Nutty

Some scenarios to explain:

We have a new apartment owner. I am month-to-month now (no lease). We (Abbas and I) thought it best not to let the new owner know he lives here in order to avoid renegotiating the lease. The reason: rent would increase and then they would ask to see how much I make per year (it is less than what i need to secure the apartment).

However, this situation of my hubby not being on the lease means he does not do the laundry, pick up the mail, take out the garbage (all because he does not want to be seen by the apartment manager).

Friday, after work, I had to walk to to the old man's house to change his bandages, walk to grocery store for food, carry home groceries (I don't have a car) and then having to do loads of laundry. I flipped my lid and started yelling. I said, "Your mother does a lot. But she doesn't spend 50 working at an office! And your sisters-in-law don't work and have washing machines INSIDE their houses!"

Then Sunday, I was running late for a friend's party. I asked Abbas to go to Trader Joes to buy a bottle of wine for a friend. He refused. I mean, it was not like we were going to drink it, it was a gift for a friend. And who the hell cares in Trader Joes if he buys it. Again, I blew my lid. And started yelling how he never helps!!!!!!

Yes, it's true we are coming up on the two month mark.

But as others have noted, it has not all been a bed of roses.

Truth be told, I am ragged with exhaustion. I lose my temper easily and feel at times overwhelmed. I feel ashamed for my outbursts. But it seems like all I do is cook, clean house, work 50 hour week, help him get used to being here and on top of this be a caregiver to an elderly shut in who is a stone alcoholic.

I am ready to collapse. Many instances where I need help and not getting it.

I am seeing a cardiologist because of chest pains (I have a heart problem)

Yes. I would live in Iran.

The USA has a lot of wonderful things about it (great food, great entertainment, freedom). But life here is also stressful and demanding.

So I would not be opposed to giving Iran a second shot. Maybe instead of living in Kerman Iran (the middle of nowhere and considered even by other Iranians as a "crappy place to live") living in the north of Iran would be better for us.

I know I could make good money teaching American English.

My heart is doing a pitterpatter!!!

How sweet!

I am unsure about the HEP C question, so I won't offer advice.

However, you and your SO must be free to marry in order to sponsor him for either a fiance visa or marriage visa. So for all intents and purposes you can not file for a fiance/husband visa until he is officially divorced.

If you try to file for him with these types of visas, it will more than likely be denied when the Embassy does checks with the local government.

Dear Tammy,

Please forgive me for not being more supportive of you over these past weeks. I can sympathize with how you're feeling now. Not wanting to go through the turmoil of calling the DOS and being let down time and again.

I guess now is the time to hunker down.

Just know that my thoughts are with you and your husband.

With much love,

Tina

Can't you let him book the ticket and you pay for it with your credit card?

Just wait until they call you again before handing them the passport. It could be longer in AP. For an Iraqi I am sure they are doing triple checks.

Reread the original post and see where it states "light hearted post"

Translation: Not serious

OMG!?!?!?! are you serious...

Just a light hearted post to share our experiences with adapting to new problems.

Such as "my god, there is hair everywhere! Help, I need an industrial vacuum cleaner!"

Before marriage, I made it absolutely clear that I drink. Everyday. One to two drinks a day. But that I never get drunk or drink to excess. And really, that is my limit.

My husband accepts this. However, I know he would prefer I drink only on "special occasions."

But, since I was extremely honest and up front before marriage and he conceded, he does not give me grief when I open a beer when I get home at the end of the day.

PS...I have a heart condition additionally and was told by my doctor to drink 1 glass of red wine a day

(Given this comes from a doctor, he can't argue)

Eyebrow hair!!!!

My husband has long eyebrow hair (and hairy ears even!). I've nicknamed him Count Olaf (the evil guy from Limmony Splickets Series of Unfortunate Events).

Just a light hearted post to share our experiences with adapting to new problems.

Such as "my god, there is hair everywhere! Help, I need an industrial vacuum cleaner!"

Actually, the opposite.

My husband said yesterday, "Portland is one of the best cities in the world (during the summer)."

Maybe that will change when we get into winter.

My husband is a Chemical Engineer. I've been trying to write his resume, but it is so hard! THe level of work he did was high and quite technical. But when he mocked up his first resume, it was filled with redundant, simplistic sentences. There was no listing of methods, practices, testing standards etc, etc. on it.

I know my husband will have to take a lower level job because he is new to the US. If only because his communication/writing skills IN ENGLISH are not advanced enough.

But it is also making the resume writing a B!+@h!

I had a lot on my plate before he arrived. Additionally, since he is a petroleum (oil & gas) engineer, his resume has a more technical aspect to it that makes it harder for me to write (technical processes being translated from Farsi to English).

We were more focused on getting his transcripts from Tehran University translated into English and certified by the Foreign Ministry along with all his specialized training certificates translated (which took time), that we put the making of resume last.

Your husband would need to return to the Embassy where the interview took place, turn in his passport (maybe even have a brief follow up interview) to have the visa issued.

If you are a registered RN, why don't you go back to India and volunteer your services to some clinic there. I know of many doctors and nurses who go to Dharamsala (Himachel Pradesh) for Delak Hospital in McLeod Ganj.

There are lots of charities that do work with poor people in India. This would solve your issue of being with your husband, wouldn't it? Seems better than uprooting yourself and your husband to go to a third country. While you may be able to work, he may not. That might be demoralizing for him to sit and watch you work when he can't. Then you would have to rush back to the US once his visa is issued and re-establish yourself (get back into work here). He would have to rush back to India. It all seems just as stressful as being seperated.

Administrative Processing is STANDARD PROCEDURE. So there is nothing an attorney can do to "speed the process." So basically you are at the mercy of the Department of State.

I am sorry, although I understand your frustration, I think you are jumping the gun a bit. Give it some more time. If you do decide to leave the US to be with your husband, then my suggestion is to go back to India for a while.

Nutty,

Kullu, Manali, (H.P.) India

Two weeks!!! Talk about high expectations! It is going on 1 1/2 months for my hubby and no work. We set the two month mark for him to just start looking. Nothing before then. So at this point we are just working on his resume (which is a mega task). Even then, I tell hubby, "don't expect to get a job for the first couple of months."

Tell you hubby to cut himself some slack on the job search. The fact he's trying as hard as he is, is a good sign. But it takes time, even for us born and bred Americans. So don't get too frustrated

It is, thanks!

We are settling in...

it's mostly being exhausted and him being very hopeless about finding work... We are doing Craig's List, Monster, the local newspapers, and he is going around door to door asking himself. So far no luck! i keep telling him it has only been less than 2 weeks, and he knows that... but still he's really upset. i hope he finds something soon so we both can relax...

Thanks, everybody!

Withdraw your sponsorship on the basis of marriage fraud.

Charlesandnessa,

Why did you remove the photos???

Nothing wrong with them.

Bad Day for Me!

I am struggling with a lonely, old man who is an alcoholic. He was in the hospital for 3 1/2 months due to broken foot (he got falling down drunk). While in the hospital, he sobered up and got better. They discharged him on Monday and he fell off the wagon on Tuesday. I had to go over to his apartment to help get him into bed. Only then to see that in his sleep he is moving and trying to get out of bed (while unconscious).

So tonight I have to confront the old guy and tell him this can't continue.

Don't know what to do. He has no family here.

We STILL do not have answers and it's become even more confusing....

Late last week, my FIL received a call from the U.S. Consulate in Casablanca telling him that he had an appointment to meet with someone on Tuesday the 29th. We were all very hopeful that this appointment would provide his FIL and all of us long awaited answers as to what happened and why he was denied entry into the U.S.

Upon his arrival at the Consulate, they were unsure as to who had called him and had to make several calls back into the office to even determine who he was there to see. After at least an hour, they finally let him in and he spoke to someone at the window. They told him that he could reapply for his Visa! My FIL was like "WHAT????" He asked them why was he denied entry in the first place and they said they didn't know why. Even after my FIL told them what happened, they were surprised themselves that he was denied entry, but the officer said that he did not have any information as to why, but that he was able to reapply. They offered no additional information as to who he could contact concerning what happened.

This is what makes absolutely NO SENSE to me...if the Consulate called him to tell him they could reapply, then how would they know that he even needed to. The Visa that they issued was a 3 year tourist visa. I would assume that they would have had to have been notified that something happened with his visa in order for them to tell him he could reapply. Right????

We are still in the process of an attorney filing a request to Homeland Security based on the Freedom of Information Act in order to get some kind of notification of why he was denied entry. The attorney did tell us that many times they will deny the request based on "State Security" and they are not required by law to give us this document.

Since the incident happened, my FIL has told my husband more things that he remembers and he said that the questions they asked him mostly had to do with his work and his business. He is a licensed teacher and owns and runs three elementary schools. He said that one of the officers actually made the comment that he probably wanted to come here and stay so he could work. We all laughed at that since his dad is 70 years old and is has a successful business in Morocco.

We all think that what happened is either a miscommunication through translation because remember they had a translator over the phone and not in person during questioning OR it was just some jacked up officer who got in his mind that my FIL was going to come in and stay.

We are all aware of the fact that Homeland Security officers have the authority to grant/deny/question and that is how the system goes. But the complete abuse of their authority and how they treated all of us is what sickens me to my core. The more we get into this, the more bureacratic "#######" we have to deal with and the attitudes of irrelevance.

Just makes me so flipp'in ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would sue!!!!!!!

It doesn't sound good.

Not so.

I was married to my first sponsored husband (8 years my junior). We were married for 8 1/2 years (after he gained citizenship) before I DIVORCED HIM. We grew apart, that's all. And even then, after divorce, we stayed together for a while and he wanted to get married again.

I'm starting to think that a part of the SO's do marry for greencards to better their lives and the lives of family members at home, but it's not the only reason. They may love their partners, they may want to support their partners as well and be with them for a long time but they need the greencards to do it.

ya think???

I'll never understand why you older women bring these immature children over here, when you know that they only want a green card and a job to send money back home.

Anyone who cant accept the responsibility of being a father needs some serious help.

Dear Desert Fox:

What's this "You older women..." comment about?????

What about all the old men who bring young women over (Thailand, Phillipines, etc come to mind).

Even saying that, age disparity is not always a "red flag" of marriage fraud.

Ya Think????

Oh Wahrania,

As I read further and further, I feel so sad by your situation. You are on an emotional rollercoaster! Some of the things you mention that he says/does shocks me. That he'll pay you $500.00 per month and send the rest to his family, etc. It boggles my mind.

The question is: Does loving him and putting your feelings at the mercy of his actions jeapordize your health and mental wellbeing?

I am simply worried.

Tina