Bilingual relationships

[~~235~~ 0]

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why?

My fiancé speaks his native tongue (Kabyle), Arabic, and French. We chose to speak in French because it is the only language that we can speak and understand one another.

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue?

For me, one positive aspect is that we can each learn something new from one another. I enjoy learning new languages and so I like that he can teach me new words and phrases and he, in return, can learn English with me.

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When?

Absoulutely! Being an English speaker it was very taxing on my brain to have to speak French exclusively when I was with my fiancé and his family. I can't say that I really felt misunderstood because even if I didn't know the word to use I could explain what I was trying to say and he understood. Furthermore, the entire family spoke Kabyle together (his mother is not able to speak Arabic, French, or English) and this was a little frustrating because I obviously had no clue about what they were speaking.

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier?

I felt the language barrier most when I was alone with his mother and we really couldn't communicate. We resorted to drawing pictures and LOTS of gestures because there was no one ther to translate for us.

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?

Honestly, we have never had a full-out argument, yet; however, I found that when we would disagree about something and I needed to explain my viewpoint in the foreign language that I was forced to think very quickly about what I wanted to say and how to say it. Additionally, I am nearly fluent in French - and this may sound funny - but sometimes I have to ask if he is upset with me just because of the tone of his voice or just the way he says some things.

[chri'stina 190]

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why?

Mine, English, because it's the language we have in common

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue?

I guess I find it interesting hearing another language and learning it here and there, and our future children will be fluent in more than one language while growing up.

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When?

Not really, my husband is fluent in English and sometimes I have to explain slang to him but it's not frustrating. I'm sure this may happen when I talk to his family though.

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier?

When hubby's on the phone with his family I only catch a word here and there and have to ask him afterwards to tell me what they talked about.

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?

I don't know, only have argued in English, lol. Jokingly have used words from Spanish and Hindi to pretend argue but no real arguments in a foreign language (for me).

[Henia 11]

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why?

My fiancé speaks his native tongue (Kabyle), Arabic, and French. We chose to speak in French because it is the only language that we can speak and understand one another.

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue?

For me, one positive aspect is that we can each learn something new from one another. I enjoy learning new languages and so I like that he can teach me new words and phrases and he, in return, can learn English with me.

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When?

Absoulutely! Being an English speaker it was very taxing on my brain to have to speak French exclusively when I was with my fiancé and his family. I can't say that I really felt misunderstood because even if I didn't know the word to use I could explain what I was trying to say and he understood. Furthermore, the entire family spoke Kabyle together (his mother is not able to speak Arabic, French, or English) and this was a little frustrating because I obviously had no clue about what they were speaking.

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier?

I felt the language barrier most when I was alone with his mother and we really couldn't communicate. We resorted to drawing pictures and LOTS of gestures because there was no one ther to translate for us.

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?

Honestly, we have never had a full-out argument, yet; however, I found that when we would disagree about something and I needed to explain my viewpoint in the foreign language that I was forced to think very quickly about what I wanted to say and how to say it. Additionally, I am nearly fluent in French - and this may sound funny - but sometimes I have to ask if he is upset with me just because of the tone of his voice or just the way he says some things.

Thanks Erin for replying ... Fellow Algerien SO. I can completely understand what you wrote. With my husband, he knows English which is plus. But we still come to certain points pf confusion. Esp in the area of humour. Algeriens seem to have LOL a twisted sense of humour.

I too, in the first month had trouble speaking with the older members of his family. But as time went by I learned quite a bit of the language throu gestures, pictures and the help of my SO. And in the end, I understand the older ones much better then the younger. LOL

[kitkat1 5]

Henia will you post the results of your research? For those of us interested in the whole bilingual issue, it's a very cool topic!

[Jenn! 918]

Yes, very good topic, Henia.

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why?

Until Wadi came here to the U.S., we communicated strictly in Italian, as I don't speak Arabic and he did not speak English. Now, I'd say we do about 50/50 Italian/English.

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue?

Not that I can think of. I mean, I can't see any positive sides to me not speaking Arabic.

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When?

Sure, although I can't think of any specific examples.

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier?

I wish that my family and friends could know him better, but the language barrier has made that challenging. Of course, as his English improves, it's getting easier, but it was difficult in the beginning. When we were in Italy, it wasn't as much of an issue since most of our friends spoke Italian. And if we were socializing with Americans who didn't speak Italian, then they were the oddballs, where as once he was here, he was the oddball.

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?

Someone mentioned above and I totally agree that I now have difficulty arguing in English.

[disbelief 0]

we're in america, we furriners should all speak english.. because if not we're bad, and we dont respect God, the constitution and the country.... and other people get pissed off

(btw this stupid commentary, is because the stupidity that they made at work.. while on vacations they moved my desk. because i spoke 'too much spanish' with the other hispanic rep, and 'in this office the official language is english'... they could have asked in a civilized way, but no, they have to act like xenophobic azzhatz)

Pedroh,

I'm not one to stir the pot but I would certainly say that you have an open and closed case of discrimination on your hands. Even if your co-workers are azzhats, the boss should have stepped in and intervened. At my job, that's a big fat NONO!!! I certainly respect a person who can learn English as a 2nd language, it's not easy and to be perfectly honest, it's not easy to speak if it's your ONLY language (as it is with me)... so pat yourself on the back and don't allow anyone to discriminate against you!

Dawn

[nivesito 0]

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why?

We communicate mostly in English because that is the language we are both fluent in. Sometimes we do say things in Croatian, my native language because he is trying to learn it, German (I’m fluent in German) and he lived in Germany for a year and also Spanish; he speaks Spanish really good and I’m not that good but I would like to improve it because his mom is a Dominican. She speaks also really good English but I can see she would really like us to communicate more on Spanish.

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue?

Only positive side I see is for me to improve my English and maybe Spanish. My fiancé also gets the opportunity to learn another language and he is really motivated.

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When?

Only when I try to tell a joke or a saying that I think is really funny or would express the best what I would like to say and when is translated into English doesn’t make any sense.

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier?

None

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?

That is the moment when you realize how good you are in English But I when I argue I say some thing in Croatian he already picked up so it is always happy end!

[deadbird 2]

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why?

English...though I was trying to learn Arabic behind his back to surprise him with it . His spoken English is arguably better than MINE...but what do you want? I use too much slang and talk too fast and he keeps up with me anyway.

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue?

Can't honestly answer because his English is very good...but when I don't speak Arabic and don't know what's going on around me, I feel quite stupid. I understand numbers and days of the week so if he's talking money with someone I totally understand that. Some people said some stuff about me in the street which I had no idea what they were saying and he told me it wasn't good, but he was vague when he told me what they actually said because he didn't want me to feel hurt.

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When?

Only now that we're talking about packet 3 and he wants help with it. I think he felt the frustration more though because he wanted to scan every page and email it over so I could tell him what he had to do and I made him read it to me instead.

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier?

Definitely talking about this visa process. lol (see above answer). Though sometimes he says I talk to him like a child and I don't realize when I do it.

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?

I don't know enough to argue in Arabic and he doesn't argue. Well actually that's not true but he's very calm about arguing, it's more like having a civil conversation and I've never seen him ripsiht pissed. He says when he gets really mad he swears in English

One time we were at the movies watching "Babel"--which for those of you who have seen it there's like 4 different languages and some subtitles, so Ramy told me he couldn't keep up with the English subtitles and couldn't really understand the dialect of Arabic that's in that movie...so I started telling him everything that was going on and after five minutes of that he was like, "you know, I'm not stupid."

But after five minutes I couldn't figure out what was going on anymore either so we spent the rest of the movie confused

[pedroh 21]

we're in america, we furriners should all speak english.. because if not we're bad, and we dont respect God, the constitution and the country.... and other people get pissed off

(btw this stupid commentary, is because the stupidity that they made at work.. while on vacations they moved my desk. because i spoke 'too much spanish' with the other hispanic rep, and 'in this office the official language is english'... they could have asked in a civilized way, but no, they have to act like xenophobic azzhatz)

Pedroh,

I'm not one to stir the pot but I would certainly say that you have an open and closed case of discrimination on your hands. Even if your co-workers are azzhats, the boss should have stepped in and intervened. At my job, that's a big fat NONO!!! I certainly respect a person who can learn English as a 2nd language, it's not easy and to be perfectly honest, it's not easy to speak if it's your ONLY language (as it is with me)... so pat yourself on the back and don't allow anyone to discriminate against you!

Dawn

thing is.. she couldn't intervene on time.. someone told the main manager about it.. and somehow he went all 'english is the official language in this office'.. and they did it while i was on vacations, so i didn't have a say, but i'll talk to my boss to see if she sees wise me going to the manager and telling them i hope next time there's a language issue, i can be approached instead of just doing sh!t on my back..

[Mephys 2]

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why?

English. He speaks only english ( he is the USC) and my native languague is French. We met in a game played in english so at that time I was very good with written communications, but he helped a lot with my speaking. He is learning few words of French here and there but that's about it for the moment.

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue?

I'd say it is good for the culture!

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When?

I learned the good english in school, and of course he speaks a little more slang than that so sometimes I have no idea what is he talking about and he has to explain to me. Also sometimes I try to search for my words and he cuts me to help mebut I end up being more frustrated cause I want to find it by myself so much.

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier?

At home when him and my mom wanted to talk together. She doesnt know English and he doesnt know French. I had to translate everything between them. Also when I met his whole family at christmas time, they sepak very fast and sometimes I was laughing with eveyrbody else but had no idea what they were talking about.

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?

When I am really frustrated I sometimes swear in French so then he really know something is wrong (like when I hit my toe on the chair) but when we argue together its in English... and since I'm really good with learning the slang I say the F*** word or S*** a little too much now In French we use those words and they are not that bad, but I have to be careful in front of the kids

I really want my husband to learn french but honestly I really don't know where to start with him. I know its a very hard language to learn and I am not a teacher....so any help would be appreciated

[Cassandra+Yuibi 0]

Whose language did you communicate in - yours or your partners - and why?

We speak English (my language). He's very fluent in English and most people don't realize that he's not American when he speaks. This wasn't really true when I first met him- his English was fantastic but he was obviously not confident in it. Now he has no inhibitions about speaking English! My Japanese is not really great. I can communicate- but I can't really have a serious or complicated discussion- my speaking Japanese with him would lead to looots of misunderstandings. I speak German pretty fluently (not 100%) and he is learning Spanish so we like to share and try to teach eachother that too!

Are there any positive sides to not speaking the same mother tongue?

Yes, we are always learning from eachother. He likes learning funny folksy (my family is full of rednecks) sayings from me- and I definately need improvement on my Japanese.

Did you ever feel frustrated or misunderstood? When?

Not because of the language difference- only because of the usual silly relationship squabbles

In which situations did you most feel the language barrier?

I don't really feel the barrier when I'm speaking with him- but with his family I do. None of them speak English so Yuibi translates for me when it's something more complicated. I get really frustrated about not being able to have serious talks with his family without his help. But I'll survive.

What is it like to argue in a foreign language?

That would be a question to ask him since we speak to eachother in English.

-Cassandra

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

we're in america, we furriners should all speak english.. because if not we're bad, and we dont respect God, the constitution and the country.... and other people get pissed off

(btw this stupid commentary, is because the stupidity that they made at work.. while on vacations they moved my desk. because i spoke 'too much spanish' with the other hispanic rep, and 'in this office the official language is english'... they could have asked in a civilized way, but no, they have to act like xenophobic azzhatz)

Pedroh,

I'm not one to stir the pot but I would certainly say that you have an open and closed case of discrimination on your hands.

[pedroh 21]

we're in america, we furriners should all speak english.. because if not we're bad, and we dont respect God, the constitution and the country.... and other people get pissed off

(btw this stupid commentary, is because the stupidity that they made at work.. while on vacations they moved my desk. because i spoke 'too much spanish' with the other hispanic rep, and 'in this office the official language is english'... they could have asked in a civilized way, but no, they have to act like xenophobic azzhatz)

Pedroh,

I'm not one to stir the pot but I would certainly say that you have an open and closed case of discrimination on your hands.

please state your argument... why is it correct to move me to another desk to avoid 'too much spanish' while on vacation, instead of just telling me in a reasonable way..which i have might agreed

Edited August 14, 2007 by pedroh

[Henia 11]

Henia will you post the results of your research? For those of us interested in the whole bilingual issue, it's a very cool topic!

Yes, of course! I am just doing this for my curiousity (and boredom) ... something little more productive then my usual here.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

we're in america, we furriners should all speak english.. because if not we're bad, and we dont respect God, the constitution and the country.... and other people get pissed off

(btw this stupid commentary, is because the stupidity that they made at work.. while on vacations they moved my desk. because i spoke 'too much spanish' with the other hispanic rep, and 'in this office the official language is english'... they could have asked in a civilized way, but no, they have to act like xenophobic azzhatz)

Pedroh,

I'm not one to stir the pot but I would certainly say that you have an open and closed case of discrimination on your hands.

please state your argument...

Don't need to. There's no case.

we're in america, we furriners should all speak english.. because if not we're bad, and we dont respect God, the constitution and the country.... and other people get pissed off

(btw this stupid commentary, is because the stupidity that they made at work.. while on vacations they moved my desk. because i spoke 'too much spanish' with the other hispanic rep, and 'in this office the official language is english'... they could have asked in a civilized way, but no, they have to act like xenophobic azzhatz)

Pedroh,

I'm not one to stir the pot but I would certainly say that you have an open and closed case of discrimination on your hands.

please state your argument... why is it correct to move me to another desk to avoid 'too much spanish' while on vacation, instead of just telling me in a reasonable way..which i have might agreed

Were you guaranteed a specific desk in your contract with the firm?