used by his fiancee`

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Can somebody help me out here please!!! i have a friend who petitioned his fiancee` and got married a wk after the girl arrived in the US. But he found out that the girl really didn't want to have anything to do with him. Basically, she just used him to come over to the US. What do you think he should do? He already filed a complaint with the INS about this incident. It's been 3mos when this happened and i think the girl's visa expired last fri (Nov.11th) What further action does he need to do next? I need some input PLEASE!!! Thank you....

If he is still married, he needs to get a legal annulment, which will have the result of the marriage never having been considered valid. Unlike the Philippines, legal annulments in the U.S. are easier to get.

An annulment will provide less opportunity for the gal to attempt a self-petition based on an "abusive marriage," since the marriage is not considered to have even existed.

Incorrect. An annulment provides no less opportunity for an alien to adjust status based upon an "abusive marriage". Abuse is perfect grounds for an annulment.

[dwiz123 0]

Can somebody help me out here please!!! i have a friend who petitioned his fiancee` and got married a wk after the girl arrived in the US. But he found out that the girl really didn't want to have anything to do with him. Basically, she just used him to come over to the US. What do you think he should do? He already filed a complaint with the INS about this incident. It's been 3mos when this happened and i think the girl's visa expired last fri (Nov.11th) What further action does he need to do next? I need some input PLEASE!!! Thank you....

If he is still married, he needs to get a legal annulment, which will have the result of the marriage never having been considered valid. Unlike the Philippines, legal annulments in the U.S. are easier to get.

An annulment will provide less opportunity for the gal to attempt a self-petition based on an "abusive marriage," since the marriage is not considered to have even existed.

Incorrect. An annulment provides no less opportunity for an alien to adjust status based upon an "abusive marriage". Abuse is perfect grounds for an annulment.

There is no "correct" or "incorrect" with an issue like this. USCIS will look upon an annulment differently than a divorce. I can't disagree, however with the responder's suggestion that the alien might still claim an "abusive" marriage when self-petitioning. An annulment, however, is a legal strategy to nullify the marriage, not to legally terminate it.

[Caladan 19]

Can somebody help me out here please!!! i have a friend who petitioned his fiancee` and got married a wk after the girl arrived in the US. But he found out that the girl really didn't want to have anything to do with him. Basically, she just used him to come over to the US. What do you think he should do? He already filed a complaint with the INS about this incident. It's been 3mos when this happened and i think the girl's visa expired last fri (Nov.11th) What further action does he need to do next? I need some input PLEASE!!! Thank you....

If he is still married, he needs to get a legal annulment, which will have the result of the marriage never having been considered valid. Unlike the Philippines, legal annulments in the U.S. are easier to get.

An annulment will provide less opportunity for the gal to attempt a self-petition based on an "abusive marriage," since the marriage is not considered to have even existed.

Incorrect. An annulment provides no less opportunity for an alien to adjust status based upon an "abusive marriage". Abuse is perfect grounds for an annulment.

There is no "correct" or "incorrect" with an issue like this. USCIS will look upon an annulment differently than a divorce. I can't disagree, however with the responder's suggestion that the alien might still claim an "abusive" marriage when self-petitioning. An annulment, however, is a legal strategy to nullify the marriage, not to legally terminate it.

How so? Provide specifics; everything I've read says that as far as they're concerned, the end of the marriage is the end of the marriage.

[dwiz123 0]

Can somebody help me out here please!!! i have a friend who petitioned his fiancee` and got married a wk after the girl arrived in the US. But he found out that the girl really didn't want to have anything to do with him. Basically, she just used him to come over to the US. What do you think he should do? He already filed a complaint with the INS about this incident. It's been 3mos when this happened and i think the girl's visa expired last fri (Nov.11th) What further action does he need to do next? I need some input PLEASE!!! Thank you....

If he is still married, he needs to get a legal annulment, which will have the result of the marriage never having been considered valid. Unlike the Philippines, legal annulments in the U.S. are easier to get.

An annulment will provide less opportunity for the gal to attempt a self-petition based on an "abusive marriage," since the marriage is not considered to have even existed.

Incorrect. An annulment provides no less opportunity for an alien to adjust status based upon an "abusive marriage". Abuse is perfect grounds for an annulment.

There is no "correct" or "incorrect" with an issue like this. USCIS will look upon an annulment differently than a divorce. I can't disagree, however with the responder's suggestion that the alien might still claim an "abusive" marriage when self-petitioning. An annulment, however, is a legal strategy to nullify the marriage, not to legally terminate it.

How so? Provide specifics; everything I've read says that as far as they're concerned, the end of the marriage is the end of the marriage.

I think it possible that USCIS would recognize the annulment as meeting the definition of "legal termination of a marriage," for purposes of meeting the requirements for self-petitioning because of "battery or abuse."

But I've seen a fair number of denial decisions written by USCIS attorneys or adjudication officers which seem to be reflecting a current policy or bias, and which might very well be entirely different a year from now.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Can somebody help me out here please!!! i have a friend who petitioned his fiancee` and got married a wk after the girl arrived in the US. But he found out that the girl really didn't want to have anything to do with him. Basically, she just used him to come over to the US. What do you think he should do? He already filed a complaint with the INS about this incident. It's been 3mos when this happened and i think the girl's visa expired last fri (Nov.11th) What further action does he need to do next? I need some input PLEASE!!! Thank you....

If he is still married, he needs to get a legal annulment, which will have the result of the marriage never having been considered valid. Unlike the Philippines, legal annulments in the U.S. are easier to get.

An annulment will provide less opportunity for the gal to attempt a self-petition based on an "abusive marriage," since the marriage is not considered to have even existed.

Incorrect. An annulment provides no less opportunity for an alien to adjust status based upon an "abusive marriage". Abuse is perfect grounds for an annulment.

There is no "correct" or "incorrect" with an issue like this. USCIS will look upon an annulment differently than a divorce. I can't disagree, however with the responder's suggestion that the alien might still claim an "abusive" marriage when self-petitioning. An annulment, however, is a legal strategy to nullify the marriage, not to legally terminate it.

How so? Provide specifics; everything I've read says that as far as they're concerned, the end of the marriage is the end of the marriage.

I think it possible that USCIS would recognize the annulment as meeting the definition of "legal termination of a marriage," for purposes of meeting the requirements for self-petitioning because of "battery or abuse."

But I've seen a fair number of denial decisions written by USCIS attorneys or adjudication officers which seem to be reflecting a current policy or bias, and which might very well be entirely different a year from now.

Once again I disagree with your assessment of whether an annulment violates conference of eligibility for an alien to receive permanent residency through "marriage". You might want to familiarise yourself with the distinction between marriages that are void ab initio (or void, invalid) and those that are voidable. The simple answer is....as long as the marriage is not void, (in other words that marriage can be voidable), then the marriage may be recognised for immigration purposes.

[mystery 0]

When people realized they are scammed for the American dream there first response is always revenge by way of taking away their "loved ones" rights to be here. I think when someone makes the decision to make a commitment to bring someone to America they should decide if this is a person that would contribute something to America, your community, and society. If you do not think they would, why would you marry them anyways? Then if you thought she/he would, then let them stay and benefit the rest of us. AH, but all most care about is what do they get out of the deal.

Get some counseling figure out what your lacking emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, that allowed you to fall victim to this type of scam. Stop with the revenge animosity and grow from the experience.

If you have any obligations left regarding the situation, I would tell the truth, but do not waste your time trying to figure ways to get her out. Let the USCIS figure out how to fix your mistake. That is what they get paid for. Spend the time growing, changing, and healing from the situation.

Oh isn't that the truth.

How many times have I read the angry comments, especially those that refer to 'how much it cost' to bring them here.

You know, when somebody moves halfway around the world, a little bit of understanding and compassion towards their adjustment to a new life could go a long way.

I often wonder, when I read posts about a USC being 'scammed' - I sometimes wonder just how much real effort the USC put into the immigrants adjustment and adaptation to America. I sometimes wonder if the foreign born spouse didn't just feel neglected, lost and abandoned, and the marriage subsequently fell apart.

It's funny how you guys can judge when being on the outside of a situation like this and say "well it was your fault because you brought this person here", etc....

Let me tell you guys something NONE of us PLANNED for things to turn out the way they do. If we knew it would, then I'll tell you for a fact I would not have done in bringing my then fiance here to the US. NOBODY here is perfect and to say that we LACKED in something and that is the reason of a failed marriage/relationship on the basis of a few posts here sharing a problem is so PREMATURE.

REBECAJJO - Your attitude twds the victims in a situation like this is just plain nasty, wicked and humiliating. To say that all we care about is to "send your spouses back to their countries because we spent so much money" is so shallow that maybe you need to be put through a situation like this and have your feelings played with. Then we will see what you would come here and say..... Get yourself through a course of "humanity" and then you can come here and hopefully not come on here and type all that garbage just just reflects the attitude of someone that thinks that you are so much better than others that come here to share a problem......

Edited December 4, 2007 by mystery

[*JG* 2]

I've seen all kinds on here, on other web sites, and in my own life. Sometimes it is just a lack of communication and expectations. I deal mostly with Jamaicans and I can tell you, they are ill prepared for what life is like here. St. Louis is the complete opposite of what my husband was used to. Luckily, he is what he calls "adjustable" and he has adapted well. Not without trial and error, of course. There are many who just aren't able to do so.

I think it was Rebeccajo said something to the effect that life after their coming to the US is the true test of the relationship, in another thread. I couldn't agree with that more. In my own experiences, even though Andre said he got all I was trying to explain to him in preparation for arrival, he really didn't. And, we fight battles every day with his family and friends as far as their unrealistic visualization of what our life really is like here.

The relationship may or may not survive what it must endure. Some people can survive the ups and downs to form a wonderful married life. Others, cannot. I don't necesarily believe that everyone who comes here and then decides the marriage is not going to work is a scammer. Nor, do I believe that not enough effort was put into the acclimation process. I believe you can give it your all and it still isn't going to work out.

If it doesn't work out, figure out how to fix your problem and move on. I'm sorry for all those who don't work out. But, I don't want to dwell on the bashing because of it.

[Welshcookie 17]

I've seen all kinds on here, on other web sites, and in my own life. Sometimes it is just a lack of communication and expectations. I deal mostly with Jamaicans and I can tell you, they are ill prepared for what life is like here. St. Louis is the complete opposite of what my husband was used to. Luckily, he is what he calls "adjustable" and he has adapted well. Not without trial and error, of course. There are many who just aren't able to do so.

I think it was Rebeccajo said something to the effect that life after their coming to the US is the true test of the relationship, in another thread. I couldn't agree with that more. In my own experiences, even though Andre said he got all I was trying to explain to him in preparation for arrival, he really didn't. And, we fight battles every day with his family and friends as far as their unrealistic visualization of what our life really is like here.

The relationship may or may not survive what it must endure. Some people can survive the ups and downs to form a wonderful married life. Others, cannot. I don't necesarily believe that everyone who comes here and then decides the marriage is not going to work is a scammer. Nor, do I believe that not enough effort was put into the acclimation process. I believe you can give it your all and it still isn't going to work out.

If it doesn't work out, figure out how to fix your problem and move on. I'm sorry for all those who don't work out. But, I don't want to dwell on the bashing because of it.

[rebeccajo 14]

When people realized they are scammed for the American dream there first response is always revenge by way of taking away their "loved ones" rights to be here. I think when someone makes the decision to make a commitment to bring someone to America they should decide if this is a person that would contribute something to America, your community, and society. If you do not think they would, why would you marry them anyways? Then if you thought she/he would, then let them stay and benefit the rest of us. AH, but all most care about is what do they get out of the deal.

Get some counseling figure out what your lacking emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, that allowed you to fall victim to this type of scam. Stop with the revenge animosity and grow from the experience.

If you have any obligations left regarding the situation, I would tell the truth, but do not waste your time trying to figure ways to get her out. Let the USCIS figure out how to fix your mistake. That is what they get paid for. Spend the time growing, changing, and healing from the situation.

Oh isn't that the truth.

How many times have I read the angry comments, especially those that refer to 'how much it cost' to bring them here.

You know, when somebody moves halfway around the world, a little bit of understanding and compassion towards their adjustment to a new life could go a long way.

I often wonder, when I read posts about a USC being 'scammed' - I sometimes wonder just how much real effort the USC put into the immigrants adjustment and adaptation to America. I sometimes wonder if the foreign born spouse didn't just feel neglected, lost and abandoned, and the marriage subsequently fell apart.

It's funny how you guys can judge when being on the outside of a situation like this and say "well it was your fault because you brought this person here", etc....

Let me tell you guys something NONE of us PLANNED for things to turn out the way they do. If we knew it would, then I'll tell you for a fact I would not have done in bringing my then fiance here to the US. NOBODY here is perfect and to say that we LACKED in something and that is the reason of a failed marriage/relationship on the basis of a few posts here sharing a problem is so PREMATURE.

REBECAJJO - Your attitude twds the victims in a situation like this is just plain nasty, wicked and humiliating. To say that all we care about is to "send your spouses back to their countries because we spent so much money" is so shallow that maybe you need to be put through a situation like this and have your feelings played with. Then we will see what you would come here and say..... Get yourself through a course of "humanity" and then you can come here and hopefully not come on here and type all that garbage just just reflects the attitude of someone that thinks that you are so much better than others that come here to share a problem......

Mystery, what was it about my post that touched a nerve with you?

The money bit? The scammer bit?

I'll tell you what I think about 'victims'. That there are TWO SIDES to the break-up of every marriage and on VJ, we usually only get one side.

If my little comment about how the foreign born spouse adapts to life in the US got you so wound up, that's not my problem.

And I can't humiliate you. You can only do that yourself.

[mystery 0]

When people realized they are scammed for the American dream there first response is always revenge by way of taking away their "loved ones" rights to be here. I think when someone makes the decision to make a commitment to bring someone to America they should decide if this is a person that would contribute something to America, your community, and society. If you do not think they would, why would you marry them anyways? Then if you thought she/he would, then let them stay and benefit the rest of us. AH, but all most care about is what do they get out of the deal.

Get some counseling figure out what your lacking emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, that allowed you to fall victim to this type of scam. Stop with the revenge animosity and grow from the experience.

If you have any obligations left regarding the situation, I would tell the truth, but do not waste your time trying to figure ways to get her out. Let the USCIS figure out how to fix your mistake. That is what they get paid for. Spend the time growing, changing, and healing from the situation.

Oh isn't that the truth.

How many times have I read the angry comments, especially those that refer to 'how much it cost' to bring them here.

You know, when somebody moves halfway around the world, a little bit of understanding and compassion towards their adjustment to a new life could go a long way.

I often wonder, when I read posts about a USC being 'scammed' - I sometimes wonder just how much real effort the USC put into the immigrants adjustment and adaptation to America. I sometimes wonder if the foreign born spouse didn't just feel neglected, lost and abandoned, and the marriage subsequently fell apart.

It's funny how you guys can judge when being on the outside of a situation like this and say "well it was your fault because you brought this person here", etc....

Let me tell you guys something NONE of us PLANNED for things to turn out the way they do. If we knew it would, then I'll tell you for a fact I would not have done in bringing my then fiance here to the US. NOBODY here is perfect and to say that we LACKED in something and that is the reason of a failed marriage/relationship on the basis of a few posts here sharing a problem is so PREMATURE.

REBECAJJO - Your attitude twds the victims in a situation like this is just plain nasty, wicked and humiliating. To say that all we care about is to "send your spouses back to their countries because we spent so much money" is so shallow that maybe you need to be put through a situation like this and have your feelings played with. Then we will see what you would come here and say..... Get yourself through a course of "humanity" and then you can come here and hopefully not come on here and type all that garbage just just reflects the attitude of someone that thinks that you are so much better than others that come here to share a problem......

Mystery, what was it about my post that touched a nerve with you?

The money bit? The scammer bit?

I'll tell you what I think about 'victims'. That there are TWO SIDES to the break-up of every marriage and on VJ, we usually only get one side.

If my little comment about how the foreign born spouse adapts to life in the US got you so wound up, that's not my problem.

And I can't humiliate you. You can only do that yourself.

Wanna know why your post hit a nerve??? Because you come to this section read a persons post about their failed marriage to a foreign born spouse and have the nerve to judge the persons feelings in regards to that situation!

Comments such as :"How many times have I read the angry comments, especially those that refer to 'how much it cost' to bring them here."

In my thread in which I wrote about my marital problems which resulted in my wife going to jail, you also clearly came out and made it seem as if the physical abuse that I recieved was not a reason for my anger and my desire to send her back to her country. You asked me if I knew what DEPORTATION really meant!!

You obviously are the foreign born in your relationship. And its understandable on what side you are on. But you know what???? YES I SPENT LOTS OF MONEY. And the guy on this thread also spent alot of money. BUT WE ALSO SPENT ALOT OF TIME. WE SPEN OUR EMOTIONS And our anger and frustration is TOTALLY CALLED FOR.

And for you to come here and actually CRITICIZE our anger and frustration with your critical and judmental comments is just totally uncalled for and very inhumane.

You are right there is TWO sides to every story, I give you that. And we play a big part in helping our partners cope with the transition. But you know what "it takes TWO TO TANGO". You can try all you want, but if the other person does not put out nor improve there is nothing else that can be done. RIGHT???

So who are YOU to be judging?????

[Caladan 19]

Look, there's a lot of people cursing about how they wanted their spouse's azz deported and how much money it cost them, those ungrateful spouses, like it was a defective eBay auction or something. And then a lot of people chime in about how awful the spouse is, how horrible it was, and don't worry, there's lots of other nice women from that country. It's worth keeping in mind that we only have half the story, at best. How many times do people post on here that it's over and end up reconciling?

No one's judging anything except the rush to condemn the person who isn't able to post their side of it.

A failed marriage doesn't mean anyone was scamming anyone. It just might mean that a relationship consisting of two vacations and online chatter didn't prepare people for the stress of moving to a new country and living life that wasn't all vacations and wooing.

[Alex+R 0]

A failed marriage doesn't mean anyone was scamming anyone. It just might mean that a relationship consisting of two vacations and online chatter didn't prepare people for the stress of moving to a new country and living life that wasn't all vacations and wooing.

Oh man, Ms. Caladan, you're gonna piss off a lot of folks with that one.

[Caladan 19]

A failed marriage doesn't mean anyone was scamming anyone. It just might mean that a relationship consisting of two vacations and online chatter didn't prepare people for the stress of moving to a new country and living life that wasn't all vacations and wooing.

Oh man, Ms. Caladan, you're gonna piss off a lot of folks with that one.

What? It's not casting aspersions. It doesn't mean they're bad people. It's just that it's hard to prepare for a cross-continent move and breaking out of the long distance mindset, where every moment you have together is cherished because it's someone's vacation. (It's a very artificial time; normally one isn't always buying you presents and going out for walks and dinners and movies and meeting family. Most of the time, it's doing dishes and laundry.) It's been hard for us, with me working and him until recently having nothing to do but watch daytime TV and housework. It's an adjustment. It was for us, as a couple with no cultural barriers, ample vacation time, eleven multi-week visits, &c. It's not unrealistic to think that maybe we're not unique, and there's a whole lot of posts in this section that seem to support that. There seem to be a lot of stories that start with 'Well, he/she wasn't who I thought he/she was...'

I believe people in primarily online, long distance relationships can find true love. I also think it's possible, when the person is not there, to be more in love with the idea of the person, or the person you see when one or both of you is in vacation mode, and then discover that your idol, as it were, has clay feet. I've seen it happen with American-American long distance couples, or people who had great online personas who just didn't mesh in person. The witty guy who makes you laugh may be tongue-tied in person; the girl who writes such hot cyber might have acne. I can't imagine that those relationships would have been successful if someone was also dealing with culture shock and the stress of immigration.

All I'm saying is that getting someone here, and finding out it doesn't work, doesn't mean anyone entered with fraudulent intentions.

[sara535 15]

A failed marriage doesn't mean anyone was scamming anyone. It just might mean that a relationship consisting of two vacations and online chatter didn't prepare people for the stress of moving to a new country and living life that wasn't all vacations and wooing.

Oh man, Ms. Caladan, you're gonna piss off a lot of folks with that one.

What? It's not casting aspersions. It doesn't mean they're bad people. It's just that it's hard to prepare for a cross-continent move and breaking out of the long distance mindset, where every moment you have together is cherished because it's someone's vacation. (It's a very artificial time; normally one isn't always buying you presents and going out for walks and dinners and movies and meeting family. Most of the time, it's doing dishes and laundry.) It's been hard for us, with me working and him until recently having nothing to do but watch daytime TV and housework. It's an adjustment. It was for us, as a couple with no cultural barriers, ample vacation time, eleven multi-week visits, &c. It's not unrealistic to think that maybe we're not unique, and there's a whole lot of posts in this section that seem to support that. There seem to be a lot of stories that start with 'Well, he/she wasn't who I thought he/she was...'

I believe people in primarily online, long distance relationships can find true love. I also think it's possible, when the person is not there, to be more in love with the idea of the person, or the person you see when one or both of you is in vacation mode, and then discover that your idol, as it were, has clay feet. I've seen it happen with American-American long distance couples, or people who had great online personas who just didn't mesh in person. The witty guy who makes you laugh may be tongue-tied in person; the girl who writes such hot cyber might have acne. I can't imagine that those relationships would have been successful if someone was also dealing with culture shock and the stress of immigration.

All I'm saying is that getting someone here, and finding out it doesn't work, doesn't mean anyone entered with fraudulent intentions.

well I cant agree more with this. We just had our third anniversary (and celebrated it by having a baby ) but the adjustments, ALL of the adjustments, have been much much more difficult than I ever imagined or expected when we began our 'visa journey'. My husband and I do have one of those relationships that was primarily online with only a couple of brief visits, we have big cultural differences and an almost 10 year age gap, so I guess we are pretty typical of a lot of the couples I see on this board. I was so sure at the beginning of all this that the waiting to be together would be the hardest part and once we could 'begin our life together' it would be smooth sailing and I was absolutely stunned at how hard it was for me individually, for him individually and for us as a married unit. Honestly there were several times when I wondered if we would make it. Fortunately with a lot of communication and understanding (plus some good senses of humor) we've made it through. But my point is, if we had ended up divorced it would be oh so tempting to blame it on a 'scam' or a user trying to get a green card. Its easier to be able to blame it on something concrete and make that spouse thats hurt us into the bad guy. But its just not always the case.

Having said that, I am not blind to the fact that immigration fraud through marriage does in fact happen and to those of you who are victims of it I am so so sorry because I know it hurts.

Edited December 5, 2007 by sara535

[dwiz123 0]

Can somebody help me out here please!!! i have a friend who petitioned his fiancee` and got married a wk after the girl arrived in the US. But he found out that the girl really didn't want to have anything to do with him. Basically, she just used him to come over to the US. What do you think he should do? He already filed a complaint with the INS about this incident. It's been 3mos when this happened and i think the girl's visa expired last fri (Nov.11th) What further action does he need to do next? I need some input PLEASE!!! Thank you....

If he is still married, he needs to get a legal annulment, which will have the result of the marriage never having been considered valid. Unlike the Philippines, legal annulments in the U.S. are easier to get.

An annulment will provide less opportunity for the gal to attempt a self-petition based on an "abusive marriage," since the marriage is not considered to have even existed.

Incorrect. An annulment provides no less opportunity for an alien to adjust status based upon an "abusive marriage". Abuse is perfect grounds for an annulment.

There is no "correct" or "incorrect" with an issue like this. USCIS will look upon an annulment differently than a divorce. I can't disagree, however with the responder's suggestion that the alien might still claim an "abusive" marriage when self-petitioning. An annulment, however, is a legal strategy to nullify the marriage, not to legally terminate it.

How so? Provide specifics; everything I've read says that as far as they're concerned, the end of the marriage is the end of the marriage.

I think it possible that USCIS would recognize the annulment as meeting the definition of "legal termination of a marriage," for purposes of meeting the requirements for self-petitioning because of "battery or abuse."

But I've seen a fair number of denial decisions written by USCIS attorneys or adjudication officers which seem to be reflecting a current policy or bias, and which might very well be entirely different a year from now.

Once again I disagree with your assessment of whether an annulment violates conference of eligibility for an alien to receive permanent residency through "marriage". You might want to familiarise yourself with the distinction between marriages that are void ab initio (or void, invalid) and those that are voidable. The simple answer is....as long as the marriage is not void, (in other words that marriage can be voidable), then the marriage may be recognised for immigration purposes.

I think I already capitulated when I responded that the annulment "might" be recognized as a "termination of marriage" for self-petitioning purposes.

I think you need to recognize that identical relationship-failure circumstances might result in an approval one day and a denial the next day.