Newsha

After all the Yahoo emails from Mr. Johnson who died and left me £900000000000000000000 back in 2002 I don't deal with these folks anymore

Congrates!!!!!
but what's all the visa business got to do with god?!!!
get real
Peace

It's better you know now, if you're sure he's been unfaithful don't give him a second chance that's suicide
Don't regret about the two years you're lucky enough to figure this out now
Just cancel everything and move on
Be strong

Philippines= High fraud country.
Lots of young women from the Philippines wanting a better standard of life. Green card seems to be the accepted way. The way to do this is snag an American husband
There are lots of American men (generally older men) looking for young women to marry who are probably less demanding and not so sure of themselves as American women.
This leads to this situation a lot. Guys on here posting how their wife left them as soon their green cards arrived.
Or The wife posting on here on how their American husband suddenly changed and became aggressive and abused them, so they left.
I

Yes ,You Right, he will need start to thinking about himself soon . But after Fix this problem she made for him.
I heard the Karma doesn't work when you can stop and fix your problem by yourself.
What will happen, if the Karma didn't work in USA,
Your words sound like you are trying to support the scamer !!!!!!!!!!!

Why is it the majority of these cases I see come from the Philippines?

Sound advice, be fully prepared and be quick like the wind.
Wouldn't be surprised if there were erroneous VAWA filings against you already though.

in truth, any of those listed options will work,
however,
you should engage with an Immigration Liason Staffer* on Monday, instead.
* This is a human at yer Congressman's office, they communicate directly with USCIS office staff, always a Congressional Liason Human inside of USCIS. Call around at the various offices, ask who handles immigration stuff - get the name, email address, and fax number.
Firstly - find a congressman this weekend (senator or representative). Study their website. Most have the privacy-act form for release of information that you need to fill out. Prep your letter of inquiry. You probably got a receipt ticket something from that infopass appointment. Prep your scans/pdf files, etc, and :
0. Talk with the ILS Human via phone.
1. fax all to the ILS Human.
2. email all to the ILS Human
3. Talk with the ILS Human a second time , expressing the urgency of the matter.
IMO, the ILS Human will get it done quicker.
What you want to happen is for the withdrawal done at the infopass to be retro-actively handled,
the 'as of' date being the date you handed it over,
and the further production of the card stopped.
Calm down a bit, prep yer stuff this weekend, pull the trigger on Monday with an ILS Human. You've a very small window to be productive.

Karma will bite your fiancé in the butt. If she arrived with a k-1 she will come to realize that she can't marry anyone and adjust status..so she is pretty much bound to be an eternal illegal immigrant (and trust me it is not a pleasant experience) unless she wants to return home.
Move on with your life and completely get out of touch with her. She might learn that she has no chance of adjusting status, try to trick you into believing that she's cool with you, get you to marry her and when she successfully adjusts her status, she runs out of the door again. I would say you are lucky you got off early before you guys were married and she got her green card. There are a lot of beautiful girls here in the US, don't worry you'll find one more beautiful than her lol

As a K-1 visa holder you do NOT have to pay the $165 fee. When you get to your POE, you hand your passport and K-1 visa packet to the officer...he will get your fingerprints and photo, then you will go to another waiting area. You will then visit with an immigration officer who will ask you a few questions and then you'll be on your way.

It's all fabulous that you've assessed the future of this relationship based on what you bring to the table, but nothing says that you've had a conversation about what will happen in 20 years, or having children with your guy, and the increasing likelihood that you either won't be able to give him children or a large family, if that's what he wants. Have you talked about him marrying one, two, or three more while you're married? Have you talked to him about what will happen with his worldly goods and who, aside from you, will inherit that? Have you had these incredibly difficult conversations with him? Nobody can predict the future. If we could, we'd buy just one lottery ticket and be set for life. But there are cold, hard realities we can address and prevent the damage.

Well yeah, I certainly agree with that, especially your last sentence. Which is why I always encourage people to take things slow and really get to know their partner. But I feel like sometimes there's an implication from the veterans that being in a MENA relationship is so inherently risky that there is nothing you can do to negate the risk. That the taking it slow, getting to know him, spending lots of time together, talking about expectations mean nothing because after all, MENA men are the best actors EVAH and can go on scamming for years and years without showing a single sign that he's anything but the world's most perfect partner. Or he'll become a completely different person once he gets over here/becomes a father/turns 40/whatever and he'll no longer bear any resemblance to the man you actually married.
I don't think that's what's happening in this thread, FTR. I've found this thread INCREDIBLY helpful, despite the random spurts of bickering. But if you're already proceeding with caution, keeping your eyes open, being smart about it...eventually you do have to let go of some of your fears and the words of the naysayers, or risk losing a good relationship.

To the OP - make a fake account, of a 21 yo Californian girl, a blue eyed blonde that's interested in him, and you will see how fast he discards you. If he says ,,no, thanks, I have a fiancee, whom I love much, have a great life", then you have a winner. If not ... well, then you will know.

Beauty for Ashes, I empathize greatly with what you've gone through, and what you've suffered from loving and trusting the wrong man. But the part that really struck me was when you said, "To this day I do not know why I sat so paralyzed, unable to move or get out."
This phenomenon happens to far too many women - the women who love their men so much, they make their men the center of their world, and the purpose of their life; so much so, so strongly, so completely...they lose themselves in the process. They catch their identity solely in the reflection of their man's eye - and without that man there to give them purpose, to make them feel alive, to need something from them, to make them use all their available mental energy to think of ways to make them happy, to please them, to take care of them...the codependent woman does not know where else to direct her attention - because by that point, everything else in life, compared to the wild excitement of trying to please a man who is never satisfied, trying to reason with him when there is no reasoning, trying to use her imagination to fix things that can't be fixed...the rest of the world begins to take on a dim dull light, and it becomes a shadowy place that can feel like a lonesome and trepid journey to venture back into. I don't know if that's what you felt or not, but I have seen it with others.
It's very clear that you have a good heart and that you care deeply about other people - I see you on here quite often, wanting to spare other women the same type of horror and heartache, and financial loss that you so painfully endured. That is a commendable effort. But I also think that sometimes your warnings are more scary than helpful. I say that only because we are still not yet quite clear on exactly what you saw before you brought this criminal into your home. Your warnings are strong, but generalized and unfocused.
Imagine, if every moment of your experience with him was on film. You have a large audience sitting in front of the screen, wanting to learn from your mistakes. You can stop this film any time you want, and point out this exact moment, that exact word, and say to all of us, 'Righttttttttt HERE! See this? See when I was talking to him on Skype, and I was sad about something, but he didn't sympathize at all, and changed the subject to something that he liked? THAT was a sign I should have paid attention to.'
When I think about the scammers, I begin to conjure up a certain personality type. I begin to imagine what their conversations might be about - and what they focus on. I don't have to imagine too hard, since I've had dozens of these types of men attempt conversations with me on pen pal sites - many of whom I've taken the time to, shall we say...'study'.
Just this week alone, I spoke with three very obvious scammers, while I was online in an international pen pal site, where I go to learn about other cultures, and get to know other Algerians. Here, even at first glance, it should be OBVIOUS that all three of these men are on standby for catching just the right kind of foreign woman who is looking for praise and complements, so they can get as much as they can out of her. I call them...Creepy Scammers.
EGYPT:
i was in belgium for two years and half but no one helped me there, so i backed to Egypt since seven monthes, and yes i still looking for work, but i want to travel again, im looking for good beautiful like u for marriage and true love, and believe me i dont want marry just for visa and green card but for true love and real life, do u believe me ? r u married or have love?

SPAIN (does not even sound like a Spanish speaking person!):
I’ve read you andadmdired your lovely beauty.... and I like you in both senses
I’ll feel pleased to know more widely over you and your circumstances that helps me to find , know, share and enjoy our affinities in its fullness,
Are your feelings as wonderful as your pretty image?
Please be so kind to answer me... with comments.
PaT… x

PS, I don't send my pics untill we be sure of our friendship stability

MOROCCO:
hi how are u my sweet I am omar from morocco looking for a girl friend same like u if u agree with me


So, if these messages do not seem like the beginnings of crystal clear scams to someone, THEY are the women who will be suckered in, and then come here to scare the bejesus out of all the rest of us. Not saying you, Beauty, I'm talking about anyone.
I've received many more than these over the last couple of years, but the way of talking is always the same, it always fits the same pattern. At times, I have played along, just to see what else they might say. As I've said before, I truly do my homework! So, ladies, here is a small list of my personal warnings on what to watch out for, based on real conversations with what I believed to be real scammers:
1. If he has a profile, it will indicate that he is looking for a relationship - and within the first day, or few days, he states that he is looking for love and marriage, and asks if you are interested in the same. His compliments are thick and unctuous. His profile specifies that he is looking for foreign women. If he's looking for foreign women, he's looking for a way out. Also, if it's a profile with photos where you can leave comments, browse through who's leaving messages there. If you see that he's a younger man, and there are other older women there that leave messages such as, 'Thanks for writing, how are you?' or 'Thanks for the compliment!' - you will see that he's been targeting older foreign women.
2. His questions show only the most basic interest in your life, 'what do you do for work' - 'do you have a big family' - 'do you live alone' - 'were you married' - and so on...but are never followed up by anything meaningful. Such as, do you like your job, do you get along with your family, do you feel lonely or scared with no one else in the house, was it very painful for you when you had your divorce...etc. At the same time, someone who does not have a real interest in developing a genuine relationship with you will become quickly irritated, bored, or disinterested when you ask HIM these deeper types of questions, and will give the shortest answers possible, then change the subject to something more 'fun' - like talking about sex or flirting.
3. You mention to him that you're not feeling well, you're sick, or something is on your mind making you feel sad or bothered. He may say he's sorry to hear it, tell you that all you need in your life is him to take care of you, then change the subject, showing no real emotion or interest in your feelings, and then forgets about it entirely by the next day. No follow up! This is very important, because if there's no follow up, that means that he wasn't thinking much about it, or much about you - he's forgotten all about your troubles, because they are of no real concern to him.
4. If you don't direct the conversation, and leave the topics up to him, it will consist almost entirely of sex, wanting to get married and take care of you, or all the fun things he wants to do or have. The entire focus will be about things that are good for him - and not much interest in YOU. There will be self-centeredness, peppered with the old standbys of 'you're beautiful' and 'I will take care of you, don't worry'.
5. Of course, the most obvious one, if he either comes right out and directly asks for money...or indirectly 'wishes' that 'someone' could 'help' him, because he has just suffered some big tragedy, or he has no money for food, or something of that nature.
Did any of these things happen with your ex, early on in the relationship? THAT is what is helpful to know. And if not THESE things, then what things, in particular, can you now, in hindsight, say were clear signs?
This is not to judge you, and point fingers to say, 'Ah! She saw all of that and she STILL went forward! It's her own fault!' No, Beauty for Ashes...it's just to construct a clear guide for the rest of us on what to watch out for. We all know that what we experience in the moment, and what we experience in hindsight, can be worlds apart.
Take Care,
Zoletta

I don't see anyone critiquing anyone's SO in here. I haven't throughout the whole thread, and it's odd to me that people keep crying persecution where there is none. I did see some posters take a specific reply by Sandinista meant not for the OP-- but for Kat-- and then try to say that reply was meant for all mena men, pile on the insults, and run with it. I have also seen several people who claim to want others to be more open minded or kind saying pretty rude things about others and making completely unfounded accusations about others' relationships. Wow. I have also seen a lot of generalizations about American men in here that are pretty bizarre along with generalizations about Moroccan men. The only bitter or sour sounding people in this thread are the ones who are randomly freaking out on other posters. So perhaps the best idea is to not talk to people you don't like and to consider that if you use the word "most" and then generalize about whole nations, you should have some kind of actual evidence beyond the anecdotal personal relationships you've formed over the years.

OP-- A previous poster was correct in that it's better to know things than to not know them. If you know things, then you can try to avoid them or counter them or at least just be observant. If you do end up deciding to marry and file, then it's better to address your red flags up front.

How many single US men would be interested in a 40 year divorcee with children?

ITA! I'm actually friends with a couple who is going through the same thing. The girlfriend is 22, the boyfriend is 30 and the girlfriend is complaining about feeling tied down, kissing her male friend, stringing her poor boyfriend along...and the worst thing is, she doesn't even realize how wrong she's acting. And they're only eight years apart!
A lot of people actually recommend waiting until at least 25 to marry because of all the brain development still occurring before then. Not that young marriages don't work (one of my closest friends got married at 21 and is still going strong after two kids and eight years...actually today is her anniversary, gotta send her a note!) but it's just another challenge in a relationship.
Why are people so reluctant to see that significant differences can make already challenging relationships more challenging? Younes and I have different religious beliefs. Do I expect that will make our relationship more difficult? Yes. Will I be pleasantly surprised if it doesn't? Yes. Have I thought carefully about how being married to a Muslim, even a casual Muslim, will affect my life? Yes. Am I willing to work through any difficulties while acknowledging that at some point we might decide we are just too different to make it work? Yes. Why is acknowledging that something COULD be a challenge a bad thing? Forewarned is forearmed.

Can an older woman successfully get a younger man a visa? Yes. Are these relationships always successful? No. Successful = petitioner and beneficiary are still married post citizenship, post him getting on his feet financially, post him finishing school, etc....so let's say 5-7 years after he arrives in the US. According to my personal idea of a successful immigration relationship, most MENA relationships are not successful regardless of the ages of the husband and wife. That shouldn't discourage you, however. Any relationship can succeed or fail depending on the parties involved not depending on how old the parties are.

The numbers jive. My kid will be nearly as old as the the OP's fiancé when I'm her age. How that's hateful is beyond me, it's just numbers. No one's been rude or hateful about it. On the other hand, you've been rude and snippy since you first chimed in here, as well as being completely off point.Non MENA people can study MENA norms, cultures, and standards until the cows come home. What ultimately matters in the situation of an American woman who is significantly older than her fiancé, with a significantly larger amount of adult life experiences is what that man's life experiences are and his relationship skills and abilities to relate to a wife who is at a completely different place in life, with those life experiences formed in a completely different place from where the guy is coming from. If he doesn't have the actual experience, as is common in MENA, does he at least seem promising? Squawking at Futureberberwife, like it's anthropology pop quiz time, doesn't have anything to do with what she was asking. Yea, north African norms are way different from north American. Everyone's clear on that. What matters, and what I think Futureberberwife was getting at, is how does the OP plan on dealing and adjusting to that? Can she? Will he contribute and try equally as hard? That'll be up to them. Hopefully it works. Lots of people have tried, and some have succeeded. Lots haven't. But anything less than Pollyanna is like hateful, blah blah blah.

Let us take of outside of MENA, you certainly read of many Philippine cases where the US Male is much older, sometimes a couple of generations.
How would you do a statistical comparison with Americans in the same age differential relationship?
I do not know anybody like that and the only cases you read about either the Male is a multi Billionaire, money seems to have its own attraction, or is a leader of some weird religious sect.

My husband lived abroad for for close to 6 years before we married. Had I gotten him fresh out if Algeria, and his family's home, I'm sure we wouldn't still be together. That's bc the women in his family do wait on the men hand and foot. He was away long enough to learn to be self sufficient. He lacked any relationship experience but I was you when we married so I feel like we learned together. There is no standard for MENA men, but there are many truths in generalizations.

Is there some reason you can not migrate to Algeria?

Speaking of him being younger-what does he have as far as life/relationship/practical experience? As in, has he ever lived on his own, has he ever managed money, has he had any prior romantic relationships? A big differential in terms of experience can be a big issue in any relationship.

Only YOU can make the decision about what you are are going to do... The visa journey is much different than post greencard and post citizenship..
If you do not have alot of money in the bank or a house that can be attached, you do not have much to lose. However, my advice for anyone with a lot of assets is that they get a pre nuptual or a post nuptual agreement protecting assets in the event of a split. It can help the homeowner alot to keep property separate.. There are some of these relationships that will work but there are also a lot of younger men who will pretend to be in love to get the hell out of a bad situation. This is the reality and the reason for the high AP and long waits at these embassies. They see things we dont see. Returning US petitioned spouses returning to petition Moroccan and Algerian wives after they have naturalised and they know culturally what is going on , often more than we do.. My spouse was NOT put through AP. I wish he would have been so that I could have been spared alot of what he did. My present boyfriend, also Algerian was petitioned by a US wife in 2008. She had no idea culturally what to expect and literally threw away his greencard when it arrived and would not give him any of his immigration papers. Its not always the immigrant who is bad. Its also the petitioners who sometimes act like they are buying a puppy, not getting married. I see things from both sides and the only real warning I have is asset protection. If you do not have any assets nor will you inherit them, you have nothing to lose. However for example. if you have a house in Florida, your foreign born spouse gets rights under the Florida Homestead Law which is a 25000 off the tax exemption. I was unable to see my house or refinance when I was married without my husbands permission I had a substantial amount of equity and I was told by two attorneys that he had rights to a percentage of how much my house was worth upon marriage till we divorced and he ( my ex) knew that as well and when I told him I wanted a divorce he told me I wont give you one and Ill take your house if you dont help me finish my papers.I literally was forced to stay married two years legally past the point I wanted to over money. If I had a pre nuptual this would not have happened. But I never imagined the father of my child and man I fought so hard for would ever hurt me...
Its been 10 months since I got divorced and I have dated two people since I got divorced..One for about 2 weeks and then three months later I met my boyfriend. He has been the biggest help in getting over this because the experience was so horrible and so painful, I carried a lot of pain inside and started questioning my whole life... The one thing is that this guy ALREADY has papers and hes one year younger and I know when we are together that he needs nothing from me except my presence..Had I NOT married my husband and gone through what I went through I would have never met him and both he and I went through our own private hells, Me with an Algerian and him with an American. Which to me is crazy irony! I just advise anyone with assets to make sure they protect them. I did not and it caused me alot of problems when I wanted to leave the relationship. I only had an 11 year difference and still was able to have children but I was unaware of the depth of what was going to happen once he got here. It was a holy hellish night mare from the week he got off the plane until I was able to get rid of him..

Hello, I am 21 years older than my husband, we didn't have any issues because of our age difference as far as being approved.. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and we are different religions. I will say that my husband and I spent quite a bit of time together in real life before taking the leap into marriage. I don't think a week is long enough to really get to know someone(my opinion). His family and mine approved of the the relationship(and marriage), which in a MENA country is very important, we were both questioned in depth about family approval at the interview(I attended with him). Between the time of filing the petition and the time of the interview(which was 6 months) we were together in real life(in his country)for over half that time. I think every relationship is different and you need to make the decision realistically. You need to think of what life will be like after he is here. You need to be prepared and have supporting evidence to submit with the petition. We did not present a huge amount of evidence, but I think the fact that we had spent so much time together worked in our favor. My husband has been here for almost exactly a year(Oct 12), we are very happy and our marriage is very strong, but we both work at it. For us the age difference hasn't been an issue, but I will say that I think of it more than he does(I am 48 he is 27). We are very lucky, my family and friends love him and the same goes for his family and friends, they love me. It took my husband 5 months before he found his first job in the US(which was a nightmare job) and an additional 5 months beyond that for him to find a job in his field. Even with a degree in computer engineering and experience in his home country, no one in the US was willing to hire a new immigrant with zero experience here, it was tough. He works as an intern, but he loves his job, they treat him well, and in December when his contract is up they have already told him they will hire him on a permanent basis(YAY!). I can't tell you what to do, that is up to you, but just make sure you weigh all the factors and think it through long and hard. The visa process is long and difficult(not to mention expensive) and puts a lot of stress on the relationship, it isn't all rainbows and puppy dogs, and once he gets here it is even more difficult. For us it has worked out and it was worth every last tear and penny we spent. We are one of the success stories(so far). Best of luck.
Cathi

awwwwwww..thank you