nane1104

You are saying many different things that all contradict each other as far as your relationship goes. It's going from how abusive he is and how you know it's a seriously bad situation for you to what a good man he is that loves you so much to how you are not going to spend the rest of your life like this and back to how you are trying to not mess up things for his AOS.
I don't want to sound harsh or mean, I am just really concerned about you. Is it possible he is totally manipulating you? To me as an outsider, he sounds like a complete jerk with no regards to you, using you, using his charm whenever he can get an advantage out of it.
I am truly sorry you are in this situation and I know you asked only for advice specific to the AOS/court situation but it is hard for me to watch you going down like this.

Reading this makes me wonder who played whom...this is becoming the saddest soap stuff I have come across in a long time. Actually, more tragedy than soap but sad for sure...
I don't think you want any honest input or advice or whatever you claim you are looking for. Instead, whenever the situation with this woman seemed to have calmed down, you come with a new post about more and more intimate details about your relationships and your life.
rlogan...I know you mean well, I have followed your story a little bit too but I honestly think you are wasting a lot of time and energy here...

You are saying many different things that all contradict each other as far as your relationship goes. It's going from how abusive he is and how you know it's a seriously bad situation for you to what a good man he is that loves you so much to how you are not going to spend the rest of your life like this and back to how you are trying to not mess up things for his AOS.
I don't want to sound harsh or mean, I am just really concerned about you. Is it possible he is totally manipulating you? To me as an outsider, he sounds like a complete jerk with no regards to you, using you, using his charm whenever he can get an advantage out of it.
I am truly sorry you are in this situation and I know you asked only for advice specific to the AOS/court situation but it is hard for me to watch you going down like this.

If it's all about "action" versus "attration", then please define where the action starts!? When they physically touch a child? Go to playgrounds to look at children? Go on the internet to look at kids?
Where do you draw the line?
Pedophiles often admit to looking but not touching- that is okay then? Not to mention that "looking" (no action???) most likely isn't enough after a while and they start to think about what they could do and sooner or later act out on their thoughts and fantasies.
Just because there have been Pedophiles all throughout history, more or less tolerated by society, doesn't make it better for the victims who became prey of one of these people.

From what understand (from working with victims of pedophiles and their families), pedophiles believe that children have a right to be sexual active and that they are just helping them to act out on that right. They don't consider it hurting the child at all, much rather, doing something good for the child.
I honestly don't know if I would consider pedophiles as mentally ill but certainly I wouldn't compare their sexual preferences to homosexuals.

You are saying many different things that all contradict each other as far as your relationship goes. It's going from how abusive he is and how you know it's a seriously bad situation for you to what a good man he is that loves you so much to how you are not going to spend the rest of your life like this and back to how you are trying to not mess up things for his AOS.
I don't want to sound harsh or mean, I am just really concerned about you. Is it possible he is totally manipulating you? To me as an outsider, he sounds like a complete jerk with no regards to you, using you, using his charm whenever he can get an advantage out of it.
I am truly sorry you are in this situation and I know you asked only for advice specific to the AOS/court situation but it is hard for me to watch you going down like this.

Don't try to blackmail him with the greencard. It's technically his, eventhough he shouldn't have it if he left before the greencard got approved.
I hope you didn't open the envelope, again, it's HIS.
The proper way to deal with this is
1) return the greencard to USCIS with a statement from you that he has left the US with the date he left.
2) start with divorce proceedings and move on with your life.
3) if he owes you money, let the court handle that.
I am sorry you have to go through this, but don't get yourself into trouble over this.

You are saying many different things that all contradict each other as far as your relationship goes. It's going from how abusive he is and how you know it's a seriously bad situation for you to what a good man he is that loves you so much to how you are not going to spend the rest of your life like this and back to how you are trying to not mess up things for his AOS.
I don't want to sound harsh or mean, I am just really concerned about you. Is it possible he is totally manipulating you? To me as an outsider, he sounds like a complete jerk with no regards to you, using you, using his charm whenever he can get an advantage out of it.
I am truly sorry you are in this situation and I know you asked only for advice specific to the AOS/court situation but it is hard for me to watch you going down like this.

You are saying many different things that all contradict each other as far as your relationship goes. It's going from how abusive he is and how you know it's a seriously bad situation for you to what a good man he is that loves you so much to how you are not going to spend the rest of your life like this and back to how you are trying to not mess up things for his AOS.
I don't want to sound harsh or mean, I am just really concerned about you. Is it possible he is totally manipulating you? To me as an outsider, he sounds like a complete jerk with no regards to you, using you, using his charm whenever he can get an advantage out of it.
I am truly sorry you are in this situation and I know you asked only for advice specific to the AOS/court situation but it is hard for me to watch you going down like this.

He would see your cat and get out of the bus ASAP. Again, his allergies are within his control, if someone isn't mean enough to sneak a cat up to him. That was one of the problems the kid in the article was dealing with.
And if you were a guest in my house and I knew you were diabetic, I would certainly ask if there was anything I could do to meet your diatery needs. Why? Because I have empathy and I would WANT you to be as comfortable and healthy as possible in my house.
Depending on how severe your diabetes is, that will probably not cut it, but at least I'd try and not care if that would change my diet as well for the time being.

No, of course not, but that's an entirely different issue. We can get around having him exposed to cat allergens by simply and unfortunately not going into houses where cats live. People are more or less understanding of that.
Kid with allergies still need to go to school, need their social contacts because no, you cannot put them in a bubble.
And yes, I am aware they could be homeschooled but really...this is an issue of people being either understanding of other peoples problems and trying to help them out or being ignorant and insisting on their rights.
This whole attitude about "this isn't my problem, let the parents and the kid deal with their own issues" is very sad. This could be such a wonderful opportunity to teach your child empathy and consideration, but I guess if it's cutting into their "rights", the moral compass is off.
Sad.

Have you still not realized that the allergy is not only caused by EATING nut products?? Good grief.

Good grief...this could have been such a cool topic.
Has anyone of you been in Germany when the wall came down? When the first people walked through the checkpoints or climbed over the wall? When families got reunited?
I know you all like to tear each other apart, but really, is all the political stuff the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear about the fall of the wall? (Yes, I am aware it's the P&R forum)
Just sayin'....
BTW: If you ever get the chance to travel to Berlin, stop by a the Museum at Checkpoint Charlie, it's fantastic!!!

Well, I am glad your girlfriend is helping you getting over your still fiancee (wow, what a set up), but I really don't think it's a good idea to have both women stay in the same house. Why would you get your girlfriend get in the middle of this??
Ok, this is your decision but I still think it's not smart because I can see how your fiancee is going the abuse route and oh, what anguish are you putting her through, inviting another women over into the house where she, as your future wife and her daughter are living!? See my drift?
I think realizing that you have someone else makes it more real for her that it's over but don't even think she is done with you. The war has just begun, I hope you are prepared.
If you don't get her out ASAP, you will be in big trouble.
Get that return ticket, get her out of your house and if she isn't going on that plane, it's not your problem anymore. Forget about the $800 bucks you will lose, that's nothing compared to what you will pay down the road.

Well, I am glad your girlfriend is helping you getting over your still fiancee (wow, what a set up), but I really don't think it's a good idea to have both women stay in the same house. Why would you get your girlfriend get in the middle of this??
Ok, this is your decision but I still think it's not smart because I can see how your fiancee is going the abuse route and oh, what anguish are you putting her through, inviting another women over into the house where she, as your future wife and her daughter are living!? See my drift?
I think realizing that you have someone else makes it more real for her that it's over but don't even think she is done with you. The war has just begun, I hope you are prepared.
If you don't get her out ASAP, you will be in big trouble.
Get that return ticket, get her out of your house and if she isn't going on that plane, it's not your problem anymore. Forget about the $800 bucks you will lose, that's nothing compared to what you will pay down the road.

Well, I am glad your girlfriend is helping you getting over your still fiancee (wow, what a set up), but I really don't think it's a good idea to have both women stay in the same house. Why would you get your girlfriend get in the middle of this??
Ok, this is your decision but I still think it's not smart because I can see how your fiancee is going the abuse route and oh, what anguish are you putting her through, inviting another women over into the house where she, as your future wife and her daughter are living!? See my drift?
I think realizing that you have someone else makes it more real for her that it's over but don't even think she is done with you. The war has just begun, I hope you are prepared.
If you don't get her out ASAP, you will be in big trouble.
Get that return ticket, get her out of your house and if she isn't going on that plane, it's not your problem anymore. Forget about the $800 bucks you will lose, that's nothing compared to what you will pay down the road.

I can testify to what she said about the abuse claims. The OP and I have been sending PMs back and forth for a while and she told me about her husbands abusive behavior a long time ago. That was at a time when she didn't know about the other woman and still believed there could be ways to work on the relationship.
I mentioned VAWA as her only option to remain in the US IF there was abuse involved, already knowing that there was because I a) didn't want to say that there was abuse if she didn't want to have it mentioned and b) so others could advise about VAWA as I am not familiar with it.
I apologize if my post about VAWA and the OPs statements about the abuse after I had mentioned it made it look like she would be trying to claim abuse when there is none.

Why would she do that?
Change the tickets, tell her the date they will be leaving and if she doesn't go, she is out on the streets...her choice.

At this point I think, providing her with a return ticket home is courtesy from your side. If she refuses and starts her overstay, well, good luck to her. She is not your responsibility at this point, basically you could throw her out and that's it.
I know you won't just throw her and the daughter out but IMO it's time for some tough talk from your side so she gets that you are serious with sending her back. Basically, tell her she can do it the easy way or she can have it the hard way, her choice.
If you already have a returnticket booked and you just need to change the date, wouldn't the airline already have the information needed? If it's the returnticket to the ticket she arrived on, that really shouldn't be an issue.
Good luck.

I am sorry but I think you are making excuses. If you really wanted her evaluated, you could have easily turned it around and told her she can either go see a doc or pack her stuff and get the heck out of your house and out of your life.
If you did anything like that, you never mentioned it on here.
Fact is, that whenever someone mentioned a professional evaluation, you came back with something else and at the peak of the discussion, when people were about to just throw in the towel on the topic, you came back with how awesome she is responding to the way you are dealing with her and her attitude, well, BPD symptoms, whatever you wanna call it.
Then your ex-girlfriend comes into play again and out of a sudden your fiancee does a 180 again to the worse and that's it for you.
Sorry, but I am throwing the BS flag!

Why would she do that?
Change the tickets, tell her the date they will be leaving and if she doesn't go, she is out on the streets...her choice.

At this point I think, providing her with a return ticket home is courtesy from your side. If she refuses and starts her overstay, well, good luck to her. She is not your responsibility at this point, basically you could throw her out and that's it.
I know you won't just throw her and the daughter out but IMO it's time for some tough talk from your side so she gets that you are serious with sending her back. Basically, tell her she can do it the easy way or she can have it the hard way, her choice.
If you already have a returnticket booked and you just need to change the date, wouldn't the airline already have the information needed? If it's the returnticket to the ticket she arrived on, that really shouldn't be an issue.
Good luck.

During your medical they might have that question on a form, I don't remember exactly. For her to answer that question with "yes", it would require a diagnosis. Her fiance diagnosed her with BPD already and he started his own version of treatment...until she tried killing him, herself and her daughter by taking over the steering wheel while going 60miles/h.
Any suggestions from people here to have her properly evaluated fell on deaf ears.

Someone correct me if I am wrong...you are already married (to your wife), thus you are not eligible to marry in the US.
I guess you could divorce and marry again? j/k
I don't know why you decided to marry in Honduras but maybe you should have considered the inconvenience of a spanish marriage certificate before you got married?

Don't jump to assumptions about what I know or don't know just because I am not advertising my wisdom like you do.
And I haven't asked for your opinion on my opinion in the first place but thanks for the history lesson, like I don't know about where I am coming from.
I will just ignore your belittling posts from now on.