Scared what to do? Please hlep me

[sillymeinUSA 0]

On 12/15/2019 at 2:14 AM, Duke & Marie said:

I think we need to remember that k1 places significant financial strain onto a couple through the inability to earn an Income. This is one of the massive downsides to the visa. 

 

Many couples argue due to lack of finance, particularly when one sits at home, (immigration or not).. his loss of employment is likely compounding the problem too resulting in more arguments..

 

have you discussed with him how the relationship could potentially improve once you have completed AOS and gotten work approvals?

 

Don’t give up, you both obviously cared enough for each other to go through this entire process, your getting closer to passing a major milestone with AOS.. unfortunately couples fight do to lack money, it’s just one of those evils sometimes.. you’re nearly there, keep at it 🤗🤗 

 

We both are aware of the idea of me getting a proper salary and producing economically, and the impact it can have in our life.

It is just that I feel the relationship deteriorated so much with all the arguments. 

Thank you for your warm advice. I am trying to talk to him . But if we cant reach an agreement I need to negotiate with him the help for leaving this country and being safe at home. I miss my home.

Edited December 18, 2019 by sillymeinUSA

[Going through 5,668]

2 hours ago, sillymeinUSA said:

 

Yes, this is the result of huge quarrels and the tension of not having enough money and debts and this AOS.

It is not domestic violence per se. I think . Anyway I dont want to go down that route.

If there's only huge quarrels and tension---VAWA won't be an option open to you anyway. 

If he's put his hands on you then it's (one form of) domestic violence---and VAWA is something you would be eligible for.

 

Your only option,  if you do not/cannot pursue that route, is to leave the US once the AOS is denied.

 

Unfortunately, one of the pitfalls of the K1 (versus the CR-1) is financial strain due to the AOS fee plus the immigrant not being able to work right away....which then can commonly lead to arguments about money/stress/etc.  But a lot choose the K1 over the CR-1 because it seems faster, overlooking (or ignoring) the rest of the negative aspects of the fiancee visa versus the spousal visa.  Many of us in these forums have been in your shoes at one point or another and can empathize with you.

 

Also unfortunately, your AOS will be denied should he not appear at the interview or he withdraws the affidavit of support.

You will then need to leave the US.

Best of luck to you.

 

I would be wary if he all of a sudden happily agrees to go to the interview, as well.  Because he might just purposefully tank it for you infront of the officer.

[Unidentified 2,930]

Such nagging about VAWA. She had said several times she doesn't want to go down that route. 

[Going through 5,668]

3 minutes ago, Unidentified said:

Such nagging about VAWA. She had said several times she doesn't want to go down that route. 

I wasn't trying to be nagging in my above post....the only reason I mentioned it again was when she alluded to how she doesn't "think" it was domestic violence "per se".

 

Sometimes actual victims of DV don't realize that what they have been experiencing is abuse....when I went through it before my now-husband, I was so manipulated by that man into thinking it was part of a normal relationship.  Hence the first part of my post above.

[AA1 4]

8 hours ago, sillymeinUSA said:

 Actually I got into debt because of him & I wanted to help him.

I learnt never to lend my credit acccount to anybody not even my mom !

Anyway, finance in US are the big problem. Please, be careful. If one of you is a big spender, better keep your finances apart.

[AA1 4]

I am so sorry it happens to you, to both of you. Please, try to talk to your husband, you both try to talk and understand each other. You came long way and there is / it was love. Don't decide about the divorce very fast, maybe your marriage can be saved. Sometimes we decide it very fast being upset and stubborn, too proud maybe and later we regret so much. And think, if you both will regret it in the future, maybe it will be no way to get back together. It happened to me and all I know I was very hurt yet even there, I apologized and tried to save our marriage, he was very stubborn and very proud (even if it was his fault, not mine, I tried to reason with him). He traveled back to his country and now 3 years after we both regret he left USA.

 

I know you are very hurt now, but, please, try to think well and to talk to him. 

Edited December 19, 2019 by AA1

[Nat&Amy 623]

10 hours ago, AA1 said:

It happened to me and all I know I was very hurt yet even there, I apologized and tried to save our marriage, he was very stubborn and very proud (even if it was his fault, not mine, I tried to reason with him).

I also have a divorce under my belt but looking back, I have no regrets. Not all relationships last and forcing things might just delay even bigger heartbreak later on. Love alone is not enough to save a marriage: both parties need to be willing to work hard, to be honest, and to learn from past mistakes. If the OP is the only one willing to do all that, I don't see how remaining married is the answer.

 

But then again, the decision to keep trying or not belongs to the OP. Immigration-wise, though, the ball is in the husband's court. If he opts out, then there isn't much for OP to do.

[AA1 4]

2 hours ago, Nat&Amy said:

I also have a divorce under my belt but looking back, I have no regrets. Not all relationships last and forcing things might just delay even bigger heartbreak later on. Love alone is not enough to save a marriage: both parties need to be willing to work hard, to be honest, and to learn from past mistakes. If the OP is the only one willing to do all that, I don't see how remaining married is the answer.

 

But then again, the decision to keep trying or not belongs to the OP. Immigration-wise, though, the ball is in the husband's court. If he opts out, then there isn't much for OP to do.

I am talking about both willing to work on it and save the marriage. 

[Nat&Amy 623]

7 minutes ago, AA1 said:

I am talking about both willing to work on it and save the marriage. 

Nothing wrong with that, I just don't think it is a matter of "keep trying to talk to him" anymore, as you suggested it might be. The OP and the husband have been in therapy for a while and he is still aggressive, still vengeful. There's just so much trying a person can do before putting an end to things, and OP shouldn't feel bad if in the end they really go for the divorce.

 

Not all divorces are decisions you later regret, each person's experience is unique and we can only hope OP chooses the path that brings her happiness and well-being. 

 

 

 

[sillymeinUSA 0]

I didnt go to the interview.

 

[Going through 5,668]

45 minutes ago, sillymeinUSA said:

I didnt go to the interview.

 

So what is your plan of action now?