Us Old Folks

[Kathryn41 3,205]

My husband and I are 'older' - I am in my 50s and he is in his 60s. When we initiated the K-1 process in 2003 I was in my late 40s. It was a big decision for me to give up everything I had ever known - my career, my 'home', my friends and family, my country - to relocate to the US to join him. As he has an adult daughter and grand children here, a better paying and more secure job than I had, his own home, and I have no children and rented, it was easier and more sensible for me to relocate.

The career situation has been the hardest on me as my job was very much country specific and I loved what I did. There is no equivalent for me here in the US, so I have resorted to my first career - again, one with very limited opportunities as it is in the heritage field. Fortunately, I don't need to work as my husband makes a good income, however, what concerns me now is when he retires in a few years and I may have to return to the work force by necessity. I know I will not be able to get a job with a good income or good benefits in this area, and the security concerns do come up. As my husband was married before he still pays alimony to his ex wife and she gets part of his pension benefits and Social Security.

I chose to keep my maiden name because it felt like I would be giving up my identity along with everything else if I took his name. Fortunately, he understood my concern and has no trouble with this. The issues that older couples have with immigration are probably different than younger ones who have a lot more 'potential' opportunities ahead of them. You are wise to try and identify them so you can address them when they arise.

I hope your fiancee is able to find a job that allows her to use her skills and training and that she finds satisfying. Good luck on your journey.

Edited January 14, 2008 by Kathryn41

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Crikey, it appears I am really the matriarch of VJ! I hope more oldies post on this thread..not sure I want to hold that title.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Ok, Im in my year of Jubilee. Sigh.....

[yoda1165 0]

Hi all,

I'm not sure if this belongs in another forum but I couldn't decide where it fits best. I have noticed that the majority of the couples on VJ are of the younger variety (20s - 30s). My fiance and I are a couple of middle aged folks who happened to meet and fall in love. I am interested to know how many VJers are of like vintage and what their experiences/challenges have been in this process. As you can imagine people in our age group usually have established families/obligations/careers that differ significantly from younger couples just starting out in life. While Fumie and I plan to file in a few months, just getting to this point has been a real challenge.

DerekJ

Hi Dereck ....my name is Greg and like you I'm a bit older or middle aged or vitaged and like you I have family , obligations and career .....I am trying to bring my wife from Africa on a K-3 visa here to the U.S and would

certainly like to have somone to talk too while working thru this process .....so let me know if you want to be friends here

Thanks

Greg

[Krikit 1,163]

Thanks u2rsobad. Yes, change is definitely certain in this world. It sounds like you're going/have gone through some major ones of your own. Hope all goes well for you.

Jomo's Girl.... I don't want to be presumptuous in thinking that I am one of the people you are speaking about but, really..... just the thought that some people appreciate the information and assistance given makes me feel much better.

It's been interesting reading the posts in this thread. Thank you for sharing, everyone. I wish you all the best.

[Jasman0717 8]

I am old and Claudeth is young and so far so good

[Nagishkaw 510]

You are not old, Jim. In your words, we are experienced. Remember?

[DerekJ 0]

Hi all,

I'm not sure if this belongs in another forum but I couldn't decide where it fits best. I have noticed that the majority of the couples on VJ are of the younger variety (20s - 30s). My fiance and I are a couple of middle aged folks who happened to meet and fall in love. I am interested to know how many VJers are of like vintage and what their experiences/challenges have been in this process. As you can imagine people in our age group usually have established families/obligations/careers that differ significantly from younger couples just starting out in life. While Fumie and I plan to file in a few months, just getting to this point has been a real challenge.

DerekJ

Hi Dereck ....my name is Greg and like you I'm a bit older or middle aged or vitaged and like you I have family , obligations and career .....I am trying to bring my wife from Africa on a K-3 visa here to the U.S and would

certainly like to have somone to talk too while working thru this process .....so let me know if you want to be friends here

Thanks

Greg

Hi Greg,

I'd love to be friends with you and anyone else on VJ. It looks like we have the makings of a support group within a support group in this thread.

Derek

[chispas 0]

Soon to be 49 here and SO 48 at the end of this year. Being older has pluses and minuses. Changing jobs and the language barrier seemed to be a huge hurdle for us. I am stable, but it was hard for my husband to start over. We were both aware of the challenges but until he arrived, he was more optimistic about being able to land a high paying job. The pace of life here including all what one has to consider for the future is still a challenge as his "Out of Africa" experience was living in England and France where the safety net is larger.

[carslo 0]

I am 50 and Carnell is 58, we have been together since late 2001. We are almost to the point of filling a K1. Maturity has been our saving grace during the long haul. I worry about leaving 2 grown daughters and a one year old granddaughter, and also about finding decent employment with a school district as large as Los Angeles, but there must be a stronger power guiding us - as the road has been long and full of lots of potholes.

Good luck in your journey!

Edited January 15, 2008 by carslo

[Carlawarla 1]

You can feel as young as you want....I thought this was about middle aged! I'm 50, so, I'd calculate that as middle aged...I only want to live to be 100 if I'm in good health and of sound mind.

I also think that from this thread, as well as VJ, has come some amazing stories of love and marriage across the miles.

I salute us "middle-aged" open minded adaptable people!

Edited January 15, 2008 by Carlawarla

[Jasman0717 8]

You are not old, Jim. In your words, we are experienced. Remember?

Man o man am I

Edited January 15, 2008 by jasman0717

[Nagishkaw 510]

What is age but a series of undeniable numbers, anyway.

[psiprez 3]

I'm 39 and he's 41. Not the oldest, but not young either. However, we feel like we might as well be in our early 20's again.

I went through a rough divorce after 16-year of marraige, 11 spent as a stay-at-home mom. My ex made quite a bit of money as a top advertising executive, but due to the way his salary is structured, I am left receiving almost nothing in the way of child support or alimony. I am now struggling to make ends meet and re-enter the workforce, but am stuck in a part-time job a Starbucks that doesn't pay the bills. I was also just passed over for a big promotion that would have solved all my problems, money and benefits wise. Things are so tight that I've had to get food from the local food bank at times. Worst of all, my ex, who is rolling in dough now, prefers to watch me, and therefore his kids, suffer, rather than to ensure we have the electric and heat turned on in the house. What a creep.

My fiance will be leaving his career and all the connections he has made when he come to the US, and will have to start from scratch as well. I have no idea what type of employment he will be able to find, or how long it will take. But since whatever alimony I make will come to an end, it better not take too long.

So after years of living comfortably and securely, it will be as if we are both in our early 20's, struggling to make it with two kids. No vacations, no big-screen tv, no second car, no college for my children. Not even ordering pizza for dinner on a Friday night.

But it will sure be worth it.

[*JG* 2]

Thanks u2rsobad. Yes, change is definitely certain in this world. It sounds like you're going/have gone through some major ones of your own. Hope all goes well for you.

Jomo's Girl.... I don't want to be presumptuous in thinking that I am one of the people you are speaking about but, really..... just the thought that some people appreciate the information and assistance given makes me feel much better.

It's been interesting reading the posts in this thread. Thank you for sharing, everyone. I wish you all the best.

Oh, I would definately say I have learned from you.