WokTheDog

I just want to thank everyone for their opinions, thoughts, and everything else.   It was a wild ride while it lasted.   Thanks again and hope you all find what you are looking for...

Bob

16 hours ago, Going through said:

Certainly that will be a vision which will haunt you for a while.

The blame for the daughter's condition should be placed squarely on the shoulders of her mother, though...she obviously never considered the possibility and impact all of this might have had on her child being shuttled from one country to the next (and back again)---and from one man to another (and back again)---- once her own deceit came to light.  Try to break yourself away from any guilty feelings you may have over making the decision to look out for your best interests, where her child is concerned.

 

It goes without saying to take a break for yourself at this time, and look forward towards another relationship when your emotions are balanced out. 

I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks much.  I do need a break

4 hours ago, Going through said:

Love is blind, as they say.  Don't be too hard on yourself---the main thing is that you didn't ignore the most recent signs, dealt with it in a mature manner, and got yourself out of a bad situation that had the potential to become much worse.

I will never forget her child though.  The look on her face that evening they were leaving was really sad.  She couldn't stop staring at me and kept calling me Daddy as the Uber driver away.  

3 hours ago, EmilyW said:

Change the locks.  If you can't confirm she got on a plane, make sure you're covered.

I have her key and I know she is home now.    I have blocked her on all social media.   I'm relieved that this is over.   I will be way more careful next time with who I chose to be with.   The signs were all there, but I ignored.

4 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

Condolences for your loss.  Whether it's sudden or long-expected, it's never easy.  May you be comforted among all who mourn.

 

I echo Going Through's observation:  count your blessings, because she saved you a lot of time and further headaches.  And SilverMonk is also 100% correct.  You wouldn't want someone/something like that holding her status over your head for many years, if not in perpetuity.

 

Added to this is no VAWA claim.  Yes, you're in far finer shape than most, so take comfort in that.

After work I showed up home about an hour before her driver came and things were very civil between us.   I even joked around with her.   Hey child stared at me and looked very sad.   I think a lot of things were said in our heated exchange that she apologized for.   Her driver showed up, I helped to load the vehicle and we ended up hugging.   She cried and I cried just because it was a very long journey that finally came to an end.  The child hugged me very tight and I kissed her on the cheek.   The driver was on a smoking break and then they drove off.   I will need a big break after this up and down relationship

16 hours ago, Going through said:

My condolences for your loss.

 

Yes, your fiance turned out to be a waste of time, in a sense---but far less a waste of time and energy (and added expense) had you have married and found out all of this after the fact.  Take that, at least, as the silver lining.

Exactly, I'm very thankful.  

1 hour ago, Going through said:

That's what I was thinking...hopefully she didn't just take the $1500 and the Uber to a motel.

No she went home.  Her boyfriend was picking her up, which I know for a fact.  Don't ask me how I know hehehe. I feel I wanted so much time and energy. Didn't make a wise choice.   My mom died on Aug 22, so I feel really lonely now.  Bad timing

On 6/5/2018 at 6:39 AM, Russ&Caro said:

Is this the first time your fiancee has filed for immigration benefits?

Yes

9 hours ago, Mountain Climber said:

It appears you have dodged a bullet.  Hope things work out well for you.

I'm fine now thanks.   I'm going to prepare some document that shows her fraud and will report it to Homeland security and the cebu authorities.

On 9/13/2018 at 3:23 PM, Going through said:

You need to get something on record at this point to cover yourself in the case of possible outcomes.

 

If she's been texting you threats/leaving phone messages, being violent with you, mentioning extortion, etc. you need to seriously think about filing a police report.

After texting her hours before her Uber car picked her up, I was finally able to convince her to accept the 1500 + Uber to SFO.  She is expecting me to send another $2500 which would be her original $4000, but there is no way I'm sending that to her, since she has been lying about everything.   Her ex boyfriend confirmed a lot of stuff I figured out and more.   In the heat of argument she gave me the engagement ring, which is hard to believe.   I also was able to get back a 360 day prepaid SIM Card which, i can sell easily.    Relieved. 

15 hours ago, Shiran said:

Regardless if the actually cheated, or not, based on your side of the story she appears to be a dodgy and dishonest person. Relationships are precious and fragile, the LTRs are triply so. This person used you and lied to you. There is no walking back from that. I feel bad for you, and for her child who apparently is being trained and taught to lie from the early age. This is a very sad story. 

I tell you what's really shocking.   The child seemed very normal during this fight, like it's something she's been through many times.   Not crying or upset.   Sad.  I didn't want the child to see it but the woman was going crazy, saying give me my money.   

4 hours ago, Russ&Caro said:

I advised earlier to talk things through with her to see if the relationship was salvageable. Since that time you have posted many more details and then asked if anyone thought this situation could be saved. My new answer is no.

 

Assuming you rent your house/apartment, are you on a month to month lease? If so, quickly find a new place across town and move. Good luck.

I own my home.  The relationship is not salvageable.   After I found out her lover, broke Danish kid, she went nuts.   

3 hours ago, Mountain Climber said:

For CYA purposes I would file a police report to document the assault.  Get far away from this woman before she complicates

your life even more.  Good luck on whatever you do. 

She is trying to extort money out of me plus 2 plane tickets home.   I don't mind giving her some money even when I know she is a scammer, but 3000 I think is excessive.  I will buy the tickets no problem.   

I don't know who to call, which would be best.   If I don't pay her she will go crazy, break everything, burn down my house, and she has also threatened to tell cops I abused her child.    She threw a very big candle at me and it hit my knee really good.   

1 hour ago, Shiran said:

Regardless if the actually cheated, or not, based on your side of the story she appears to be a dodgy and dishonest person. Relationships are precious and fragile, the LTRs are triply so. This person used you and lied to you. There is no walking back from that. I feel bad for you, and for her child who apparently is being trained and taught to lie from the early age. This is a very sad story. 

Yes very sad.   She got very violent.  Ripped my shirt and threw a bunch of stuff at me.  Cracked my armoire and threw a heavy candle at my knee.    I can't take anymore of this.

33 minutes ago, Pbchief2 said:

Sorry if it opening a wound, but what other signs did you see? I've heard the gay thing quite a bit. Just curious what else to look for.

she would ask me for money when i didn't have it.  Would always say, "Make it happen".    her stories about certain things would always change, because we all know if you lie, the story will change.  If you tell the truth, the story is always the same.  I would call her on the weekends while we were chatting on Whatsapp.   Moments after texting back and forth and she wouldn't answer the phone after two calls.  on the third she would answer, always looking dumbfounded not knowing what to say.   The guy lives in the complex so it is very easy for him to go back and forth from his place.   This happened many times and one time particular I called and said I wanted to see her little girl again, because I bought her a toy.    after telling me she wasn't there, I get her on camera and she said the 5yr old was at the pool by herself.   You can start seeing a pattern.   she would have pictures by herself at really nice restaurants and I knew her child was with her sister.  I always wondered who was taking the picture.  On one I saw a reflection in the window, it was a guy.   Oh well, its over.  I am glad its done.  Just have to get her on a plane now.

13 hours ago, CEE53147 said:

Do not continue to live with her to avoid being accused of DV so she can use VAWA.  Close any accounts you added her to to avoid financial ruin.  Be proactive to protect yourself legally and financially.

Yeah, I think that might be a really good idea.   She is not on any of my accounts.   

10 hours ago, E & J 2018 said:

Have an eye witness with you when you open this discussion. Take the ring and then offer to pay for her flight home. I would book the next available flight and be done with this relationship. Block her from all means of contact. You will never be able to trust her, again...… That's just my opinion.

I am so done with this fake relationship.   I just need to get her out of my house and back home.   I don't want to pay her because she broke our engagement contract of sleeping with this guy.  I removed all my valuable assets from the house before I left for work.

3 minutes ago, Going through said:

Like you said, she dug her own hole.  If she was with another man, she should have thought of the possible consequences if you found out.  Which you did.

Now she has to lay in the bed she made.

 

Personally, I wouldn't give her a dime and just tell her she can ask her new boyfriend for help.

I already did that and she said she isn't interested in him and didn't have sex with him.  hahaha.    yeah, what can i do if she doesn't want to leave without her $4000?  

13 minutes ago, Going through said:

I'm' curious----what is her basis for this demand, considering she's the cheater?

 

Tell her she can sell the engagement ring if she needs quick cash, since it obviously didn't mean much to her in the first place.

She never makes sense.  its always, "Find a way, That's it".   she says to be able to get a rental condo again, she needs cash.  said she got rid of everything to be here.  I would feel bad if everything was my fault, but she cheated, so she dug her own hole.     She wants me to sell the engagement ring and give her the money.    I also just gave her a $300 gold necklace that she won't let me return. Does anyone think she didn't cheat?  curious

1 hour ago, E & J 2018 said:

I would buy the airline ticket and forget about the ring, but I wouldn't give her a dime! If the relationship ended naturally and honestly,  I would help her..... It is obvious what she has been up to..... Run...… very fast!

She is demanding i give her $4000 usd.    I don't have the cash since she spent it all, so I told her she would have to wait or I will send it to her when she gets back home.   she didn't like that.

7 hours ago, NuestraUnion said:

Wow. This update kind of puts the initial denial in a whole new perspective. Sorry to hear about the news.

 

Switch to CYA mode:

• Do NOT involve the child in anything. That includes speaking to her to get more information on your ex-fiance and her lover.
• Do not have any arguments or heated discussions what so ever. We know you are emotional but you have to have restraint.
• Document EVERYTHING.
• Save and document ALL correspondence (text, emails, written notes).
• Do not make demands from her or anyone in her family.
• Try not to be alone with her. I know this sucks and may be difficult. But if police are called, it will be her word against yours.
• Pay for her return home. First class if you have to. Trust all of us who are advising you to do so. It will be the biggest and safest investment of your life right now.
• Be extremely cautious if she counters with promise to work things out or make ammends. This could be a tactic to stay.

 

 

Sometimes these things happen. If you need to vent, call a friend or family. You can PM me or other members to get things off your chest. The goal is to redirect your pain from her and your situation.

 

ETA: As for the ring. I personally would take it as a loss. Peace of mind and dodging a big bullet is probably more valuable than what it is worth.

 

Best of luck to you!

 

I really appreciate your information.   Thanks much.   I will not ever marry her, so things can never be worked out.   Once I lose trust, its over for me.

• Do NOT involve the child in anything. That includes speaking to her to get more information on your ex-fiance and her lover.    That was my plan.
• Do not have any arguments or heated discussions what so ever. We know you are emotional but you have to have restraint.  I never argued with her, just told her what I have concluded based on what I found.
• Document EVERYTHING.  Document our talks?  what kind of things?
• Save and document ALL correspondence (text, emails, written notes).   I have every whatsapp conversation for  a year
• Do not make demands from her or anyone in her family.   I don't make demands.
• Try not to be alone with her. I know this sucks and may be difficult. But if police are called, it will be her word against yours.  So I should not sleep there?   Thats not a problem, because i can stay at my sisters.
• Pay for her return home. First class if you have to. Trust all of us who are advising you to do so. It will be the biggest and safest investment of your life right now.   I am pretty sure she doesn't care about first class.
• Be extremely cautious if she counters with promise to work things out or make ammends. This could be a tactic to stay.   There is nothing she can say to change my mind.

6 hours ago, HP+IC said:

A 5 year old said her mom is cheating and the proof is a tattoo. Is it possible that the OP hasn't noticed a love mark on his fiancee wrist (hardly)? Has it been there before? Maybe it has been there by the disco time? Maybe the CO noticed a matching one on somebody in a photo? Maybe this tattoo thing is just rubbish (I mean, like Johnny Depp making a Winona Rider eternal love tattoo and then removing it for the sake of Vanessa Paradis) and the kid is fantasizing? Too many questions and no solid evidence whatsoever. To me, 5-year olds words do not sound sufficient to break the engagement. However, the OP may well change his mind and not proceed to marriage without any sound reason at all, as may his fiancee. An open discussion is a good idea with the kid certainly out of view.

The 5 year old never said her mom was cheating.  Earlier I was told that pic at the disco with my fiance, that the guy wasn't her friend at all.  She told me he was gay and was the asian guys friend.   All i did with the child is ask if she knew the guy in the picture.  she immediately said The guys name, which was the same name I had found.   She said he is mom's friend, but her mom told her not to mention him to me.  That I should never know about him.  That same day the child tells me they video chatted with Nick.

When i confronted my fiance about this guy, she first said he was not a friend, but a guy that confronted her at the pool a few times and wanted to date her.   Then the story changed to that he was just a friend.  Then it changed again to He is a good friend.  Then finally he is a good friend that wanted to marry her.   she denied posting on facebook about that tatoo, then i showed her the pic with her posts.   she denied again.   I said that was a  couples tattoo and friends don't get those kind of tattoos with that kind of picture. 

anyway, I am 100% sure she was cheating on me based on these facts and other things i came up with.   I removed my valuables from my house, just as a precaution, since i no longer trust her.  I now need to get a plan to remove her from my house and send her home.   last night i asked her what she wants to do and she said go back home, so as I was booking her flight, she then tells me she will need money to re-establish herself in her condo.  I didn't ask how much, but knowing her, I am assuming 5,000usd+.    I'm not going to pay her that, but I will pay for her ticket home.    I am mad at myself.  I saw all these signs a year ago and went forward anyway.   lesson learned.

1 hour ago, Ontarkie said:

~~One post removed. Do not post any personal information, pictures, names, FB chats or anything that can identify another individual.~~

~~Thread also moved to Effects of Major Family Changes, from K1 P&P~~

Sorry about that, was angry and just trying to vent.  I shouldn't have posted that

UPDATE:   My fiance and daughter arrived on August 27th.  Things were going good, then i found out be accident, something her daughter said, that she was cheating on me for months.   They have a couples tattoo of a King and Queen of hearts on the wrist.    I haven't told her I know yet, but will do so the next few days.   I don't want the child involved in our discussion.  Anyway, I don't want to marry her anymore and was wondering if I should get the engagement ring back since she broke her promise to me.   I am also thinking I should message the boyfriend and have him pay her way back to the Philippines.   Appreciate all feedback.  Thanks.

Bob

1 hour ago, Dave_and_Jessa said:

Well, this is one of the strangest cases I've seen in a while.

 

Congrats though! 

Yeah, I thought so too.   I wonder if the email I sent after her interview helped?   I basically just told them our story, then asked if they would let somebody else review the case, and that whatever result they would come up with, we would accept.

Thanks.

Bob