Lilyena

from what I am reading this lady came here legally. The slaughter in Syria is outrageous. Every day there are photos of children murdered in the streets. Entire cities wiped out. Who wouldn't dream of a better life. Survival. Sure there are makeshift villages in turkey to help. But these people live in tents, and its getting colder in east turkey. Little food or water. Its astonishing. So, I support the mother wanting more for her child. It was not done to just bleed the American people of their tax dollars. She doesn't want her or her child to die!

If my husband had changed after I immigrated to US, I'd leave him and go back to my home country. The purpose of the petition is to be re-united with family. I just find it hard to believe that immigrants are willing to stay over here at all cost after being subjected to abuse shortly after arriving in US claiming the marriage wasn't entered for immigration purposes.

If you wanna go back to the original topic I would be happy to discuss as a French christian married to an American jew.
I was raised christian catholic and no longer am. I believe in something and respect all religions. My view is that everyone should be able to practice their religion in peace, and not judging others. Unfortunately my happy ideal world doesnt exist and extremist christian are threatening to enter the white house, extermist jews are discriminating against other jews in israel, and so called muslims are trying to force the whole world to follow their views.
While the movie that triggered the riots is totally condemnable the world should firmly and strongly condemn the reactions which lead to the death of four people in the US embassies, and the riots that are still going on.
People who ridiculise one religion are idiots and certainly not smart people, but as always when dealing with total idiots the best is to just ignore them. Those reactions will lead to even more hate agains muslims who already are victim of the actions of a few.
There is however a real danger worldwide with salafist/ obscur links with terrorist organizations who claim to be muslims and those need to be fought. It is a very tricky situation where one should try to fight against hate while not focusing this hate against moderate muslims.
I am very confused. When the Christ is ridiculised in so called art works called piss christ i dont like it. I think its a shame people dont respect Jesus. But I just don't go see the exhibition...I m not gonna kill the stupid artist who did it. its called freedom of speech. Fine. I don't care. But when crazy christian threaten to make abortion illegal in the US or I don't know what else, it scares me, because my freedom as a christian woman to abort is threatened.
It is the same with the arab riots: a minorty of #######, whose anger is in reality not at all linked to the prophet muhammad caricatures or the movie, try to make law for the rest.
Religion can be guiding when practiced in private, and if I dont mind expression of the practice in public space (kippa, hijab, crosses) it shoudl be limited to the strict minimum.
There is one thing in common to all religious extremism: those people are often poor, easily manipulated and not really clever. It is then easy for a minorty of evil people to have a plan to go to war.
Lets be lucid, what is happening right now is slowly leading us to a new war of religion.
It scares me. I don't want that for my kid. And because I am an open minded educated person I read about Islam. I read some sourates. Islam is a beautiful religion. But if you read what the Coran says about the end of the world, you'd be surprised about the message. It says more or less that fake muslims will fill the mosquée while true believers will be persecuted. (correct me if i got it wrong..)
Similar messages can be found in the Bible. Now it is not a question of believing or not in the sacred caracter of the Books. I believe however that some old wisdom can be found and that the people who wrote it knew it would one day become crazy and tried to warn us..
It is in human nature...
Anyways it is very sad, and while I respect all religions, i hope that true muslims will rise and condemn those attitudes in order to take back control of arab countries which are slwoly turning into islamic dictatures, and i don't think that is what people, especially women, wanted when the revolutions started.
I try to be optimistic but as long as moderate religious people and non religious people wont unite against the power of hate and reliougious craziness, this world is doomed to me. Just my view.

If you wanna go back to the original topic I would be happy to discuss as a French christian married to an American jew.
I was raised christian catholic and no longer am. I believe in something and respect all religions. My view is that everyone should be able to practice their religion in peace, and not judging others. Unfortunately my happy ideal world doesnt exist and extremist christian are threatening to enter the white house, extermist jews are discriminating against other jews in israel, and so called muslims are trying to force the whole world to follow their views.
While the movie that triggered the riots is totally condemnable the world should firmly and strongly condemn the reactions which lead to the death of four people in the US embassies, and the riots that are still going on.
People who ridiculise one religion are idiots and certainly not smart people, but as always when dealing with total idiots the best is to just ignore them. Those reactions will lead to even more hate agains muslims who already are victim of the actions of a few.
There is however a real danger worldwide with salafist/ obscur links with terrorist organizations who claim to be muslims and those need to be fought. It is a very tricky situation where one should try to fight against hate while not focusing this hate against moderate muslims.
I am very confused. When the Christ is ridiculised in so called art works called piss christ i dont like it. I think its a shame people dont respect Jesus. But I just don't go see the exhibition...I m not gonna kill the stupid artist who did it. its called freedom of speech. Fine. I don't care. But when crazy christian threaten to make abortion illegal in the US or I don't know what else, it scares me, because my freedom as a christian woman to abort is threatened.
It is the same with the arab riots: a minorty of #######, whose anger is in reality not at all linked to the prophet muhammad caricatures or the movie, try to make law for the rest.
Religion can be guiding when practiced in private, and if I dont mind expression of the practice in public space (kippa, hijab, crosses) it shoudl be limited to the strict minimum.
There is one thing in common to all religious extremism: those people are often poor, easily manipulated and not really clever. It is then easy for a minorty of evil people to have a plan to go to war.
Lets be lucid, what is happening right now is slowly leading us to a new war of religion.
It scares me. I don't want that for my kid. And because I am an open minded educated person I read about Islam. I read some sourates. Islam is a beautiful religion. But if you read what the Coran says about the end of the world, you'd be surprised about the message. It says more or less that fake muslims will fill the mosquée while true believers will be persecuted. (correct me if i got it wrong..)
Similar messages can be found in the Bible. Now it is not a question of believing or not in the sacred caracter of the Books. I believe however that some old wisdom can be found and that the people who wrote it knew it would one day become crazy and tried to warn us..
It is in human nature...
Anyways it is very sad, and while I respect all religions, i hope that true muslims will rise and condemn those attitudes in order to take back control of arab countries which are slwoly turning into islamic dictatures, and i don't think that is what people, especially women, wanted when the revolutions started.
I try to be optimistic but as long as moderate religious people and non religious people wont unite against the power of hate and reliougious craziness, this world is doomed to me. Just my view.

Totally agreed, seems its harder for real couples to be together...Good luck and stay strong..

Totally agreed, seems its harder for real couples to be together...Good luck and stay strong..

I'll never understand why USCIS approves petitions for people who meet online and then in real life all of two times before getting married... but then when someone like me (who LIVED with my husband, WORKED with my husband, and was PREGNANT with his child) drives 400 miles in one day to marry him while he's detained in immigration jail, USCIS thinks I have a f***ing fake marriage and takes twice the amount of time to approve my petition. This sh!t pisses me off so much.

Honestly? I don't have sympathy for people who meet someone online and then in real life all of two times before they get married (all within a six month time frame) and then find out they've been scammed. I've been apart from my husband now for 14 months and we STILL have to complete NVC and the 601. I can't even tell you how hard it is to see people get approved and complete their journey in 4 months time when I have a REAL relationship, met him in REAL life and am not getting SCAMMED. So sue me for being so "judgmental" when this process is ANYTHING but fair.

Got my interview today, all was smooth and pretty fast. The adjudicator was super nice and told us at the end that our application was approved, yay!!

Hi I wanted to post because we are the same age ect. Honestly from your post the words young and inexpeirenced came 2 mind. Not anything that is unfixable. My husband hates shut up or name calling. To me it wasn't that big of a deal because I done it all my life when arguing. I had to change that behavior though because I saw his point and want to make the best of our relationship. It's not easy to change something you've done your whole life. I think compromise is so important. I think you're feelings are hurt because he's not calling you, but maybe it's just becuase he doesn't associate calling you with a good experience since you guys have been arguing so much. Things are very stressful in this process plus adding the other factors of being pregnat ect. I really think you guys can work it out. Sometimes we can sabatoge our happiness out of fear. Maybe the fear he will leave you or the fear that you made a mistake. Really listen to each other. I really just think he said that about a women's place and him takin the baby out of heated arguing. Not out of anything rational or real. If you want to message me and just chat plz do. It's always good to have a friend who's been thru the process Sending happiness and good vybz your way

Wow that's an impressive path!
As far as the relationship advice goes I don't know what to tell you. I don't think its a cultural problem, even if it can influence the relationship and understanding in some way. But one thing is for sure, whatever culture you're from, telling your fiancé she should know her place as a woman is something I could personnally not tolerate.
Problem is: you are having this child and you need to make decisions, and fast.
I would advice you to spend time face to face with him before taking any kind of definitive decisions.Its never good to decide when hormones/distance etc..are overwhelming you.
I can relate to your story and frustation of not beeing able to talk to the man as much as you wanted. My ex used to work on a ship and i had the same problem. One time I called he had nothing to say and was super mean saying he had other things to do than talking to me on the phone....I wouldnt hear from him in days and I was always sad and insecure about our relationship, feeling not loved. I don't think you are "needy" for wanting a little emotionnal support. I am sure you 're not asking for ten text/phone calls a day, but just the normal communication a loving couple has together, especillay during the pregnancy.
I agree to say if he has 12 hrs off, that he could take the time to call you and ask how you feel. Of course you're super tired (i've been working on a cruise ship myself) and when you have time off you go to sleep most of the time; but if you love your fiancé and miss him/her you always find time to give the phone call or to text something sweet. Its not like it was exhausting to do that. I remember working 12 hrs a day, and when I had time off I would desperately looking at my phone to communicate with my ex, but he would be like your fiancé, using his time off i don't know how. The whole situation made me very sad. During our 4 yrs together I just remember going more and more sad... and I must say luckily there was no child involved.
These cruise ship people live a very different life, almost out of reality. They party a lot, live on a different schedule..(I don't even wanna think about the promiscuity and sex scandals on the ships ). Its very hard to understand them, but again I'm speaking about my experience.
I don't know you personnal background, his personal backround. Maybe he has deeper issues to adress. It seems clear to me that there is a communication problem and until you two have a deep conversation face to face heart to heart its gonna be impossible for you to take the right decision.
its a a too difficult decision to take to take it without seeing him. Just take the time to think about, but in general you should always privilege your own well being, which in your case includes doing what is the best in the child interest. And that you will only know by seeing him and discuss everything in detail.
Good Luck,

No, you should not continue with the K-1 process. This would mean that you have to get married and this relationship you describe sounds horrible. You may as well end it now or just plan on getting divorced if you go through with it.

Madtown,
At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.
Thanks!

just stopping in to say good luck to all u may filers!
I filed march and in the beginning the wait was UGHHH just over bearing
but know that during that "wait time" they (USCIS) is doing their job so have patience and keep positive!
Good Luck everyone

Welcome to VJ, David!
I-129F petitions seem to be taking 5 to 8+ months to process.
If USCIS reviews the petition and determines that something is missing, they would send your fiancee an RFE ("request for evidence") at her U.S. address.
She could have someone picking up her mail (or list on the petition forms some reliable/stable address, perhaps such as that of her parents, as her "c/o" address). However, if the requested piece of information is something official that only she could procure (readily or at all), things could get inconvenient.
On the basis of your stated plans, you might want to look into DCF (Direct Consular Filing) to see if it's possible and feasible for you. See the VJ Guides (atop every VJ page) and the DCF forum itself. Good luck!

On the other hand, a lot of people come to the US only to visit, and of course everyone in love would like to stay and adjust without having to go home, so explain me why they are still a couple of idiots, who chose to do it the hard the way; going home, beeing separated and get a K1 or spousal visa? It also bugs me when I read this, because we all would have loved to stay with our beloved one right away instead of going through the hassle of immigration. If everyone would decide to stay and adjust status like that it would be so simple. But there are rules, and if you decide to stay, dont tell me you didnt do a little research about it..
That beeing said, I am sorry the OP has to go through abuse, I also believe she should be safe and her child to, so divorce and go home, because thats where the law would be more protective of her. I dont know, I just think she should really try to protect herself, because right now the immigration problem seems so secondary compared to the personnal danger this relationship represents...the mother in law can still see her grandchild in portugal, no? Plus i doubt she would not be able to come to the US to visit later on, as long as she can prove her case.

I have to disagree with you on this. If you're not mature then you might be cheating. This conversation could mean nothing as it could as well be flirting.
This is not an appropriate conversation to have when you're engaged. AND while this is typical french humour, I do not think it should be seen as an excuse to accept unappropirate behaviour. It is exaclty what I meant when I said it was in the french culture.
Plus I didnt say more cheating occured in French than in the US, I said it was more accepted in the French culture, it was more normal in France and people dont see it as a big deal.
See the reactions in France after the DSK case; there is plenty of litterature about it.
IMO it is a cultural thing, it is unappropriate and it is not acceptable when you are engaged.
There is also a BIG difference between the sex jokes that are common in France that are NOT flirty, but just gross, and the sex jokes that mean something. Speaking about how big your thing is to another girl is obviously in the second category.

Hi,
Apparently your fiancé is french...Sorry to disappoint you but french men are not trust worthy at all, is in the culture to joke around like that and having unappropriate conversations with other girls. In the beginning it doesnt mean anything but if your relationship goes bad in the future he wont see cheating on you as something bad.
Of course not every french man is like that, but its quite common. I am french, and I know I am not exagerating, thats why I married an american. I m not saying cheating doesnt occur in other cultures, but in France it is just part of it.
Please do yourself a favor and don't get over it, it starts with facebook conversations, then email, then drinks, then who knows what. it might be hard, but imagine, you get married, have kids..and the guy starts flirting around, and I bet he doesnt even treat you that nicely. French guys are macho and full of themselves. There are sweet guys else where, this guy doesnt deserve you.

Hi,
Apparently your fiancé is french...Sorry to disappoint you but french men are not trust worthy at all, is in the culture to joke around like that and having unappropriate conversations with other girls. In the beginning it doesnt mean anything but if your relationship goes bad in the future he wont see cheating on you as something bad.
Of course not every french man is like that, but its quite common. I am french, and I know I am not exagerating, thats why I married an american. I m not saying cheating doesnt occur in other cultures, but in France it is just part of it.
Please do yourself a favor and don't get over it, it starts with facebook conversations, then email, then drinks, then who knows what. it might be hard, but imagine, you get married, have kids..and the guy starts flirting around, and I bet he doesnt even treat you that nicely. French guys are macho and full of themselves. There are sweet guys else where, this guy doesnt deserve you.

You shouldn' worry about the K1 process if you submit all the papers everything will be ok. It takes time but not so much if you stop obsessing about it.
Everyone going through the process hurts to be away from their love but that's the way it is, unfortunately. Obsessing over it won't make it go faster..(and I know something about obsessing )
I am sorry you have to go through this when a baby was involved. I don't know what to tell you to make you feel better, but that in my opinion things happen for a reason.
You seem to believe in God, so maybe if I tell you that sometimes a soul doesnt want to be born thats how miscarriages happen...this soul is probably at peace now and your fiancé and you will have other occasions to be parents.
Never doubt on that, stay positive and tell her maybe she should see a shrink to get help. Losing a child is not an easy process and it is important to have psychological support.
Stay strong, much positive thoughts and love to both of you.