Do You Yearn for a Man in Your Past?

[Sister Fracas 5]

[Fandango 1,440]

Well back to topic...do I yearn for a man in my past? No. I think those who do are betraying their current partner. If one is not over the past, one should truly not move on in the future. But I find the 'tarzan effect' very much alive and well....(s)he doesn't let go of one without grabbing hold of another. It's a disservice all around...mostly to the person for not getting closure withing him/herself. It's sad to me.

It's also sad to me when ppl feel the need to rip a relationship down for no other reason than that person cannot comprehend the sheer strength of it. Says a lot more than what's prolly intended.

[bostonparis 0]

I once or twice have yearned for a man in my past. Then, when reality (i.e. another relationship with them) happened, it completely destroyed any yearning at all. I can't think of either without a shudder.

As for the other, (I don't mean to get this thread closed because I think it's interesting), I think what was inferred / insinuated about Lisa/D's relationship was unnecessary. And rude. IMHO.

[Mags 112]

There are plenty of people here on VJ who have had to endure very long separations from their partners. I think that this doesn't make their relationship any less real, in fact I think it can often strengthen it. I mean, you must have a HELL of a strong relationship to endure this, it has to be exceptionally trusting with deep levels of understanding and respect.

Now, do I yearn for a man in my past? Nope, if I think back all I tend to do is cringe.

[chri'stina 190]

Our separation isn't as long as many others but we were separated for 11 months after I went to India. I didn't like the separation(who would?) but it did build a lot of good things in both of us.

And for the original topic, no I don't yearn. There are not really any men in my past anyway. I have known people who yearned for and put a past boyfriend on a pedestal but if they got back together it usually didn't work out again.

Edited September 26, 2007 by stina&suj

[Mags 112]

I have always found that the people who yearn for a past relationship only remember the good times. They don't remember the bad times, the arguments, the very reasons that they broke up in the first place.

Selective memory has its benefits, but not when it comes to previous relationships!

[Nessa 23]

no.

[~*Maria*~ 1]

Do i yearn for a man from my past? No, if i think about past relationships i wanna get a shovel and smack this one particular person over the head with it.

[~*Maria*~ 1]

I have always found that the people who yearn for a past relationship only remember the good times. They don't remember the bad times, the arguments, the very reasons that they broke up in the first place.

Selective memory has its benefits, but not when it comes to previous relationships!

I only remember the bad times, the arguments, hand to hand combat. Not a pretty sight!! lol

[Mags 112]

I have always found that the people who yearn for a past relationship only remember the good times. They don't remember the bad times, the arguments, the very reasons that they broke up in the first place.

Selective memory has its benefits, but not when it comes to previous relationships!

I only remember the bad times, the arguments, hand to hand combat. Not a pretty sight!! lol

Of course you do, you don't yearn for a man from your past!

I'm curious here if the men on VJ yearn for a woman from their past? I know the article is about women, but I'd be curious if it goes both ways sometimes.

[Krikit 1,166]

Speaking from my vantage point.. the "yearning for a man of your past" is a very real threat to a marriage.

I know of a story of a woman who longed for the father of her first child who abandoned them when he found out (in High School) that she was pregnant.

She went over a decade pining for him and eventually marrying someone else. Her new husband legally adopted her daughter and they had 2 more children together. Then when it came time for the oldest daughter to "meet her biological father" the wife's longings for the ex-boyfriend were stirred all over again. She left her husband and took his children with her and lived with the ex-boyfriend for 3 years in a completely different state. Now, the ex-boyfriend having his fling and his daughter back in his life dumped the wife (now x-wife) and the family is in shambles.

This article states it like it is.. as far as the "if you aren't with him he doesn't want you" bit.. I'm not sure i agree with the 4 year rule there, but the rest rings true in this story.. Put your past behind you quickly so it doesn't ruin your future.

Sounds like she ignored a couple of obvious warning signs that he was a man of weak moral character and therefore not to be trusted:

1. He abandoned a child that he fathered.
2. He crossed the line and took up with a married woman.

Yearning is a strong emotion. But when it's combined with poor judgement you get a dangerous mix. I imagine their 3 years together were very unhappy. How could she ever trust a man like that? She had to have felt insecure for that entire time. And now everyone's left with the mess. She probably feels a lot of guilt and regret right now. If she's learned from the situation, that is.

[Ban Hammer 14,190]

I'm curious here if the men on VJ yearn for a woman from their past? I know the article is about women, but I'd be curious if it goes both ways sometimes.

[almaty 19]

I'm curious here if the men on VJ yearn for a woman from their past? I know the article is about women, but I'd be curious if it goes both ways sometimes.

i do..i like to go back to Zuni and have another round, but take me too long to heal these days

[Ban Hammer 14,190]

I'm curious here if the men on VJ yearn for a woman from their past? I know the article is about women, but I'd be curious if it goes both ways sometimes.

i do..i like to go back to Zuni and have another round, but take me too long to heal these days

my wallet can't afford it

[almaty 19]

I'm curious here if the men on VJ yearn for a woman from their past? I know the article is about women, but I'd be curious if it goes both ways sometimes.

i do..i like to go back to Zuni and have another round, but take me too long to heal these days

my wallet can't afford it

lol.....