rlogan

my wife reads all my emails and I am glad for it -

I will be abetter husband for it

When it happened to me I confronted her. She denied it.

I tricked her into thinking I was leaving for the weekend and then followed her car to his house. She spent the night.

I knocked on the door in the morning and confronted her. Told her it was "stop" or divorce.

No anger. Just hurt. Confusion.

Incredibly, she still denied it and wanted to live separately, but no counselling and still see this jerk as "friends".

So yes - I divorced her.

But this idea of "revenge sex" and killing them, etc - childish.

Take care of yourself. One day at a time. Find support in good friends and family. Don't act rashly. The worst part of this is being confused about the future. I felt so much better once I knew the future (divorce) and could take steps organizing my life.

My sympathies to her.

If he wanted a divorce and you were in the Philippines. He could attempt to serve paper to you, and if were out of the country for an extended period he could get a divorce judgement against you, since you would not be able to dispute the divorce.

Do you mean I have no right to iniate a divorce if I don't live in America? does the Philippines goverment will recognize my divorce decree? or I am still married there but legally divorced in US ?... it is good that you did mention about this matter.

Recognition of marriage/divorce across countries is by treaty. We have one with the Philippines that is reciprocal - each recognizes marriage or divorce decrees from the other.

i must agree with Zeebee on this one. and i do see everyone's point of view. However, these hurdles are there for a reason. could be b/c of the terrorists attacks or being cautious that the intending immigrant is not a public charge. and the list goes on.

Hi boredriver. A sincere good day to you.

So all the government has to do is give you a phony reason (note again 20 million illegal aliens not kept out by these hurdles) - and you are happy to go through money and expense yourself for no real reason.

You can see the twin towers taken out and three thousand people die - but believe immigration laws keep those very people out.

I think what is really going on is that decent people cannot believe that all they go through is for naught. So in spite of 20 million to 40 million illegal immigrants or whatever it is -

they just keep operating in a mythical world where there are no illigal immigrants in their minds. That immigration hurdles "work".

I do wish you well. Take no bad feelings from this, please. One must be able to politely disagree in friendship.

The people who want to come here to ... take out the twin towers...

were all mena men here legally, on student or tourist visas.

Hi justashooter. Also no ill will here. warm greetings.

But actually, no - they were here illegally under a conspiracy to commit murder, falsely answering questions on their immigration papers in order to obtain visas. They were not tourists, nor were they pursuing University degrees. Those were false pretenses, every bit as much so as sham marriages.

It shows you how stupid the whole exercise is. Do Al-Qaeda operatives honestly answer questions about whether they belong to an organization that has declared war on or is actively working for overthrow of the US government, etc? Nope.

How many airport hijackings have been prevented because the hijacker confessed to having a bomb or weapon on his person when asked? Zero.

We have to recognize that it is simply a myth that the immigration laws and bureaucracy are effective in keeping out illegal aliens (20 million and counting) or terrorists.

If I wanted to take out a railroad or a petrochemical plant or whatever then I'd fly to mexico, cross the border like the millions of others have, and go on about my business. Or get a student visa, etc.

The fact there is so little terrorism is evidence that it is not the problem our government hypes it up to be - not that the government has been effective in keeping it out with the immigration laws and bureaucracy.

There may come a point where our poster shemarienp decides to quit the legal approach and just figures out how to stay together like the other 20 million doing it. ( some estimates are double that)

By one estimate there are four million people a year entering illegally. http://www.theamericanresistance.com/ref/i...en_numbers.html

So maybe lets not be quite so sure of ourselves in criticizing her frustration, and how effective it is in keeping illegal immigrants out.

So you want every Tom, ####### and Harry to be able to just cross our borders, come here, wreak havoc and put Americans at risk?

I understand that you are frustrated that they are giving you a hard time, but understand that there are reasons why immigration is the way it is. They may not be the most efficient government agency, but when it is all said and done, I am glad there is some entity out there keeping the crazies out of my backyard. Unfortunately, innocent people do get caught in the crossfire.

Hi Zee Bee. In kindness and sincerity -

There are something on the order of 20 million illegal immigrants in the USA. So the idea that the legal immigration system is an effective border control is ludicrous. If there were only a hundred or even a thousand illegal immigrants here, you would have a point. But we are actually talking about 7% of the entire country being here illegally.

The people who want to come here to perpetrate crime, work illegally, or take out the twin towers are going to figure out a way around or through the legal system. It's easy. 20 million in numbers proves that beyond a shadow of a doubt. It is far, far easier than legal immigration, and that's why it is done.

The legal immigration expense and hassles mainly serve as a burden to the vast, vast majority of decent people wanting to immigrate. Right here in my state on the canadian border I spent a summer going back and forth on a river between the USA and canada with everyone else there - never once going to a checkpoint because there is no checkpoint. We just went to the closest town, which was in canada, and it would have been stupid to travel to an immigration checkpoint when you are just getting groceries. This is true for thousands of miles of borders between canada, mexico, and the USA - not to mention entry by ship from anywhere in the world at all.

So in my humble opinion it is not that "sometimes" innocent people get caught up in it. Innocent people are the vast majority caught up in it. The other 20 million are just here illegally and don't file dozens of forms, pay thousands of dollars in application fees, endure bureaucracy, etc.

I am not grateful at all they have made it difficult for my wife to be here legally.

I am sympathetic to her feelings but cautious about her husband.

Without malice,

cheers.

I do see some warning signs here for the OP and my friend you had better get those court documents on the ex-wife and look through them, and do what you can to independently assess the veracity of the things your husband is telling you.

Well I think she means she just filled out a different marriage license. They don't send detectives out to check marriage license data. I married my ex-wife twice actually - once in the state we live in, and once in her parent's state. We kept our first marriage a secret from our families so as not to "ruin" the ceremony for them. So we had two licenses.

Quite a shock to find you were still married I would imagine. You were technically a bigamist, if that's the word.

They want to know about vaccinations you have had.

Any diseases. Allergies. Operations. It is a general physical.

That is according to my wife.

My husband started to be so defensive when I asked him about the name of the woman who is attached into his address. I got it in the mail yesterday and while he is on travel he instructed me to open everything. Then here comes an unknown name of a woman. I emailed him asking about it no reply. So when we chatted few hours ago. I kept asking wont answer me immediately.

Now, he started telling me his been question of who he is. Good Lord! I was just asking him who she was and why she was still in his account in the credit card since they parted 5 yrs. ago. I do love him so much but I'm not the type of filipina who hide my feelings and wait for it until it explodes. That's hard you know. I was so candid of my feelings but he thought I doubt him. He gave alibis like did he care about my past. We don't talk about ex ex here. I dont want to play blind and deaf as if everythings okay. Wherein fact I am aching inside? No way! I can't do that. I reiterate to him. I am not a nanny nor a housemaid that I wont care about your mail and names of these people on the mail. As a wife , I have the right to know if you don't want that. Why did you marry? lol He was quiet for a moment then told me he is tired and this and that.

Our chat wasn't good so I feel like I started the fight? I didn't do anything to hurt him. All I did was asking him of what I don't know.

Gee, you waited until after you were married? My wife went through my cell phone sim chips, hacked into my email account and read hundreds of emails, my wallet, every scrap of mail, garbage - she was relentless looking for "evidence" as she put it. Right from the beginning of our relationship.

I couldn't care less. No secrets.

I don't see what is wrong with what you did, the way you describle it. Just be sincere and not accusatory in the way you ask. I do not see why he would not answer right away. It is a simple explanation and innocent enough.

I could not get an ex-wife off an account without her permission because we applied for it together. So I had to open up a new account in my own name. He needs to have all other women off his accounts if he is married to you. Duh.

But if he is tired of "this and that", then whatever "this and that" is has compounded this discussion. So it seems to me there are other issues going on.

Come on now hon - what is the rest of the story? This and that?

Many times when we are hurt it comes out as anger. And it is best to make sure that hurt is identified to him as hurt and not anger.

Tell him you love him hon. Over and over.

Interesting.

I use a $7 flat fee service from BPI express remittance. It takes up to five days. She's here but it is how we send to her family now.

Sheesh - how do you get mail delivered? I have never successfully delivered anything but one lonely post-card. All enveloped mail has been stolen when using regular postal mail. We have to use federal express for any kind of mail, and of course that is expensive.

See how you are lying to me? You want me to get upset. Well, I am not going to do that. You need to think about whether getting me upset is going to end up with the result you want in the end, or whether it will ruin the day for both of us. See how the sun is shining? Such a beautiful day. We can enjoy this day together and be happy, or we can have a fight. It's entirely up to you honey. Your choice. I love you very much and you are completely full of ######.

Wow, that was the most perfect description of the issue I have ever seen! Thanks, I send this post to my Wife, have talked about it and will probably have a few more conversations on this topic.

Thank you for such a great expression of this.

You are welcome. It has worked many times for me.

The first was on the streets of Iligan City, Philippines. She got angry with me and disappeared into the crowd while my back was turned. It was a childish stunt to piss me off, and of course I was frustrated trying to find her, and people were looking because I am the only Americano and something is obviously wrong.

When I finally saw her I went to her very calmly and gently, telling her how much I loved her and that I understood her feelings. That she was upset with me. But that we could decide right there for her to voice that frustration with me so that I could understand it better and try to be a good husband to her - or we could make war and have a big scene that would be repeated by word of mouth all over the marketplace in front of this crowd. That this very moment was something that would establish how the rest of our relationship was going to fare.

Once she said it: "I am angry with you"... it was over. Notice how T_and_A says she has things inside her that want to explode. Exactly. Because she is keeping them in.

We were walking hand-in-hand laughing just moments after I got her to utter "I am angry with you". And we've never forgotten that moment as a guide to our interactions.

I sure understand your request to her that she is not allowed to say "nothing". The trick is how to do it in a way that convinces her to work as a team instead of being enemies. When you start manipulating feelings you are not working as a team. Now they are the "other side". You don't make plays against your own team. You huddle up and call plays against the rest of the world. So you have to get them thinking straight again that you are not the enemy.

The best way I manage that is by trying to voice what I think, to the best of my ability, her feelings are. Validate them. Yes honey. I spend too much time on the computer. I can see how that would make you feel less loved. In plain guy-speak you can't fu** a computer. So you better drop the damned thing and start giving your wife the attention she deserves. She is here in a foreign country, left her family and friends, and is stuck with this fat old man who wants to make love to his computer.

It is an interesting chess game with a young wife, especially a Filipina, and we can use our life experience and knowledge of their culture for either good or for evil.

These girls are the most wonderful on earth in my opinion and are deserving of our respect and admiriation. Do everything you can to preserve their dignity and honor. To nurture and encourage rather than order around and manipulate nefariously.

They are exceptionally jealous, but don't use that against them (eg all my girlfriends let me read gay porn so you should too). Instead, give them unbounded security that there is no other woman you would ever look at. Do NOT check out the butt of that hot little waitress. You look your Filipina wife straight in the eye and tell her how beautiful she is. What waitress. Etc.

I keep telling her that there will come a time when I will have run out of patience. It will be me who snaps. I will be the one who needs patience and understanding. I will not be communicating effectively. I will make mistakes.

Hopefully you will have logged enough trust that when the time comes she will pull for you too.

I just think now the whole thing was a big sham, I was duped, and it hurt to feel that way, but I am over it now and moving on. Yeah, my wife was great to me, most of the time, but I believe it was an act, and when she could no longer act and play the part of legitimate "wife", she packed up and left. She couldnt do it anymore. She was a good actress though. There are just too many red flags to not believe this was fraud and she had ulterior motives. I really dont care what the naysayers and the doubters say on this forum, I am only posting my experiences in hopes it may help someone else in the future who may find themselves in a similar situation. Love is definitely blind, and something that is SO GOOD can definitely go SO BAD if you are with someone who has different plans than you do.

For every person that tells their story there have to be a large number too ashamed and embarassed to say anything. People get taken for a lot of money and it cuts across every demographic strata.

If my wife made the right choices,

Well she never loved you so the only legitimate choice was to leave you, not complete a dream she never had in the first place.

The illegals have been run out of their cottage they were at. So we gotta find where they be staying at now and forward the new address to ICE. They are still down at the beach no doubt, probably right down the street from where they were before lol. ICE said they will need the new address, because even though they now have descriptions of all 4 cars and the license plate numbers of each one, these people never report their change of address, so running plates wont help much except for getting the name of the registrant.

Not sure how much effort it is worth chasing after these people. The russians involved in criminal activity are some of the most cold-blooded people on the planet, and would not think twice about killing someone that gets in their way.

You already demonstrated a naiive personality with this girl. Nobody will give you a medal for busting up an immigration ring or pay for your surgury and wheelchair after you are a quadraplegic from getting shot in the back.

So don't be the one who writes to tell us you took on the russian mafia and they didn't play by the rules when they broke your legs or burned your eyeballs out. Cut your tongue off.

I am not vested enough in the forum to choose sides in a pissing match. I won't make fun of you for being naiive. I got strung along by one, not as far as you - but I have some understanding for it. You just want to see what the heart believes.

And to some degree I also wanted some kind of satisfaction out of seeing the humiliation, seeing harsh reality smack her in the face - how she had it made for the rest of her life and how she blew it. Her father was a really nice guy, and the shame was so great they had to move. One day the big shots in town and the next day the town laughingstock. Creditors after them for just one month of bills I could handle with one day's pay and they could not handle with five people working 12 hours a day all month.

But she never loved me. So staying with me and becoming a "good wife" was never an option. You just have to forget about looking at it that way.

It's one thing to get that satisfaction or even gloat about it - but entirely another thing to take on a criminal organization. They will hurt you and USCIS will not be there with snipers to take them out for you.

I am alive today because the bolt to the rifle held by the man that tried to murder me failed to chamber a round properly, so we both heard the "click" of the firing pin instead of a "pow" from the bullet being fired. I didn't even know he was laying in wait to ambush me. But that failure to fire gave me the chance to turn things around. Maybe you won't be so lucky.

Be patient... I guess. I can only talk for myself. But usually when i say "nothing", even though its obvious that something's bothering me, most of the time i say nothing because I'm thinking through it first.

I think you've shown a very good attitude about what people have told you. Here is a place to improve now. I mean all this in kindness. "Nothing" is the wrong answer when you are thinking through something.

The answer is "I am thinking through something..." That is what you tell him. Regardless of whether it has come to resolution in your mind, there is a subject matter that you know very well you are thinking about - and your husband has every right to start getting upset because when you say "nothing" it is not the truth. Tell him the subject.

Now, we can play the "code speak" game where we spin things by saying well, "nothing" means "nothing so important" or "nothing I want to trouble you with", etc. but those are not true either - because if it is really nothing imporant then why make it so painful to find out what it is.

It is exasperating to be really genuinely concerned about how someone feels, and have them refuse to tell you because "I don't want to trouble you". Because that answer is a bald-faced lie. I mean this sincerely and without malice. You really DO want to trouble them. It's the whole point. What could be more exasperating than a woman making trouble while claiming the trouble she is causing is so that you avoid trouble.

You really have to key in here on this: you are lying. It is a universal human trait to get upset when people lie to you. It may not be explicitly conscious on your part "I will lie to get his emotions up" - but I will go to my grave standing on this insight about why women do this.

It isn't necessarily anger you are after - just elevated emotions like you are feeling yourself. Break free from that.

The cultural excuse works once. The moment the man says that the response "nothing" is upsetting him then you can't use the cultural excuse. Now you are choosing to insult him in the face of his explicit and sincere request to communicate honestly. Because he cares for you.

Instead of doing that for your husband out of reciprocal love, he gets this "I'm going to be difficult because that is how I show how I am putting you first" gobbledygook.

Most filipinas say nothing I think because they want to think if what they will say will do good or bad first... We are not used to blurting it out right away... But at least for me, I don't want my husband to just ignore it.... ignore me when i say nothing coz its more annoying. I know it's confusing and crazy, but that's how we are, how we feel and take things. If filipinos to filipinos, they would get it right away that there's something to talk about and saying nothing is just like a reverse psych. So i guess, open up a conversation that will eventually make her feel comfortable to open up to you. At least that's how i imagine it i guess... with me. I know its hard to remain sweet when confused and don't understand it when your partner is "moody", but most of the time Filipinas melt down anyway when their man is still sweet even though having tampo. Or again, at least that's how I want it to be.

Believe me I understand exactly what is going on. It isn't confusing or crazy - and it also is not limited at all to Pinays. It is a female trait, and more particular to younger ones.

What you are after is an emotional reaction. "Nothing" is an answer that is not true and therefore elicits frustration.

If he shows sufficient emotional reaction you will tell him. If he ignores you then you graduate to more dirty and underhanded things that you know are really going to piss him off: "I am jealous of your computer so I am making dinner late..." etc.

You don't need an emotional reaction out of other people so you can just tell them straight out. "Communicating" with your husband by manipulating emotions is dangerous. Because you get into retaliation, counter-retaliation, and finally divorce.

I realize that the cover story is that you need to get "comfortable", and that is why you are lying. That it may sound confusing and crazy to piss people off in order to calm things down. That's right. It is crazy. And it makes no sense at all. What makes sense is that the emotional reaction you get is the one you intended. You are emotional so you want him to be, and the way to do it is by being frustrating, crazy, and confusing.

A woman who is older has learned that this business of manipulating emotions can backfire, so she is more careful about deploying it. The husband might not show the emotions she wants - to press her, beg her, in anguish "please please tell me..." Instead he might get pissed off and walk out the door, get drunk, and spend the grocery money on whores.

So if all the older woman wants is the emotional reaction and does not care about the consequences then she'll act like a teenager. But when she wants to get a clear message through she'll spit it right out.

Now for a 50 year old man like me, married to a 20 year old Filipina I have enough experience to know exactly what she is doing to me with "nothing". So I can explain carefully to her and patiently everything I have said here. It may still take some time to coax out of her what is on her mind, but at least I can call her bullshit for what it is, and I am not so frustrated.

See how you are lying to me? You want me to get upset. Well, I am not going to do that. You need to think about whether getting me upset is going to end up with the result you want in the end, or whether it will ruin the day for both of us. See how the sun is shining? Such a beautiful day. We can enjoy this day together and be happy, or we can have a fight. It's entirely up to you honey. Your choice. I love you very much and you are completely full of ######.

cheers

Thanks...

That bridge is just down the road from where my wife's family lives. In the house I built where I lived too, actually - in Iligan City. Been over it many times. Near the steel plant close to Maria Cristina Falls. It's the bridge over the agus river that runs the power plant at Maria Cristina falls. No alternative local road route.

There's been a number of bombings in Iligan City since we met, and it is obviously a source of grave concern. One of them was outside the grocery store where we shop where people store their backpacks.

But we don't have the blind rage "kill kill kill" mentality, nor panic we see from some. You have to approach this with a level-headed rule-of-law demeanor, capturing and meting out justice appropriately, in a manner that does not tend to legitimize the claims of the perpetrators. There is a homeland claim being advanced and in all cases of asymmetric force the weaker side chooses guerilla war. One of the strategies is to bait the government into a response that invokes sympathy for their cause. Indiscrimant use of the army will do that, as will the exercises that have involved US forces. That has brought resentment and anger completely unneccessary - I saw it in protests while I was there and with people I spoke with who are resolutely behind the government but angered by what amounts to them as an imposition against their sovereignty.

I read the thread pertaining to August 2008, and my wife and I were surprised to see things characterized as pandemonium because it simply wasn't. Iligan is still a relatively safe place. This bridge bombing is a real transportation problem because rice trucks, busses, jeepneys, etc have no alternative local route. If this is handled correctly the MILF is really going to come out looking badly. Likewise if they attack the power lines.

If you are mad, say it and don't pretend you are not. That is one of the traits of Pinays that needs to improve, we sulk when we are angry with something instead of saying it straight to the person involved. Not to sound offensive but you also have communication problems since you can't even tell your husband what you really feel. I guess you two have a lot of things to work out with your communication skills and if this bothers you a lot, you might as well improve it starting with yourself .

One thing I learned being married to an american is to not beat around the bush..just say what you feel, and they will appreciate it more.

Goodluck and I hope things will get better.

Wow. Spot on!

Typical scenario: (sees wife is angry and sulking)

"What's wrong honey?"

"nothing"

"So that's why you are angry and sulking - it's what you do when you are happy and cheerful?"

"Nothing wrong."

(guessing game begins)

"Is it this, is it that, is it the other?"

"maybe"

etc. Sheesh. What is the point of keeping your feelings a secret we have to drag out of you?

We are not mind readers. You have to be blunt. "I am upset because you are on your computer looking at pictures of gay animal porn." (or whatever).

Saying so will end it. Being secretly angry and sulking will make him upset - which is unconsciously what is actually going on (I am upset and so I want to make you upset too)

Instead, give him a chance to be a good husband to you by telling him EXACTLY what you are thinking instead of making both of you miserable.

Mutual assured happiness vs Mutual assured misery.

You know, it strikes me that my wife is very sick at the moment - she has a chronic health problem and it is a pretty savage thing. A lot of suffering.

But gosh - we're together. It is such an over-riding thing for us to just be together that even with this ghastly illness the important thing is that we are side by side and I can take care of her.

This is a group that I think understands what it means.

Thanks for the well-wishes.

Thank you pinay wife, rheanick, and bituin

I'm of course thrilled to have her. Filipinas are the most beautiful girls on earth. Inside and out.

You should be wearing a coat in that picture pinay wife!

It IS cold.

So we stay under the covers a lot.

It's warming to see how happy everyone is in your photos. We understand! So are we!

Not much different for her than on Mindanao, really...

Except of course it's a lot more crowded, and polluted and traffic and noise here...

welcome to vj! I too had problems at the social security office. I wanted ssn in my married name straight off. The lady looked at my k-1 visa and was about to refuse me flat out with getting a ssn. I persisted and showed her the POMS information i had downloaded from the site. she informed me that she was looking at the relevant information on her computer. She then called her supervisor over. He still refused to give it to me in my married name. No matter what i said, they wouldnt listen. So i ended up getting ssn in my old name. The ssn arrived in the mail yesterday and i will go back to a different SSA office this week and try once again to get it in my married name. It would be good if the left hand knew what the right one was doing at SSA.

All the best!

Hi kiwiana.

That't what ours said too. But we did finally manage to get them to agree. Then they did it wrong. They did it a second time, and although the application she printed off looked OK, the letter domonstrating she had applied for one still had her maiden name. But they had closed the office in the meantime and sent us away. We'll see what comes in the mail three weeks from now.

One thing this ordeal has taught us is that the whole "illegal immigration" thing is a huge hoax. The reason we have illegal immigration is because "legal" immigration has been made so ridiculously difficult.

But she's here. We're married. In about a month we'll apply for the Change of Status.

We met 15 months ago, when I was over there on a trip. I went a second time and built a house for her family & stayed three months on that trip.

We talked on the phone/internet daily while apart. No surprises for either one of us. Homelife is just great.

I wish everyone success and happiness...

Hi Folks,

I found the site last year, and came on with a question that was really worrying me - about what kind of mail service was used and what address was sufficient for the visa packet that my fiance needed to get in the Philippines. She had a Purok but not a house/street number, and I figured there had to be thousands upon thousands of people before us with the same issue, so surely someone would know.

Well, nobody answered our question here although I didn't know about the Philippine subforum. I gave up on the forum as a source of information. I came back on here in the last few days to see if I could find information about how to handle her name change after marrying her here in the states.

I have inferred that we now file for her social security number under my last name since that is what we want her name to be, and fill out a new biographic information form with her new name. We apply for the adjustment of status under her desired name, and that is the manner by which we "change" her name. There isn't any "change of name" action per se. We just start doing everything in the name we want for her.

It didn't help that the woman at the social security office told us we couldn't do what we wanted, and then after being persistent we could see she had just never done this before and eventually it took three employees total to merely apply for a social security number.

I'm amazed this isn't on the I-485 instructions since there have to be on the order of tens of millions of applicants having exactly the same issue. But then again why should I be amazed given what we have been through. Also surprised it is not on one of the frequently asked questions or hints or whatever here. Using google enough I did find a thread on the second day trying that had an answer.

At any rate - hello. We expected immigration to be expensive, time consuming, aggravating, etc. - and it certainly has. But we are together and married, and it is better than we could have hoped for .

Best of luck to everyone else.

Never say die...

I realize now that it wasn't a misunderstanding or a stupid argument. It was A.B.U.S.E. I looked up the signs for domestic violence and realized that he had done nearly everything quoted. I saw the signs but mistakenly attributed them to cultural differences.

Galvanize in your mind that despite what you went through to get him here, life is far too long to suffer abuse.

Just looking for some good advice from everyone in order to weigh my options and make a sound decision.

Might sound silly, but making sure you eat right, get sleep, a little exercise - take care of your yourself

It does take guts to put yourself out for abuse by others in telling your story. I could not agree more that we have to really look at those warning signs. If you have any doubts at all then there is something seriously wrong.

I've been through a bad situation with one more than 20 years younger, and I have been through an amazingly wonderful relationship with my wife 30 years younger. The first gave signs I should have heeded. But eventually there was an insult I could not conscience and I bolted immediately. There was no forgiving or listening to pleading.

Because of that experience I was pretty paranoid about my wife after meeting her. I came close to leaving her over something people might think of as trivial. But it was very early on and I had no record like I do now to weigh its importance. Glad I did not over-react.

Heh. We were both paranoid about each other, I guess. Read each other's email accounts, snooped in cell phones, - I created a fake personality on friendster and contacted her. Filthy rich, much younger, used a picture from a heart-throb in the 60's... She very sweetly rebuffed my advances and tried to introduce me to her sister.

There is nothing you can say or do with one that doesn't work out like Karina. She didn't love you. The letter is insincere. She is the kind of person that will do this sort of thing without remorse. I realize we wish for closure, to be vindicated, but you just have to move on. They don't view it as having ruined their life because while you were (still are) looking at what could have happened for them if they had stayed with you, they never looked at it that way in the first place.

The way she looks at it, she did not ruin her future because there never was a future with you. There was only the present, and her present was made better with money. Party on!

I am so grateful for what I have now - and yes you can have a much younger wife that loves you. There are countless numbers of such relationships.

But to stay on point: the warning signs. In general when they do something you question, ask yourself if it is something you would do to them. Is this something I would do to someone who I love? Lying is a huge red flag. If you discover one then there will be more.

You can't work harder to overcome a liar, a manipulator, a cheat - and goodness gracious there are so many out there with good hearts that want to find someone who will treat them kindly. Think about them. Think about the girl out there who longs for you. She is out there.

Go find her.

Well, this website frankly has not been of much use to me in getting questions answered about visa issues.

But this thread sure was interesting.

I don't think the guy is a troll. One thing that shines through is a complete lack of experience with people who lie as second nature.

We don't like to make generalizations, but in traveling to more than a dozen countries I can see marked differences in people.

Why do they lie? Because they are dishonest people. Just get a grip here on reality my friend - there are con men and robbers and murderers, rapists, used car salesmen, lawyers, and there are people whose basic nature is to say whatever they think up at the moment to get them through the day.

You don't need to understand why people kill for the change in your pocket or rob little old ladies of their life's savings, or why this woman lies to you. (She's not only boffing other guys, but she's screwing the pizza guy too. That's why he hired her again)

You have to just accept how people are. You can't empathize because they think differently than you do.

Hi. I just filed my I-129F appeal too. I put the address she gave me in the Philippines (I am USA). Got the receipt yesterday.

I looked at the address she gave me on the 129F and told her it did not seem like a proper mailing address to me because there was no house number. Just a Purok.

She said that according to her family the mail is delivered to the Purok President, who then hands it to the addresee. I know that the private package delivery (LBC) just goes to the neighborhood and asks around for the person. But I am still very hesitant to trust this address. Because I do not think it is a philippine postal system address.

I do not know who delivers for the U.S. embassy or whoever it is that sends her the K-1 application package.

So I have sent two mailings. One letter and one package to the address she gave me. It has been two weeks and nothing has arrived. So I have told her to get a post office box. Then I guess I will have to amend my appeal to change the address.

Please advise.

hi everyone i have asked the same question about mailing adress, but didnt get a response so will ask again:

would it be okey for my fiance to fill my house adress as well as the p.o. box in the same space where it says ADDRESS

in the PART B OF THE I-129F? the reason been that zambia doesnt have a door to door delievery system, and i dont know how the consulate informs you of the packet 3 and 4, can anyone please answer this question

I feel this has to be a problem many, many people have faced so I hope more chime in here.

As I was talking to her on the phone yesterday a letter my brother sent did arrive to her. I am going to wait and see if the package gets there before I do anything, but in the meantime I wonder how relentless the immigration people are in ensuring the package is delivered.

Hi. I just filed my I-129F appeal too. I put the address she gave me in the Philippines (I am USA). Got the receipt yesterday.

I looked at the address she gave me on the 129F and told her it did not seem like a proper mailing address to me because there was no house number. Just a Purok.

She said that according to her family the mail is delivered to the Purok President, who then hands it to the addresee. I know that the private package delivery (LBC) just goes to the neighborhood and asks around for the person. But I am still very hesitant to trust this address. Because I do not think it is a philippine postal system address.

I do not know who delivers for the U.S. embassy or whoever it is that sends her the K-1 application package.

So I have sent two mailings. One letter and one package to the address she gave me. It has been two weeks and nothing has arrived. So I have told her to get a post office box. Then I guess I will have to amend my appeal to change the address.

Please advise.