TBoneTX

It is Sunday, and here is our thrilling, always-effective Official Weekly VAWA-Thread Joke: =========================================== FUNNY SIGNS Due to recent events, Ouija boards are no longer permitted on the patio Attention: The 9th floor has been temporarily moved to the 15th floor The Basic Pool Rules: Wash with soup without yor bathing suit before entering the pool -- there is free soup in the shower room Italians are EVERYWHERE By replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 89% of what little joy you still have left in your life I bet aliens ride past Earth and lock their doors DANGER: Not only will this kill you, it will hurt the whole time you're dying Strictly 22-minute parking This is no longer Adam's House. There are no drugs here. YOU ARE ON CAMERA.

It's Official: Scientists Have Confirmed What's Inside The Moon Well, the verdict is in. The Moon is not made of green cheese after all. A thorough investigation published in May 2023 found that the inner core of the Moon is, in fact, [...] https://www.yahoo.com/news/official-scientists-confirmed-whats-inside-113044834.html

Maybe this garbage is finally over. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Judge Cancels Trump's New York Hush Money Sentencing Donald Trump's sentencing on 34 felony counts related to his 2016 hush money scheme has been put on indefinite hiatus, a judge ruled on Friday. Manhattan Judge Juan Merchan agreed to a request from both parties to cancel the sentencing, which had been scheduled for November 26. [...] https://www.yahoo.com/news/judge-cancels-trump-york-hush-160229033.html

Bill O'Reilly predicted that Gaetz wouldn't have been confirmed even if he'd remained in the running. He also predicts that Hegspeth and RFK Jr. will fail. Dr. Marty Makary has been picked to head the CDCs! He prominently opposed all the Covid bologna.

Thrilling Saturday non-GS/ES report, see man: Today was the Many'th (2x2x2x2 +2+1th) anniversary of losing Papa T-B., sigh man. Awoke at yet another lowest recent body-weight, this might never stop man. Was contacted by Many-year-old chica for a 2 p.m. lunch, contact she man we man man. We thus hit only our first 2 itineraried ESs, self-truncate we man. Outing with chica was disappointing, oh well man. But it was our first date in Many (2x2x2x2x2) months, finally broke the seal man. Returned to casa whipped from fighting traffic, where's our dashboard-mounted nuclear incendiary device man. Outraged miu demanded miu-lunch, How Dare You Be So Late Daddy miu man. Took late siesta, highly necessary man. Din-din (at Many p.m.) was Manycans (toucans Campbell's chicken noodle soup + onecan Progresso c.n. soup), ingest we man. We have decided that if we must sacrifice any lab reading, it will be sodium, can't eat anything anyway man. Mama T-B. wants multiple quotes on eyeglass lenses, isn't 2 enough man? She also needs shoes & slippers but can't walk into big stores, sigh man. She refuses to use the motorized carts even if one were available, which they aren't man. Online attempts have resulted in multiple returns, man. Advice is solicited, please man. Other Many-year-old chica appears ready to arrange an in-person caucus, hopeful we man. No Sunday plans except to visit Mama T-B. briefly and to watch football, need to laze we man. No party with the rubias tonight, no man. And that was/is our thrilling Saturday, report we man.

Saturday GS/ES report, see man: Attended just the first 2 ESs, itinerary truncated for reason* man. *see Thrilling Saturday non-GS/ES report, q.v. man Nothing remotely of interest, oh well man. Total = $0

Of the card's front AND back.

Scholars Discover Little-Known Bible Verse Authorizing Divorce If Spouse Plays Christmas Music Before Thanksgiving CAMBRIDGE — Though it was long thought to be prohibited except for reasons of sexual immorality, Bible scholars now say they have uncovered definitive evidence that divorce is also authorized in extreme cases when a spouse is caught playing Christmas music before Thanksgiving. "Playing Christmas music before Thanksgiving is a vile practice, only common among young children and animals, and, therefore, grounds for divorce," said Dr. Matthew Straud, a professor at Tyndale House, a center for Biblical research. This updated understanding of divorce comes from [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/scholars-discover-little-known-bible-verse-authorizing-divorce-if-spouse-plays-christmas-music-before-thanksgiving

Wife Commits Seppuku In Shame After Failing To Clean Up Before Cleaning Lady Arrives FLINT, MI — A local suburban neighborhood was thrown into shock after news spread that housewife Eleanor Schmidt had just committed seppuku in shame after failing to clean her house before the cleaning lady arrived. Eleanor, who was survived by her husband, Peter, and their three children, reportedly spent over four hours vacuuming, wiping down counters, cleaning the bathrooms, polishing the mirrors, and generally "straightening up the house" in an attempt to make the home more presentable before the cleaning lady got there. Tragically, her efforts [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/wife-commits-seppuku-in-shame-after-failing-to-clean-up-before-cleaning-lady-arrives

After Illegal Immigrant Found Guilty Of Murder, Dems Sentence Him To Flying Coach ATHENS, GA — Justice was finally served in the wake of an unspeakable tragedy, as after an illegal immigrant was found guilty of murdering an American citizen, Democrats sentenced him to only being allowed to fly coach from now on. The punishment was said to have come as a painful blow to the illegal alien, who had reportedly grown accustomed to flying first class and living a comfortable lifestyle at the expense of American taxpayers. "He can still stay here and get free stuff, but no more first class," Democratic Party spokesperson Shanae Bradford said in [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/after-illegal-immigrant-found-guilty-of-murder-dems-sentence-him-to-flying-coach

Company Has Too Many Dans JACKSON, MS — In a recent company audit, Grayson Manufacturing learned the company has a concerning surplus of employees named Dan. The uptick in Dans began in the early 2010s but was "well within parameters" and "nothing to be concerned about at the time," say company accountants. But recent hiring has led to the company having over 12 Dans, which is "way too many Dans," according to company insiders. The company hopes to [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/company-has-too-many-dans

Post-Menopausal Lesbians Flee America Over Concerns About Forced Pregnancies LONDON — A pair of post-menopausal lesbians announced they had fled the United States over concerns about forced pregnancies. Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi revealed that they had taken refuge in the serene English countryside where they could be free from being forced to carry babies to term. "No one's forcing me to have a baby," Ellen said of her decision to leave the United States. "Okay, sure, I can't have one for biological reasons — and I'm a lesbian — but still. Hands off my uterus, Trump." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/post-menopausal-lesbians-flee-america-over-concerns-about-forced-pregnancies

A guy that dishonest NEEDS to be an attorney. 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I heard on Friday that Gaetz wants a different way to contribute.

They speculate and project like absolute illegitimate male children, 24/7.

Thrilling non-GS/ES Friday-on-Saturday report, see man: We awoke at our lowest weight in a Manycade or longer, disappearing we man. There's nothing that we can eat, frustrated/worried we man. Lunch was a turkey-&-cheese sandwich, ingest we man. After GS-/ES-ing, delivered pills to Uncle T-B., Amazon Lite we man. Spent all afternoon texting with another Many-year-old chica, again not a rubia man. (Yesterday's chica tied up with other obligations, apprise she man we man man.) No afternoon siesta for us, exhausted we man. After de-skooling Mini-B., begged out of football for a siesta, zzz we man. Din-din was Costco angusburgers, traditional Friday fare and ingest Two Guys man. Movie night was Paul Blart's Mall Cop 2, watch Two Guys man. Many (2+2) bowls of Costco popcorn were consumed, ingest Two Guys man. This tallied to Many (2x2x2x2 -1) bowls for the week, quota handsomely exceeded man. Spent more hours corresponding with a Many-year-old chica who lives out of town, correspond we man. She is not a rubia but sounds highly promising, more mature than the others man. We have itineraried Many (2+2) ESs and Many (2+1) GSs for Saturday, itinerary we man. No party with the rubias tonight, no cavort we man. Ex-Mrs.-T-B. retrieves Mini-B. in the a.m., road trip with the Rojo man. And that was/is our thrilling Friday, report we man.

Friday GS/ES report, see man: We attended all, dutiful we man. The ES and one GS yielded the take, see man: -- Manycans (toucans + onecan) Progresso soup; NIP Centrum Silver vitamins = $2 + half a buck, steal man -- 2 T-shirts for Mini-B.; magnifying glass with wooden handle = $Many ($2+1), steal man Total = $Many-&-a-half ($2+2+1 + half a buck

Thread is moved from the Immigration News forum to the Philippines regional forum.

The world is fair, sometimes.

These thugs are irredeemable and have zero value to society, bringing to mind the germane Texas saying: "Outlaws and martyrs are greatly improved by death."

Lock him up!

Pocahontas Warren, D-Mass!

Scintillating Thursday repartee, yawn man. ----- Thrilling Thursday-on-Friday report, see man: Lunch was the remaining Many (2+2+1) beef taquitos that we found in our freezer, ingest we man. Surprisingly not-unhealthy ingredients, astonished we man. Went to hardware store, go we man. Went to mall to get watch battery changed, done and expensive man. Tried fruitlessly for walk-in optometric refraction exam, come back or call later man. Went to Costco for Many (2+2) items, place absolutely mobbed on Thursday at noon man. Attempted siesta thereafter, unsuccessful man. A Many-year-old chica is corresponding with us, not a rubia man. Film at Many o'clock, stay tuned man. Din-din was an entire Costco sausage-&-beef lasagna, purchased today and ingest Two Guys man. Mini-B. got full in a hurry, so we had the rest of his plus rest of the tray, ingest and sluggish we man. Mini-B. spent most of evening doing V.R., engaged wee man man. We corresponded further with chica, not a rubia man. We have itineraried 2 GSs and an ES for Friday, light pickins man. We shall duly report nevertheless, dutiful we man. No party with the rubias tonight, no cavort we man. And that was/is our thrilling Thursday, report we man.

Before DOGE Cuts Funding, NIH Working Feverishly To Complete Study On The Effects Of Giving Meth To Jetpack-Wearing Hamsters CAMBRIDGE, MA — A team of high-level researchers expanded its working hours this week to intensify efforts to finish an important project before the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) cuts its funding, as the scientists worked feverishly to complete a study on the effects of giving meth to jetpack-wearing hamsters. The specialized group of scientists and engineers were reportedly working around the clock in hopes of compiling conclusive data on how hamsters that were fitted with custom-designed tiny jetpacks reacted when given powerful doses of methamphetamine before Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy's DOGE could significantly cut the study's federal funding or eliminate the project altogether. "The work we're doing is of the utmost importance," said Professor Burtrom Hemphill, lead scientist for the Hamster Jet Propulsion Laboratory at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/before-doge-cuts-funding-scientists-work-feverishly-to-compete-study-on-the-effects-of-giving-meth-to-jetpack-wearing-hamsters

Biden DOJ Quietly Dismisses Case Against Two Jordanians Who Tried to Infiltrate Marine Corps Base In May, two Jordanian nationals tried to infiltrate Quantico Marine Corps Base under the guise of being Amazon delivery workers. Base security found the pair suspicious, and when pressed for identification, the two men, Hasan Y. Hamdan and Mohammad K. Dabous attempted to gain access to the facility. They were stopped and apprehended, shedding light on not just how many times American military bases face infiltration from non-citizens on a weekly basis but whether this was a test run for a terror attack. We'll never know because the case was dismissed [...] https://townhall.com/tipsheet/mattvespa/2024/11/20/biden-doj-quietly-dismisses-case-against-two-jordanians-who-tried-to-infiltrate-marine-corps-base-n2648058