What does your family think?

[Lilith79 0]

Hope this is the right board for posting this topic.

I'm about to file for a K-1, but my family doesn't know it yet. They know I want to live in the U.S. and I think they are very scared of it.

I was curious about your experiences with their families and friends telling them you were going to move halfway around the world, marrying a foreigner.

I know that some countries, like mine, are more "family oriented" and consider more appropriate for kids to live in the same neighborhood of their parents or so. What was their reaction? Did you have any sense of guilt? Did they accept the situation or never got over it?

I know they'll give me hard times...

[Cloudy9 11]

I shocked the heck out of everyone back home cept my parents. I left for a vacation and never came home. My co-workers were the most shocked,lol. After 20 years with the same company to all of a sudden do this was shocking to them and funny to me, lol. Fact I know my HR gal dropped the phone when I told her I wasn't coming back and to get my severance package filed. lol

Some of my friends knew cuz I was on yahoo chatting with them and told them. As for my parents, they've always known me to be a fly by the seat of my pants gal. If the moment is right I'm grounded but if it feels wrong I'm already lookin down the road.

In some ways I regret leaving my parents behind. I don't have siblings and they don't have close family either. Mom was put into a medium care facility in 2005 for Dementia and Dads diabetes is acting up. Where I used to get calls every weekend from them (before Mom was in carehome) now Dad rarely calls me. If I could travel I would but I have 2 children, one 2 1/2 and one 1. I don't think they could be without me and I know hubby couldn't handle the girls all by himself.

Sorry for the vent here, I guess with xmas and my parents wedding anniversary coming up soon I'm feeling blue. =(

Joanne

[Jasman0717 8]

My family knows I am nuts so marrying a Filipina didn't even cause a blimp on the radar. My daughters and ex and all my friends love Claudeth. Actually, I think they like her more than me

[English Muffin 59]

Whatever makes me happy makes my family happy.

[Mononoke28 134]

Our parents weren't shocked at all because we're both Colombians but I do know that my husband's family was very sad to hear the news that he was coming to live in the States. Colombian families are very family oriented as well and being apart is very tough on everybody. But since it was his decision they said they respected it and now we're all hoping we can go back and visit as much as we can.

Diana

[*julez* 124]

Its definitely a tough thing for some people. My fiances kids will no longer speak to him because he's coming to the US to marry me. Its very sad for him, but they are adults and must do what they think is best. I'm sure one day they will regret the lost time. But we have a life of our own to live. We would be happy to have them a part of it, but accept that they don't at this moment.

[Ladylethal 12]

The shock for me was just coming out saying I was dating a guy from another country, and believing it'd work, by the time we got engaged and applied for K1 they had already accepted, and with our 1st anniversary next month they now know it worked.

[Imua 0]

I haven't yet told my mom and stepdad we are married - they think Govi is my fiance. .. I am coming at Christmas to visit them and some things should be told in person, not over the phone... I think they will be shocked that we married so quickly but not that I married a foreigner, or a Nepali.

I think Govi's family will miss him very much but so many people leave Nepal for work or study and then come back...our dream is to go back to Nepal eventually. I am trying to prepare him for homesickness - I moved from Hawaii to NYC which is like two different countries right there and I felt like just flying back so many times but I stuck it through and now I love it here.

[Mononoke28 134]

I think the biggest thing for people to believe is that long distance relationships do work since so many people always say that they don't. That was the biggest thing we got from others, oddly enough they weren't immediate family members.

Diana

[~krakatoa~ 27]

My family were very skeptical initially about the relationship. My parents had a one-on-one talk with my husband, they wanted us to have a long-term engagement before we come to a final decision as to who's moving and to where. My husband and I agreed but it didn't happen. We tried being apart from each other for several months and we greatly missed each other. In other words, one of us has had to move and we had to weigh the consequences. I gave up a lot in my country. It was a tough call but it was all worth it. I found happiness with him every day.

[Emancipation 2]

I got a lot of looks and a lot of "talks" about the evils of the US of A.. (partially brought on because I lived in the Southern US before and HATED every minute of it – but I was in a terrible marriage at that point and would have hated life no matter where I was)

I experienced some hesitation over accepting my hubby as I met him "online"..

But my hubby put in a lot of hours and trips in to make sure everyone knew he was legit..

Now the "you mean you are happy"? comments are waayy fewer than they used to be..

Some people will "get it" .. others will "get it" after seeing that it works.. some won't ever... IMO

Hopefully everyone will see your happiness and realize that this is the path you want to walk!

[Aroha 0]

My family is not close (I live 30 minutes from my parents, and see my Mom maybe twice a month), and I have already lived abroad, so I don't think it will cause any problems to move to the States. The marrying a foreigner bit might be harder to accept, because they don't speak a word of English... Oh well...

[Lilith79 0]

It's very interesting to see how many different situations exist in this world!

Thanks everybody for sharing your personal experience.

My family knows my fiancè is a USC but they don't know we are engaged yet...After I got back from 8 months in the U.S., where I lived with my sweetheart, I got back to live with them even if I'm 28 cause in Italy the situations with jobs and houses really sucks. I want them to meet him in person before telling them what our plans are...I'm a bit concerned since I know that, even though they are happy if I am, this will really be a big deal to them, cause they would like to have me very close, stay with me when I'll have kids etc...

I guess it's my life and I'll do what I think it's right for myself, but it's really tough to know that your beloved will suffer about it

[StoryAngel 4]

It's been very hard for my parents to accept our relationship. We've been together 2.5 years and it's a little better than it was, but my parents are highly skeptical about my moving to the States, even though I've spent more of my adult life living as an expat than back in the UK where I'm from! My SO is coming over from the US to spend Christmas with my family, so hopefully this will give them an opportunity to discover more about the man I love so much. If they choose not to give him a chance then ultimately that's very sad but it's their loss. Our friends, on both sides of the Pond, are thrilled for us. We're just hoping and praying that with time, my parents will come to see how well suited we are to each other.

[ELW 5]

It's interesting seeing everyone's situations, and sad that so many report less than enthusiastic acceptance from their families.

My hubby has not told his mother in India that we are married now, though he says she probably suspects it due to other family members knowing. She is not crazy about him living so far away (she thinks he came here on some sort of work visa), however she knew of our relationship while I was in India (I lived there for 21 years), and was open to us getting married. Like you Pattu Rani, we hope to eventually go back and live in our hubby's country.

I told my mother, sister and brother and they are all happy for us and totally accepting.