.S. Remember that the battle is not yours, it's the Lord's.

I say this all the time. So tired of watered down VJ. I've always chosen to tell the truth even if I take a lot of flak from others. We can all learn from each other.

[Jenn! 918]

But why keep on saying the same things over and over when you know that it falls on deaf ears? Everyone here thinks their love is a two-way street.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Idocare,

I did not meet my husband on the internet. And I know that you said not to reply if this message does not apply, but oh well ..... I'm replying anyway.

For a period of time I would read your comments, and silently sit back and observe the actions of my husband. Often times I was guilty of over analyzing, or not keeping in mind that this is Idocare's story, not Boaz's. Then ... a few times I started to bottle up with frustration, wondering why in the world you won't let this matter go. At one point I replied to one of your posts by politely acknowledging your pain, and encouraged you to turn the matter over to God, and stop wasting energy on mess.

In the mist of all of this, I've had the privilege of getting to know a few people here on VJ. We regularly email and have lengthy/detailed conversations via telephone. Over the course of communicating with some of my VJ friends, I've learned some horror stories as it applies to this whole immigration matter (irregardless to the country of origin, age of the sponser, educational level, etc.,etc.). Many times I say - 'why don't you post this on VJ, people need to know this?'. Most of the time the response is simply 'no'. As a matter of fact, your story often comes into the conversation.

So in spite of the fact that you've asked that we not reply if this post does not apply to us, I am writing to say 'thank you'. Thank you for your boldness, and unwavering efforts. While your situation is not mine, it is very similar to several memebers of VJ who would rather not publically address the matter. Your situation is not mine, but it does illuminate what takes place behind closed doors of many members of the VJ family. Hopefully, in the long run it will open the eyes to others who may be in similar situations before any damge is done, or feelings are hurt.

Again - thank you for refusing to be silent.

Boaz

P.S. Remember that the battle is not yours, it's the Lord's.

I say this all the time. So tired of watered down VJ. I've always chosen to tell the truth even if I take a lot of flak from others. We can all learn from each other.

I actually don't find VJ to be watered down. But I think this post was different for me, because what I find offensive is the attacking posts....that essentially sound like you're so happy you're blind to your own misery. I immediately shut down, cause you don't know me or mine. But to truly testify, is to tell your story, as a way for others to learn from it. I have seen that done on VJ regularly both in Off Topic and in the Effects of Family Changes (or whatever it's called). This is the first time that I've seen this particular OP do it. And I appreciate it for what it is. If it turns back into, Girl you're man's gonna leave you and you're gonna end up like me, I'll go back on defensive and message LOST!

[Simply_Uno 1]

A lot of people here celebrate valentines day. I heard on news that a lot of people break up during valentines, it is very stressful I guess. A lot are struggling right now and miss their loved ones because of this immigration stuff and may even come to this forum to express that or get cheered up and what a downer to read this. I understand you want to "enlighten people" but no matter what you say a person will not change their course if they are in full steam, so let them have their day. I would have encouraged more the aspect of being strong and happy with yourself or with what you have now than to again post a negative experience and also I would love to hear more about how you have survived and what things you have done to help you get over the pain and anger (has that happened?). There is a powerful illustration......if you want a man to move out his dirty run down shack you will get nowhere by telling him how bad it is and how ugly it is because he will only defend passionately what is his and refuse to budge. However if you build a beautiful home near him and draw his attention to the beauty and cleaness of the new home.....he will on his own see the difference and value and will eventually move out of the shack on his own. Idocare Im sorry about your experience....but maybe you should see someone to help you get over this. A counselor, whether spiritual or professional, if you have not already. I know I would have to if this happened to me (plus I would hire a hit man . But I think honestly, i would have to stay away from this forum because it would remind me too much of the bad aspect. I would try my hardest to find things not related to occupy my mind and heart. Although I know you are a voice that may keep some grounded I wonder if this is detrimental to your letting go and being happy again. Although love is the ultimate high and you crave that high again after its lost...no matter how many people you think you are helping ....you will not find it here.

Im sorry if this will anger you but when I read your post I dont feel enlightened I feel sorry for you and it makes me feel ugly to think of such things. Someone can begin to absorb it and make it a reality when it fact it may not apply to their case. I hope the best for you. But go out and don something for yourself today, meditate or do something positive for others to help you realize beauty in you.

If I am off base here, sorry. But this is what I see and feel when I read your posts.

Valentine's day is another day. I prefer to get a check than a box of candy and senseless card. Considering my SO is in Nigeria I don't expect anything but a flash to call him back. Now you figure if that's a true statement or not.

Now that I am over that, this is an open forum we can post anything that we choose. Now if Ms Idocare want to come on here and vent let her. My goodness she said if it didn't apply then don't reply. Who are you to use a phrase from the Bible but judge this young lady by coming to an open forum to voice her opinion. Why she has to be depressed or that you will anger her by her post? Is it because you have issue of your own? My SO and have discussed her situation and he agree. That others need to know, not to change their mind but to be aware. She's not saying abandon your journey but giving a situation that could happen or may not happen. My God we listen to Oprah. She tell us how to raise our children and don't have any, go figure. Now if it's God's will for her to move on let it be HIS WILL. By suggesting that she seek professional help is a bit too far girlfriend. Maybe you need help suggesting that someone need help. What's type of medical degree you have? You should have just came out and said she was mental. But we do appreciate you being tactful, if that is such a thing regarding your post.

You are a bold woman, to tell her to go out and do something for herself. What are you doing for yourself? Wow! Talking about being arrogant.

Whats up with the man in the shack, girl where you get that from. If want you a man to move out of his dirty run down shack, give him a job or a down payment for a new house or he need to contact Habitat for Humanity.

Part 1 - I just got a flash.

Salutations,

I would like to "interject" my $.07

there is absolutely nothing arrogant about suggesting that someone seeks help to over come their pain. that is gentle encouragement. you don't need a degree to do that, you need compassion and common sense. and why is there so much hostility in your posts towards someone who is obviously attempting to encourage Idocare to embrace and overcome her pains? I would certainly hope in my time of despair and betrayal some one would bring me to the light instead of pushing me further into darkness. but then again, misery does love company...

[Awa_Mugu 1]

A lot of people here celebrate valentines day. I heard on news that a lot of people break up during valentines, it is very stressful I guess. A lot are struggling right now and miss their loved ones because of this immigration stuff and may even come to this forum to express that or get cheered up and what a downer to read this. I understand you want to "enlighten people" but no matter what you say a person will not change their course if they are in full steam, so let them have their day. I would have encouraged more the aspect of being strong and happy with yourself or with what you have now than to again post a negative experience and also I would love to hear more about how you have survived and what things you have done to help you get over the pain and anger (has that happened?). There is a powerful illustration......if you want a man to move out his dirty run down shack you will get nowhere by telling him how bad it is and how ugly it is because he will only defend passionately what is his and refuse to budge. However if you build a beautiful home near him and draw his attention to the beauty and cleaness of the new home.....he will on his own see the difference and value and will eventually move out of the shack on his own. Idocare Im sorry about your experience....but maybe you should see someone to help you get over this. A counselor, whether spiritual or professional, if you have not already. I know I would have to if this happened to me (plus I would hire a hit man . But I think honestly, i would have to stay away from this forum because it would remind me too much of the bad aspect. I would try my hardest to find things not related to occupy my mind and heart. Although I know you are a voice that may keep some grounded I wonder if this is detrimental to your letting go and being happy again. Although love is the ultimate high and you crave that high again after its lost...no matter how many people you think you are helping ....you will not find it here.

Im sorry if this will anger you but when I read your post I dont feel enlightened I feel sorry for you and it makes me feel ugly to think of such things. Someone can begin to absorb it and make it a reality when it fact it may not apply to their case. I hope the best for you. But go out and don something for yourself today, meditate or do something positive for others to help you realize beauty in you.

If I am off base here, sorry. But this is what I see and feel when I read your posts.

Valentine's day is another day. I prefer to get a check than a box of candy and senseless card. Considering my SO is in Nigeria I don't expect anything but a flash to call him back. Now you figure if that's a true statement or not.

Now that I am over that, this is an open forum we can post anything that we choose. Now if Ms Idocare want to come on here and vent let her. My goodness she said if it didn't apply then don't reply. Who are you to use a phrase from the Bible but judge this young lady by coming to an open forum to voice her opinion. Why she has to be depressed or that you will anger her by her post? Is it because you have issue of your own? My SO and have discussed her situation and he agree. That others need to know, not to change their mind but to be aware. She's not saying abandon your journey but giving a situation that could happen or may not happen. My God we listen to Oprah. She tell us how to raise our children and don't have any, go figure. Now if it's God's will for her to move on let it be HIS WILL. By suggesting that she seek professional help is a bit too far girlfriend. Maybe you need help suggesting that someone need help. What's type of medical degree you have? You should have just came out and said she was mental. But we do appreciate you being tactful, if that is such a thing regarding your post.

You are a bold woman, to tell her to go out and do something for herself. What are you doing for yourself? Wow! Talking about being arrogant.

Whats up with the man in the shack, girl where you get that from. If want you a man to move out of his dirty run down shack, give him a job or a down payment for a new house or he need to contact Habitat for Humanity.

Part 1 - I just got a flash.

Salutations,

I would like to "interject" my $.07

there is absolutely nothing arrogant about suggesting that someone seeks help to over come their pain. that is gentle encouragement. you don't need a degree to do that, you need compassion and common sense. and why is there so much hostility in your posts towards someone who is obviously attempting to encourage Idocare to embrace and overcome her pains? I would certainly hope in my time of despair and betrayal some one would bring me to the light instead of pushing me further into darkness.

but then again, misery does love company... You should know.

[Awa_Mugu 1]

Wow! Who's lacking common sense? I can't wait to read this response.

:dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

[Awa_Mugu 1]

Uno,

E je ki n ra epo ki a to bere irin ajo wa.

[Simply_Uno 1]

considering the fact, that ignorance is bliss, have fun.

anytime one has to resort to name calling and instigation and flamming, it reminds me of the loud mouthed bully in a crowd, once he is knocked out, all of his friends skit, skit, scatter. so just know that cyber-bullying is juvenile and UNO is far from miserable. These are my unfailing truths and promises from the God I serve,

I am a Child of The King

No weapon formed against me shall prosper

My stumbling blocks shall become my stepping stones

My father in Heaven did not give me a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

My father in heaven told me to "Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet."

so while you trying to cause an uprising, I read in my bible that "The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good." Psalm 36:3 (fo' ya !)

[Ta Ta 1]

Possible troll alert ! Awa Mugu only started posting today under this ID. It could be anyone trying to start a flame war.

Some posters have more than one ID to egg on their agenda. Whether it is or isn't a troll is for the Admin to figure out through IP's.

Some undercover stuff going on here.

Remember, don't feed the trolls !

[Captain Ewok 1,857]

Uno,

E je ki n ra epo ki a to bere irin ajo wa.

Warning: Please stop any personal attacks. Thanks.

[LovinLiberia 0]

"The question I want to ask is Are you sure it's Rubbing Alcohol? Sounds like you're hitting a bit of the real stuff right now. Crazy talk!"

You stole the words right out of my mouth.

I don't get why "mugu" got so upset with Efia's much needed advice. I agreed 100% with her. I can understand and commend someone for trying to elighten people with their story because we all have a story to share...but sometimes it gets to be too much, especially when people are at their happiest. Idocare, I appreciate you sharing your story with us because we all need to see the other side of this journey, but you seem to share it at the wrong times i.e. Valentine's Day or in a thread where someone is celebrating their visa approval. i think this is why people find you to be bitter and hurt. It kind of seems like you want to steal people's joy, at times. In regards to your posts, I've always said and thought that there is a time and a place to show people the ugly side to this story.

Mugu (why are you hiding behind a new name, anyway?) , I know you are trying to joke and be funny, but it just ain't cool to jump on the put-all-Nigerian-men-down bandwagon. Making fun of "your fiance's" flashing or other cultural habits is tasteless, as well. Efia had a valid right to post how she felt in response to how the OP feels.

Another thing, (this is coming from another thread I read, but since I'm on the subject...) I saw someone mention that there have been several failed marriages since 2004. That may be true, but has anyone taken a tally of the marriages that are still successful and going strong since then? I'm sure you will find just the same amount, if not more, who are still hanging in there.

I smell Troll, too. Also, it could be a regular who just didn't want to speak their mind on their usual ID.

[chispas 0]

Thanks again IDO for your current and past posts. PLEASE READ WITH A CALM SET OF EYES I am one of those who has not posted my story because I truly don't want to feel verbal salt thrown into my still fresh wounds. IDO has been brave in sharing and I will say that most of what she has mentioned, has befallen me in a similar way. Although MY story is ,probably, the mother of all stories I still feel that it is ok to share both the good and the bad with others.

I truly rejoice when a couple has been united and I silently cry when another experiences trauma. I only know one side of the journey, and that is the side that many of us share. My husband knows only his side of the journey, but there is no shortage of people who are more than willing to help him "adjust" or "get ahead" in the US. That being said, I welcome everyone's story because I know we are harder on each other when our relationships hit the skids, than the SO's friends are on them.

This is our VJ village and those who have walked the long and hard road have much to share with those who are just beginning their journey. EVEN MORE CALMY SAID, I believe we are all here because we fell in love with and married or intend to marry someone from Sub-Sahara Africa. (Jomo hangs with us too) So with love, if we can help make that path a little smoother for you by alerting you to some pitfalls, please don't be too upset. One little piece of information shared here probably has helped more people than we realize.

Gracias por leer.

[Awa_Mugu 1]

considering the fact, that ignorance is bliss, have fun.

anytime one has to resort to name calling and instigation and flamming, it reminds me of the loud mouthed bully in a crowd, once he is knocked out, all of his friends skit, skit, scatter. so just know that cyber-bullying is juvenile and UNO is far from miserable. These are my unfailing truths and promises from the God I serve,

I am a Child of The King

No weapon formed against me shall prosper

My stumbling blocks shall become my stepping stones

My father in Heaven did not give me a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

My father in heaven told me to "Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet."

so while you trying to cause an uprising, I read in my bible that "The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good." Psalm 36:3 (fo' ya !)

AMEN