Must you change your name?

[AngelD 0]

yeah--ours isn't too great backwards either--but it's great for a giggle!!

[Autumnchik 6]

I am still debating the whole name change thing (just got married a couple weeks ago). I have decided not to make any official changes until our church wedding ceremony in April, but have come up with a probable plan. It does not matter to my husband what name I choose. He has 2 sisters; one kept her maiden name, the other took her husband's name.

I am PRETTY sure that I will keep my maiden name for professional use ... my degrees and licenses are in that name and I am known professionally by it.

I will then change my name to add my husband's last name at the end, still keeping my whole (first middle and last) name. For me, I would like our (future) children to have the same name and am not liking the sound of our two names together hyphenated.

[bora bora 1]

My sister is getting married in a few months and is still trying to figure this out... She hasn't decided yet. At first she said NO but I think she's getting used to the idea. She wanted to hyphen it so we'll see.

I'm a teacher and I'll be happy when I can stop hearing Ms. D...... Ms. D..... Ms. D.... ahhhhh!!!

But then I do realize that it will just be my new name that I'll hear every two seconds .

I'm excited for the name change, but supportive of women who choose not to. My mom changed her name back to her maiden name when she was divorced. When she got remarried she just added my stepdad's name so she has 2 last names (no hyphen). She is always referred to by her newer last name but legally she still has her maiden name.

I think it's nice that she did that since I now have a little sister and the 3 of them have the same last name.

[Caladan 19]

I think a woman taking her husband's last name is more tradition then anything else. Legally it doesn't matter what either person's last name is or if they are the same, etc. It's tradition just like a man buying an engagement ring for his fiancee when he proposes to her.

So a woman saying "I love you darling, and I want to marry you and be together with you forever, BUT I don't want to take your last name" is the equivalent of a man saying "I love you darling, and I want to marry you and be together with you forever, BUT I do not plan to buy you an engagement ring!"

It's not a universal tradition. Neither is the engagement ring. And it certainly doesn't mean the couple loves each other less or more. Plenty of bitter divorcés whose ex-wives changed their names.

[Moe_lisa 0]

When my husband was at his interveiw in Amman for the CR-1, we were put on A/R for this very topic. The A/R was for proof of a name change. I had not addressed that in any paperwork before hand, as I had not thought that would be an issue. We had a lot of other proof that was provided. i had already changed my name to his name and it's a good thing we had so that i was able to provide proof that i had done that. I really don't think his visa would have been issued if I had not. I guess they think its a statement to the world that you are married and its permanent. Maybe it depends on the consulate and other things also and maybe it is something you should address before the interview. I think they look for any reason to deny and this was ours. So you just never know! But in today's society many women do not change their names. Consulates need to step up to more modern times!!

[ELW 5]

I wouldn't be hurt if I didn't have an engagement ring. I'm not much of a jewelery person.

Ditto. I didn't get an engagement ring, won't get one, and don't care! I agree with the simple wedding band though - announce to the world in that way at least, that we're hitched! (I'm not a jewelry person either - never wore earrings, bracelets, necklaces etc.).

[Detty2809 0]

I used to have a friend in Japan who took his wife's last name after marriage. The reason was because she was the only child so there was no one who could "inherit" the last name but her.

My fiance is the only child also...he got 2 pairs of parents and his dad and step-mom do not have children after they got married, so.. I've decided to take his last name so that when we have kids later on, they will have their dad's last name Beside, I don't have a last name hahaha.... must be weird for you guys but.... lots of Indonesians do not have last names. So my fiance's last name will be an addition to my first and second name.

[TimsDaisy 0]

Interestingly enough - the ACLU just brought suit in California over this issue. The question of whether a man can take the woman's name is both simple and complicated. The answer is: yes, a man can take the woman's name.

HOWEVER, the process by which he would do that varies from state to state. In many states, it's as simple as ticking off a box and writing in the desired new name (that's about all it takes from women - even in Cali - to change to their husband's name, plus going to the DMV, etc, to make the change on those documents).

BUT, for a man to change to his wife's last name in Cali and a few other states requires all the legal mess as if you just wanted to change your name for some reason other than marriage: that is, it take filing with the court, a bunch of money, and a hearing in front of a judge to explain why you want to change it and then awaiting final approval.

Wisely, the ACLU has said, um, is it just us or does that strike you as antiquated and discriminatory at this point in time?

So there's your answer. Custom-wise, it is far more common for the woman to opt for the husband's name, but also increasingly common for women to retain their own names.

Personally - I like the Icelandic system where everyone is [someone's]son or dottir - that way a family of 4 each has a different patronym (it isn't even a last name). Wikipedia it - totally fascinating.

[JenT 0]

I'm the USC but I did not change my name because I didn't want to have a different last name than my children.

[DA BOMB 1]

I'm planning on keeping my own name, at least for now. My name has a funny meaning in Italian and I'd miss not having it anymore. Besides, the first 3 letters of my fiance's last name are a-s-s! "How do you spell your name miss?" "A-s-s..." No thanks! We thought of hyphenating, but MyName-HisName has the same rhythim as Snuffulufugus, and HisName-MyName still starts with a-s-s! We thought of combining our last names, but going back to point one, I'd miss the funny meaning of my first and last name together. We joke about this all the time, it's one of our funny things at the moment. He hasn't offered to take my last name yet, I think it'd be a blow to his ego, and his family wouldn't exactly be happy. Like someone else said though, I like the sound of Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so. We've decided to keep our own last names and figure it out when kids come into the mix!

So yeah, I, too, am glad that it's not considered a red flag.

Oh my God thats hilarious! (Pissin myself laughing @ Snuffulufugus) AHAHAHA

[DA BOMB 1]

I dont want to lose my last name because I share it with my children. Whats the difference if it hyphenated opposed to two last names no hyphen? Any legal aspects to doing this?

[TimsDaisy 0]

No legal difference. The name is whatever you say it is legally. A hyphen or no hyphen has no force of law.

[ch1ch1 0]

i don't mean to stir the pot or upset anyone. i'm just glad that my fiancee's last name is the same as mine! one of the benefits for being Chinese and have a common Chinese last name! yayyy. one less thing for me to worry and (potentially) argue with my fiancee.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Could the man change his last name to the woman's? It's not that I would even think of doing something like that, I am just curious, sorry if this is a dumb question LOL.

Just curious!

Yes, it is possible because my ex husband took my last name back in '91. As long as he squares it off with Social Security and the IRS, your good to go.

[jlvr 1]

Of course those of you who don't change your name would probably consider yourselves "Ms." instead of "Mrs." anyway!

I don't think I'll change my name, but I still intend to be called Mrs.