I need urgent help. Please!

[Gratitude 2]

Hello. Thanks for taking time to read and hopefully offer some help. 

I was out of status when I met husband after Tourist visa expired. We married after a yrar and a mnth together. He aurprised me with the perfect engagement ring. Even the marrriage was pretty much a surprise. He told me the night before that he found someone to marry us the following morning. I was like, sure! 

He was my ideal guy in the beginning and things started to go south around the one year mark but he was going through a lot personally. I thought that was what made him that way but over time I realized that this may be who this guy really is. 

There's been a lot of anger management type issues in the relationship. His way of communication is yelling. You never know when he's going to snap, so egg shells 24/7. When he's angry he says things like He f'n married me for gooneee sakes. As if he did me a favor. He will say I used him for green card. I tricked him into marrying me. How did I if you were the one who surprised me with an engagement and planned the whole thing? 

He always applogizes when he has calmed down and tells me he didn't mean any of it. He was just angry. 

I called the cops on him recently because He was angry and was hurting himself. I was petrified. I tried to leave and he locked me in the house. He was screaming at the topf of his voice. The same stuff. 'Y did u marry me? Y did u marry me? Oh i dont even deserve an answer?' 

When he becomes this way, I don't say a word because I dont want to aggravate him. Unfortunately, he works himself up l, the more he yells. Cops took him for a psychiatric hold and took away his firearm. 

He wants it back and blames me for the whole thing. He says I planned the whole thing because I no longer want to be with him, so I got him angry, in order for him to yell at me so that I can call the cops. For them to go to our place and shoot him! 

I left while he was in that psychiatric place after talking to him and hearing the hatred and anger in his voice. I was afraid of what he might do to me when he saw my face. 

The first thing he did when he got home was cancel the joint credit card. I talked to him often while I was away. I felt bad for him and he wouldn't stop calling and texting. 

Against my better judgement, I went back. We agreed I would stay in the guest bedroom, we would seek counseling and take it from there. 

He sneaks in my bed some nights. I'll eake up with him there. Or he will beg me to lay down with him. Sometimes in the middle of the day in the moddle of the week. One minute he is hopeful and positive about our marriage. The next, he is yelling at me, telling me to promise never to call the cops on him again. Even if he killed everyone in the neighborhood and I was the last one standing and he had a gun to my face. 'Promise me! Promise me You will never call the coos on me again!' Of course, I can't make that promise. It's my constitutional and human right to call for help should I feel threatened. He took a gun barrel that he was using to build a gun and waved it towards me and asked. What about this? Are you gonna call the cops on me now? Huh? 

'She's threatening to call the vops on me again!' He yelled towards the street for everyone to hear. 

This morning he went berserk again and yelled at me at 7. I put clothes on and left. I called domestic abuse hotline and got a nice lady to talk to. Our aos interview was in the. Eginning of the year and we haven't heard from Uscis ever since, Service requests, Info Passes, Congress, all to no avail. Nobody has an update for us. I therefore don't even have the 2 year conditional green card. My plan was to try the dreaded  Vawa route because going back home after so many years...!

 

He called me throughout the day. I didn't pick up until around 4pm. That's when he thanked me for giving him the best tome of his life. I'm the love of his life and the most trustworthy person he's ever met. He wants to help me with my green card. This morning and whenever he's angry, he says 'You will not get your green card through me!' He told me he won't get an annulment as it will look bad to immigrations. He just wants a divorce. He has papers at home and wants me to come sign. 

I went home and he served me with dovorce papers. He's in an upbeat mood now, having served me. 

I left and called domestic hotline for legal help. the lady referred me to a place where they told me they are only shelters. They don't do legal help. The domestic help lady had told me that with wjat i had told her, I would qualify to file a Vawa help. There are organizations out there that can help me free of charge. She then patched me through to the lady who said that won't be them. The second lady also told me that some shelters may offer legal help if I stayed at the shelters. Otherwise no. 

 

I havent signed yet. Husband has  been texting since I stepped out, asking where I went and why. 'You said you would sign the papers!'  Looks like he wants them signed asap. Even though he told me I don't have to sign them tonight. It's only been a couple of hours at most since he served me. 

 

I come before you with a bleeding heart and hardly a leg to stand on, asking for any kind of help, advice, contacts, links, a hug! Anything you can offer! Where do I go from here?

 

Please and thank you

 

[Mr Geminian 691]

Am so sorry that you've been through all this and after reading this i think you should just get out of that place and stay at some friends place or at the shelter and file for VAWA. You said he locked you and went out and he's got anger issues and plus he's got a gun. He goes on and off realising about marriage and you, which is not at all good. Plus, he now wants you to sign off the divorce papers asap and he might gets more aggravated because you called police on him. I'd say leave that place now.

[Gratitude 2]

@Aviinashh M 

Thank you. 

Unfortunately, I don't have friends nor relatives around and the shelters were full tonight. I've locked the spare bedroom where I'm sleeping. Hopefully, that'll be enough. 

When he locked the door on me. He was at home. He didn't want me to get out. But he didn't leave me locked up in the house. Not that that's better but jist clarifying. 

The police have his firearm. 

[sparrowxxx419 31]

44 minutes ago, Gratitude said:

@Aviinashh M 

Thank you. 

Unfortunately, I don't have friends nor relatives around and the shelters were full tonight. I've locked the spare bedroom where I'm sleeping. Hopefully, that'll be enough. 

When he locked the door on me. He was at home. He didn't want me to get out. But he didn't leave me locked up in the house. Not that that's better but jist clarifying. 

The police have his firearm. 

I feel for women who go through all these from most USC men. 

 

I have a friend here in Houston Texas who went through the same ordeal as you. She graduated from a four year university here and had OPT and EAD to work. Then married her University sweetheart who proposed to her and they moved in together after getting married. Then suddenly her husband changed totally would always go through her cell phone and ask why she took so long coming back from work. And when he did not get the answer he wanted would beat her and leave bruises on her.

 

I found out one day and told her to call the cops but she was scared and said he threatened to kill her if she called the laws. To cut the story short she came back from work one day and found the whole house in a mess. Electronics gone and her passports and documents and also found out he drained the savings joint account and moved out of Houston.

 

She lost the house and sort for legal help. A non-government organization for abused women in Texas appointed an attorney for her and she filed for VAWA. Its a slow process but its promising that she'll get all she's lost.

 

I feel for you cause you just reminded me of my friend. PLEASE,LEAVE THAT HOUSE ASAP AND STAY IN THE SHELTER. They are sure gonna offer you the legal help you need ONLY if you keep to the rules and regulations of the shelter.

[Gratitude 2]

@sparrowxxx419 

what a heartbreaking story! My heart goes out to your friend! Sending her positive vibes!

Thanks for your concern. I'm going to call the shelters again tomorrow and see. Nothing for tonight. 

This stuff is physically and mentally draining 

 

[sparrowxxx419 31]

Just now, Gratitude said:

@sparrowxxx419 

what a heartbreaking story! My heart goes out to your friend! Sending her positive vibes!

Thanks for your concern. I'm going to call the shelters again tomorrow and see. Nothing for tonight. 

This stuff is physically and mentally draining 

 

I think you also need to speak to an immigration lawyer asap too.

 

With what you're going through,i believe you can qualify for VAWA. I would also advice you don't sign the divorce papers yet until you speak with a good immigration lawyer. 

 

Please,leave the house if you can if the situation gets too uncomfortable for you,call the police.

 

 

[Gratitude 2]

@sparrowxxx419

I'll call the organizations I got from domestic abuse hotlines tomorrow. They offer legal aide but were all closed by the time he served me. 

 

He just got home to find the room I'm in locked. He said, 'Why's the door locked? I need something in there and would appreciate it if you didn't lock the doors in my house' 

 

I hope that it doesn't come to me calling the cops again. 

 

 

Edited September 15, 2017 by Gratitude

[sparrowxxx419 31]

3 minutes ago, Gratitude said:

@sparrowxxx419

I'll call the organizations I got from domestic abuse hotlines tomorrow. They offer legal aide but were all closed by the time he served me. 

 

He just got home to find the room I'm in locked. He said, 'Why's the door locked? I need something in there and would appreciate it if you didn't lock the doors in my house' 

 

I hope that it doesn't come to me calling the cops again. 

 

 

Call the organizations first thing tomorrow.

 

I'd advice you lock yourself in till in the morning. Just ignore him and play asleep. You just never know what this kind of person will do next. If you have the contacts of his close family members i'd advice you call them if that'll help him calm down.

 

All the best and you can always post on this thread on your developments. 

[Gratitude 2]

@sparrowxxx419 thank you! I will definitely call them as soon as they open. I'll go to the library in order to be able to use the internet in his absence.  Even though I pay for internet here and have paid rent for this month. 

I would feel safer having locked the doors but at this point, I feel like he might come back to see if I listened to his instructions of not locking just to start something. 

 

Ironically, This is someone who just got back from bible study. 

[Gratitude 2]

@sandranj

@Damara

thoughts? please?

[sparkles_ 456]

You have to pretend you and him are just fine until you can get away (which needs to be ASAP), say what you have to say to him to keep the peace and make him believe you won't call the cops again or leave him because someone this unstable could harm you out of rage or paranoia. Call other shelters, there must be more than one in your area. Catholic social services and Lutheran social services are other good options to check.

 

I feel for you so much, I was in a very similar marriage in my younger years and I literally had to do a disappearing act while the man was at work after pretending for a while. Please call those places and they will help arrange a way out for you and help you file VAWA. If the cops took him for a psych hold that speaks volumes. 

[Frage 67]

Also reminding you to take important documents and once you're out of there, change your address with uscis and usps and set up forwarding asap. 

 

I believe the man needs a doctor.  

[Gratitude 2]

@sparkles_ 

thank you so much. I'm on it. Making those calls right now. 

 

I'm glad to hear you were able to get out of your previous situation in one piece. 

[Gratitude 2]

@Frage

yes! Thanks. I have all my important documents in the car. 

[Mr Geminian 691]

Did you call the shelter places ? what did they say ???