Nutty

Calling the DOS isn't a bad thing. However, if the case papers are at the Consulate (in the hands of the CO), then there is not much the DOS stateside can do.

I am sorry for your situation. Please know not all American woman are so selfish or controlling. Be sure, your wife uses the baby to control you and it is not fair.

(Personally, in my opinion if she stays home and does not work, the house should be spotless!)

It is important you are recognized as the father of your baby if you want to have rights as a parent. Are you listed as the father on the baby's birth certificate? You should be.

If you do divorce your wife, hire a good lawyer to negotiate your rights over who will have custody over the child. Usually custody is shared between mother and father. You will have to pay child support to the mother if she has primary custody in taking care of the baby.

It depends on the Iranian postal system too.

My husband lived in Kerman, Iran and it took about a month for him to receive his packet.

Two things to be prepared for dealing with Abu Dhabi.

1) They make mistakes in proper procedure of return documents (they put our original marriage certificate in the Yellow Env for Customs when they should have handed it back to us)

2) They ask for additional documents on last minute notice (After Administrative Processing was completed and we were told to come to the Embassy, they called a few days later saying "don't come" now we need you to type up a CV listing your life jobs/schools/places lived/personal references).

Freedom of Information Act allows you to find out who ordered what!!!

I would not stop until some heads rolled!!!!

I got so upset too that it almost made me cry!!!

Oh MY GOD!

I just can't believe this!!!!!

Oh my God!!!

This is soo incredibly horrifying!!! How they were treated!!!!!!! Disgrace! Shameful!!!!

That is terrible treatment!!!!

It definately warrents a formal complaint to the Customs and Border Patrol Department. List your complaints:

1) Not given any information what the delay is

2) Being misdirected all over the airport

3) Being yelled at by Customs and Border patrol agents

4) Interrogation of non english speaking tourist without a certified interpretor being present

I would raise holy hell on this!!!!

But in the end, did they let your father in law in????

Being called "average looking"

Let me explain:

When you are seperate months and months of loving, poetic email letters and phone calls with smoochy kissing are exchanged. A lot of attention is given to each other. But after he arrives, those love letters aren't translated verbally. The smoochy kissy noises aren't there either because the "daily phone call" has stopped.

Also, take into consideration, if you've been seperate a long time and your body has changed (in my case I am 15-20 pounds heavier).

Then it is your 43rd and you're feeling that number!

So, forgive me if I was fishing for a compliment, but given the circumstances....I just felt I needed one at the moment.

Thank you dear Tammy!

It is hard adjusting for both you and your husband. Both of you have to change the way you lived when you were alone and make compromises. You have it even harder when trying to adjust to a new life and being pregnant at the same time.

Three months is not enough time to get used to a new life, new culture, loss of old friends, etc.

My husband has been here a little under a month and he still gets nervous about the prospect of getting lost in our neighborhood.

Pay your bills and insurance for the car!!!

Tell your husband not paying the bills on time now will mean he can't get loans to buy cars/houses later. It affects your credit report and FICO score. Additionally, wages can be garnished for certain bills.

Well, coming from Egypt and looking like a Latino is better looking Iranian and coming from Iran!!!

We live in Portland, Oregon. However, there are quite a few people who are 'small minded' here too. At times we are not sure if it is wise even to say he is from Iran. It all depends on who you are dealing with.

Same happened to me. "promised" to be there and waited for hours!!!

The Consulate is GIVING THEMSELVES 4 additional months under the blanket excuse "administrative processing."

It is possible the head officer is reviewing the case now. Deciding to do more checks, ask for more information from you, or making sure all paperwork is complete.

Please don't take it to heart, the 4 months. It could be less....

Wahrania, What exactly is your line of work?

I tried to live in Florida once and I just couldn't do it. Without a car, it is so hard to get around. Then the heat and the low wages....It was really hard!

I also lived in Boston, MA and found the city expensive. However, great public transportation, higher wages and yes, better assistance for lower income people. Many of the hospitals there have sliding scale fee systems (I was low income, but not extreme, all I qualified for was free prenatal care - but was not pregnant).

Just thinking about all that you are going through and hoping things will get better for you. Everyone has their own "wishlist" of what they want from the place they live in. It seems like Florida isn't the right place for you or your husband.

We had one fight because I slept on the sofa after watching a show and he thought I abandoned our marital bed ( NO I AM NOT KIDDING)

We had another fight when he missed jumah because my bible beating friend came by and wanted a drink and lunch ( he thought she was prostelytising to him)

We had another fight when I didnt make the bed right away after I washed the sheets, another when I left the dishes on the table to wash the next morning. Women over there clean up right away and dont leave messes. BUT THEY ARENT WORKING 40 hour weeks with kids and daycare and bills EITHER

Hey, that happened to me too! I fell asleep on the couch and he looked so dejected the next morning.

Thanks for your support.

I appreciate it and really, I don't feel offended by anyone here. I put it out there and I just getting people's honest opinions.

Please try to take care of yourself and not let anything stress you now given your medical condition. The most important thing is you and your baby. The one thing I am happy for is that his mother appreciates you and stands in your corner. That is gift when you marry into another culture since I have heard of many marriages having a lot of stress when the in-laws don't like the foreign wife.

My husband may be a little stuck in his ways...but he's good and he loves me.

It was only the subject of cultural differences and adjustment.

Also, like some others have said here....Differences can even be based on how your spouses family behaves/operates.

Thank you for your kind thoughts. And I agree with all that you said.

Initially, it was your post about the feeling a little low before your hubby comes that got me thinking on this matter.

I am not saying that things are horrible or terrible. Or that I am completely let down or disappointed by the two minor issues that popped up. But there are some things that will surprise you and when it is discussed you find out there are layers of cultural differences that need to be addressed.

That is funny and a good example of taking translation literally!!!!

It happens with my husband too!

About the two dramas...I admit that initially I was surprised by the two occurances. When I asked about it my husband said in Iran men generally do not give their wives compliments. While here in the USA we tend to comment if someone looks nice. Secondly, was the acknowledgement of holidays and birthdays in his culture....it is not that big of a deal and in his family they don't celebrate birthdays. So it caused surprise because in our culture we acknowledge birthdays.

I am just curious....We are having ups and downs which is to be expected....

I noticed my husband is very attached to "things iranian." For example, he has a year planning calender with little Iranian quotes on the margins. He sits a reads and rereads them. A lot of conversations are dominated by the subject of "how Iranian people are, behave."

I won't deny there have been two dramas because he said and did one or two things I found highly insensitive.

(He called me "average looking" when I asked him how I looked and he was stingy on my birthday and bought me 2 flowers after I asked him to, not a full bouqet).

It is soooo normal how you are feeling!!!!!

Believe it or not, I went through a really down period before my husband came. He was also gone a lot doing last minute trips to say goodbye to relatives, I was stressing about every last detail. On top of which, I am fatter than when he saw me last so I felt unattractive.

So to give you some encouragement, please try refrain coming to conclusions now.

Well, I believe the Head Officer in charge of immigrant visa section reviews to make sure everything they require has been received.

How long it takes is anyones guess, though, it depends on the Head Officer and how long he/she takes to look at the file.

Dear Tammy,

I am sooo upset on how they are treating you!!!! There has got to be someone in that Embassy who is especially against your case.

Really, I am just sick with they way they are treating you!!!

Would it help if you go back together on August 10 to Embassy? Can you get the medical redone before August 10?

Please know my heart and prayers is with you!

Tina

I was just wondering if I (American Citizen) need to have any immunizations myself? Will I need any exam or just my wife?

What immunizations will she need? What medical conditions are they looking for?

We don't have any health problems as far as I know. I don't have ANY of my immunizations though. My parent's didn't believe in them.

thanks

Your wife is the one that needs the immunizations. When your paperwork is completed at the NVC and just about to be forwarded to the Embassy they will give a set of instructions specifying what kind of shots she will need and a list of doctors approved by the Embassy.

They are looking for communicable diseases like Active Tuberculosis, HIV that pose a MAJOR HEALTH RISK to the general population (and with HIV I think getting visa is still possible - just need to apply for a waiver). Smaller illnesses that can be transmitted to general population they don't care about.

Don't get too upset because of the lady on the phone. The Consulate staffers are notoriously rude and ignorant.

If the AP is done and you have not been given instructions about missing documents, it is only a brief follow up interview as part of visa issuance.

Try to relax.

The last thing you should be worrying about is information on a white paper form that you never received.