Zee Bee

Acknowledged with respect, but again, this might backfire or be used against people who interview at certain consulates. People should consider the future ramifications carefully, is the point.

This may be an unpopular answer, but I think that the billing that Nigeria has earned itself as the highest fraud consulate is what brings about the race issue. In MENA countries you see a lot about religion, in Lagos its race.
It may not be fair and people may scream discrimination but so much fraud comes out of Lagos that I feel that, sometimes, the questions are warranted.
I know that people want the government out of their relationships, but once the relationship falls apart, for whatever reason, it becomes the government's task to "send him back".

NigeriaorBust is giving the OP some insight into her husband's behavior. Quite frankly, I have to agree with the comments that she made that there are some men that are raised in such a culture. I don't see where there was any classification of all Nigerians seeing as she herself is married to a Nigeria. She is giving the OP some clues as to what may be the cause of her husband's behavior.

NigeriaorBust is giving the OP some insight into her husband's behavior. Quite frankly, I have to agree with the comments that she made that there are some men that are raised in such a culture. I don't see where there was any classification of all Nigerians seeing as she herself is married to a Nigeria. She is giving the OP some clues as to what may be the cause of her husband's behavior.

NigeriaorBust is giving the OP some insight into her husband's behavior. Quite frankly, I have to agree with the comments that she made that there are some men that are raised in such a culture. I don't see where there was any classification of all Nigerians seeing as she herself is married to a Nigeria. She is giving the OP some clues as to what may be the cause of her husband's behavior.

I passed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pass it around Charles.

If the K1 does not seem to be the right visa for you don't dump that on the rest of us. You make a lot of assumptions about people that file the K1 that are not true and, quite frankly, offensive.
There are a multitude of reasons why people go for one visa over another.
Just to give you an example: right now, a K-1 through Ghana takes about a year vs the CR1/IR1 which can take up to 2 years. Which do you think people would prefer??????????
By the way, the process is long and expensive regardless of whether its a K1 or CR1. That's what happens when someone decides to form a relationship with someone in another country. Its not my problem if someone else cannot afford to go see their SO or afford the whole process.
This process can ruin any relationship. There are equally horrific stories from people who came on a fiance AND spousal visa.
Bringing a spouse over vs a fiance/fiancee does not make the relationship more legitimate. Many people on here are together for a year or more and have multiple trips before and during the K1 process.

I'm not a mom (yet) and I have no experience with custody issues, but one thing I know is that you should not put yourself in the middle of all this. If your SO wants to pursue this let him figure it out.

If the K1 does not seem to be the right visa for you don't dump that on the rest of us. You make a lot of assumptions about people that file the K1 that are not true and, quite frankly, offensive.
There are a multitude of reasons why people go for one visa over another.
Just to give you an example: right now, a K-1 through Ghana takes about a year vs the CR1/IR1 which can take up to 2 years. Which do you think people would prefer??????????
By the way, the process is long and expensive regardless of whether its a K1 or CR1. That's what happens when someone decides to form a relationship with someone in another country. Its not my problem if someone else cannot afford to go see their SO or afford the whole process.
This process can ruin any relationship. There are equally horrific stories from people who came on a fiance AND spousal visa.
Bringing a spouse over vs a fiance/fiancee does not make the relationship more legitimate. Many people on here are together for a year or more and have multiple trips before and during the K1 process.

If the K1 does not seem to be the right visa for you don't dump that on the rest of us. You make a lot of assumptions about people that file the K1 that are not true and, quite frankly, offensive.
There are a multitude of reasons why people go for one visa over another.
Just to give you an example: right now, a K-1 through Ghana takes about a year vs the CR1/IR1 which can take up to 2 years. Which do you think people would prefer??????????
By the way, the process is long and expensive regardless of whether its a K1 or CR1. That's what happens when someone decides to form a relationship with someone in another country. Its not my problem if someone else cannot afford to go see their SO or afford the whole process.
This process can ruin any relationship. There are equally horrific stories from people who came on a fiance AND spousal visa.
Bringing a spouse over vs a fiance/fiancee does not make the relationship more legitimate. Many people on here are together for a year or more and have multiple trips before and during the K1 process.

If the K1 does not seem to be the right visa for you don't dump that on the rest of us. You make a lot of assumptions about people that file the K1 that are not true and, quite frankly, offensive.
There are a multitude of reasons why people go for one visa over another.
Just to give you an example: right now, a K-1 through Ghana takes about a year vs the CR1/IR1 which can take up to 2 years. Which do you think people would prefer??????????
By the way, the process is long and expensive regardless of whether its a K1 or CR1. That's what happens when someone decides to form a relationship with someone in another country. Its not my problem if someone else cannot afford to go see their SO or afford the whole process.
This process can ruin any relationship. There are equally horrific stories from people who came on a fiance AND spousal visa.
Bringing a spouse over vs a fiance/fiancee does not make the relationship more legitimate. Many people on here are together for a year or more and have multiple trips before and during the K1 process.

I'm not a mom (yet) and I have no experience with custody issues, but one thing I know is that you should not put yourself in the middle of all this. If your SO wants to pursue this let him figure it out.

I'm not a mom (yet) and I have no experience with custody issues, but one thing I know is that you should not put yourself in the middle of all this. If your SO wants to pursue this let him figure it out.

I'm not a mom (yet) and I have no experience with custody issues, but one thing I know is that you should not put yourself in the middle of all this. If your SO wants to pursue this let him figure it out.

MAO!!! Wow!
I have to say that you are a strong woman to be able to accept this man back into your life after all he has put you and your kids through.
It takes a woman of strength, compassion, forgiveness and overall a solid, unwavering foundation in faith and God to do this.
Good luck to you.

Please tell him to add his piece! I think that it is important for all sides to be told. Its so easy for us to get lost in ourselves and not recognize that there is another side to this whole mess.
I have to say that this is the first time that we have had a thread on here that addresses red flags in a manner that is respectful of everyone. Sometimes people just like to point fingers and disrespect the experiences of others. I feel like this is finally a place where we can all say what we feel and not be bashed for it.

I second that.

Female perspective here.
At this point I think its important for the OP to be there for the second interview.
Unfortunately age can be a big factor and in this case I think it is. For whatever reason, despite the evidence presented the CO wanted more. It sucks big time, but going over what happened before is not relevant; length of previous trips and whether they met online or in person is not going to help now because you can't change that. What they need to do now is build up more evidence between now and when they schedule the second interview so that they can present it.
Not sure how this is supposed to help. Can you elaborate?

Female perspective here.
At this point I think its important for the OP to be there for the second interview.
Unfortunately age can be a big factor and in this case I think it is. For whatever reason, despite the evidence presented the CO wanted more. It sucks big time, but going over what happened before is not relevant; length of previous trips and whether they met online or in person is not going to help now because you can't change that. What they need to do now is build up more evidence between now and when they schedule the second interview so that they can present it.
Not sure how this is supposed to help. Can you elaborate?

You can never presume to know what the CO will think at the interview but anything that looks even remotely like a wedding could be cause for more investigation, visa delay or even visa denial.
If I were you I would not include them.

There seem to be a lot of "new" people who do not know my story so I will rehash for your benefit
I am Ghanaian-American (I have been going to Ghana every year since I was little for as long as I can remember). I'll spare you all the little details. I actually met my husband through my cousin. They are best friends and went to school together and we just happened to cross paths when I was in Ghana visiting family. We only saw each other for 2 or 3 days of my 2 month vacation, but we decided to keep in touch. Our relationship grew after I got back to the US.
My husband's family and my family have a lot of history. My father-in-law used to work for my grandfather. My brother-in-law and my uncle are good friends. I knew my mother-in-law before I knew my husband (it was funny when he tried to introduce me to her and I was like "I already know who she is). My grandfather was actually the one who named my husband at his naming ceremony (my father-in-law was not able to be there so my grandfather got that honor). I just found that out when we went to visit our families in Ghana this past July.
We just filed for the removal of his conditions (yay!!). Its been a roller-coaster but definitely more ups than downs. We are both working full time and going to school full time so we are busy but we make time for each other. We see my sisters (who live in the Midwest) a few times a year and he has 2 brothers in VA that we see every month or more often. When we all get together its a crazy fun time but we are truly one big happy family.
I *think* that sometimes people are too quick to label the dissolution of a marriage as fraud. Sometimes it just doesn't work out for whatever reason. The international and visa aspect of it make it that much more complicated in a lot of situations and instead of admitting failure, I think that some people like to think that its the immigrant's fault.
One thing I have learned about visa fraud is that if its going to happen it will because people who are desperate will find a way. Some people are so focused on getting here that they do not care what they have to do. Some do get their families involved to make it seem as real as possible.
I think that its always important to keep the good and bad in perspective. From reading stories on VJ and knowing people who have gone through this I am convinced that there is no formula for determining what set of hoops to jump through to make sure your relationship is "fool proof". So many times someone will post that their relationship is over, someone asks if there were any red flags and 9 times out of 10 the reply is "There were some red flags but I just ignored them. They were....".
Every person's truth is their own. Some people meet once, get married and are together forever. Others have lots of visits, live together etc, and the marriage fizzles after a year.
Every person is different, as is every relationship. What everyone needs to do is ensure that there is no doubt in YOUR mind that the relationship is real. People have their own ways of figuring things out.

I think both of you need to take a step back and breathe! This process is hard enough for those that have an "easy" time let alone the stress when there are unforeseen obstacles.
Both of you (from what you have wrote) have reacted from anger. I know that its stressful and you both need to vent, but don't take it out on each other. You have a lawyer, so let the lawyer, so let him deal with that. The 2 of you need to focus on how you can encourage and support each other through this process.
Ask your husband what it is that made him change his mind. Is it because he really sees no future or is it the stress? Sometimes its hard to put emotions into words and sometimes people take the easy way out to stop the hurt. Its hard when its something that you cannot control.
You both have been through so much up to this point. Figure out what it is that is making him change his mind before you throw it all away.
Good luck.

I think both of you need to take a step back and breathe! This process is hard enough for those that have an "easy" time let alone the stress when there are unforeseen obstacles.
Both of you (from what you have wrote) have reacted from anger. I know that its stressful and you both need to vent, but don't take it out on each other. You have a lawyer, so let the lawyer, so let him deal with that. The 2 of you need to focus on how you can encourage and support each other through this process.
Ask your husband what it is that made him change his mind. Is it because he really sees no future or is it the stress? Sometimes its hard to put emotions into words and sometimes people take the easy way out to stop the hurt. Its hard when its something that you cannot control.
You both have been through so much up to this point. Figure out what it is that is making him change his mind before you throw it all away.
Good luck.