Rc123rc

We're up to 65 days and climbing for recent NOA1 to NOA2 approvals. CSC has ground to a halt and has only a couple of Feb 26 cases approved with none Feb 29th and none in March. 5 Months is the only answer you with get if you call. Lots and lots of patience is required now.

Better save the lawyer fees for honeymoon ??

There is some fine lines here. Yes, feelings should be validated because as you say feelings are feelings. The question is whether or not he should have defended his in laws. Clearly, we don't know the whole story. Is this a case of a BPD trying to define "Good Guy"/"Bad Guy" roles? Is this an attempt at emotional manipulation because she was left out of a casual event or she just wanted someone to feel sorry for her? Maybe the best approach would have simply been validate her feelings of hurt and then just saying nothing else. "I understand how you would feel hurt by this." Done. Don't get sucked into the drama. She's a big girl and should know how to handle personal relationships with her own family. He should not be playing a father role to an emotionally immature person.

I have 15 years of marriage experience living with this plus 2 1/2 years of the aftermath. What is said above is all true. My ex wife is on disability but she survived just fine and whenever there was something that was going to benefit her she miraculously found the "strength" to do it. Surprise, surprise. Please don't fall for the manipulation. You can feel sorry for her but I can guarantee you she will be fine and probably look for another victim as soon as possible once you are out the door. You are trying to avoid the decision. I don't blame you. I came up with all kinds of excuses myself. The deciding factor was to save my daughter but I was not far behind in thinking I needed to save myself. Enough was enough. I cut the cord and never looked back. You have "White Knight Syndrome" but you can't save her or change her. She has to do it herself.

I have 15 years of marriage experience living with this plus 2 1/2 years of the aftermath. What is said above is all true. My ex wife is on disability but she survived just fine and whenever there was something that was going to benefit her she miraculously found the "strength" to do it. Surprise, surprise. Please don't fall for the manipulation. You can feel sorry for her but I can guarantee you she will be fine and probably look for another victim as soon as possible once you are out the door. You are trying to avoid the decision. I don't blame you. I came up with all kinds of excuses myself. The deciding factor was to save my daughter but I was not far behind in thinking I needed to save myself. Enough was enough. I cut the cord and never looked back. You have "White Knight Syndrome" but you can't save her or change her. She has to do it herself.

I saw this coming. Good Luck but I will not be surprised if you come back soon telling us you made a mistake staying. I lived with a BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) person for 15 years.

Since I am very familiar with the behaviors you are talking about, I will give you some very important advice. Document everything. Leave immediately with all the belongings that are important to you and file for divorce. Do not worry about alimony. Do worry about your assets and bank accounts. There is no saving this marriage. Do not talk with your wife. Record conversations. Do not get into situations where she can accuse you of domestic violence or worse. Don't argue with her. Don't say anything unless absolutely required. Please. I know exactly what you are experiencing.

I have 15 years of marriage experience living with this plus 2 1/2 years of the aftermath. What is said above is all true. My ex wife is on disability but she survived just fine and whenever there was something that was going to benefit her she miraculously found the "strength" to do it. Surprise, surprise. Please don't fall for the manipulation. You can feel sorry for her but I can guarantee you she will be fine and probably look for another victim as soon as possible once you are out the door. You are trying to avoid the decision. I don't blame you. I came up with all kinds of excuses myself. The deciding factor was to save my daughter but I was not far behind in thinking I needed to save myself. Enough was enough. I cut the cord and never looked back. You have "White Knight Syndrome" but you can't save her or change her. She has to do it herself.

Yes, all very familiar. It's ancient history now. I walked out of the house 2 1/2 years ago and took our daughter with me on advice of our marriage counselor and 3 counselors that were working with our daughter. Child Protective Services was about to get involved. 3/4 counselors said "Borderline" after many many observations and interactions with my ex and the 4th said. "Highly emotionally abusive." I ended up going to personal counseling and a support group to get through the situation at that time, the divorce process and the aftermath. To this day, she will not admit any fault on her part and she is not an abusive person. No one dares tell her that she is BPD on fear of repercussions. I learned a lot about that experience, life goes on and happier days are ahead. However, my daughter still has lingering problems from that experience that may never go away. I can't tell you how many times I was watching my Fiancee for signs of BPD or similar problems. I never ever want to experience that again.

For a support group, try this. Also on FB.
http://shrink4men.com/

I saw this coming. Good Luck but I will not be surprised if you come back soon telling us you made a mistake staying. I lived with a BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) person for 15 years.

Since I am very familiar with the behaviors you are talking about, I will give you some very important advice. Document everything. Leave immediately with all the belongings that are important to you and file for divorce. Do not worry about alimony. Do worry about your assets and bank accounts. There is no saving this marriage. Do not talk with your wife. Record conversations. Do not get into situations where she can accuse you of domestic violence or worse. Don't argue with her. Don't say anything unless absolutely required. Please. I know exactly what you are experiencing.

An apartment or living with parents make no difference. As in your other post. Annual income, assets 125% above the poverty level for 2 people and a stable work situation are the determining factors. At this point with your daughter making $10 an hour and full time employment of 2080 hours would mean $20,800. The I-864 125% poverty guideline for 2 people is $20,025. If your daughter does not make that amount per year and can't prove it with tax returns, proof of employment, paycheck stubs then any other question you might have is moot. Unless she gets co-sponsors then I'm sorry to say, I don't see this happening.

I have a lot of experience with the whole mixed family situation and interpersonal problems between spouses. The short of it is, the parents should be focused on what is best for the children and step away from any conflicts that might be between the two parents. Standard divorce protocol. Our daughter was adopted from Guatemala at the age of 9 after a 1 week stay with us in the U.S. and 5 days in Guatemala. The adjustment of bringing a 9 year old into a new country and family was extremely difficult all around. My wife and I come to find out could not get on the same page about child rearing on top everything else. Also, our daughter bonded with me but only had a surface attachment to her mother which went away in 2 years to almost no attachment. My ex is BPD but that is another story. Now, my daughter is going to have to adjust to a new member of the family. The easy part is there will be no "Stepmother" situation. That was something my daughter and I talked about a lot. However, we will be 3 adults in the same house and respect will be needed all around. I think the toughest part will be my daughter understanding that's it just not Papa anymore and he will be focusing less on her. All things being said... minimize the drama, take your time, allay the fears your ex may have about the kids but don't let him bully you. Watch your kids and your fiance's reactions, words and body language for signs of trouble. Properly, balance the relationship triangle between you, your fiance and your children. My ex certainly has an valid vested interest in our daughter. But, everything else is off limits. My daughter knows if my ex gets nosy to tell her to talk to me directly. Relationships are a tricky thing and require thoughtful, respectful, common sense approaches.

I saw this coming. Good Luck but I will not be surprised if you come back soon telling us you made a mistake staying. I lived with a BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) person for 15 years.

I saw this coming. Good Luck but I will not be surprised if you come back soon telling us you made a mistake staying. I lived with a BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) person for 15 years.

Since I am very familiar with the behaviors you are talking about, I will give you some very important advice. Document everything. Leave immediately with all the belongings that are important to you and file for divorce. Do not worry about alimony. Do worry about your assets and bank accounts. There is no saving this marriage. Do not talk with your wife. Record conversations. Do not get into situations where she can accuse you of domestic violence or worse. Don't argue with her. Don't say anything unless absolutely required. Please. I know exactly what you are experiencing.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say he's dealing with a "Borderline Personality Disorder" situation. It's a nightmare situation at a minimum. I do have to agree that delaying/reacting is not a good thing to do. Everything has to be pro-active now or he is going to find himself in a much worse situation because "Borderline's" live for chaos and will stop at nothing to win and portray herself as the good guy and him as the bad guy. I would not be surprised if she accuses him of rape, injuring herself and saying he did it, accuses him of being a drug dealer or even that he watches child porn and hangs out around school yards. That is just a few examples of what a "Borderline" is capable of.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say he's dealing with a "Borderline Personality Disorder" situation. It's a nightmare situation at a minimum. I do have to agree that delaying/reacting is not a good thing to do. Everything has to be pro-active now or he is going to find himself in a much worse situation because "Borderline's" live for chaos and will stop at nothing to win and portray herself as the good guy and him as the bad guy. I would not be surprised if she accuses him of rape, injuring herself and saying he did it, accuses him of being a drug dealer or even that he watches child porn and hangs out around school yards. That is just a few examples of what a "Borderline" is capable of.

Since I am very familiar with the behaviors you are talking about, I will give you some very important advice. Document everything. Leave immediately with all the belongings that are important to you and file for divorce. Do not worry about alimony. Do worry about your assets and bank accounts. There is no saving this marriage. Do not talk with your wife. Record conversations. Do not get into situations where she can accuse you of domestic violence or worse. Don't argue with her. Don't say anything unless absolutely required. Please. I know exactly what you are experiencing.

I have seen it written both ways. Get a SSN before married with existing paperwork and then get it changed after married showing the marriage certificate. Or, get an SSN after married. If they are looking to match up your paperwork, they should be able to see your maiden name on your marriage certificate matching your Visa paperwork. I don't see how you can change you Visa paperwork at this point or even if you can/should.

It really depends on who is doing the interview at the consulate and customs as to how long and what kind of questions are asked. At least she is home. Just wait until the I-485 adjustment of status interview. I hear they can ask you really really personal questions to see if you are living together and having a close relationship.

Absolutely... You have a lifetime ban with no waivers. You shouldn't be doing anything else but contacting a competent lawyer to get the ban appealed and lifted before going any further.