Imported Filipino brides share the ups and downs of settling in America

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I know someone here like to post "XXXXX wives are the best in the world" day in day out here.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

I know someone here like to post "XXXXX wives are the best in the world" day in day out here.

I think that member hasn't been here in a loooong time. I do miss those rants though...

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

Every time we have a thread about "People from region/country X are better than Americans",or the always popular, "what's wrong with women/men from the US", we should just make this the first response and then close the thread.

Well, we know what's wrong with people from the US. They're American.

[decocker 7,198]

that's always been my problem.

[GandD 5,966]

"Judgy McJudgerson"

[Janelle2002 3,865]

C'mon, val. I mean, even a druggie must have her interest piqued by 1200 notches in the bedpost.

Back to topic -- you, I and everyone we know understand that the reality is that women cannot be categorized as being "submissive" or "too independent" by country of origin. It's simply not true, and it's insulting to women to be looked upon as breeds of dogs. We are individuals first, the amalgams of nature and nurture that we are, just like men. Just like men! Fancy that. There are differences in general between the genders, yes. It's asinine to pretend that women and men are identical. But as human beings we are alike in being individuals and having agency.

The problem comes (and this is something I touched on in another thread) when men or women fetisihize another person simply for being from a particular nationality or race, without regard to that person's individuality taken as a whole, in the belief that "all Filipinas are like this" or "all Swedish men are like that." It erases the individual and makes their otherness the focus of desire. It's almost as if the person objectifying refuses to see the individual beyond the fetishized characteristic. To me, this is distasteful and dehumanizing. This is different from being attracted to someone initially because of what they look like. Perhaps you're attracted to the looks of Nigerian women or Peruvian men. So what! It's the step that goes beyond the initial attraction -- getting to know a person for the individual -- that (at least to me) makes the beginnings of a good relationship. Getting stuck on "well, I only date Latinas because they're fiery and have wicked curves" is going to land you with a string of, dunno, 1200 relationships because you don't bother -- or care to bother -- to learn about the person you're with.

One must realize that when they have relations with one individual, they are indirectly having relations with any other person that person has had relations with, thus multiplying the amount of people they are having relations with, indirectly.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

One must realize that when they have relations with one individual, they are indirectly having relations with any other person that person has had relations with, thus multiplying the amount of people they are having relations with, indirectly.

Sorry, I don't believe that. I know you do, and I respect your right to believe that, but to me that is just patently incorrect. I don't have any issue with people having sex with 50, 100, 1200 people. I don't think it's a measure of their prowess, nor do I think it's anything to be ashamed of. If you own that for what it is, cool. But to think that it's anything more than a number, and that it means that one has an understanding of the gender(s) that one has sex with purely by dint of having had so much sexual congress... not so much. Same goes for someone's "purity." You could be the town bike but it's really what's in your heart that matters. Plenty of rancid people who are "pure," whatever that means.

[spookyturtle 9,465]

I think that member hasn't been here in a loooong time. I do miss those rants though...

If I didn't know better, I'd think you were referring to Uncle Gary.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

If I didn't know better, I'd think you were referring to Uncle Gary.

No comment, but yes.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

Sorry, I don't believe that. I know you do, and I respect your right to believe that, but to me that is just patently incorrect. I don't have any issue with people having sex with 50, 100, 1200 people. I don't think it's a measure of their prowess, nor do I think it's anything to be ashamed of. If you own that for what it is, cool. But to think that it's anything more than a number, and that it means that one has an understanding of the gender(s) that one has sex with purely by dint of having had so much sexual congress... not so much. Same goes for someone's "purity." You could be the town bike but it's really what's in your heart that matters. Plenty of rancid people who are "pure," whatever that means.

"She's like the village bicycle, everyone's had a ride." Austin Powers.

[spookyturtle 9,465]

No comment, but yes.

But you must admit, the beaches of Ankara are nice.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

But you must admit, the beaches of Ankara are nice.

They must be, all those women walking on the sand in lingerie and heels...

[rlogan 2,036]

Don't confuse me wanting to be a good wife with being a submissive. I'm not one of those too-good-to-cook and be bothered to clean the house. I don't nag him to death when he comes home from a long day at work or make him feel like nothing he ever does is good enough. But don't think for one second that he will be able to make me do anything against my will. I don't feel I owe him anything. Its about us partners trying to contribute what we can to the relationship. He works, I manage the house. I am very comfortable with my role and contributions. My mother taught me how to be a good wife. But my mom didn't raise a slave, nor a fool.

Thanks for this. My wife is offended by these kinds of articles and malicious posters, figuring they're just bad people it isn't worth bothering with. This very article and attitude is why she never posts on anonymous fora. Anonymous online posters say things people would never say to your face because they are shielded from accountability. On facebook for example everyone knows your identity and this kind of repugnant stuff is totally absent, so she is very active there.

Our politically correct culture shames the marriage model from my parents' generation. A wife and mother is sneered at as "just a maid" and other derogatory rhetoric, and the husband is shamed for having such an inferior woman.

The most offensive thing to me is pretending that it is ME looking down on my wife when it is THEM. I'm thrilled at what a wonderful wife I have and place extremely high value on the things she does. It is THEM putting her down and pretending with their manipulative rhetoric that I am the one looking down on her.

There absolutely are some general features of countries that matter. In the USA, over 50% of women under 30 identify themselves as feminists anonymously, meaning they answer that way on an anonymous poll, but only around 40% are willing to hold themselves to be feminists in front of other people. Feminism is so non-existent in the Philippines you can't even find polls on it. Feminism is the source of the shaming we see regarding my parents' model of marriage, and it is also the main source of the malicious rhetoric aimed at Filipinas. They aren't feminists.

Hey, you want to be a feminist and prattle on about ten thousand years of men oppressing women every day of the week? When I am done working my rear end off to support my family you want to put me down by saying it is "entitlement" and "power" I am oppressing my family with? Fine, but don't whine about me choosing women who love men instead, and are grateful for my family contribution. Don't be calling my wife malicious names like "submissive". I am no fool so I don't fall for terms like "independent" being substituted for misandry. These code-words tell me instantly who you are and what kind of malice you have.

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

That's a cynical misinterpretation of what feminism is.

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

Says you. Got a link to some stats on that? Ever hear of Hugh Hefner?

i don't want to bash him. i just wanted to correct him. there isn't a man alive that has had 1200 relationships. relations, yes.