I don't want to get involved

[perfect 39]

I'm sure you all remember my rants about my husband's stupid male acquaintance who met a Mexican girl (who can barely speak English and was living and working here illegally on a tourist visa) in July, proposed to her in August and married her in December. She then continued to use her tourist visa to go back and forth to Mexico every weekend to visit her father and they never filed any paperwork before or following their marriage. She then got stopped trying to come back into the US by misrepresenting her tourist visa after her and her husband had gone to Mexico together for vacation and she was given voluntary departure.

So they have been apart for almost 2 years having finally submitted a spousal visa petition and he told us last week that they have their interview in 3 weeks time. He asked me what to expect and I truthfully told him I had no idea (as I've never applied for a spousal visa and have no idea how the embassy in Mexico handles these), but I did tell him that whetaver happens he has to be 100% honest about everything.

So my husband calls me today and says they want us to write a letter of support stating that we know them as a married couple and that we went on double dates with them while they were dating. Well....we did, but only once that I recall and then we drove them to the spot where he proposed to her. I honestly don't want to write a letter of support. I believe he married her in a rush because it was convenient for them both; she desperately wanted a green card - he wanted sex but doesn't believe in sex before marriage, I don't understand how a couple can become married in such a short time when she barely speaks English and he does not speak Spanish at all; they completely ignored everything I told them about how to go about the visa process legally as soon as they got engaged - they didn't want to know, and then got very upset when they got caught; I don't feel that we can support them because we've barely spent any time with them - it's not like we're bosom buddies. I don't beliebe they have a real marriage anyway.

Trouble is - my husband thinks I have a bad attitude about it, which I wouldn't have it they hadn't shown such a blatant disregard for doing things legally when they had every opportunity to do so. My husband is expecting me to write the letter because I have better writing and grammatical skills and if I don't, I know what the consequences will be. I don't want to feel like I've compromised my own stance on this though.

Anyone have any ideas on a good way to handle this?

[Miranda&James 8]

If you don't feel comfortable putting your name to an official document that will be a factor in an official visa decision, then don't. You are putting yourself on the line and by putting your name on that letter, you are agreeing to a legally binding description of events that you in fact do not feel to be truthful. Don't compromise yourself or your integrity and stick to what you believe is the best. I know it will be very hard going against your husband but bottom line is, he cannot make you sign that letter nor agree to have your name brought into the situation.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I'm sure you all remember my rants about my husband's stupid male acquaintance who met a Mexican girl (who can barely speak English and was living and working here illegally on a tourist visa) in July, proposed to her in August and married her in December. She then continued to use her tourist visa to go back and forth to Mexico every weekend to visit her father and they never filed any paperwork before or following their marriage. She then got stopped trying to come back into the US by misrepresenting her tourist visa after her and her husband had gone to Mexico together for vacation and she was given voluntary departure.

So they have been apart for almost 2 years having finally submitted a spousal visa petition and he told us last week that they have their interview in 3 weeks time. He asked me what to expect and I truthfully told him I had no idea (as I've never applied for a spousal visa and have no idea how the embassy in Mexico handles these), but I did tell him that whetaver happens he has to be 100% honest about everything.

So my husband calls me today and says they want us to write a letter of support stating that we know them as a married couple and that we went on double dates with them while they were dating. Well....we did, but only once that I recall and then we drove them to the spot where he proposed to her. I honestly don't want to write a letter of support. I believe he married her in a rush because it was convenient for them both; she desperately wanted a green card - he wanted sex but doesn't believe in sex before marriage, I don't understand how a couple can become married in such a short time when she barely speaks English and he does not speak Spanish at all; they completely ignored everything I told them about how to go about the visa process legally as soon as they got engaged - they didn't want to know, and then got very upset when they got caught; I don't feel that we can support them because we've barely spent any time with them - it's not like we're bosom buddies. I don't beliebe they have a real marriage anyway.

Trouble is - my husband thinks I have a bad attitude about it, which I wouldn't have it they hadn't shown such a blatant disregard for doing things legally when they had every opportunity to do so. My husband is expecting me to write the letter because I have better writing and grammatical skills and if I don't, I know what the consequences will be. I don't want to feel like I've compromised my own stance on this though.

Anyone have any ideas on a good way to handle this?

It seems to me that you don't want to help them as a punishment for not listening to you from the get go. I agree they probebly should have taken your advice but they didn't and you can't change that now. The bottom line is he is a friend of your husbands and your husband wants to help them. In the letter, you only need to write what is actually true. After all, they will have to face a higher authority, which is the consular or immigration officer and we all know how that is.

Don't let this cause an issue between the two of you

[rebeccajo 14]

All you have to state in any letter you would write is the truth of what happened in your presence.

This couple has a very uphill road ahead of them. If what you write is a true understanding of their situation, she is out of the country via an order of removal due to misrepresentation. Her odds of getting back in are slim. Unless...........

They can prove extreme hardship. One way to demonstrate hardship is to prove that as a committed couple wherein in one party is a USC, that person's life would be made nearly intolerable if the foreign spouse is not admitted to the US.

By asking you to sign an affidavit, they are asking you to attest to the fact they are a 'real' couple.

Is it your factual understanding of their situation that is causing you to not believe they are, or is it your anger at the woman for having tried to evade the system? If it is the latter, it's crystal clear at this point her evasion has cost her dearly.

Edited January 24, 2008 by rebeccajo

[AnewKINDofFEELIN 0]

Don't cause strain on your relationship because of this. Tell your husband that he's wrong to expect it of you, then do it. Write what YOU remember about the events. Don't write what you think about the guy or anything, just the bread and butter.

[Peikko 1,575]

You want advice from strangers on a message board and don't want to discuss this with your husband because there might be "consequences"?

[Steve'sGirl 0]

Tricky situation.

I would suggest you sit down with your husband and tell him what you think about the whole situation in a very calm manner. Personally, I would not sign anything that I don't support 100%.

At the same time I believe that real friends should be honest with one another. You can't always agree, even with your very best friends that you've known for years. I also agree with you that it is rather peculiar marrying someone and thus planning a future together if you can't communicate (in this case, speak the same language). Follow your gut feeling!!!

[Ban Hammer 12,845]

my thoughts - if it feels wrong, it probably is.

[Fandango 1,439]

I'm sure you all remember my rants about my husband's stupid male acquaintance who met a Mexican girl (who can barely speak English and was living and working here illegally on a tourist visa) in July, proposed to her in August and married her in December. She then continued to use her tourist visa to go back and forth to Mexico every weekend to visit her father and they never filed any paperwork before or following their marriage. She then got stopped trying to come back into the US by misrepresenting her tourist visa after her and her husband had gone to Mexico together for vacation and she was given voluntary departure.

So they have been apart for almost 2 years having finally submitted a spousal visa petition and he told us last week that they have their interview in 3 weeks time. He asked me what to expect and I truthfully told him I had no idea (as I've never applied for a spousal visa and have no idea how the embassy in Mexico handles these), but I did tell him that whetaver happens he has to be 100% honest about everything.

So my husband calls me today and says they want us to write a letter of support stating that we know them as a married couple and that we went on double dates with them while they were dating. Well....we did, but only once that I recall and then we drove them to the spot where he proposed to her. I honestly don't want to write a letter of support. I believe he married her in a rush because it was convenient for them both; she desperately wanted a green card - he wanted sex but doesn't believe in sex before marriage, I don't understand how a couple can become married in such a short time when she barely speaks English and he does not speak Spanish at all; they completely ignored everything I told them about how to go about the visa process legally as soon as they got engaged - they didn't want to know, and then got very upset when they got caught; I don't feel that we can support them because we've barely spent any time with them - it's not like we're bosom buddies. I don't beliebe they have a real marriage anyway.

Trouble is - my husband thinks I have a bad attitude about it, which I wouldn't have it they hadn't shown such a blatant disregard for doing things legally when they had every opportunity to do so. My husband is expecting me to write the letter because I have better writing and grammatical skills and if I don't, I know what the consequences will be. I don't want to feel like I've compromised my own stance on this though.

Anyone have any ideas on a good way to handle this?

It seems to me that you don't want to help them as a punishment for not listening to you from the get go. I agree they probebly should have taken your advice but they didn't and you can't change that now. The bottom line is he is a friend of your husbands and your husband wants to help them. In the letter, you only need to write what is actually true. After all, they will have to face a higher authority, which is the consular or immigration officer and we all know how that is.

Don't let this cause an issue between the two of you

Completely agreed.

Perfect, put yourself in their shoes....you don't understand their relationship, maybe someone (for some reason) didn't understand yours...and as a result of that, refused to write an accurate and factual letter which could mean life or death to you as a couple residing in America.

You said they wanted you to write a letter stating you double dated...in your post above, you admit that to be true. So where's the actual problem?

I'm not a fan of the illegal immigrant, and I cannot understand a couple who doesn't share a common language....but if your husband's friend was only in it for sex...well, he could have walked ages ago but didn't. So imo I'd say be a friend to him by vouching for what's true, and leave the rest to them.

[yassmine2878 1]

I would suggest you sit down with your husband and tell him what you think about the whole situation in a very calm manner. Personally, I would not sign anything that I don't support 100%.

Id run screaming. Its just too complicated. And I personally wouldnt feel obligated to help them out, seeing as how they didnt care for your advice the last time they had problems.

Just my hormonal 2 cents.

[MrsBruce5 0]

Why can't your husband write the letter himself?

Rose

[Ban Hammer 12,845]

Why can't your husband write the letter himself?

Rose

as i understood it, he thinks she is a better writer.

[rin and john 71]

If I found myself in the same situation, I would agree to write the letter for my SO (since my writing skills are better), but have her sign it alone. I would respect her decision to support her friend; she would respect my position not to.

[Sister Fracas 5]

Completely agreed.

Perfect, put yourself in their shoes....you don't understand their relationship, maybe someone (for some reason) didn't understand yours...and as a result of that, refused to write an accurate and factual letter which could mean life or death to you as a couple residing in America.

You said they wanted you to write a letter stating you double dated...in your post above, you admit that to be true. So where's the actual problem?

I'm not a fan of the illegal immigrant, and I cannot understand a couple who doesn't share a common language....but if your husband's friend was only in it for sex...well, he could have walked ages ago but didn't. So imo I'd say be a friend to him by vouching for what's true, and leave the rest to them.

Also, since they ARE doing things the proper way now, shouldn't that be good enough.

[Sister Fracas 5]

Id run screaming. Its just too complicated. And I personally wouldnt feel obligated to help them out, seeing as how they didnt care for your advice the last time they had problems.

Just my hormonal 2 cents.

Well, even our closest friends and relatives don't always take our most sage advice, so I see no reason to penalize someone just for asking for a letter.