Chores outrank kids in today's marriages

[Mags 112]

I'm off to clean to toilet. See ya later, folks.

so you agreed to this pic then

Where the hell did you get my wedding pic from???????????

[WifeOHunkyJohn 2]

I feel sometimes the pressure about that, not that it'll make me want or not kids, I already made up my mind about that and every thing has its time, but people that don't know us much ask if we have kids, that's ok, but every body back in Brazil every time I talk to them I have to hear the same ''when is the baby coming'' question, like it's a certainty, a sure part of a marriage, you know? It's not like are you having a kid, it's ''when''

So even though people might not believe it's important for a successful marriage, I believe they still think it's part of a marriage. Maybe it's a brazilian thing, I don't know.

It's not just a Brazilian thing.

Both my hubby and I got it from our families as well, and in fact mine didn't let up until about a year after we were married. I even have strangers (older generation) asking me when I am having kids, and these are people I don't even know!!!

Quick funny for you - After my brother and sister-in-law had a baby boy, my dad (thinking he was funny) told me he also wanted a grand-daughter...

... so I asked him to check Ebay as they sell everything.

He didn't seem to find it as funny as we did, lol

The golden rule is to live your life for you and your other half, and do what makes the TWO of you happy. Everyone else can deal with their own emotions on everything.

Hugs

Annie

[chri'stina 190]

I agree with a few different comments.

I think it's wrong if a couple wants to have a baby to try to save their marriage, etc. It usually doesn't help and punishes the child more than anyone, and like what was already said, the best way would be to have a stable marriage before bringing kids into it. I've always known I wanted a couple of kids so it's just who I am. But we waited until we felt ready.

Yeah people always ask married couples when are they having a baby. My parents never bothered us b/c they knew we wanted it one day, and looked forward to it but weren't annoying about it. It was mostly strangers or not very close friends who would be annoying about it. Especially ppl I knew who's daughter got pregnant at 17. They were like "you have a house and a husband, so now where's the baby!?" Yeah, "sorry" I waited until after I was married a couple years to start the baby process. How horrible of me.

But now we feel very ready and can't wait to meet our baby!

[Marilyn. 340]

I am pretty sure my brother and his wife are having a baby to try and save their marriage... their marriage is very unstable...

[Nessa 23]

I am pretty sure my brother and his wife are having a baby to try and save their marriage... their marriage is very unstable...

That's a terrible reason to have a child

[Dan J 277]

I am pretty sure my brother and his wife are having a baby to try and save their marriage... their marriage is very unstable...

That's a terrible reason to have a child

Yup, if anything is going to make the situation worse.

[kittykatwoman 0]

I think it's interesting to see the changes in attitude towards marriage. As I understand from the article, having children is no longer a measurement of a successful marriage as it once was. For those who want children and can't, that could be a good sign. There used to be a stigma for couples who were childless and often there are uncomfortable questions brought up by families, friends and even strangers, "Do you have any children?" "When are going to have kids?"

It's also a good sign for the individuals and couples that don't want kids. I always hear that I will change my mind and it almost sounds like they hope I will regret it also they know better because THEY want kids and everybody wants to do what everybody does, yeah right..... People are very judgemental about it from picturing me as a child hater to an unstable, selfish woman I get to hear a lot of #######!

I do lie sometimes and say I'm sterile, I avoid saying it was my decision to get a sterilization, tho I can't stand people's pity but sometimes it's better than make people angry with my choices. I really wish people could handle the answers to the questions they come to me with...

[Nancy2015 2]

The only thing children do to an unhappy marriage is make a divorce much harder. I have seen so many young people get married because the girl got pregnant, and then divorce shortly after the baby was born, because they couldn't stand each other, and the kid couldn't make them stay together.

I would put something like "mutual respect", "understanding" or " sharing the same values" at the top of the list. faithfulness and chores are important too, imho

[Dr. Obvious 49]

It's also a good sign for the individuals and couples that don't want kids. I always hear that I will change my mind and it almost sounds like they hope I will regret it also they know better because THEY want kids and everybody wants to do what everybody does, yeah right.....

After having a kid of my own, I really wonder if people who are pushing kids aren't doing it because "misery loves company". I love my daughter, but jeeze. Not signing up for that again. I already have people asking when the next one is coming. My husband is having a vasectomy on Monday, so the answer is never. And then of course I get it because I "Just can't leave her an only! She'll be spoiled and isolated and not know how share anything!". Agh.

You aren't going to win the number of children argument no matter what you do or don't do. People will always think they know better for you and your family no matter what.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I think it's interesting to see the changes in attitude towards marriage. As I understand from the article, having children is no longer a measurement of a successful marriage as it once was. For those who want children and can't, that could be a good sign. There used to be a stigma for couples who were childless and often there are uncomfortable questions brought up by families, friends and even strangers, "Do you have any children?" "When are going to have kids?"

It's also a good sign for the individuals and couples that don't want kids. I always hear that I will change my mind and it almost sounds like they hope I will regret it also they know better because THEY want kids and everybody wants to do what everybody does, yeah right..... People are very judgemental about it from picturing me as a child hater to an unstable, selfish woman I get to hear a lot of #######!

I do lie sometimes and say I'm sterile, I avoid saying it was my decision to get a sterilization, tho I can't stand people's pity but sometimes it's better than make people angry with my choices. I really wish people could handle the answers to the questions they come to me with...

That's totally understandable. I don't think you're obligated to give the real reasons why you don't have children, especially to casual aquaintances.

[Mrs.J06 4]

It really bothers me when people who have kids say that people who don't are being selfish.

Heck, if they feel it's such a sacrifice to have them, why did they have kids to begin with? I totally agree with the "misery loves company" statement!

[mawilson 2,133]

After having a kid of my own, I really wonder if people who are pushing kids aren't doing it because "misery loves company".

That's exactly it.

[chri'stina 190]

Just as it's not right for ppl that have kids to judge those who do not, I also don't think it's right to say that having kids is miserable. That might be the experience for some people, but I know a lot of people who are very happy they had kids and it has brought a lot of happiness into their lives.

It's an extreme to say that ppl who don't have or don't want kids are selfish. And I also think it's extreme to assume that every parents is going through misery because of having kids. I think that would be the minority of parents.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

Just as it's not right for ppl that have kids to judge those who do not, I also don't think it's right to say that having kids is miserable. That might be the experience for some people, but I know a lot of people who are very happy they had kids and it has brought a lot of happiness into their lives.

It's an extreme to say that ppl who don't have or don't want kids are selfish. And I also think it's extreme to assume that every parents is going through misery because of having kids. I think that would be the minority of parents.

No, that wasn't I was saying. I said people who push you to have kids, not all people who have kids. Unfortunately, it has just been my experience that they people who pressure you the most and tell you how it is ssssooooooo worth it to have kids are the ones that are constantly frazzled and stressed out with their children.

[Mags 112]

And then of course I get it because I "Just can't leave her an only! She'll be spoiled and isolated and not know how share anything!". Agh.

I get that a lot. However, I was an only child myself and rather enjoyed it.