Nutty

You need to tell him the truth about money. You need to explain to him exactly what is happening. Do not expect him to understand wihtout explaining everything. Show him bills . Get out a calculator. I think sometimes some of these guys think we are rich or will pull money out of rear ends.ITS NOT YOU.. Trust me

i agree. a lot of our guys come from places where not only are things not as expensive, but bills are just paid differently. electric bills are paid only every couple of months; rent just changes hands in cash; telephones are pay as you go. i am slowly, but surely coaching my husband on the costs of things here and how to budget. it's not easy to say the least. and the weight of having to be financially responsible for another person can be very stressful.

Glad you are trying to take care of yourself though... if staying with your mom on the weekend takes the pressure off for a couple of hours, more power to you.

The main problem is that amidst all the stress and responsibility, my husband is not the "soft shoulder to lean on when times are tough." He is self absorbed, oblivious, aloof...

He said to me, "In Iran, people do and don't ask for help." Or - "be like me, I am happy and calm in any situation."

It's over.

{{{NUTTY}}}

I'm sorry you are going thru this. Some of the hardest things in life....stress at work, stress at home and new adjustments. I'm not sure what to say other than give it time and be open tell him how you feel.

I know how hard the adjustment can be for our hubbies when they come. Sometimes it changes their personalities...not being the "man" without work, us having the upper hand when it comes to "our" country etc. So many things...so little time.

Sending good vibes your way...and praying all will be okay for you guys. Sometimes a little time away helps and of course talking things out!!

I am finished "telling him how I feel." He doesn't respond or change his behavior.

However, after my nervous breakdown after almost quitting my job, I went to my mothers. I decided that HE DOESN'T CHANGE HIS ATTITUDE about being more loving and supportive, then I will leave for India in January (for 6 months). He treats me like a stranger, so he can do without me.

What is strange, is that he can not "connect" even with the Iranians here. Only those he grew up with or those in Iran. So something is clearly wrong with his mentality.

What is pathetic is that I got more love and support from the gay Fedex guy who brought the roses. I should've married a gay guy!

Hi everyone:

1) Good news. My husband got a job as a chemical cargo inspector. I found the company and wrote an introduction letter and sent the resume. They called, interviewed and hired him. Not great pay (same as me). But it's a start.

2) The old man I care for offered to lend my husband his 1980 cutlass to drive to and from work for $50.00 per month. This helps both - my husband who needed transport and the old man who needed to move the car every few days to avoid ticket/towing.

SO those are the positive things.

But I have been super busy at work and truthfully, being taken advantage of supervisors in another department. They fired (the third person in that position in one year) their underling. So instead started shoving the work to me. On Thursday, I was being swamped with their projects with caveats of "this needs to be done today." The whole time they are laughing and joking and smirking. Well, 2:42pm (no lunch taken yet) I had a melt down and walked out. I came back and then had a talk with the owner of the company about the situation. The sweet Fedex man brought me roses and gave me a hug (that's how bad I looked).

I came home a mess, in tears, carrying roses. My husband never asked "honey, what happened?" Never offered a hug. Nothing. And this has been indicative of his behavior the whole time he has been here. He is aloof, cold, unaffectionate, non-communicative....I just can't take it anymore.

Yesterday I asked my husband to go shopping with me. We bought $53.00 of groceries. When my card was declined, he was forced to use his. Well, he became sullen the whole way home and would not speak. He just didn't want to speak with me.

I partially moved in with my mom. So I stay with her on the weekends.

Stop the case from going back to the States!!! Call your State Reps and have them intervene as quickly as possible!

Once I stop working 45+ hours a week and bringing home a paycheck and paying all the bills, cleaning house, shopping, paying bills, cooking meals for hubby....then yeah, I have time to go to the gym.

Great Suggestion, Charles!!!!

Right on, Sister!!!!! More power to you!!!!

That Syrian woman opened the can of worms by making generalizations in the first place. Secondly, she showed a lot of insensitivity by saying, "you don't have any children, how would you know how to raise one?" Like you said, you may not have borne a child, but growing up you had some exposure (as we all have to growing up in households with babies).

I really don't see why this Syrian woman thought you were rude (and became tearful) because you refused to stand there and listen to her #######.

Congratulations!!!!! I am happy for you!!!!!!

Please tell Ali he can relax. Those Customs people can be real A$$=0(#S!

His luggage is probably lost.

Stay in the driving lane!!!!! He doesn't do it. He drives between lanes and on the shoulder.

Drives way too close to the curb/edge of the road. It scares me!

He's perfect if you overlook the constant need to have TV on "for the background sound" and tendency to fall asleep in the movies everytime we go to see something I picked I try to ignore it, considering I'm so far from perfect

I like having the tv on all the time!!!

according to nessa, just a few days ago i was breathing too loud.

you probably were

eta: I liked Nessa's answer, i know i am no piece of cake to live with either at times!

Breathing too loud!!!!

according to nessa, just a few days ago i was breathing too loud.

you probably were

eta: I liked Nessa's answer, i know i am no piece of cake to live with either at times!

Breathing too loud!!!!

Here is my list:

1) He talks all the time about philosphy, poetry and existential ideas too much. Man, I just don't relate.

2) He's stubborn

3) When asked a question or explaining things, he says "yes" as if he understands. But when you want him to verify he understands, he says "I did not understand."

4) He broods and is sullen when I drink alcohol (one/two drinks maximum). ALthough I made it clear before marriage I won't give up my after-work cocktail.

LOL!!!

Yes, marrying an American and coming to the States is the ONLY WAY TO LIVE! All others should just kick the bucket right now!

i wish i could help you, because i really feel so sorry for your stepson, a good muslim man should be able to find an american woman so he could move to the States. I will pray for your stepson, cuz not coming to america to marry someone is not a way to live.

I suggest you post your advertisement on a website for muslim singles.

Remember, it is a grueling and difficult process to sponsor a foreigner to come to USA. Not without financial and emotional risk....And even then the American spouse bears great responsibility in helping the new husband adjust to life here in USA.

Exactly what is the profession, education of your step son? What does he have to offer his potential american wife in the way of support and obligation to his WIFE AND CHILDREN.....(I pose these questions to you as if I am the parent of good muslim daughter)

It works both ways!

thanks for all your responses.One main point i forget to include is that this was a arranged situation. Sometimes two people just don't click. Anyway my friend has found another man. Can she marry him? he is a us citizen.

I understand the situation, I think....if it was arranged and she now goes home, "divorced" it could be a serious problem for her and the families involved. Was there dowry exchanges between families????

The problem is that she does have to go back to her country of origin if the K-1 did not work out. If she can show PROOF (hard proof) she will face iminent harm going back, then maybe she can get assylum.

This is a question for a immigration lawyer who specializes in refugee work.

I am 4 years older than my husband (but I look much younger than him and fatter too (he does prefer me to be 25 pounds lighter). But my answer to this is: Fine, I will quit my job and join a gym.

I feel the same way! And I'm an American!

Just want to leave this place!

Hi, everybody!

My soul is so weary right now, that i just couldn't keep all that for myself tonight.

I miss my family alot. I think i'm going to get sick- this is how much i miss all of them.

I'm thinking sometimes that i won't make it.

I don't know... But i love my baby madly!

My God, why did i have to make such a horrible choice...between my family and my love?

God, please, show i'm strong! 'cause if i'm not, than i'm going to die of sadness and heavy heart...

Sorry, folks, you can move it to the off-topic, but this is the mtf moving and living in AMERICA

I am with Charles??? What did I miss?????

Now I can't stop thinking about the Big Labowski...."Donny, you are out of your element!!!" LOL!!!!

First of all.

Coffee makes stomach acid worse. So reduce your coffee drinking.

Second of all:

Newly married couples, who have been seperate for a long time, then re-united, must have privacy. That means a seperate apartment for them (away from in-laws). This mother-in-law sounds like she is a "hanger on" and this does not bode well for the future. Especially if your husband does not see how it affects you.

Thirdly:

Your husband may be a social-type of guy, hanging out with his friends and all that....but he is neglecting giving you special attention REQUIRED to make your relationship closer and more emotionally intimate. He may think he is only trying to "bring you into his circle of friends" and may not mean anything negative by it. But it is good if you can tell him you want a "private weekend, just you and him."

Best of luck

See link about divorcing immigrant

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/new_york/...ce_an_immigrant

Wow, I like the frankness of your post!

This is a problem though in whether or not you can withdraw your Affidavit of Support. I think it can be done.

One point to consider:

If your husband has a CR-1 visa, it is CONDITIONAL. It can be revoked.

My husband (CR-1 visa) and I (American citizen/petitioner) were considering moving outside US if he received a job offer. But a lawyer I consulted said that for my husband to retain his visa, he has to show proof of being DOMICILED in USA. That too much time spent outside of USA during the first two years of his conditional status could lead to revocation.

DOMICILE - meaning, living and working here in USA (financial, residential, etc).

Many greencard seekers think that once they get a greencard, they can hop on a plane back to their country. Thinking they can come and go as they please to USA. However, these people can be denied entry into USA by the Customs Border Patrol Agent at the airport if they don't show they've maintained a presence here in USA.

I need to ask this but don't know if It is in the correct forum. My husband (north africa benificiary) has been recieving mail from Co's in Canada about employment ops. I (petitioner) reside in USA. Is it possible for him to intend to leave me once he gets his US visa and relocate alone to canada? I just domnot know why he would seek work ops there and not here unless he is considering leaving me.

Best of luck to you Olivia! I hope your studies go well and that we'll see you again on VJ sometime!

Tina

Hey All,

I had a question on the Transit visa.

I am waiting for my wife to get an interview for her Cr1 visa for next month. I was looking to buy a ticket right after doing so. My question is the follwoing...

She is giong to have to fly to Ankara, Turkey to have her interview, and then be required to stay there 3 days later to pick up her passport with the visa once approved. I was wondering if I could fly to Ankara, and buy a ticket for her on the same return flight that i may have going back to the US without her going back to Iran. I checked out the flights and two transit airports would be London and Frankfurt.

So would i be able to do this without any other visa except the US immigrant visa? or am i going to have to apply for a transit visa for her?

please let me know and thanks in advance for your help

yunes

Dear Yunes,

There is no gaurantee she will be able to pick up her visa three days after her interview. Most immigrants who pass the interview, must then have their names checked in something called ADMINISTRATIVE PROCESSING (AP). This can take weeks or months of waiting before they finally approve the visa to be issued. My husband, also Iranian, had his interview in Abu Dhabi. He passed it, but was placed into AP. He was called back to the Consulate two months later to submit his passport for them to issue the visa.

As for transit visa's....My husband is Iranian and he was required to get a Schengen Visa (transit visa) for Franfurt Airport, despite the fact his flight had a stopover of only a few hours and he was not leaving the airport.

For a German transit visa, your wife will need to submit her passport with the US CR-1 visa in it to the German Embassy in Tehran.

Tammy,

Why don't you call the Embassy? Get some straight answers from them?

I understand that you don't want to upset them or get on their bad side. But they have to realize they, the Embassy, is at fault for the delays. At this point I would start sending registered letters to the head of the consulate explaining that your husband showed up for his "scheduled interview" only to be told someone called in sick and could not interview and you have not been rescheduled.

The sqeecky wheel gets the oil...

I sincerely think that if you don't start complaining directly to them, Monirul's file will continue to sit on someones desk.

Hugs and my prayers are with you.

Tina

Today marks our 1 year of AP. Last September, it was a most horrible day for us. Today, we are hopeful and waiting for the visa. I am ill today, I guess that makes for a great anniversary .

I wish you all the best and keep each other updated.

Sending my love and prayers,

Tam

A woman's best indicator of when she might be going through menopause is to ask her mother when she went through this. There are many factors as to your symptoms. Don't be an internet doctor...if you are having these symptoms, please confirm them with your family doctor. You might be connecting the dots, you might be depressed, you might have something else going on. It's too simple to rationalize things by saying you're "peri-menopausal". I speak from experience! A simple blood test will tell the doctor about your hormonal levels.

My mom had a medical condition and so doesn't know when menopause took place for herself. Spoke to my doctor about it, her response was, "well yes, it's possible." But did not offer a blood test.

It dawned on me to do a search online today. I am in the early stages of peri-menopause.

It explains my extreme mood swings, night sweats, lack of sleep, weight gain (among other things). I was having these symptoms, but just didn't connect the dots. It seems logical since I am just turned 43.

In a way I am sad because it signals the "end of youth" but on the flip side I am relieved I know I am not crazy.

Thank God!

By the way, don't ever try to give your spouse their first driving lesson (like I did last night) while being pre-menopausel, at dusk to full night, in a rust bucket of a car.

You dont look 43 at all. You look like your in your 20's. What's your secret?

Look at my mom! Does she look old???? She is in her 60's. It must run in the family!!!!

It dawned on me to do a search online today. I am in the early stages of peri-menopause.

It explains my extreme mood swings, night sweats, lack of sleep, weight gain (among other things). I was having these symptoms, but just didn't connect the dots. It seems logical since I am just turned 43.

In a way I am sad because it signals the "end of youth" but on the flip side I am relieved I know I am not crazy.

Thank God!

By the way, don't ever try to give your spouse their first driving lesson (like I did last night) while being pre-menopausel, at dusk to full night, in a rust bucket of a car.