People just dont get it, do they?

[Meridien 0]

Agreed - they just don't understand! But to be fair, I never gave much thought to immigration either before I fell in love with an American. That's the beauty of visajourney, it is so great to have all of these new friends who are as obsessed with this as I am!

As long and tedious as this process is, it is a blessing in some ways. It has given me a much greater understanding of how brave all the immigrants of the world are to be picking up everything and starting over in a new land. I find it pretty humbling when I think of all those thousands of applications sitting at USCIS, and how each one of them represents someone's hopes and dreams...

[Queen Jenn 0]

They will never understand it.

They will also never have the amazing bond with their SO that we will.

In the minds of others, they think only a few thoughts: "Mail-Order", "Desperate", "Crazy." They use these imaginings to cover up their jealousy--which will be further confirmed when you are finally together WITH your SO and they see your happiness for themselves--then they'll wonder why they can't experience the same love the two of you share... full of trust, fidelity, commitment and appreciation!

I completely agree. They will never understand it. And they will never have the amazing bond with their SO that we have with our SO.

And not only do they THINK "Desperate" or "Crazy" sometimes they will say it right to your face. One of the people that I was closest to said I must be "Desperate" or "Crazy." Really, I think jealousy was the primary factor in those words.

And even though we must endure the separation (and the lack of enthusiasm-or outright disapproval of the relationship), it is worth it in the end because we have that REAL, DEEP, ENDURING, TRUE LOVE.

[msu17 0]

I cant get over the number of people who thought my husband (then fiance) could just walk into the country since he was from the UK. And how many people (including my family who have been told 10 times already) think he can just work now that we are married. At the same time, there are always those people who think he's marrying me for a greencard (cause the US is SO much better than the UK ). I usually keep most of my excitement to my parents, my husband and VJ unless its something obvious, like his visa or his EAD. Its amazing how quickly you forget all the stress of the K1 though once they get here! On a side note, I just wanted to add we got his AP today in the mail, so we'll actually make our Christmas flight!!! YAY!

[Stibnite 0]

And even though we must endure the separation (and the lack of enthusiasm-or outright disapproval of the relationship), it is worth it in the end because we have that REAL, DEEP, ENDURING, TRUE LOVE.

Absolutely. I have explained the situation to a number of people and have had some old-fashioned, lazy American comrades say specifically: "I could never love anyone that much, and go through ALL of that trouble for true love."

My response to them usually is, "Why not?"

In modern-day society, everyone is so slack on marriage vows and too comfortable with divorce. They really don't care about true love. It's all about money, status, and appearance to the majority of them.

Well, I find myself wanting the real thing--living a life of long happiness and experiencing the "until death do you part" quote cited during the wedding vows.

What makes us different from those people is we will go any lengths to find true happiness and love until we have it. They, for the most part, are just simply lazy and settle for what they can get due to lack of patience and concern. The common, "Wow, she's hot--I'm sold" attitude. Although, sometimes you'll find that rare couple that ran into each other as childhood neighbors and enjoy a 75 year marriage--however, I feel those days are quite behind us in the States now. That type of local love rarely takes place anymore due to the upbringing of our modern society and accepted liberalistic lifestyles.

Edited December 4, 2007 by Stibnite

[ChrisB0707 4]

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry about this little rant....

As you can see by my sig, we just got our NOA2 approval. We've been apart for 5 months already during this stretch, and before that, we were lucky to see each other 2 weeks out of the year for the last 3 years. It is very hard, as many of you know. What is even harder is that this time, we have an infant. We made the agonizing decision, once we found out I was pregnant, to wait till he was born to file the I129f, because we didnt want to take the chance that things would get tied up to the point where it might have been difficult for him to re-enter the US for the birth while our case was pending. So, he's been away from his little baby for the last 5 months.

I know many of you can relate to the pain of simply being away from your sweetie for months and months on end, and I know many of you can also relate to having children separated from one parent for months and months on end.

So, here comes my rant....

After all of this, with friends and family knowing darned well how long we're always separated for, when we finally get some good news (the NOA2 being approved), we barely get any kind of response. A gentle "hey, grats" is about the extent, and some people could not even muster that much!

I agree with Adam. I ws also married before and my Filipina Fiancee is amazing. The feelings I have for my Filipina Fiancee are so much more then my ex wife. It an amazing feeling when you really find true love. We all have such a long wait but when the time comes and my Fiancee gets to the US the long wait will be worth it.

How can these people claim to care so much about me/us, and see me/us suffer for so long, and not seem to care that this waiting is getting closer to being over?

If people have not been thru this, they simply cannot fathom how painful it is to be separated from the one we love. What's funny is, these same people miss their SO when they go away for a weekend or a week, or they commplain when their SO works too many hours in one week...and I want to say "At least you can see your SO at some point during the week! I've been apart from my SO for 5 months, and last year we were separated for nearly the entire year!". They just cannot fathom it, or do not attempt to think about it I guess?

Anyone else get frustrated at stuff like this?

They will never understand it.

They will also never have the amazing bond with their SO that we will.

I was married once before for almost 8 years... and I can say that the most intimate of moments I had with my local ex-wife do not even come CLOSE to comparing to even the casual moments I have had with my filipina fiancee.

It's a completely different world to experience the "true love" sensations that people like ourselves have found.

My advice is not to worry about what others think. Focus on yourself and your SO and worry only about what you think.

In the minds of others, they think only a few thoughts: "Mail-Order", "Desperate", "Crazy." They use these imaginings to cover up their jealousy--which will be further confirmed when you are finally together WITH your SO and they see your happiness for themselves--then they'll wonder why they can't experience the same love the two of you share... full of trust, fidelity, commitment and appreciation!

I look forward to spending the next 50+ years with my mahal.

-Adam and Arlyn

[Imua 0]

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry about this little rant....

As you can see by my sig, we just got our NOA2 approval. We've been apart for 5 months already during this stretch, and before that, we were lucky to see each other 2 weeks out of the year for the last 3 years. It is very hard, as many of you know. What is even harder is that this time, we have an infant. We made the agonizing decision, once we found out I was pregnant, to wait till he was born to file the I129f, because we didnt want to take the chance that things would get tied up to the point where it might have been difficult for him to re-enter the US for the birth while our case was pending. So, he's been away from his little baby for the last 5 months.

I know many of you can relate to the pain of simply being away from your sweetie for months and months on end, and I know many of you can also relate to having children separated from one parent for months and months on end.

So, here comes my rant....

After all of this, with friends and family knowing darned well how long we're always separated for, when we finally get some good news (the NOA2 being approved), we barely get any kind of response. A gentle "hey, grats" is about the extent, and some people could not even muster that much!

How can these people claim to care so much about me/us, and see me/us suffer for so long, and not seem to care that this waiting is getting closer to being over?

If people have not been thru this, they simply cannot fathom how painful it is to be separated from the one we love. What's funny is, these same people miss their SO when they go away for a weekend or a week, or they commplain when their SO works too many hours in one week...and I want to say "At least you can see your SO at some point during the week! I've been apart from my SO for 5 months, and last year we were separated for nearly the entire year!". They just cannot fathom it, or do not attempt to think about it I guess?

Anyone else get frustrated at stuff like this?

LOL, you know that reality TV show Wife Swap? Where wives go to a different house for one or two weeks? Well at the end of the two weeks or whatever they always show the wives going back to their own families and they are always running into their husband's arms and crying so hard as if they have been apart for so long.... I'm like 'honey, you don't know from long'....

[rebeccajo 14]

And even though we must endure the separation (and the lack of enthusiasm-or outright disapproval of the relationship), it is worth it in the end because we have that REAL, DEEP, ENDURING, TRUE LOVE.

You know, separation and LDR's - they're very romantic. Full of longing and the like.

Back when my husband and I were separated, and even more strongly now, I believe the distance we had from each other and the fact we survived it long enough to get across oceans and to the alter isn't the true test of us. The true test is if we can put all that together and bring it forward.

Once you are together, at some point the lonely nights and days melt away. The dream is fulfilled and reality begins. The long distance is gone. Now everything you said to each other is in the past and the actions of today are real life.

It takes more courage to put your money where your mouth was than it takes to articulate those feelings, goals and dreams while apart. Words are just words - life is what you must build.

The true test of what you will be together is what you are separately as people. What is in your individual characters and hearts.

[Welshcookie 17]

And even though we must endure the separation (and the lack of enthusiasm-or outright disapproval of the relationship), it is worth it in the end because we have that REAL, DEEP, ENDURING, TRUE LOVE.

You know, separation and LDR's - they're very romantic. Full of longing and the like.

Back when my husband and I were separated, and even more strongly now, I believe the distance we had from each other and the fact we survived it long enough to get across oceans and to the alter isn't the true test of us. The true test is if we can put all that together and bring it forward.

Once you are together, at some point the lonely nights and days melt away. The dream is fulfilled and reality begins. The long distance is gone. Now everything you said to each other is in the past and the actions of today are real life.

It takes more courage to put your money where your mouth was than it takes to articulate those feelings, goals and dreams while apart. Words are just words - life is what you must build.

The true test of what you will be together is what you are separately as people. What is in your individual characters and hearts.

Best post ever RJ

I feel somewhat miffed at reading that somehow LDR's are considered 'more enduring' real' or 'deep' than relationships that haven't experienced separation. Believe me, living day in, day out with one another is the true test of enduring love

[rebeccajo 14]

And even though we must endure the separation (and the lack of enthusiasm-or outright disapproval of the relationship), it is worth it in the end because we have that REAL, DEEP, ENDURING, TRUE LOVE.

You know, separation and LDR's - they're very romantic. Full of longing and the like.

Back when my husband and I were separated, and even more strongly now, I believe the distance we had from each other and the fact we survived it long enough to get across oceans and to the alter isn't the true test of us. The true test is if we can put all that together and bring it forward.

Once you are together, at some point the lonely nights and days melt away. The dream is fulfilled and reality begins. The long distance is gone. Now everything you said to each other is in the past and the actions of today are real life.

It takes more courage to put your money where your mouth was than it takes to articulate those feelings, goals and dreams while apart. Words are just words - life is what you must build.

The true test of what you will be together is what you are separately as people. What is in your individual characters and hearts.

Best post ever RJ

I feel somewhat miffed at reading that somehow LDR's are considered 'more enduring' real' or 'deep' than relationships that haven't experienced separation. Believe me, living day in, day out with one another is the true test of enduring love

A relationship is a relationship, you know? I mean, now that I have experienced a relationship that begins as 'words on a screen' I realize that those feelings can be just as real and enduring as those you develop when you meet in the traditional manner.

I don't believe either the LDR or traditional courtship are superior or inferior to each other. Some will tell you that LDR's force you to communicate - that's very very true, but words ARE just words. And a traditional courtship, while it gives people the chance to see and interact with each other, can be held together by physical attraction RATHER than communication.

Either way of 'falling in love' holds it pluses and minuses. Being far apart or right next door can't save you from yourself if you choose to wear blinders or delude yourself into thinking this person is 'the one'.

[Jolibee76 1]

I guess my next comment is that it makes me reconsider what I thought were good friendships, especially the people who could not even be bothered to respond when I called and left a message about it or emailed to tell them the good news!

I definately have made everyone aware of how hard this long wait has been (trying hard not to sound too much like a broken record, though...because no one wants daily updates on how much we miss our sweety)...so it would be hard to imagine that they are somehow ignorant to how hard it has been.

Have you guys noticed changes in your relationships with friends and family due to this whole process? Have you found yourself rethinking those relationships?

in regards to seeing friends change and i agree. I found out who my friends are and who really does care! Speshly when i initially moved to USA June 06.. then when i went back home June 07 for 3 mths it was amazing how those friends who forgotten who i was thought everything was the same. I told the friends that are with me to this day thru thick and thin are my best friendship i could ever ask for and that i loved them for it.

[SnowyTater 0]

Aussie,

Just wanted to agree that other people don't get it lots of times. That being said, there's no way I can possibly get how you feel either - I think everybody's case'll be different. It's been always 'difficult' and at times agonizing to where I thought I was losing my sanity over the past years being away from my SO, but I can't even imagine throwing a baby into the mix. That's actually...mindblowing to me.

The thing I always focus on in this sort of thing, and definately am here in admiring you, is how amazingly strong people can be to do the (ultimately) right thing for the one(s) they love. When my guy gets over here, I really just want to retreat from the world for like...I don't know, a year or so, just to sheer celebrate our being together because no one else gets it. I'm often proud of us when I think that we could have just ditched college and obligations and all the 'long term best things' long ago to be together, but we were savvy enough and trusted each other enough not to. Your situation is like 100 times more impressive. Just wanted to say, congratulations on being AMAZING and you two always keeping your head in doing the right and best and strongest things for each other and for your baby. Other people can't get it maybe because you've surpassed them in your understanding of love and strength; kind of like Plato's cave, you know?

So, try not to get frustrated, and take it as more evidence of the bond between you and your fiance that others can't even begin to breach.

Here's to hoping he's over soon! Hope Baby's okay.

[greeneyedgirlfl 0]

Just to echo the main sentiment...you can't truly understand something in your heart until you experience it yourself...you can empathize, sympathize, and even try to help...that's why I'm so glad to have found this site...the people here understand...

However, what is more annoying than people who are devastated by a weekend away from their loved one(s) are those people who complain about being with their spouse..."oh, it must be wonderful to have time on your own," or "I get so tired of my spouse doing..."

I've been lucky...my friends have been completely supportive, and my family loves D...they're just sorry I didn't meet him sooner!!!

[Drew and Tik 0]

I don't really mind it so much. We got our NOA2 and I told my partner at work and he was like "Word? That's cool man." Which is about the reaction I expected from him. I didn't think he would be jumping for joy or anything. And in a lot of ways he doesn't understand it, he asked me why she wants to move here anyway. I told him to marry me. I haven't even told my family, but even from my parents who like my fiancee from what they know of her, I don't expect much more than a "That's good, so what does this mean?" They don't understand it and I'm not upset about that at all.

Different strokes I guess, but try not to get so worked up over it...they can still be your friends just because they don't understand what a milestone it is.

[athena_ny 1]

My now-husband and I were apart for 7 months only because he was already in the US ... and I have to say, I don't think my love for him is any weaker than anyone's here. I think taking pot shots at how much someone loves their spouse is a little ridiculous - yeah, it's been shown that perhaps long distance relationships last longer in the long run etc etc etc but it doesn't mean my friend with a husband she met at school or the people who marry on F-1 visas love their spouses any less.

As for people not really caring - it's something you can't understand until you've been through it. My husband is the immigrant, and people (his own friends) asked him to his face if he married me for papers (granted, he was already here on a tourist visa) and these IMMIGRANTS, quite a few who've been asylees or came here legally (though not through marriage themselves - if it was through marriage, it was a parent), really thought his green card showed up in the mail after we got married. They were asking the next week if his papers were done.

I'll tell them sometimes that it's not like that, but most people are happy in ignorance. So even then they don't really listen. But I can't spend the rest of my life worrying about what people think about my relationship.

Edited January 26, 2008 by athena_ny

[KarenCee 3]

And even though we must endure the separation (and the lack of enthusiasm-or outright disapproval of the relationship), it is worth it in the end because we have that REAL, DEEP, ENDURING, TRUE LOVE.

You know, separation and LDR's - they're very romantic. Full of longing and the like.

Back when my husband and I were separated, and even more strongly now, I believe the distance we had from each other and the fact we survived it long enough to get across oceans and to the alter isn't the true test of us. The true test is if we can put all that together and bring it forward.

Once you are together, at some point the lonely nights and days melt away. The dream is fulfilled and reality begins. The long distance is gone. Now everything you said to each other is in the past and the actions of today are real life.

It takes more courage to put your money where your mouth was than it takes to articulate those feelings, goals and dreams while apart. Words are just words - life is what you must build.

The true test of what you will be together is what you are separately as people. What is in your individual characters and hearts.

Best post ever RJ

I feel somewhat miffed at reading that somehow LDR's are considered 'more enduring' real' or 'deep' than relationships that haven't experienced separation. Believe me, living day in, day out with one another is the true test of enduring love

A relationship is a relationship, you know? I mean, now that I have experienced a relationship that begins as 'words on a screen' I realize that those feelings can be just as real and enduring as those you develop when you meet in the traditional manner.

I don't believe either the LDR or traditional courtship are superior or inferior to each other. Some will tell you that LDR's force you to communicate - that's very very true, but words ARE just words. And a traditional courtship, while it gives people the chance to see and interact with each other, can be held together by physical attraction RATHER than communication.

Either way of 'falling in love' holds it pluses and minuses. Being far apart or right next door can't save you from yourself if you choose to wear blinders or delude yourself into thinking this person is 'the one'.

Wow....I had all these thoughts and comments running through my mind as I read this thread but how to get them on the screen here is another feat altogether.

RJ, you know I totally agree...You and I have talked a lot about "real life" too. IMHO this is where the "rubber meets the road" so to speak...when you're finally through the K1 (or whatever visa route you chose). What your relationship is truly all about will surface when you're together 24/7/365. All those weeks and months of communication will fall into the background when faced with the reality that this is life...its ins and outs, its ups and downs. I don't care how well you think you know each other, baby I'm here to tell you...life WILL happen. It's how you deal with "life as it happens" that makes or breaks this relationship...regardless of how much communication you have had in the past, online or by phone. Life is the truest test of any relationship...LDR or other. Just MHO of course. Hope this all made sense.

Hm...seems I was able to get something down on here. Seldom do I post outside my comfort zone anymore but I felt that adding my little two cents worth here might be ok.