Married bridesmaids

[Thingee 0]

So yes, the bride in this case may be going traditional. That's where the saying "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride." comes from.

[Caladan 19]

(snip)

Isn't it sort of tactless to invite a husband but not a wife to be in the party, especially if you are friends with both?

I don't think so. It's been fairly common, where the husband is a close friend (e.g. college buddy) and the wife isn't (e.g., some woman he met after college), for one to be a groomsman and the other not to be a bridesmaid, especially when the bride doesn't know the wife of her husband's college buddy at all.

And even if you're friends with both, the composition of the rest of the party is pretty important. If, for example, the bride had four sisters, chances are she doesn't have room for another bridesmaid, and the groom needs to fill out his half of the party. That can mean a male friend gets picked and not a female one.

[Alanlvsjudy 0]

Yep, Don't take it personal Alex...I don't think it is...

[Reba 2]

JUst think, when you go to the wedding as a guest, you can actually buy yourself a dress that you'd like to wear again somewhere, and not some frilly clown outfit not appropriate to wear even to a tacky tea party!

ugh...honestly, its not an honour to be asked to be a bride's maid. Its a pain in the ####### IMO. All that money spent on a dress and shoes and hair and make-up and strippers and booze....bah! You're better off, trust me!

[KarenCee 3]

Hmmm....my matron of honour was my best friend. She is married. She wore a dress that she wears for other special occasions. Shoes matched but they were shoes that she wears for special occasions. So, the dress being a pain in the ####### wasn't an issue here. As to it being a rule, well, I've never been one to follow the rules of etiquette. I chose who I wanted beside me in the wedding, as did Joel. Why does there *have* to be rules anyway? It seems that the wedding is more of a theatrical production and the whole purpose for the wedding is lost in the fancy preparations and expensive clothes. JMHO.

[Cassie 8]

JUst think, when you go to the wedding as a guest, you can actually buy yourself a dress that you'd like to wear again somewhere, and not some frilly clown outfit not appropriate to wear even to a tacky tea party!

ugh...honestly, its not an honour to be asked to be a bride's maid. Its a pain in the ####### IMO. All that money spent on a dress and shoes and hair and make-up and strippers and booze....bah! You're better off, trust me!

i was kind to my maid of honour, we had her dress made from a pattern she had picked out when choosing a dress for me for her wedding (which never happened). She was cool with that, seeing as she was the one who originally picked out the pattern, and she looked great. She paid for having the dress made, but we covered the materials, jewelry, and half her plane ticket to be at the wedding.

My sister-in-law, on the other hand, was asked to be in a wedding for a friend from university. When I saw the pictures of the wedding afterwards, it took all I could not to rip up the pictures on Stacey's behalf. The bride made everyone wear the same unflattering style of dress and same unflattering hairstyle, no matter how uncomfortable the bridesmaids were. My sister-in-law is beautiful, always very well styled and put together, and in that wedding I barely recognized her. Bridezilla indeed!

[Alex+R 0]

Thanks everyone. I feel better just reading these posts. The bummer part is that my friend is doing sort of an unconventional wedding with no bridesmaid dresses or any of the usual wedding party stuff... ah well, c'est la vie. If I don't have to be in the wedding, then I don't have to stay longer than I want, right? It will be in my college town and I want a chance to show Rey around there.

[sophyie 0]

Why don't you just ask her? Maybe, when the moment is right?

It does seem to bug you- so maybe it's worth talking and getting it out?

Or is it a taboo?

I'm asking- because when we got married we were only 4 people altogether (husband and me, and two witnesses).

I have a bunch of really good friends, some I've known my entire life. Some might have expected to be in my wedding.

But I picked one of my newer friends to be my only maid of honor.

There was one simple explanation: she is the one that has seen most of my husband and me. No one of my friends knows us better. And I know that she absolutely and utterly approved of us getting married.

I explained that to the 2 or 3 of my dear friends who could have been mad at me for not picking them- and (even though I think they were a little sad) they did understand.

I'm happy we had an open conversation about this instead of them being mad and me not knowing what was going on...

Thanks everyone. I feel better just reading these posts. The bummer part is that my friend is doing sort of an unconventional wedding with no bridesmaid dresses or any of the usual wedding party stuff... ah well, c'est la vie. If I don't have to be in the wedding, then I don't have to stay longer than I want, right? It will be in my college town and I want a chance to show Rey around there.

[Alex+R 0]

Why don't you just ask her? Maybe, when the moment is right?

It does seem to bug you- so maybe it's worth talking and getting it out?

Or is it a taboo?

I'm asking- because when we got married we were only 4 people altogether (husband and me, and two witnesses).

I have a bunch of really good friends, some I've known my entire life. Some might have expected to be in my wedding.

But I picked one of my newer friends to be my only maid of honor.

There was one simple explanation: she is the one that has seen most of my husband and me. No one of my friends knows us better. And I know that she absolutely and utterly approved of us getting married.

I explained that to the 2 or 3 of my dear friends who could have been mad at me for not picking them- and (even though I think they were a little sad) they did understand.

I'm happy we had an open conversation about this instead of them being mad and me not knowing what was going on...

Well, I'd like to ask her but I'm not sure how. How would you have liked to have been asked?

I guess maybe it was a bit rude of her to not explain to me in advance why she decided to exclude me.

[sophyie 0]

Well, I'd like to ask her but I'm not sure how. How would you have liked to have been asked?

I guess maybe it was a bit rude of her to not explain to me in advance why she decided to exclude me.

Good point.

I guess I "felt" that I needed to explain things before they even had the chance on being upset.

Maybe- when you get together with her when she's in town- she will sense that you feel somewhat odd about not being in the wedding party... oh I don't know.

[*JG* 2]

The only thing I don't like is that the wedding party is usually at the head table and they leave no room for spouses of the wedding party. So, if it's a friend of mine that my husband doesn't really know, he's usually stuck at a table with people he doesn't know.

There's pictures, there's toasts, there's dances.........it can be a long, boring night for him.

[churipu 4]

I was a bridesmaid to my SIL in 2004 and I had been married for over a year at the time (pregnant too..although not showing yet ). Her sister was her matron of honor and she was married as well..if there's a rule about this my SIL didn't know of it or simply ignore it. B)

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

No rule, its fine! Instead of "Maid of Honour" they refer to her as "Matron of Honour". My former wife was this at her sister's wedding.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

This is not a question related to my wedding, but I'm wondering if brides here would have/did have a married bridesmaid. Is it preferable to have an unmarried one to a married one?

In my opinion, the marital status of your attendants doesn't really matter, but is there some sort of rule?

SISTER!!! My only one was a matron of honour of circa 57 years old. Married, remarried and again. She was amazing, drove from Regina to Edmonton (9 hours) to cater to my every whim -- so don't fret: the best bridesmaid is the one(s) that will support you!

[Alex+R 0]

Oh man, this thread is a year old and it's digging up some old wounds. Can't we leave it be?