Some concerns about my fiance will try to sponsor her mom later -

[JohnCAL 2]

I just submitted my application to sponsor my fiance. Her mom is 65 and is a widower. My fiance said that she will not try to sponsor her mom but you know how that goes once they are here. I do not like to live with anyone other than my wife and children. Do you guys have similar concerns with your case?

One thing that may work in my advantage is that the mom may be too old when my fiance is eligible for naturalization. She will be 69 or 70. Hope my fiance keeps her promise not to sponsor her mom. I have heard of nightmare scenarios where the wife sponsors the parents, and the parents sponsor the single children and then they all live together.

[Aleks&Hajji 1]

Are you sure that it would be so horrible? Grandma would help with the house, children, etc.

It just seems very insensitive because in many cultures (including your fiancees) the elderly are taken care of and live with their adult children. Your fiancee would likely be more comfortable with her mom close. However, I wouldn't worry about it if she already agreed not to.

But I would advise you keep an open mind and be willing to compromise. Especially if you plan to have children she will likely want her mother to come for a while to help her out.

[Anh map 2,098]

Vietnamese culture is all about family. If there is no one to take care of mom in VN then her desire to have mom with her will be strong. Gaining a green card for an older parent can be difficult because the parent will not be eligible for all the health care programs in the US. So they will have to pay for coverage. Do some googling to find out what costs are associated.

[Dave & Mong 29]

As I was told before my wife came over here, in Vietnamese culture, when you marry your wife you "marry" the whole family. My neighbors are Viet and his parents live with him also, but they do alot of the work around the house while he is at work. The only issue would be healthcare. And yes, family is important to her, I am finding out, much more than in America.

[heo luoi 206]

Definitely, wives really marry into husbands family is more easily seen...

My fiances already told me to have my parents live with me!....which is really early for that. Wives will often take care of her elderly in laws....something I would think would be very rare here (objective observation)

I can totally understand your reservation OP, just curious at what the apprehension was based on? Just uncomfortableness at home? Financial support? Physical room of housing? Healthcare? More paperwork?

All those are fair and I'm sure more, its a ways off, perhaps your reluctance / attitude will change over the years or you can better prepare for it.

As I was told before my wife came over here, in Vietnamese culture, when you marry your wife you "marry" the whole family. My neighbors are Viet and his parents live with him also, but they do alot of the work around the house while he is at work. The only issue would be healthcare. And yes, family is important to her, I am finding out, much more than in America.

Vietnamese culture is all about family. If there is no one to take care of mom in VN then her desire to have mom with her will be strong. Gaining a green card for an older parent can be difficult because the parent will not be eligible for all the health care programs in the US. So they will have to pay for coverage. Do some googling to find out what costs are associated.

[JohnCAL 2]

If the mother-in-law comes here, she will be 70 and getting citizenship at her age will be a challenge. Without citizenship, she can't get Medicare. Health care can be expensive because she certainly can't be on my company insurance plan. Also at 70, if I and my future wife work full time, who will take care of her during the day when she gets older? If she is in Vietnam we can send her $500 a month and she will have somebody take care of her full time if needed for only $300 a month. I told my fiance that we can give the mother-in-law money if needed. Medical care is also much more affordable in Vietnam. Plus, she has 5 other children in Vietnam.

Definitely, wives really marry into husbands family is more easily seen...

My fiances already told me to have my parents live with me!....which is really early for that. Wives will often take care of her elderly in laws....something I would think would be very rare here (objective observation)

I can totally understand your reservation OP, just curious at what the apprehension was based on? Just uncomfortableness at home? Financial support? Physical room of housing? Healthcare? More paperwork?

All those are fair and I'm sure more, its a ways off, perhaps your reluctance / attitude will change over the years or you can better prepare for it.

[heo luoi 206]

If the mother-in-law comes here, she will be 70 and getting citizenship at her age will be a challenge. Without citizenship, she can't get Medicare. Health care can be expensive because she certainly can't be on my company insurance plan. Also at 70, if I and my future wife work full time, who will take care of her during the day when she gets older? If she is in Vietnam we can send her $500 a month and she will have somebody take care of her full time if needed for only $300 a month. I told my fiance that we can give the mother-in-law money if needed. Medical care is also much more affordable in Vietnam. Plus, she has 5 other children in Vietnam.

Fair enough. All legit points to me. honestly I wouldnt necessarily think older people from VN would want to come over. Its a haul. and tranposing everything is a big change at their age and the states dont unfortunately treat the elderly well here. I think I understand where you are coming from and your concern. But what is the outcome you are trying to get here, what can you do about it now, shes asserting there is no interest nor intent. Maybe that will change over time, maybe not, maybe your perspective too will change.

[skyking02 11]

I just submitted my application to sponsor my fiance. Her mom is 65 and is a widower. My fiance said that she will not try to sponsor her mom but you know how that goes once they are here. I do not like to live with anyone other than my wife and children. Do you guys have similar concerns with your case?

One thing that may work in my advantage is that the mom may be too old when my fiance is eligible for naturalization. She will be 69 or 70. Hope my fiance keeps her promise not to sponsor her mom. I have heard of nightmare scenarios where the wife sponsors the parents, and the parents sponsor the single children and then they all live together.

then go find someone... lol.. i'm just kidding. her mom won't want to stay here once she's here. USA is BORING compare to VN. She'll cry all day and want to be back in vn in a few months.

Edited October 12, 2015 by skyking02

[frontgear 194]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. As skying02 has said, she would not want to live here too long. At her age (70), she will want to go back to VN after a couple of months living here. This happened to a few friends of mine.

[Sayha or bust. 71]

Hey John you will have a lot of time to change your mind. once your wife arrives she will not be able to sponsor till she becomes an U.S citizen in which she can apply for her moms visa. You will have 3 years of your wife convincing you to do it. My wife will file in a few months when she gets her Citizenship document. I'm elated that her parents will be living with us. "Happy wife, Happy Life".

Edited October 14, 2015 by Sayha or bust.

[j&ana 363]

Will you feel any different if her mom was already here? I mean what if you married an american how do you know her mom will not move in

the only difference is a visa will not be needed

enjoy your time together

you will have time to discuss and work out a solution if needed