Stepmom

[Bernese 1]

My dad married a Filipino lady(25 y younger) and brought her to the US with her daughter. Ever since they got married, she has changed. She was very sweet in the beginning, but after they signed the papers, she became very hostile, passive aggressive and would ignore me. The daughter and her did not have a close relationship since the daughter was not raised by her so they did not have a mother and daughter bond so I tried being the daughters best friend (she’s is 3 years younger then me) while my dad and his wife could be happy. After a while, I started noticing some changes in her attitude, and I tried my very best to have her involved and make her happy but that never helped, she ignores me and is always on Facebook as if it’s her journal.

My dad is a very hard-working man and he works to provide for all of us, while she gets to stay home and doesn’t do anything. I understand that she’s from a different country and it might be hard but while she’s at home she ignores me and will talk Filipino with her daughter, even though she knows English.

 

My dad takes them shopping and we always take them on trips at least once a month. While we take them on trips, my relationship between the daughter  will go away since the mother has no one to talk to you, since she doesn’t like me for some reason. It seems like she will turn her daughter against me as if the daughter doesn’t even know who I am anymore.

 

On my dad’s bday, stepmom willfully ignore me, and pretend I don’t even exist. She will not get involved with trying to make his birthday better, or will not appreciate the dinner I took them to, etc.

 

They have been here for nine months and I have been nothing but nice and I’m trying my best to not cause any problems since I’ve seen things that have m been going on between the family. Outside friends have seen the same thing.

 

i’ve tried to talk to my dad about these problems, but he is in denial and will stick up for her no matter what. 
 

I am writing this because I would like to know what’s going on or if she has the right intentions of being with my dad/or just wants to get me out of this family so she can be the leader and control his life. PLEASE HELP
 

 

 

 

[TBoneTX 43,419]

Thread is moved to the Philippines regional forum in case cultural influences are involved.

[MarryMe987654 241]

Hey @Bernese! I am sorry that you are uncomfortable with the situation with your stepmom right now. Unfortunately, we don't know their side of the story so we can't really tell for sure what's happening. It might be a cultural thing, it might be an ulterior motive, it might be something else, we can't tell.

 

If I were in your situation, I will talk to them directly to ask if there's anything that I did to make them feel uncomfortable in the house. Hear what they have to say and try to resolve it. Cultural difference is a real thing and can prove to be an issue. 

 

I wouldn't leave my dad with them because dad is adjusting as well and my support is important under these circumstances. He is in denial now but he'll come to his senses. It's important to always have his back.

 

Goodluck

[RO_AH 1,625]

On 3/30/2023 at 8:55 PM, Bernese said:

I would like to know what’s going on

It's called tampo. Honestly your father shouldn't put up with it. The best way to deal with it is just ignore it and stop trying. But seriously your father should intervene. My wife and I have a 25 year gap too and she already knows that tampo ####### will not work with me and she would never do that to my older son. Although my older son does not live with us.

 

Would you mind sharing your age?

[Bernese 1]

On 4/1/2023 at 2:02 PM, RO_AH said:

It's called tampo. Honestly your father shouldn't put up with it. The best way to deal with it is just ignore it and stop trying. But seriously your father should intervene. My wife and I have a 25 year gap too and she already knows that tampo ####### will not work with me and she would never do that to my older son. Although my older son does not live with us.

 

Would you mind sharing your age?

Thank you for responding, and I am 23 y/o