how to best use the 90 days prior to marriage k-1

[eric_and_teresa 10]

We are all not the same. What is true in your case is not true for everyone else.

Great point!

OP, not all the foreign fiances that come from third world countries are desperate to come to live in the U.S. some of us are professionals and make a good living in our own countries, and we have no other reason for moving here other than being with our loved ones. That description of a foreign fiance you gave probably fits yours... but it certanly does not apply to many of us.

I just don't understand why are you doing this all over again if you already had a bad experience with a foreign person that came from a poor back ground? Why would you put yourself on the same position of dating/marrying a woman who probably has underlying reasons to come to America, other than just love... wouldn't you better dating/marrying someone equal to you (fiancially speaking) so you would not be paranoic about her using you? Or is it that maybe you are the one who needs be with a woman you can look down on?

All I can say is that I'm really sorry for your fiance!

Edited October 24, 2007 by eric_and_teresa

[ramos96 1]

Im sorry but the OP's attitude is just horrible.

To the OP:

You need to resolve whatever your issues are before you EVEN contemplate having a relationship, as Fuked up as I am in my head at times, I would never do the things you have thought about or CHANGE the course of another human being's life just cause I want to test something out, which is basically what you are saying. I know you are saying to be cautious. I highly suggest you LISTEN to YOUR OWN ADVICE and leave this poor person and trust me they will BE POOR if they stay with YOU until you resolve your issues.

She cannot SAVE you, ONLY YOU can save you. Not even God can save you until you decide that is what you want to happen. HE just like the rest of us including your fiance is here to help you, choose wisely, this is your life, you get one chance, my friend.

Humbly,

Ramos

[Ban Hammer 12,880]

wish you could pick out something better to look at than something that points to a big ###

ur fcked in the head lady

given line two, maybe you can give her a pic of yourself to replace that pumpkin with?

[jentastic 0]

for those of you who seem to think the foreign fiance is giving up everything...

lets see what are they giving up? some fiances are coming from poor nations... they are giving

up incredibly low pay, bad housing, etc etc etc to make the terrible sacrifice to come to america.

geez.. thats a tough one.

Whether or not we can agree giving up family, friends, and re-adjusting culturally somehow pales in comparison to some economic benefit which hasn't even been realized yet, this process is about getting to live side-by-side with your loved one for the long haul (erm, right?)

It seems you would also prioritize maintaining your described standard of living here it the States; so she's making a sacrifice you probably wouldn't be willing to do yourself. (Unless in spite of your disdain for 'poor nations,' you'd be willing to get married over there to become a citizen of the Philippines, just to be with her.) To meet your shared goal of being together, she's coming to you. That's something to be gracious and appreciative about. It seems uselessly antagonistic and condescending to discount that fact to focus on why you think where she came from is such a terrible place to live.

Edited October 24, 2007 by jentastic

[Seattle2Cebu 0]

lol

im going to fly over there and spend a couple months.. I like northwest airlines for some reason..

but i know if you shop around theres some deals out there... Im used that flight, so Ill just pay

more and take it.. Will be nice to spend christmas there.

im sorry about the tone of my original post, i was doing some morbid reflecting at the time.

my dad used to say its okay to look back at the past, but dont stare, and sometimes I stare.

on the practical side, im just going to go over there and live for awhile. One thing I like about my

fiance is her commitment to her faith. I think we can get some counseling from the church while

im there. One of the things I liked when I was there was going to church with her. Thats one of the

things we have connected on the best is when we are emailing about God. She prays all the time

and Ive always felt good about that. Ive always been impressed with her character and values.

I know she is different than my ex-wife. Sometimes I just go off the deep end.

so best wishes to everyone in this process.

wish you could pick out something better to look at than something that points to a big ###

ur fcked in the head lady

given line two, maybe you can give her a pic of yourself to replace that pumpkin with?

[AmericanGentleman 0]

I think we can get some counseling from the church while

im there.

Sorry if I missed it in the past 8 pages, but why does SHE need counciling?

[Fandango 1,439]

wish you could pick out something better to look at than something that points to a big ###

ur fcked in the head lady

given line two, maybe you can give her a pic of yourself to replace that pumpkin with?

I'mma stick with the pumpkin butt...it's more pleasing

I think we can get some counseling from the church while

im there.

Sorry if I missed it in the past 8 pages, but why does SHE need counciling?

cos she's with him and he clearly has no respect for what she's giving up to be with him!

[mox 298]

I think this thread has run its course.

[william_wallace 8]

I think this thread has run its course.

I second that. It's getting out of hand a wee bit

[archie07 0]

going through Manila Philippines Cebu is in the Visayas

Ah, you changed it. Okay. I'm not really up on what's happening in PI these days, but I think my argument still holds: she is not leaving her family and friends for America, she's leaving for you. If you take the attitude that you are "rescuing" her from poverty and a miserable life, you are bound to be disappointed.

[Seattle2Cebu 0]

im a troll

going through Manila Philippines Cebu is in the Visayas

Ah, you changed it. Okay. I'm not really up on what's happening in PI these days, but I think my argument still holds: she is not leaving her family and friends for America, she's leaving for you. If you take the attitude that you are "rescuing" her from poverty and a miserable life, you are bound to be disappointed.

[steve55 0]

Again, the point many people miss is that the 90 days is NOT A GET TO KNOW YOU PERIOD! You should have already done that!

If anyone has serious doubts....jeeez, would it be such a stretch to FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE MARRYING before you petition your gov't for this person's admission into the country? Let alone all the upheaval to the foreign fiance.

Sorry Lisa, I couldnt disagree with you more. Most of us have no more than 2 weeks vacation per year. So thats maybe 3-5 weeks time together in 2 years? Thats nothin. Give me abreak. It MUST and NEEDS to be a get to know you period. 2-3 weeks aint enough. And please no one say,"then wait 4-5 years to fit in 6-9 weeks". Thats not realistic nor feasible. You really need to spend time together in the same environment where you will be living as a married couple. a few weeks per year just doesnt cut it. Im sorry.

Just my 2 cents worth

[steve55 0]

You can bet your azz that if you said it was a ''trial period' or 'cooling off' period, that you'd never have gotten approved.

Lisa, technically, you are correct. And thats because the government is backwards ### half the time. We all know that dont we? This comes back to the old rule, "say what they want to hear". Its the rule in life much of the time in order to arrive at common sense outcomes. Many immigration atty websites specifically mention the 90 days as a "make sure" time period. Its 100% unrealistic to not do so.

AGian, just my humble 2 cents worth

[steve55 0]

If you have doubts beyond the things we can never forsee then you should not be petitioning for a fiance visa.

I think it depends on how you define doubts. My fiance arrives Friday(2 days from now). I DO INTEND to marry her but I ALSO feel there is a necessary "to be sure" period for both of us. If thats what you call doubting, then ok. SO be it. I hope and plan for the best, but am dam glad I do have the time to be sure. Everyone has their own opinion and thats fine. BUt I dont believe the part about"then you shouldnt be petitioning" is nuts.

(Oh and please note that as part of the application process you state your INTENT to marry your fiance(e) within the 90 days, the application does not cater for those who are still thinking about it.)

What about those who INTEND to ,...ASSUMING all goes well?? Does the "if all goes well as planned" mean you are "still thinking about it"? This phrase can be interpreted in so many ways.

[sj5 4]

Oh, I forgot to mention!

All of us have that little still voice or tug at our spirit that warns of

upcoming disaster, take a long long time to think about it before you get married.

There is nothing wrong with putting a key-logger program on your computer and monitoring

your beneficiaries email for a month. Find out what they are saying to people back home.

a little invasion of privacy is way better than having your life blown apart later, not to

mention the emotional devastation..

No, not all of us have that 'little still voice or tug at our spirit'

And yes, there's SOOOOO much wrong with a key logger it's not even funny. Invasion privacy to the person you love is wrong on so many levels. I agree to the extent of 'if you have warning bells ringing, listen to them' but there's a lot to be said for taking your time and getting to REALLY know the person that you are uprooting to come and live a life of key loggers and whatnot.

I mean wow. Just wow.

LisaD, I couldn't have put it better myself. Key logging ???? That's really gonna be a great start to your life together, spying on your husband or bride to be. If you have made a decision to spend the rest of your life with someone, why would you have so many doubts? I am another who didn't have the "little voice". My husband and I are happy beyond belief and NEVER had any doubts. If you aren't 100% sure then don't go through this process !

I agreed with you "never had any doubts"