Welshcookie

We actually debated living in Russia. Since she already finished her degree and I was still in school plus her being fluent in both languages led to are decision to live here. We have had numerous friends move back to Russia because they had a better life there. The difference is I met a russian women by chance who had a great life in Russia and because we fell in love is why we decided to live in the usa vs. a desperate guy who can not find a wife because of his lack of an education messing up ect meeting a desperate girl on the internet who messed up and can not handle life over there due to not having and education messing up ect... This may come to a shock to you but there are very many russian women who prefer living in Russia. Try meeting a real Russian woman. And trust me the U.S.A is not as great as you think it is.

Yes I have been to Alaska. Ha I am a young engineer and you are an old guy that lives in Alaska. You had to meet a girl on myspace because you could not meet one in real life. I actually met my wife by chance when she was studying over here. Most of these girls you would meet on the internet are desperate to leave the country because of their own problems and your their ticket out of there. Pathetic. Enough Said. Yes I use hair gel. Back on subject I would love to live in Russia and we are planning on moving there someday. Cheers

Utter nonsense!
Your partner is despised as she was a Scot in England?! I think you have been given a slanted version of the truth.
The only offence that a Scot might take in England is that they feel they are accepted simply as being "regional" the worst they will hear is that they might be called "jock" when in a group of people. Now, let us reverse the situation, an English person in Scotland might experience real abuse as they are perceived as the bad people who did bad things to the Scots (the English policy in Scotland was primative and brutal) Popular culture likes to enforce a "them and us" philosophy between the Scots and the English (the movie Braveheart being an example) Today, the English born person walking through Glasgow is about as responsible for primative English brutality as they are for killing the dinosaurs.
History shows that the Scots were good at fighting themselves, the various clans fought brutal wars for generations (just like other early civilisations) the one thing that the clans mostly agreed on was their despising of the English. A Scot telling of being despised in England is an example of someone reaffirming modern stereotypical popular culture rather than studying history.
I dont personally feel a need to defend the English, only a desire to bash them with facts a little closer to the truth.
Good luck with the visa journey.

She never "forgot", Amby. She came up with multiple lies in order to get people off her back during the time when her daughter was "missing". Each version was different, depending upon the person she was speaking with, and the day. She knew very well where her daughter was.

I didn't read Steven's post as saying Filipina's are helpless, unworthy, etc. as you are trying to say. Rather, I read it as saying that when a woman is financially dependent on a husband who is vastly older than her, she can be vulnerable after his death. The key words here are "when a woman is financially dependent." Wouldn't you agree that if a younger woman, who doesn't work outside the home, is married to a much older man and is entirely dependent on him financially, she is at risk of being vulnerable (financially -- not as a "weak woman") should he die unexpectedly?
I've known (and know) lots of Filipinas and I'd never say they are weak or frail or helpless but none of my friends are married to much older men and all of them work outside the home, have university degrees or specialty certifications, etc.

Topic has been moved from the K-1 forum as it is not about the K-1 process and the topic is better suited for discussion in the Off Topic forum.
I will also add a caution that similar topics started before, most often in the Regional Forums, have ended up with unnecessary and inappropriate comments leading to posts being removed and threads being closed. So please be advised to keep your comments courteous and friendly. It is also not necessary to put down someone else's choice or any particular nationality or ethnicity in order to support your own choice. It is good to remember that threads of this nature just seem to garner a fair bit of 'competition' between VJ members.

Their outdated/utter lack of sense of personal style?

If deleting some of the more bloated threads increased performance, then maybe you need to revisit the viability of some of those game threads.

Well....yes. And also maybe a TINY bit because the American women here get a little tired of hearing how ####### American women are compared to ________ (<-- fill in nationality) women. There are awesome and horrible men and women of every nationality. The broad stereotypes floating about VJ are insulting and really should have no place on an immigration forum!

This is a very cheeky thread...try not to take anything too seriously.

we need spinach for the irony deficient

Most of the time, I enjoy the slight bickering with the ppl in question. It's actually quite amusing to me most times to run into people with such archaic views. It's quite a novelty to interact with those who finally feel the 'freedom' to be as insulting as they can be -presumably as it fills some therapeutic need for self esteem recovery - 'It's not me, it's all THEM' . It's self jjustified by the fact that they did, indeed, get someone to marry them, so of course it must everyone else that was the problem. Irl, I have never met anyone even close to that, and I have to admit, it's like driving past a very bad car crash....you can't help but look. I joke with my BFF who's also a member here, that Ewok has created this site solely for a Master's thesis in sociology.
However, there are those times when I really am shocked by the rampant disrespect., and shocked by the level of tolerance to it. Some posters just don't seem to 'get it'...that it's not 'us vs them'. That we're not jealous of their happiness, and the only thing we object to is the means in which they express their happiness - in relation to feeling the need to put down others.
The post in q that I believe started this whole thing off was a very nonchalant anecdote about a particular poster telling his wife 'if your mom was half as lippy as you are, no wonder her husband beat her azz every day' Or something to that effect. I said it in that thread, and M said it here...it's neither clever nor funny. And it's quite insulting to the community as a whole to have a poster who feels it's not only appropriate to say, but then berates anyone who claims it's offensive. And then it gets into 'I refuse to be PC' as if THAT'S the issue. PC? Is that what this is all about? Joking about domestic violence is not funny. It's socially retarded (in the literal sense) to even think it's acceptable to repeat in mixed company. No one here gives a toss about the dynamic of any individual couple, but what is acceptable to that couple should not automatically make it acceptable to the VJ collective.
Then of course, the pack descends, and then it's another same old same old clusterfluff with the usual suspects (on both sides).
In this particular case, the silence of the majority is deafening. Not one other poster took umbrage by what was said. In fact, the other posts denigrated into the usual back and forth. So am I to presume that not one man in that forum who read that thread feels it's ok to joke about your MIL's past of being beaten? Is that really funny at all?
I don't actually think anything will change though. This topic has been talked about til the horse is well and truly dead. The only way it can change is through heavy moderation - because let's face it, enlightenment - although preferrable - will never happen. I'm not really a fan of heavy moderation in the general sense. But that is my opinion based on normal adult behavior. This falls beyond the scope of that. I highly doubt these posters who so freely put down American women as <insert your choice here> would voice this to their mothers, sisters, female friends. I think those who beat their chests and objectify their own wives are only doing so here, because they can. Sure, to some of these men, going home to a gorgeous wife must seem like something that (pre-internet) was entirely impossible. They must feel like they won the lottery (let's face it, the GC is a wonderful equalizer) So most of the time, I try to remember that and that makes me feel bad enough for them, that it gives me more tolerance for their behavior.
But in the grand scheme of VJ, they are a wart on the azz of the site, and have driven members away. How Ewok wants to deal with that is his choice.
eta: imo, it's not about just sweeping up after certain people by invising offending posts. I say leave it out there, and if mod action IS taken, it needs to be publicly shared to show that this type of behavior is not acceptable here. Not just getting out the broom and cleaning up someone's mess....people need to stand publicly accountable for what they say, and invising is not the way.

What is missing from the mobile version of this site?

It is also a shame that women who may have something of benefit to add to this site, as it pertains to immigration, choose to leave because of the hate.
For a site that is supposedly dedication to helping people through the immigration process, the spewing of vitriol seems counter-productive...unless the intent is for this site to become a place where men can pump their fists to their manliness, talk about abusing women, degrade women, and oh yes, solicit wives...

So I've been cogitating a little bit on the TOS (hey, I'm a lawyer, and it's interesting to me) and I'm just wondering about a couple of things in there, which I have in this very sub-forum wondered about before in days gone by. Is it or is it not a violation of the following clauses of the TOS on "Permited Uses" when certain prejudicial stereotypes about women of particular nationalities are regularly trotted out on a near-daily basis?



As a woman, and as a woman of the demographic against which mud is thrown frequently in certain areas of this site, I can say that I feel very uncomfortable reading some of the things posted. Now, you can all go and tell me to be a big girl and not read these things, but the sentiment leaches into other, more general areas of the site. It creates a hostile environment on VJ as a whole, and it seems that by not trying to contain this behaviour, that the moderation and administration silently endorse such language. It is hate language.
Wait, let me say that again. It is hate language. It's not clever and it's not funny. It makes this place seem like some sort of boys' club, where women are either to be ogled (if conforming to one particular brand of beauty) or discussed in the most offensive terms. It's bullying behaviour. Sorry, it is.
I'm ready for the vitriol to roll in from the usual suspects, and guys, I don't give a damn if you think I'm a harpy or bitter or ugly, because I know I'm not and I'm secure in that. I'm more concerned about the other, silent women on here who read this and feel they can't pipe up because "that's just VJ." It's discriminatory and it needs to stop.
I'm taking a stand and I don't care what any of you think. THE HATE NEEDS TO STOP.

You are just a completely repugnant person. I don't care what your justifications are, what you've said is horrendous, and you are crass, and quite frankly, socially retarded to say this in a crowd.

You're not being clever, or funny, or part of some 'bad boys club' to say what I quoted. If you were half a man, you'd retract what you said immediately.
And anyone here who wants to make this about 'us vs them' just tell me whether or not you condone domestic violence.
Kip, you literally make me sick to my stomach.

...maybe I'll ask my husband if he'll whip up a batch of pancakes whilst on a unicycle. Because all Brits do that.

Being hitched to a Limey rocks. He makes a delicious curry, knows everything there is to know about football (soccer), and can read. Plus, he's nice and has good manners.
American guys are a waste of time. Except, of course, for my male family, friends, and neighbors, plus that nice bartender at my favorite sports bar, my mechanic, the guy who fixed my washing machine, that elderly gentleman who let me use his cell phone at the airport, and perhaps a couple of historical figures, like Eli Whitney and John Quincy Adams. And maybe a couple of other guys I haven't thought of yet.
If only I'd had an American schlub starter husband to take to the cleaners...

USC Ladies, do you ever stop to think how you won the lottery with your foreign husband? There's an awful lot of talk about how great foreign wives are, well dangit, it's time we American women talk about our husbands.
There are some AMAZING men we married, who treat us like real partners, who appreciate our intelligence, our beauty, our humor, and all that makes us "American." America isn't all fast food, obesity, and femi-nazis as some would like to claim.
I love being the wife of a sexy, intelligent, foreign man who doesn't feel the need to prove how manly he is -- because he exudes it naturally.

For us American women who were single and independant for so long before being married to a MENA man, it can be VERY difficult to get used to a man wanting to know where you are every minute of the day, why you're not answering your cellphone when they call, why dinner isn't on the table when they get home every night etc etc. Just understand..while you might feel all cozy and protected while on vacation with your man in their country, those attributes you found so cute overseas will become quite annoying once they're on American soil.

Since I don't want to disappoint on the negative comments front, I have to say that I don't understand what makes your man any more of a "real man" by the attributes that you've stated. I also think that whatever roles work for you guys, then great, I just object to the implication that anyone who strays from these roles is any less of a man or a woman. This is the same problem I have with similar statements made by American men in other forums regarding the "real women" in other countries. But then again, what do I know, I just burned my bra because it was irritating my armpit hair.

It's just so ironic that there is an abundance of women in the MENA forum that go looking abroad for a spouse to find someone with more "traditional" values and an abundance of men in other forums that go looking abroad for the same reason. Where is the disconnect? I think people aren't entirely honest about what attracts them to a foreign spouse and IMO it goes back to the issue I mentioned in another thread regarding leveraging your strengths and weaknesses.

Oh no, no offense taken. My comment was directed at the stereotypes of American women that are rampant in other areas of VJ.