amyandjorge

Well said, Outback Annie.
OP, you said you don't know about his financial situation, that is a sign of mental abuse. You say you don't want to hurt his future. His future will either consist of prolonging your own personal depression or that of another woman once he gets here.
And finally, I can almost guarantee you that he WILL change once he gets here. He will most likely become a more exaggerated version of his current self. Why? He will be stressed out, financially dependent(possibly), culturally/socially dependent, and apparently surround by a culture he does not agree with.
You clearly want a husband that loves you and shows it(don't we all?), he's not it. He wants a green card and from what I've read, he got that from one love letter.
Looks like it's not impossible to find a loving, caring Pakistini man, don't give up!

Well said, Outback Annie.
OP, you said you don't know about his financial situation, that is a sign of mental abuse. You say you don't want to hurt his future. His future will either consist of prolonging your own personal depression or that of another woman once he gets here.
And finally, I can almost guarantee you that he WILL change once he gets here. He will most likely become a more exaggerated version of his current self. Why? He will be stressed out, financially dependent(possibly), culturally/socially dependent, and apparently surround by a culture he does not agree with.
You clearly want a husband that loves you and shows it(don't we all?), he's not it. He wants a green card and from what I've read, he got that from one love letter.
Looks like it's not impossible to find a loving, caring Pakistini man, don't give up!

Well said, Outback Annie.
OP, you said you don't know about his financial situation, that is a sign of mental abuse. You say you don't want to hurt his future. His future will either consist of prolonging your own personal depression or that of another woman once he gets here.
And finally, I can almost guarantee you that he WILL change once he gets here. He will most likely become a more exaggerated version of his current self. Why? He will be stressed out, financially dependent(possibly), culturally/socially dependent, and apparently surround by a culture he does not agree with.
You clearly want a husband that loves you and shows it(don't we all?), he's not it. He wants a green card and from what I've read, he got that from one love letter.
Looks like it's not impossible to find a loving, caring Pakistini man, don't give up!

Well said, Outback Annie.
OP, you said you don't know about his financial situation, that is a sign of mental abuse. You say you don't want to hurt his future. His future will either consist of prolonging your own personal depression or that of another woman once he gets here.
And finally, I can almost guarantee you that he WILL change once he gets here. He will most likely become a more exaggerated version of his current self. Why? He will be stressed out, financially dependent(possibly), culturally/socially dependent, and apparently surround by a culture he does not agree with.
You clearly want a husband that loves you and shows it(don't we all?), he's not it. He wants a green card and from what I've read, he got that from one love letter.
Looks like it's not impossible to find a loving, caring Pakistini man, don't give up!

Well said, Outback Annie.
OP, you said you don't know about his financial situation, that is a sign of mental abuse. You say you don't want to hurt his future. His future will either consist of prolonging your own personal depression or that of another woman once he gets here.
And finally, I can almost guarantee you that he WILL change once he gets here. He will most likely become a more exaggerated version of his current self. Why? He will be stressed out, financially dependent(possibly), culturally/socially dependent, and apparently surround by a culture he does not agree with.
You clearly want a husband that loves you and shows it(don't we all?), he's not it. He wants a green card and from what I've read, he got that from one love letter.
Looks like it's not impossible to find a loving, caring Pakistini man, don't give up!

One thing I have noticed in my relatively short life, society does not appreciate immigrants. We don't make ourselves look better by saying other people are interolerant as well.
Anywho. My husband was expecting it. My mother was not. She came home nearly in tears because a worker at Lowe's made a snide comment about the fact that the product they loaded into her vehicle was also labeled in Spanish blah blah blah. And of course, my husband was with her.
Close to being the most scared I have ever been was in NC with my husband at a flea market. We walked up to a man selling junk mostly and knives. He took one look at us and said, 'Well look at that, a Mexican and a Northerner'... like we were both foreign.
Another problem my husband has, people assume he sells drugs (cocaine). I hear this from other Hispanic men, too.
However, as some of mentioned, ignorance is not always negative (don't get me wrong, racism is). I welcome the opportunity to answer questions about Honduras culture and my husband LOVES telling stories about life in Honduras to a captive audience (lol he's so exotic). I also feel like it is especially important for people who have been through the immigration process (beneficiary or petitioner), to answer questions about immigration. If more people knew how rigorous the spousal immigration process is, I feel like the general attitude towards immigrants would be different.
The thing about America is, even though there is ignorance, racism, intolerance, for the most part they are illegal. There are laws that protect against discrimination, there is such a thing as a hate crime.

Well said, Outback Annie.
OP, you said you don't know about his financial situation, that is a sign of mental abuse. You say you don't want to hurt his future. His future will either consist of prolonging your own personal depression or that of another woman once he gets here.
And finally, I can almost guarantee you that he WILL change once he gets here. He will most likely become a more exaggerated version of his current self. Why? He will be stressed out, financially dependent(possibly), culturally/socially dependent, and apparently surround by a culture he does not agree with.
You clearly want a husband that loves you and shows it(don't we all?), he's not it. He wants a green card and from what I've read, he got that from one love letter.
Looks like it's not impossible to find a loving, caring Pakistini man, don't give up!

Well said, Outback Annie.
OP, you said you don't know about his financial situation, that is a sign of mental abuse. You say you don't want to hurt his future. His future will either consist of prolonging your own personal depression or that of another woman once he gets here.
And finally, I can almost guarantee you that he WILL change once he gets here. He will most likely become a more exaggerated version of his current self. Why? He will be stressed out, financially dependent(possibly), culturally/socially dependent, and apparently surround by a culture he does not agree with.
You clearly want a husband that loves you and shows it(don't we all?), he's not it. He wants a green card and from what I've read, he got that from one love letter.
Looks like it's not impossible to find a loving, caring Pakistini man, don't give up!

As my mom says... no American guy would be able to put up with me!
My husband is a rare combination of handsome, stubborn, independent, and hardworking, I don't care where he's from, I'm keeping him!
I was definitely NOT looking for a husband when we met, but then I realized he was a one of a kind

lol I just opened this forum and here's what I see...
Previous post, 'prostitution scandal'
Current post, 'decline in belief in God'
Next post, 'teenager murdered'
I'm no scientist, but I detect a trend

I used to freak out if Jorge didn't call me one day. Yell at him when he finally did get around to calling. I would get upset and it would come out like I was angry, but I was really more sad/worried. We worked it out.
It's a stressful situation, and you don't get to hug at the end of a tiff (or slap )
Most people aren't prepared for stressful long distance relationships, takes a whole new level of strong communication.

First, questions should be:
1. Is there a possibility I get the visa in absence of a legitimate relationship? as she can't be predicted.
4. My new girlfriend who is more matured in reasoning really wants to date a married man who she has never met (?) but who loves her very much, even though divorcing his current wife isn't his decision.
I'm sorry, it seems like phone records are the least of your worries at this point. You don't have to be in the US to divorce your wife. Or to date someone else apparently.

First, questions should be:
1. Is there a possibility I get the visa in absence of a legitimate relationship? as she can't be predicted.
4. My new girlfriend who is more matured in reasoning really wants to date a married man who she has never met (?) but who loves her very much, even though divorcing his current wife isn't his decision.
I'm sorry, it seems like phone records are the least of your worries at this point. You don't have to be in the US to divorce your wife. Or to date someone else apparently.

If I understand the terms correctly, it is prohibited for anyone on this forum to answer what you are asking, OP. No one here is to judge if you want to bounce from American woman to American woman, but it should not be to serve the purpose of staying permanently in the US, which is clearly a priority for you.
edit: Oh yeah, you're not a victim, stop that.

If I understand the terms correctly, it is prohibited for anyone on this forum to answer what you are asking, OP. No one here is to judge if you want to bounce from American woman to American woman, but it should not be to serve the purpose of staying permanently in the US, which is clearly a priority for you.
edit: Oh yeah, you're not a victim, stop that.

First, questions should be:
1. Is there a possibility I get the visa in absence of a legitimate relationship? as she can't be predicted.
4. My new girlfriend who is more matured in reasoning really wants to date a married man who she has never met (?) but who loves her very much, even though divorcing his current wife isn't his decision.
I'm sorry, it seems like phone records are the least of your worries at this point. You don't have to be in the US to divorce your wife. Or to date someone else apparently.

First, questions should be:
1. Is there a possibility I get the visa in absence of a legitimate relationship? as she can't be predicted.
4. My new girlfriend who is more matured in reasoning really wants to date a married man who she has never met (?) but who loves her very much, even though divorcing his current wife isn't his decision.
I'm sorry, it seems like phone records are the least of your worries at this point. You don't have to be in the US to divorce your wife. Or to date someone else apparently.

This same thing happened in my house for the first week or so after my husband arrived. I could hear my MIL wailing on the phone, which of course upset my husband, I just let them cry it out and now it's past.
I'm having a hard time understanding the other replies... I would never expect my husband's family to cut themselves out of his life, besides it wouldn't happen anyway. They are his parents, they had an idea of how his life would turn out and I can almost guarantee it did not involve moving to another town much less another country! This is not the first time he has left home/country before either. I also would NEVER tell him that he can't talk to his family as much as he wants (unless it was getting too expensive, of course). That is planting the seed of resentment for later on. They need to get comfortable with the new arrangement, preferably in their own ways.
There is a huge difference between vacationing and moving to another country. Vacation has the expectation of returning, moving has the expectation of not returning. It's like they say, 'time heals all'. I would say give them a month to find their equilibrium.

This same thing happened in my house for the first week or so after my husband arrived. I could hear my MIL wailing on the phone, which of course upset my husband, I just let them cry it out and now it's past.
I'm having a hard time understanding the other replies... I would never expect my husband's family to cut themselves out of his life, besides it wouldn't happen anyway. They are his parents, they had an idea of how his life would turn out and I can almost guarantee it did not involve moving to another town much less another country! This is not the first time he has left home/country before either. I also would NEVER tell him that he can't talk to his family as much as he wants (unless it was getting too expensive, of course). That is planting the seed of resentment for later on. They need to get comfortable with the new arrangement, preferably in their own ways.
There is a huge difference between vacationing and moving to another country. Vacation has the expectation of returning, moving has the expectation of not returning. It's like they say, 'time heals all'. I would say give them a month to find their equilibrium.

Agreed, he needs to get over himself. Start spending your money only on yourself and your own future.
And I would cancel the tickets to his country. It will be worth the loss of money to see the look on his face.

According to the OP it was an arranged marriage, so that's why they married. Nowhere does it say she sought to marry him or sought to obtain a GC. But you are right, perhaps they pushed for marriage too early. Bottom line, they are married, she is talking.
Why so bitter?

According to the OP it was an arranged marriage, so that's why they married. Nowhere does it say she sought to marry him or sought to obtain a GC. But you are right, perhaps they pushed for marriage too early. Bottom line, they are married, she is talking.
Why so bitter?

Agreed trust isn't something you should compromise on, and it is essential to a healthy relationship.
BUT it doesn't happen overnight. Saying, trust me and tell me everything doesn't automatically create trust, neither does the legal act of marriage. Especially if she knew that once she disclosed everything you would dump her.
Two sides to trust, and if she trusted me on the first night, I wouldn't trust her.
On the other hand, sounds like she is not adjusting well by her violent and manipulative tactics.

Agreed trust isn't something you should compromise on, and it is essential to a healthy relationship.
BUT it doesn't happen overnight. Saying, trust me and tell me everything doesn't automatically create trust, neither does the legal act of marriage. Especially if she knew that once she disclosed everything you would dump her.
Two sides to trust, and if she trusted me on the first night, I wouldn't trust her.
On the other hand, sounds like she is not adjusting well by her violent and manipulative tactics.

hm, first ask him not to yell! inside voices
second, ask him to write down everything he thinks that you need to improve (while you're driving he can make a list). That way you can discuss after the drive is over, and there is something to reference later on (to check for improvement or settle disputes).
I'm helping my husband get reacquainted with the road. I refuse to let myself yell or criticize him for going to slow (trust me, it's not easy!). Once he's comfortable, then we can work out the nuances of driving etiquette, etc.
Doesn't sound like you need driving lessons, sounds like he needs riding lessons