Parents blocked her from coming

[duckhunter1 18]

I am following up on a recent post about my fiancé / x-fiancé ghosting me. I have just found out that not her but it was her parents who blocked her from coming here to the U.S. Her Visa sits at the U.S. Embassy in Manila as I type this and it is being wasted away. Also found out that her mom was angry with me when I left their village because I didn't give her any money. Say what? Is giving away money required to buy a daughter? This is crazy !! Now she vanishes on me because she respects her moms wishes. All this info through a friend in the village. Makes sense. Her phone I bought her went missing after about the same time the visa was approved. I'd be willing to bet her mom took it. This is nuts. How could a mother be so controlling and waste an opportunity like this for her daughter?

[gen_todd 6]

Thats a very sad story but i can say it does happen in reality.im a filipina and my husband is an american.i can say if she really loves you she would find a way to contact you and be with you.her mother maybe asking a money from you because she is thinking its your responsibility now.but her daughter can talk to her and convince her mom to let her fly and once she gets to u.s and find job she could send money to her family..sad to say some parents expects that marrying an american man could save them from poverty.i still wish you two could settle this..waiting for visa processing is very long and now that you have it..it gets wasted.i hope she would find ways to settle her family problem.love conquers all.

[aaron2020 11,651]

Hi,

Unfortunately, some parents sees their kids as their meal tickets. The kids acquiescence to this type of behavior because of their cultures.

If her parents disapprove (even if it's because they are greedy), she will obey.

This situation would only be messier if she comes here and gets a green card. Her parents will hammer her for money and petitioning for them. She will be depressed and all hell will break lose when they order her to petition for them.

While this is breaking your heart, you have to realize that marrying an Asian girl means marrying her family.

IHMO - you dodged a major bullet. You should move on. Eventually, the pain will subside.

Best of luck

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

Hi,

Unfortunately, some parents sees their kids as their meal tickets. The kids acquiescence to this type of behavior because of their cultures.

If her parents disapprove (even if it's because they are greedy), she will obey.

This situation would only be messier if she comes here and gets a green card. Her parents will hammer her for money and petitioning for them. She will be depressed and all hell will break lose when they order her to petition for them.

While this is breaking your heart, you have to realize that marrying an Asian girl means marrying her family.

IHMO - you dodged a major bullet. You should move on. Eventually, the pain will subside.

Best of luck

All this is very true especially because she will now be considered as being "rich" now that she is in the USA, and you would have married the family when marrying her. It seems to me that your fiance did not ever tell her family what the deal will be at all in regards to money from you, age might have been a factor in that. How old is your x-fiance if you don't mind me asking? My asawa(wife) made sure to tell her family not to ask money from us unless it was important occasions such as tuition for her nephew in college, back to school clothes, and a college graduation party for our favorite niece. We are lucky because her family knows she can smell BS a mile away. We do send money to her immediate sister to help her take care of their house and her mother but that's only $250 a month, but it has to be something really big for us to send more than that.

Yes, it hurts now but honestly I think her parents did you favor in the long run. I say this because her mother would have probably kept pestering her about sending money if you two got married, no matter how much she already sent. Then her nanay would have probably wanted her to get her citizenship right away to petition them too to bring them to the USA to live with you two.

Edited September 9, 2015 by cyberfx1024

[Zanby 1]

In a way, I would agree with most posts here....

However, can I ask of the age difference between you and your x-fiance? Does she work?

If she's working, then that would be some income lost to the family when she goes to the US.

If there was a lot of age difference, then I would say, just move on. Don't bother yourself.

In my case, I have been living in the PI for over a year and half now but do intend to leave it for the US with my wife, permanently.

Before marriage, I was adamant about not giving her family anything except what I wanted. The wife agreed and knows very well that I would flip if otherwise.

The family hounded her all the time (I don't mean just the mother and immediate siblings...even her friends) but she always said: "I don't work and you know that I have nothing so, why ask?". Their reply was:"Ask your husband"!

In the PI, when a Filipina gets married to any foreigner the foreigner is immediately is expected to give money. After all, he HAD to be filthy rich and loaded with it! Duh ... he can't be as poor as us and he married the whole family?

It's a survival technique that applies when the population is poor. It's a human behavior!

[cristina16 81]

So this is the latest on your x lovey duckhunter. I thought she already left their village and now out of her mother's home. She was able to leave home still she is not contacting you. If this is all the works of the controlling mother and your fiancee still wants to pursue her relationship with you, without a phone- there are so many internet cafes in Angeles. Her mom cannot control her miles away from Masbate right?

Unless she is below 21 or 25 she don't need a parents consent ( I might be wrong it could be 25 cut off age).

For me, she already left the village to find work elsewhere so she can contact you if she wants. At least to tell you the truth of what is really going on that you don't have to result to asking other people in the village or the talk of the town.

There are other underlying reasons - you know it. Move on.

Well, this is cultural to follow our parents but my parents know that I am old enough. ahhahah. goodness!! Yes, they said that to my fiance when he asked their blessing before proposing to me. So basically my parents and kids know he will propose, I am the last to know, lolzz.

SO IS SHE OLD ENOUGH???

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

Before marriage, I was adamant about not giving her family anything except what I wanted. The wife agreed and knows very well that I would flip if otherwise.

The family hounded her all the time (I don't mean just the mother and immediate siblings...even her friends) but she always said: "I don't work and you know that I have nothing so, why ask?". Their reply was:"Ask your husband"!

Some of my wife's extended relatives say that as well she just responds back with "He is the one working and I am not, we have bills to pay so sorry". So unless it is a dire emergency we only send money to the sister living with and taking care of her mom.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

So this is the latest on your x lovey duckhunter. I thought she already left their village and now out of her mother's home. She was able to leave home still she is not contacting you. If this is all the works of the controlling mother and your fiancee still wants to pursue her relationship with you, without a phone- there are so many internet cafes in Angeles. Her mom cannot control her miles away from Masbate right?

Unless she is below 21 or 25 she don't need a parents consent ( I might be wrong it could be 25 cut off age).

For me, she already left the village to find work elsewhere so she can contact you if she wants. At least to tell you the truth of what is really going on that you don't have to result to asking other people in the village or the talk of the town.

There are other underlying reasons - you know it. Move on.

Well, this is cultural to follow our parents but my parents know that I am old enough. ahhahah. goodness!! Yes, they said that to my fiance when he asked their blessing before proposing to me. So basically my parents and kids know he will propose, I am the last to know, lolzz.

SO IS SHE OLD ENOUGH???

I was wondering that as well because either the fiance is still very young and below the age of parent's consent or she (the fiance) is still very much under her mom's apron, or I am wrong and there is just another issue and she doesn't want to talk to him at all. I think that there is something else going on and that is the excuse that she is using to get rid of him.

My wife is the same way she loves and respects her mom, but she is her own woman and has been working her own jobs since after college.

[duckhunter1 18]

I was wondering that as well because either the fiance is still very young and below the age of parent's consent or she (the fiance) is still very much under her mom's apron, or I am wrong and there is just another issue and she doesn't want to talk to him at all. I think that there is something else going on and that is the excuse that she is using to get rid of him.

My wife is the same way she loves and respects her mom, but she is her own woman and has been working her own jobs since after college.

She's 22. Her mom thinks this is no big deal. 'Oh well' you can just come here next year and visit again.' 'Oh you can just get married here next year, etc.' What these people don't realize is that I can't come to Philippines next year. I can't do it. No time away from work and it's a financial strain. It was a huge sacrifice for me to come there. A huge sacrifice for me to pay all the travel expense and visa costs, passport costs, etc. My gosh this Visa will expire. They complained that all I sent was 2500p. That's not enough so the mother sends my fiancé to Manila or Angeles or wherever else to work in a bar. Who knows where it's a big secret. I'm broken up because of all this. I think she might be selling her body. The Visa is wasting away at the Embassy. Her mom must have convinced her that I'm not rich enough. Holy Cow I can't believe this! Can I be worse than bar life?

[duckhunter1 18]

Thats a very sad story but i can say it does happen in reality.im a filipina and my husband is an american.i can say if she really loves you she would find a way to contact you and be with you.her mother maybe asking a money from you because she is thinking its your responsibility now.but her daughter can talk to her and convince her mom to let her fly and once she gets to u.s and find job she could send money to her family..sad to say some parents expects that marrying an american man could save them from poverty.i still wish you two could settle this..waiting for visa processing is very long and now that you have it..it gets wasted.i hope she would find ways to settle her family problem.love conquers all.

It's over she doesn't love me. (

[duckhunter1 18]

So this is the latest on your x lovey duckhunter. I thought she already left their village and now out of her mother's home. She was able to leave home still she is not contacting you. If this is all the works of the controlling mother and your fiancee still wants to pursue her relationship with you, without a phone- there are so many internet cafes in Angeles. Her mom cannot control her miles away from Masbate right?

Unless she is below 21 or 25 she don't need a parents consent ( I might be wrong it could be 25 cut off age).

For me, she already left the village to find work elsewhere so she can contact you if she wants. At least to tell you the truth of what is really going on that you don't have to result to asking other people in the village or the talk of the town.

There are other underlying reasons - you know it. Move on.

Well, this is cultural to follow our parents but my parents know that I am old enough. ahhahah. goodness!! Yes, they said that to my fiance when he asked their blessing before proposing to me. So basically my parents and kids know he will propose, I am the last to know, lolzz.

SO IS SHE OLD ENOUGH???

I sense some happiness in your post regarding my loss. It's over. The mother broke us up sending her to a bar to work as a prostitute. Her mother made her afraid of coming here saying this and that telling lies about what could happen to her in America. Her little bar girl friends probably jealous so they'll say anything to her to make her afraid too to keep her away from here. It's all part of my typical luck with women. I'm use to it.

Thats a very sad story but i can say it does happen in reality.im a filipina and my husband is an american.i can say if she really loves you she would find a way to contact you and be with you.her mother maybe asking a money from you because she is thinking its your responsibility now.but her daughter can talk to her and convince her mom to let her fly and once she gets to u.s and find job she could send money to her family..sad to say some parents expects that marrying an american man could save them from poverty.i still wish you two could settle this..waiting for visa processing is very long and now that you have it..it gets wasted.i hope she would find ways to settle her family problem.love conquers all.

There's no love now so no possibility of conquering anything.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

I am not trying to beat you up at all, I am just trying to understand more of this sad situation. If the mother had this much sway on her then you are lucky to be away from your fiance because she would have made both your lives miserable.

I can understand how she would feel that she needs to work to help her family, but to actually drop everything with you to work is pretty harsh. I do not know your age at all but that might have played a part in it as well. I know some of my wife's friends were questioning if I could support her because I am so young (I was 29 at the time).

Honestly if I were you I would find someway to contact the mother and tell her how exactly you feel, because the mother just up and might have severely affected her daughter's life for the worse. What is the mother going to do when her daughter comes back pregnant or already given birth to some guy that's out of the picture na?

Did you ever try sending maybe $50-100 a month? Maybe if you did that then she would relent and allow her to marry you.

Edited September 9, 2015 by cyberfx1024

[duckhunter1 18]

I am not trying to beat you up at all, I am just trying to understand more of this sad situation. If the mother had this much sway on her then you are lucky to be away from your fiance because she would have made both your lives miserable.

I can understand how she would feel that she needs to work to help her family, but to actually drop everything with you to work is pretty harsh. I do not know your age at all but that might have played a part in it as well. I know some of my wife's friends were questioning if I could support her because I am so young (I was 29 at the time).

Honestly if I were you I would find someway to contact the mother and tell her how exactly you feel, because the mother just up and might have severely affected her daughter's life for the worse. What is the mother going to do when her daughter comes back pregnant or already given birth to some guy that's out of the picture na?

Did you ever try sending maybe $50-100 a month? Maybe if you did that then she would relent and allow her to marry you.

I have given about $500 since April. Most was used for travel expenses to and from Cebu for passport acquisition.

Her mother is drastically affecting her future which will never be known.

And that's exactly what happened last time in 2012. She came back pregnant from the bar job and now she has a child to take care of which requires more work in the bar and it's a viscous cycle. I suspect it'll happen again. Sad sad. So beautiful this girl but so incredibly poor it's pathetic. No refrigerator, no a/c, sand floor, bamboo bed and furniture. No hot water. I couldn't get comfortable for 2 weeks but I still loved her. Her child is on the Visa and may follow her to the U.S. Father fishes but buys alcohol and cigarettes when he catches something. I witnessed it. I paid their elec and water bills when I was there which they were behind on. Bough refrigerator, generator, food, rice, clothes for fiancé and baby. Shoes. What do they really want or expect from me holy cow!?

[cristina16 81]

Unbelievable! People differs based on their social orientation. Don't forget that. So having a gitlfriend from far flung provinces has some this kind of downside sometimes, ofcourse not all the time. Some people just see foreign nationals as a dollar sign. The one that will give them everything. If you can't then the daughter finds someone else.

The family expects you to provide and shower them with money, that's all it is to them as I see it. You are only as good as what you can give, and for them what you gave was not good enough. Working in Angeles, just expect the worst. There are more people here that can paint you a better picture, come to think of it she have you but she is in angeles. Everyone has a choice. Well maybe, you are not good enough for her too and she wanted someone more wealthy. she is now exploring Angeles for that. B Sorry. That sucks!

I feel sorry that these people treat you like this. They only sees you as their source of income, a money tree.

You deserve someone better than this. Stop communicating with those people. This will just get worst than it is.

[jandjin 19]

Bough refrigerator, generator, food, rice, clothes for fiancé and baby. Shoes. What do they really want or expect from me holy cow!?

IMHO what you have provided is good enough and that was very nice of you. At the same time you could've taught them how to fish instead of giving away fish. In my case, I bought two motors for my fiancee's father's boat so that he can go out and catch fish so that they can support themselves, instead of waiting for my monthly remittance which I strongly opposed to help in that way. Before my fiancee and I got engaged, I had assured her that there will be no remittance on a regular basis, although I'm willing to help/send $ when there is a special occasion such as parent's b-day, year-end gifts, etc...

Edited September 9, 2015 by jandjin