Divorce before wife comes to the u.s

[Wee-moon-ah 3]

2 hours ago, Lucky Cat said:

What company is doing your paperwork? What do you mean "money for the visa"?  The AOS fee?  If the Affidavit of Support fee has not been paid, you can just hold off paying it until you want to proceed.

Anthony Pham in little Saigon. When I was in the phone with them they said for me to send over proof of income and for me to pay for her visa. Yeh I don’t plan on paying yet. 

[Crazy Cat 39,404]

8 minutes ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

Anthony Pham in little Saigon. When I was in the phone with them they said for me to send over proof of income and for me to pay for her visa. Yeh I don’t plan on paying yet. 

What does "pay for her visa" mean?   The immigrant Green Card fee is paid AFTER the interview.  I suggest you find out EXACTLY what fee that is.....To whom are you sending the proof of income?  

Who is Anthony Pham?

Edited December 7, 2020 by Lucky Cat

[Wee-moon-ah 3]

1 minute ago, Lucky Cat said:

What does "pay for her visa" mean?   The immigrant visa is paid AFTER the interview.  I suggest you find out EXACTLY what fee that is.....To whom are you sending the proof of income?  

Who is Anthony Pham?

Anthony Pham is the company. Yeh I’ll give the company a call today to check in a few things and give nvs a call too. Thanks for helping me out. 

[Stein 260]

19 hours ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

If you guys are curious about the problems that we have I can tell you guys if you want to hear. Thanks again. 

Sure.  Being married to a Vietnamese and just getting her visa last month but still haven't moved to US yet, I'm interested.  

 

How many times did you meet?  How much time have you spent together before getting married?  Is she talking about needing to send money back to her family when she moves to the US?  What other cultural differences are there that are significant?  How much older than her are you?

Edited December 8, 2020 by Stein

[Crazy Cat 39,404]

17 hours ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

Anthony Pham is the company.

I figured that much.  Is he an attorney?  Where is he based?  US or VN?  Is he submitting documents for you and paying the fees at NVC?

[Wee-moon-ah 3]

1 hour ago, Stein said:

Sure.  Being married to a Vietnamese and just getting her visa last month but still haven't moved to US yet, I'm interested.  

 

How many times did you meet?  How much time have you spent together before getting married?  Is she talking about needing to send money back to her family when she moves to the US?  What other cultural differences are there that are significant?  How much older than her are you?

We met about 5x in the span of a year. Yeh we talked about sending money back. I told her not much and that she needs to get a job and help me out first before helping anyone out. I have a mortgage. I’m about 8 years older. I don’t even know if it’s cultural diff.  More like her being busy at work and not communicating with me that much. She says she’s sleepy at night since the time change but yet she goes out with her coworkers for drinks after work. She also got a little drunk and didn’t text me til the next morning. So we’ve been arguing for about 2-3 months now. She’s also not a person of her word or reliable. Just all talk. 

[Wee-moon-ah 3]

58 minutes ago, Lucky Cat said:

I figured that much.  Is he an attorney?  Where is he based?  US or VN?  Is he submitting documents for you and paying the fees at NVC?

He’s an attorney I think but mainly they’re a company that does all that. I think I’m going to be paying the fees. At this point I think I can call nvc myself today and let them know to keep it pending for now. 

[Crazy Cat 39,404]

Just now, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

At this point I think I can call nvc myself today and let them know to keep it pending for now. 

I would do that asap.

[Wee-moon-ah 3]

7 minutes ago, Lucky Cat said:

I would do that asap.

I will give them a call today. Thanks again 

[Stein 260]

25 minutes ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

We met about 5x in the span of a year. Yeh we talked about sending money back. I told her not much and that she needs to get a job and help me out first before helping anyone out. I have a mortgage. I’m about 8 years older. I don’t even know if it’s cultural diff.  More like her being busy at work and not communicating with me that much. She says she’s sleepy at night since the time change but yet she goes out with her coworkers for drinks after work. She also got a little drunk and didn’t text me til the next morning. So we’ve been arguing for about 2-3 months now. She’s also not a person of her word or reliable. Just all talk. 

Wow, your situation seems really...normal.  Decent meetings and not a big age gap.  Doesn't help that you haven't been able to visit since they shut the borders here in March and I don't see that changing until at least March of next year so you can't even visit if you wanted to.  I know for my wife she's really freaked about the COVID situation in the US.  We are talking about sucking it up and doing new medicals and paying the fees for new visas if we can't travel to US in March and moving it to June.  The money thing is fairly normal if she came from a poorer family.  We already support her parents who are in their 70's as well as a sister and brother but the sister is getting cut off after TET.  Wife's decision, not mine.  I'll probably just shift the money from her to her parents, not reduce the outflow.  It's not a lot and I'm in a position that I can help.  Plus I lived here the last two years and see them quite a bit and I know they are good people.  The money thing can be a big deal for Americans.  It's not normal to us but I've embraced it but I'm sure I'm quite a bit older than you are.  My wife is 23 years younger than me.  I pushed back a bit before we were married and before I moved here and I didn't even know her family.  I thought I was being treated as the US ATM but that's not the case at all.

Edited December 8, 2020 by Stein

[Wee-moon-ah 3]

Just now, Stein said:

Wow, your situation seems really...normal.  Decent meetings and not a big age gap.  Doesn't help that you haven't been able to visit since they shut the borders here in March and I don't see that changing until at least March of next year so you can't even visit if you wanted to.  I know for my wife she's really freaked about the COVID situation in the US.  We are talking about sucking it up and doing new medicals and paying the fees for new visas if we can't travel to US in March and moving it to June.  The money thing is fairly normal if she came from a poorer family.  We already support her parents who are in their 70's as well as a sister and brother but the sister is getting cut off after TET.  Her decision, not mine.  I'll probably just shift the money from her to her parents, not reduce the outflow.  It's not a lot and I'm in a position that I can help.  Plus I lived here the last two years and see them quite a bit and I know they are good people.  The money thing can be a big deal for Americans.  It's not normal to us but I've embraced it but I'm sure I'm quite a bit older than you are.  My wife is 23 years younger than me.

Dude I know. It’s my insecurities. She’s a pretty girl and I haven’t seen her since feb. I was used to seeing her every few months. Luckily her father is a dr and bro is an engineer so they sent poor. I guess I’m also comparing her to my other Viet ex who showed that she cared more. Calling me at 7:00 am in the dad to video chat and walking away from her friends to talk to me while this one hangs up the phone and says she can’t hear me. Lol the hanging up thing is a Viet thing. She doesn’t even say good bye. And when I went to visit her she was always playing on her phone. I was thinking I’m here to find a traditional Viet not someone whos always editing her vacations pics or shopping. 

[Wee-moon-ah 3]

17 minutes ago, Stein said:

Wow, your situation seems really...normal.  Decent meetings and not a big age gap.  Doesn't help that you haven't been able to visit since they shut the borders here in March and I don't see that changing until at least March of next year so you can't even visit if you wanted to.  I know for my wife she's really freaked about the COVID situation in the US.  We are talking about sucking it up and doing new medicals and paying the fees for new visas if we can't travel to US in March and moving it to June.  The money thing is fairly normal if she came from a poorer family.  We already support her parents who are in their 70's as well as a sister and brother but the sister is getting cut off after TET.  Wife's decision, not mine.  I'll probably just shift the money from her to her parents, not reduce the outflow.  It's not a lot and I'm in a position that I can help.  Plus I lived here the last two years and see them quite a bit and I know they are good people.  The money thing can be a big deal for Americans.  It's not normal to us but I've embraced it but I'm sure I'm quite a bit older than you are.  My wife is 23 years younger than me.  I pushed back a bit before we were married and before I moved here and I didn't even know her family.  I thought I was being treated as the US ATM but that's not the case at all.

Yeh I wasn’t going to have her treat me like a human atm. Those are on of my signs I’m getting played. But I did give her a little bit when Vietnam was shut down. My buddy met a girl around a year earlier than me. He got lucky and met a girl that has money. She paid for his flights haha 

[Stein 260]

4 minutes ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

 She doesn’t even say good bye. And when I went to visit her she was always playing on her phone. I was thinking I’m here to find a traditional Viet not someone whos always editing her vacations pics or shopping. 

LOL I understand the "good bye" thing.  I've also embraced the "ya, ya, ya", and then hang up thing otherwise they won't stop.  You can find what you want but it will take time and it will take living here.  You don't meet the "nice girl" on Vietnam Cupid or at the bar but you know that already if you have an ex.  She does sound like the typical 20-25 Viet city girl, not a country girl.  She's also upper middle class so she's a bit insulated financially compare to most.  But if that's what you have and that's where you found her you can't be upset about where it's at right now.  You just have to decide if she's worth it.  You loved her once.  Put things on hold (with the visa), try to get back here in the next year and see what happens.  Plus, tell her the visa is on hold.  Either she will fix things or she won't.  She doesn't sound like she's long playing you.  She sounds like virtually all of the Viet city kids.  You aren't here.  Her friends are.  You are back seating it right now.  And while what attracted her to you might be exciting it may not be marriage material.

[Wee-moon-ah 3]

12 minutes ago, Stein said:

LOL I understand the "good bye" thing.  I've also embraced the "ya, ya, ya", and then hang up thing otherwise they won't stop.  You can find what you want but it will take time and it will take living here.  You don't meet the "nice girl" on Vietnam Cupid or at the bar but you know that already if you have an ex.  She does sound like the typical 20-25 Viet city girl, not a country girl.  She's also upper middle class so she's a bit insulated financially compare to most.  But if that's what you have and that's where you found her you can't be upset about where it's at right now.  You just have to decide if she's worth it.  You loved her once.  Put things on hold (with the visa), try to get back here in the next year and see what happens.  Plus, tell her the visa is on hold.  Either she will fix things or she won't.  She doesn't sound like she's long playing you.  She sounds like virtually all of the Viet city kids.  You aren't here.  Her friends are.  You are back seating it right now.  And while what attracted her to you might be exciting it may not be marriage material.

I actually met them both on Cupid and Borge are so different.  Yeh she’s modern city girl. Luckily she just found a good job that pays well. Yeh but before she was giving me more attention and now at her job she’s been hanging out more after work. So with her hanging out and sleeping early we arnt spending much time. With the distance it’s definitely not easy. 

[Stein 260]

3 minutes ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

I actually met them both on Cupid and Borge are so different.  Yeh she’s modern city girl. Luckily she just found a good job that pays well. Yeh but before she was giving me more attention and now at her job she’s been hanging out more after work. So with her hanging out and sleeping early we arnt spending much time. With the distance it’s definitely not easy. 

I wouldn't kick her to the curb as fast as the other posters here.  Definitely tell her you are putting the visa on hold until you both work through some things and see what happens.  If she's not a bar girl (and it doesn't sound like she is) she doesn't have someone else on the hook to bring her to the US so she will come around and give it a fair shake if she's serious.  If not, the visa is already on hold and you can make it permanent later.  No risk to you other than the time needed to see if it's real or not.  Invest as much time figuring it out as you did getting into it and see what happens.