rlogan

We have to bear in mind that when adjustment of status is imminent, even the dullest scammer knows to be on their best behavior.

There are times we are so much in love we feel like no one is against us, and times I feel like we are not going to last. I guess that is marriage.

Not really. A lot of us are just happy.

It would be common over the course of many years to have ups and downs, but to be on a roller-coaster from the beginning isn't a sign of a healthy relationship.

it has been going on since we were engaged! i was so oblivious.

He was not who you thought he was.

The combination of terrible credit and lying/cheating on his wife - it just means he is not someone to trust.

The violence that has erupted recently - that has nothing but a bad, bad ending for you. You need to get away from this person. Get the divorce underway. You don't love him - you love someone who does not exist. The real person is the one beating you, cheating on you, and ruining you financially.

You can proceed through citizenship on your own, but self-preservation is the first order of business. Best of luck to you.

Yea, King -

the April 9 post revealed she was in Kuwait. So there have to be precious few, if only one, person with a K-1 application from Portland with a Filipina residing in Kuwait.

So, at least this looks possible were an embassy employee to be cruising visajourney for intelligence.

Don't worry about the malicious pricks posting. You sound like a very nice fellow and the rest of us wish you the best of luck.

I'm Batman.

Glad to meet you.

- Spiderman.

We need to get the word out to everyone else. Are you going to the superhero ball this year?

I was originally going to compliment you for how well you handled the malicious, self-serving put-downs from multiple posters. Well done. You'll notice they are just hit-and-run cowards.

But this matter of the embassy calling - I am flabbergasted. I've never heard of such a thing, and I have been here for quite a few years. My first question on a call like that would have been to ask how they knew my identity on Visajourney.

We know that the NSA has been spying on all international calls and electronic communications for many years, but they only use this information to hurt people, not to help them. More than likely it isn't just the NSA and it isn't just international communications, but again who has ever heard of the government HELPING someone through its spy capabilities instead of locking them up?

I have a lot of curiosity, especially with my superhero identity to protect, about how this happened if it is true.

He was not assaulted sexually.

The marine picked "her" up at a bar in the red light district, they went back to the hotel for sex. The marine was outraged when he discovered "she" was a transgender.

We hate the dentist racket here in the USA. It is highway robbery.

A lot of people here drive to Canada, have a vacation there, get the work done, and save money. For major work, you can fly to the Philippines and get it done less expensively in total, but insurance won't pay for the airfare even though it costs less total.

Oh em gee. Its me again. Posting under you. Im not stalking you I swear. You just always have such interesting stuff to say!

Seriously.

Im not sure how I feel about this... Its definitely a different perspective and threw this thread into a whole new direction.

I mean it started out with everyone (mostly agreeing) and telling Aussie - it would never work, he wasnt going to commit etc etc, and then once he went through with the civil ceremony the table turned and all the (not to be using a sexist label but its true) all the females spoke up and gave the old- well thats how men are- they dont do wedding planning excuse and forgave it.

Im interested in seeing if Aussie will post back in response to your comments. If she feels your comments apply to her or not.

You were very reasonable here. I have published in this area too, and received a very nice review from my favorite author. Discussion board participants very often take cheap shots, not realizing they are poking a gorilla on this topic of manipulation. It is one of the most important subjects in long-distance relationships because it is so much easier to conceal who we really are, and I like to share what the science has to say about it. I don't choose "sides" so much as applying a science that I am very avid about studying.

We just saw the canard about "taking two to tango". It is the straw man argument pretending that someone said one person deserves "all the blame". It is also a form of the fallacy of the golden mean. The most common form of this canard is: "Always three sides to a story - one side, the other side, and the truth being somewhere in between". It is not only trivially untrue, but our justice system is based on a complete rejection of that principle. The jury must choose between the prosecutor saying guilt and the defense saying not guilty. It is all the more incredible that all 12 jurors must agree: unanimous, not majority or even supermajority vote. If they cannot come to a unanimous verdict, it is a mistrial and not "half guilty".

It is a ghastly injustice to assume everyone is a liar too. That is what we are saying with such puerile pronouncements. Are we actually going to accuse this woman of lying - that he did not break these promises? It is also an injustice to change the story from breaking promises to merely not liking wedding planning. That is no excuse for lying and broken promises. Some people are rationalizing and minimizing here. The problem isn't him disliking wedding planning. The problem is lying and broken promises.

A person who breaks his promises is the only person to blame for that. 100% of the blame. A person who allows other people to repeatedly break promises to them - that is 100% their fault for continuing to trust them. When we apply these puerile rules, we are incapable of identifying exactly where the problems lie. Communication has to be honest, not underhanded manipulative tricks that convince people to do things they would otherwise not agree to. Promises are just that: promises. Accepting a broken promise is not compromising. That is being a doormat. He is wrong to lie. She is wrong to be a doormat. That is an infinitely more clear analysis than "it takes two to tango".

This woman expressed deep value in religious confirmation of her wedding. So much so that she would not agree to marry a person without it. So he promised her she would have it. That is not a communication problem. That is someone breaking a promise. There is no reason to accept this any more than the broken promise of fidelity, the promise of wanting children, the promise of moving to America to live, or any number of things a person says are deeply important to them and therefore enters into solemn agreements about. I am an atheist. But I accept this woman's values and do not trivialize them.

You can make the same arguments about men liking porn, not being as thrilled about children, or not being as religious. Those are all true. But lying and deceiving about these things and making promises you do not intend to keep are what destroy relationships.

Good God almighty how can we excuse the mother not even knowing about the wedding? Are we reading different stories here? Oh well, men are so forgetful. Even after the "millions" of times he made those promises, he kept forgetting...

...And that's just one example; he's made so many promises and kept zero so far.

...the trust is gone now, and I don't think that's a good way to start a marriage. But every time I say so, he begs me to stay and tells me we can still have the life we'd planned over here.

... if he'd told me that's what I was getting into I wouldn't have moved here.

...I gave up my old life to be with him, so going back means starting over again, and I just did that here a month ago. I'm tired, I'm out a lot of money, and I'm heartbroken ...

He's not the problem. You are.

You mentioned being with someone before who manipulated you with money. So that tells us you are like me - an easy target for manipulative people who test you when you first meet. They make all kinds of promises, break them, put you in a bad spot - and you stay with them. All they have to do is switch to begging and false flattery when you are sick and tired of it. You are naiive, trusting, and conscientious to a fault.

Order the book "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People". There are different subtypes, but this is the best book to start with. I have read an enormous quantity of material on this since the insight came to me that the problem wasn't them - the problem was me. Falling into their clutches meant I didn't have good radar for these personality types, and didn't know that they can spot people like you and me at a distance. Just the way we carry ourselves is enough for them to zero in on us and begin what they call the "evaluation phase".

From the above quotes we know enough that you would not have married this person if you knew who he really was, and now you have all these reasons for trying to make it work even though it isn't who you would have married. That's what people like us do: chin up, work harder, hope for the best despite how bad we feel.

You have people making excuses for him that ignore how many promises he has broken. People that don't like one thing or another don't need to lie repeatedly about it and break promises. This is not a person you can trust - but more importantly you can't trust yourself to make the right decision until you fix what's wrong with you: listening to words instead of watching actions. Not listening to your gut instincts when those red flags started appearing. Not having dealbreakers. Not respecting yourself enough, which is why he doesn't need to respect you.

I have an incredible wife, wonderful kids, and am happier than I ever have been in my life because I finally came to the insight that I couldn't fix them: I had to fix me.

There are a number of reports indicating the "all-out" war is over, and refugees down to 90,000, but the pursuit of BIFF remnants continues.

The Army has announced it is now embarking upon the "peace and development" phase. But it is the Philippine legislature that is in charge of that.

I am going to disagree here somewhat, in a cordial way. I think no matter where you are in the Philippines you need to have it in your mind that the country is different from the USA in fundamental ways. We do not have wars going on in our country with different militant groups who do assassinations, kidnap for ransom, etc. In fact, the level of poverty and corruption alone changes things considerably from the USA.

I certainly agree that in Davao City you are safer than Marawi City or Zamboanga, parading around with your young Filipina. But you still need an awareness. They go outside their regions to bomb hotels, discos, Easter parades and so forth - that's why these terrorists were being sought. Because they pant bombs not in their heartland amongst friends, but outside embassies and so forth.

Because these groups have aligned themselves with ISIS in particular, Americans become greater targets than before. So I think this calls for heightened situational awareness.

That was my understanding too. One thing to add. The president knew at the onset of the TOT plan and "said nothing". So despite the order to inform AFP, he knew that for operational secrecy they couldn't. All those other raids failed, with leaks beforehand allowing targets to escape.

Aquino had the same problem again. So it was either take risk of high casualties, or high risk of escape from forwarning, due to intermarriage of AFP and locals. He chose high risk of casualties when he did not object to TOT, which was a violation of both orders and protocol being told to his face. He said nothing. he should have called it off, or objected to TOT. (Time on Target, meaning tell nobody until it is already underway.)

Yes, the American involvement is well known at this time, and it's even being reported that one of the Americans was trying to give orders to some Filipino officers when it started going downhill and the officers were dragging their feet. But at this time I believe that the Filipino officers dragged their feet and let their fellow men die.

Well the American was demanding mortar fire, but that was a violation of the peace agreement.

You have to understand that a police action is not in violation of the peace agreement. When you call the army in and start shelling - that is a violation.

So they didn't even tell the military that the raid was happening until it was already underway. "Plan A" was for the police to swoop in and emerge with three terrorists, then go out for beer and pizza at 4 pm.

Plan B was, if things went badly, to call in the military and use heavy weapons in violation of the peace agreement. The military did not even have forward spotters for mortar fire because they weren't in on the planning, and even as reinforcements were arriving they couldn't get to the site because of enemy fire and terrain that completely exposed them. The report says that the radios being used were malfunctioning.

So you have to be understanding of the military having this come as a complete surprise, then being asked to come completely unprepared to a rescue, and being asked to violate a peace agreement with their actions. The people to blame are at the highest level, like namely Aquino.

Thanks for that manilaraf -

It's bad, bad, bad. The President screwed up big time by putting the suspended officer in charge, and violating chain of command. On the one hand he said to coordinate with the AFP, but on the other he was in a meeting where it was clear they were going to keep it secret in order to prevent leaks to the BIFF.

You can't have artillery as a back-up plan when the peace agreement disallows artillery, let alone the problem of not informing the artillery command it is going to be needed beforehand. So then you blow the peace process anyway when it becomes clear the operation will be total annihilation without artillery.

Check this out:

http://fpif.org/the-u-s-military-just-plunged-philippine-politics-into-crisis/

Finally, the original plan was to have a fused team of Seaborne Unit commandos and the Quick Reaction Force. But that was reportedly rejected by the American advisers, who favored having the Seaborne Unit carry out the raid itself and the Quick Reaction Force provide cover — a plan that proved disastrous. The Seaborne Unit, it emerged, had been trained by “retired” Navy Seals and functioned as the Americans’ special unit within the special forces of the Philippine National Police.

The full extent of U.S. involvement remains to be unearthed, but it’s now clear to many that taking out Marwan was a major priority for Washington — not Manila. As one congressman put it, the Mamasapano tragedy was a case of “the Americans fighting to the last Filipino.”

I was asking before why they would launch what is clearly an operation planning to violate the peace agreement - sabotaging the peace agreement - and the answer is to do so on behest of the US. These terrorists are ghastly people, responsible for the Bali bombing and a lot of others. But you can't make an agreement to end a 50 year war and plan to violate it at the same time.

So now, it's war.

Thanks for posting that article.

But he acknowledged, “the estimated number of displaced could be higher, since it does not include people hosted by relatives and friends.”

Baloch also warned that the numbers were “expected to grow as the fighting extends to the local communities ... already hosting many of the displaced.”

This is an area with a lot of small towns/villages over a large area. This doesn't make sense - to negotiate that peace agreement for an independent state, then go in there with a massive military assault.

Now more on the key US role in the initial deadly disaster is being revealed too:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/us-had-role-in-deadly-counterterrorism-raid-in-philippines/2015/03/17/6ab42816-ccd6-11e4-8a46-b1dc9be5a8ff_story.html

All we can know for sure is that they are not going to be honest about the full extent of US involvement, but it was at the training, planning, and operational levels including the command center itself.

I am not aware of some kind of international "court" ruling on the Spratlys. Many analysts say the Chinese claims are not valid, but likewise for other countries too. None of them have had permanent possession. The ASEAN countries have been dealing with this, and have negotiated some kind of "code of conduct".

There are red flags here for you to consider yourself. A neutral person looking on would worry about the woman changing her story to say the last time she saw the father was conception. The normal reaction by a parent to a child making a drastically wrong answer about living together with the father would be to explain the question to the child again. A four year old who has never seen his father his entire life is going to be pretty clear on that question though. He doesn't have a father in that case, and it will be a big thing to a kid that age.

I'm almost afraid to ask the age of the other child but either way it is still problematic, but for different reasons. Is the other one older or younger, and is it the same father?

Another example proving the uselessness of the CFO seminar. We see Filipinas asking for help on the Effects of Major Changes page pretty regularly too when they have an abusive husband.

Filipinas are the only ones required to go through this seminar and what it ends up being is just another bureaucratic hurdle to get through, money to pay, travel you have to do, documents you have to produce like these parents right here giving permission to marry if she is under 21. What difference does it all make? None. I have yet to hear, out of the millions of Filipinas who have immigrated a single story where someone credited the CFO seminar for having been the reason they were rescued from an abusive US husband. With google, this site right here, and a lot of other resources a person with half a brain can figure out what to do.

You wouldn't be calling state authorities on a missing person. You would call city police or county sheriff's office.

'give me your poor, tired and muddled masses.'

You are of equal value to society as anyone else. Unfortunately our government does not operate on that principle.

Right now the government is humanizing all these illegal aliens, Boo Hoo everybody cry for them and put them at the head of the line while everyone trying to do it legally like yourself is spat upon.

Yes, it has to be hard - your feelings are understandable and I am sorry you are going through this. Hope you have an understanding boyfriend, regardless of whether you are marrying him.

Start here:

https://www.vermontjudiciary.org/gtc/family/SharedDocuments/Pamphlet%2022.pdf

This pertains to the final hearing, and it doesn't say that only one spouse need attend as in some states:

https://www.vermontjudiciary.org/gtc/family/SharedDocuments/Pamphlet%2022.pdf

There is another procedure for someone who is no longer a resident. I saw the form, but it would be wise to speak with your clerk of court. You can look them up in your local phone book, call them up and go look through the different processes and see what looks best for you.

Spot on there, Kathryn41

This venue - international marriages - affords manipulative people on both sides of the border an opportunity to victimize naiive and trusting people. It works both ways with sponsors who deceive an immigrant about who they are and get them over here into a horrible double bind. They've left their home and support network and are alone here in the clutches of a predator who knows he has them in a tough spot. The shame of having to admit they made a huge mistake and go home vs. putting up with the abuse here - what a miserable set of choices.

On the other side are people trolling for dupes on international dating sites or any other means to present themselves as the ideal mate for someone. Then after they arrive their true personality begins to show and if they can make it all the way to marriage then the victim sponsor is the one in the double bind: Stick with this abuser or go through the misery of divorce.

For everyone the most important thing to do is listen to your gut instincts instead of the pretty words. Watch actions, not words. Whenever you have that feeling that something is amiss - don't explain it away. Don't make excuses. The OP here, if he looks back, is going to remember some red flags. People who are conscientious want to give the benefit of the doubt and bad people use that against us.

To the extent you can, put yourself amongst their family, friends, school-mates, neighbors, and work cohorts. Manipulative people want to isolate you from them so that you can't compare notes. That's why an immigrant predator has you meet them in some other city instead of their home, making various excuses as to why you can't meet there.

Once they are here and married, regardless of whether you are the immigrant victim or the sponsor victim, you can't let the mistake dictate your future actions. In lesser cases, counseling can help if it is a good counselor. But I made a huge mistake with that. I demanded counseling or divorce. My manipulator convinced me she needed to go first and make sure she was comfortable with the counselor and then I would be able to come. Then for months she told me the counselor did not want me coming yet. When I finally demanded either divorce or joint sessions, I came into an ambush. She had made up this whole fantasy story to dupe the counselor and the counselor was convinced it was all true. It was one of the most horrible experiences of my life where I was accused of all manner of things, and when trying to defend myself against preposterous accusations the counselor said it just proved how I was living in denial. I'll never forget the glee on her face at watching me suffer.

The president, as Great Divider, has pronounced the Ferguson Police department policies as "oppressive and objectionable", while saying there's "no excuse" for violence.

I guess he thinks this is pandering to the race-baiters while assuaging the victims of race-baiters: playing to both sides.

When this president got elected I was somewhat hopeful that he had a historic opportunity to do some good for race relations in the US. But in retrospect what it proved is how far we have come as a people. He's personally been a let-down in a number of respects, rejecting his Martin Luther King opportunity in favor of race-baiting, but almost anything is an improvement over the worst president of all time that came before him.

Palawan military upgrades for US ships and air forces are not a rumor. It has been public news for years. A simple google search turns up plenty of information and there are even youtube videos -

But this all has to do with the seven countries who have claims in the South China Sea. The U.S. is pretending it is only China vs. the Philippines because the US is obsessed with "containing China". It is very unhelpful to conceal the role of Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, Brunei, and Taiwan in order to frame this as all about China.

This is a CIA map illustrating the issue there:

There are both naval and air facilities being upgraded on Palawan in order to receive US Naval ships and US aircraft. This is all part of what the US calls the "Asian Pivot". I already mentioned the big US spy plane which is flying out of Clark Airbase on Luzon in support of this mission, that is all very public news.

I've been all over Palawan - Puerto Princessa, El Nido, and everything in between. Fished amongst those amazing oyster farms on the west coast and went to that stupid cave on the underground river. We are not into crowded tourist-as-cattle operations and are more into the science of geology instead of the superficial "that looks like mother Mary, that looks like a Walmart toy, etc.

We camped on an Island outside of El Nido that one of the tour companies was jealous about so they told us some tourists had just been kidnapped by Abu Sayyef on that very morning nearby. They had just stopped ashore to have their customers watch the sunset and their tour guide didn't like the fact we were camping despite it being none of her business. It pretty much ruined our experience there, and caused some kind of uproar in the local tourism council because the next morning a boat was sent out specifically to explain to us it was a lie, but also provide us with firearms in order to make us feel safer. We already knew about tourism kidnappings in the south of Palawan which is why we were doing island camping in the far north with our infant son. You can imagine what that did to us, and then becoming part of some stupid tourist war soured us on El Nido.

They must be making an all-out effort. The leader of the Justice Islamic Movement was captured on his way to a seaport in General Santos City

http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/03/16/us-philippines-rebels-idUSKBN0MC09S20150316

This guy was in the MNLF, then the MILF, then the BIFF, and broke from all of them for lacking sufficient violence. He was thought to be in this same region where the 44 national police were slaughtered and where the army subsequently moved in with heavy weapons, displacing 80,000 by this article's reckoning.

This one has better detail:

http://www.interaksyon.com/article/107005/biff-chiefs-right-hand-man-kumander-tamabako-arrested