Nutty

I was forced to take the promotion!

I called the Oregon Department of Labor and asked if my salary could be reduced if I refused a promotion. Secondly, I would more than likely receive more work as retaliation from my supervisors.

SO I accepted the promotion

Hey Tina did you see we got a new mena member also named Tina! What are the odds of meeting two Tina's ever?

Do you mean me????

I have been so flat out busy at work, I haven't had a chance to post or look at posts

Hey Tina I am the new Tina that Olivia was talking about. I will just say you know what T N T means.

We should have great fun here!

My supervisor said, "given the economy, we can get people pretty cheap."

Charles, you do make me laugh!!!!

I love your rightious indignation at my 50 cent increase!!!

Believe me, I know I am highly valued, but underpaid!!!!

THANKS ALL OF YOU!!!!

I can't tell you how much it means to me I got feedback from all of you!!!!

In the follow up meeting, I asked them to give me a written job description. He gave it to me, but then said part of those duties would be given to the other paralegal they intend to hire.

I said I wanted to review the job responsibilities and asked them if I could give them my answer tomorrow morning.

Well, I had a third "follow up" meeting...

I explained I was under a great deal of pressure/stress at home and that I may be getting a divorce. That given my personal life is in such a state of crisis, I am not sure I can take more work on at this time. In a way, I feel badly about having to say this. But I also wanted them not to know why I felt compelled to not take the position (which I might have taken normally). I also said I wanted to have a higher salary increase. BUT, my supervisor said my boss is cheap (he is). He went so far as to say that there are two other people in the office who make less than me (my guess - current legal assistant and my dear friend, the clerk).

I feel pressured and now I feel I am in a quandry.

Putting pressure on me!!!!

They said they are shocked I don't want the "promotion."

They said that I do too much work as a receptionist. That when they bring in a legal assistant I will have my responsibilities reduced and thus, I am being paid too much!!!

They can't reduce my salary can they?

My salary would be $13.75 an hour with that 50 cent raise.

Maybe I would get another 50 cent raise after 90 days. So I would make $14.25

Just a thought: could you become a paralegal yourself? Me thinkssss you have what it takes sister.

It would require going back to school. But I am not sure that is what I want to do "as a profession."

Truthfully, if I was to go back to school, I think I would take accounting or study to be a tax consultant.

(then I would have some down time after tax season to travel).

I

I can't say if it was the right thing for you or not. Only you would know that after a while. I got layed off in September and my job as a bill collector believe it or not was very stressful. I only worked part time but it had a major affect on my life at home. Since my layoff, I've been much calmer and feel better about things. I want to go back to work, but i don't if you know what I mean! Good luck!

I work in Bankruptcy. So business is BOOMING!!!!

The problem is I would be working for two paralegals. So I can only see more work. Also, for the pay I would prefer less stress at work, not more. If they had offered me a 2 dollar raise, I might have considered it.

But having to go to night school, the added work, the nominal salary increase, the move to a closet office...it just wasn't worth it to me.

Especially if I leave USA in August.

People,

I just turned a promotion. I am currently a receptionist/admistrative assist. My supervisors wanted to promote me to "legal assistant." However, I was offered a 50 cent raise, a small closet-sized office with no windows, more work, and would have to take a class at the local community college for some legal training.

I already do the legal assistant position. But I work at great desk with views all around. I want less work, not more. I also think the 50 cent raise was being cheap.

So I turned down the position. Truthfully, I need less stress now, not more. And a new position would be more stress and work.

My husband is angry with me for not taking the position.

But given our marriage troubles, I don't see myself staying around past next August.

Did I do the right thing????

Hey Tina did you see we got a new mena member also named Tina! What are the odds of meeting two Tina's ever?

Do you mean me????

I have been so flat out busy at work, I haven't had a chance to post or look at posts

Thanks everyone for a few laughs and a few insights. I think some misunderstood what I was complaining about, it's not the questions I can answer but the impossible ones that I'm like how the heck should i know how much United will pay you for ur bag, or which airline is cheapest, or which state has the cheapest cars.

I am trying my best but it doesn't help when he says "why don't you know".. the shell answer woman I am not.

Thanks Nutty, I am slowly pushing him out of the nest and when he starts working maybe he will become more self reliant. I asked him, if you won't talk on the phone to someone how do u expect to get a job?

Thanks for the laughs and I will keep an eye on the sofa.

I can ask my husband to call your husband about giving some pointers.

Thanks everyone!

Reading all of your posts made me teary about my situation. But only for a moment. I'm tough and I will survive. I've got plans. Forgive me for momentary weakness.

girl, you're allowed to feel weak. that is one of the great things about this group. We're not just here for the good times but we are here in the weaker moments as well. I think you and I could do some serious beetching together about the things our boys do that drive us batty!!! I, for one, love ya. take a deep breath and exhale slowly. we will soon find our inner "chi's " and come out of the tunnel much better, stronger, and wizer than ever before

Thank you for your kind words!

Nutty I live in Portland if you ever want to get together, if you would like some emotional support

Thanks so much for your offer!!!! But I don't want to start crying on people's shoulders in the real world.

Positive reinforcement is good. Definitely lay on the compliments whenever he smells nice. Has he ever tended to overdo it on the cologne and bypass the antiperspirant/deodorant? If so, and if the deodorant doesn't have much of a scent, maybe he just isn't convinced it does much good. Maybe you could get him a really yummy-smelling deodorant and talk him into using it instead of cologne. My husband has found a couple of Axe flavors he likes. He buys them in sets with the deodorant and the spray together, and that does the job.

My husband does not have cologne yet. But he wants Lagerfeld. I think he thinks he can use lagerfeld cologne instead of deodorant.

All in all, there is still a lot of room for improvement in this relationship. But I see my husband making baby steps in trying to be better.

Your husband was an attorney back home? What kind of jobs is he applying for now?

My husband was not an attorney, but I think that was meant for someone else?

If he won't take the message from you or his workplace, he may just have to get the message from someone else he socializes with, although I don't know if guys normally let each other know. My husband and I double-check each other (hair, clothes, smell too, especially if we've been exercising) -- just a courtesy to each other, you know? You can't always tell what you smell like. Neither of us wants the other to be embarrassed in public. But if he really hasn't grasped that it's a problem, there's not much you can do except to tell him once again that you're letting him know for his own good.

I think it mayhave been my husband that she was asking that about. Yes, he was an attorney criminal, civil and domestic cases as well as government. He has applied for every job under the sun from paralegal to research analys to burger flipping. He got news last night that there is a temporary job for seasonal help at Kohl's Distribution Warehouse. He works Friday, Saturday and Sunday 6a to 6p. It is something for now and it works with my work schedule and the baby is in a sitters care only one day at a time.

Congratulations!!! It may not be what he wants to do. But it's a start. So many professionals can't transition into their fields here because of certification accredation.

I work in a financial legal setting and understand how it could be hard to find work for him. He would have to understand US and state laws. Additionally, paralegal work requires a high level knowledge of english grammer and legal lanquage. Something which is probably hard to grasp for a newly arrived non native english speaker.

My fiance arrived October 3 and we married Oct 6. He does not in any way understand how crazy he is driving me.

His bags were lost, a week later they found one but still not the other so we filed a claim with United. I told him after I talked to them that it would be 60 days before they sent the check. Today, only a month later, can you check on the computer to see if they have found my bag (yes dear let me stop what I am doing to do that for you). No they have not found ur bag. When will they send the check? How much will the check be? I don't know why don't u call them. No, u call my english is not good.

When will i get my work permit? I told you it takes about 3 months. Can you call them and ask them when they will send it.

Which state has the cheapest cars?

Can we move to Houston Texas and buy a house there? ( we currently live in Kentucky)

Why do gas prices change so much? why in one area are they one price and another area another price?

I swear he is killing me with his questions. I have my own things going on, working full time plus some, not being able to pay the bills, fighting for custody of my 13 year old daughter, and a whole slew of other things and he just expects me to stop whenever he asks and look on the internet or make phone calls for him.

I got so angry a few days ago I gave him the phone number and said you call them and ask them why but of course he did not.

Am I the only one being driven nuts?

If he is not working, now is the time for him to start working on his resume and study for his driver's license. That is soooooo important! It will help having a universal resume ready once his EAD comes through and also a driver's license. As for the driver's license, it is better to have them take driving lessons with a professional instructor (spouses teaching is just too stressful for both).

As for the gas question:

Gas prices: YOUR ANSWER, "well dear, in Iran the gas price is controlled by the government. Here in USA the gas price changes because of market demand and the different companies selling the gas."

Good one!

Yes, Belinda, you and I are in the same boat as far as their reluctance to "initiate calls and inquiries."

I think our spouses don't realize how much we work. They only see us leave in the morning and come back in the evening. The in-between time they must think we are sitting on our fanny's, primping our hair.

We are not alone. I think it is only I have been more vocal than others with airing my frustrations.

Gently push the baby bird out of the nest.

Also, sometimes IT IS BENEFICIAL to be proactive on your husbands account. I asked my husband to find out whether his company is working on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Well, he has yet to ask. So I emailed his boss to find out what the policy is. Good thing I did, his boss said holiday requests are based on who submits their request first. Since I emailed about it, we are #1 on the list for having a holiday day off.

Believe me...I have made faces when I got a whiff.

I think he needs to hear it from a "neutral" third party. Then it might hit home. Unfortunately, the subject is so sensitive people would avoid bringing it up. So I need someone who really doesn't care if they offend him with brutal honesty.

Thanks everyone!

Reading all of your posts made me teary about my situation. But only for a moment. I'm tough and I will survive. I've got plans. Forgive me for momentary weakness.

girl, you're allowed to feel weak. that is one of the great things about this group. We're not just here for the good times but we are here in the weaker moments as well. I think you and I could do some serious beetching together about the things our boys do that drive us batty!!! I, for one, love ya. take a deep breath and exhale slowly. we will soon find our inner "chi's " and come out of the tunnel much better, stronger, and wizer than ever before

Thank you for your kind words!

Wacky JACKIE??? NO way, I don't like that!

Hi guys, unfortunately, my so called fiance just used me to get here. She said that she would just pay me to help her stay here. This got me so mad, is there anyway for me to get her banned from ever coming back here to the states? I'm going thru the worst times of my life right now and I would appreciate any help.

Don't marry her! If she came on a fiance visa it will expire in a few months. She won't be able to stay. Report her for visa fraud.

Thanks everyone!

Reading all of your posts made me teary about my situation. But only for a moment. I'm tough and I will survive. I've got plans. Forgive me for momentary weakness.

How about wanting to smell nice for his wife?

I am not important anymore

It's sad that things have worked out for you that way.

I thought he might make more effort if you told him you wanted to end it if he didn't pay you more attention. Will he have to go back to Iran if you decide to file for divorce and go back to India?

I hope things get better for you with or without him.

It's alright. I've come to terms with the whole situation and I am making plans accordingly. Whether he stays or goes back to Iran is his deal. I don't really care.

How about wanting to smell nice for his wife?

I am not important anymore

Well only you know how much you are willing to put up with before your breaking point. No one else can tell you what to do and when.

Like I said before...Really I have adjusted to the situation and I am making plans to "move on." FInancially, living together at this point allows me to save a tidy nest egg for the year I will take to go to India.

All of you still have some affectionate gestures from your husbands.....

It may not be flowers and candy...but at least there are small gestures...

My husband barely communicates with me. He is always on the computer. I see what he reads since he sits in the living room with a laptop (so it isn't porn).

He never hugs me. Never kisses me.

I am in tears!

It has come to the point, I can't sleep next to him because it feels worse to sleep next to a man who doesn't give you the time of day.

I sleep on the couch now.

Was he different before he got here, ie more affectionate?

YES!

How about wanting to smell nice for his wife?

I am not important anymore

All of you still have some affectionate gestures from your husbands.....

It may not be flowers and candy...but at least there are small gestures...

My husband barely communicates with me. He is always on the computer. I see what he reads since he sits in the living room with a laptop (so it isn't porn).

He never hugs me. Never kisses me.

I am in tears!

It has come to the point, I can't sleep next to him because it feels worse to sleep next to a man who doesn't give you the time of day.

I sleep on the couch now.