I want to make my dream come true but don't know HOW

[lost_at_sea 995]

"...and it's left me with an unhealthy feeling of envy, jealousy and wishing I could start over and be born there, all of which are useless feeling"

That plus a couple other things you said about being so unhappy, out of touch, etc. You sound depressed. Have you considered seeing a councillor/therapist? It might help you to have a better time living where you are, finding friends, and working towards some more immediately doable goals, so you feel a bit more positive about life.

Edited November 24, 2014 by lost_at_sea

[SantyAndAllie 155]

Good posts, here. Perhaps the only turn-off about the US is the healthcare system. And I am open to the possibility of changing careers if it means being able to live somewhere quieter. It needn't be natural wilderness, a small town would do. Doesn't have to be Montana but I don't really like loud busy places like New York, California or Florida. I agree that maybe I should take some holidays there to sample the country, 'try before you buy'. This is likely to be sometime between July to September next year. My worry is that if I really like the place it might strengthen my desire to go there, and I'm back at square one at how to get there. I'm not really good at networking - if I get someone's email or contact info, I could write to them but in time communication would wither away as we'll be in our own worlds doing our own thing so we wouldn't have time for each other anymore, short of maybe 'liking' a few things on each others' Facebook on the odd occasion.

In the meantime, this has left me really bothered and I don't know how to cope. I've noticed I feel like I've shut down here. I've ceased taken an interest in anything here. At work I'm so preoccupied with this and the same back home, I don't care to hear other peoples' stories. I'm putting money in my savings account but I wonder if I am saving myself for a future that might not even happen. I'm 32 now and haven't really left the nest. Rent rates here are obscene and I feel if I rent or buy a property here I'm condemning myself to staying here forever. And the people here are either non-English speaking immigrants or 'chavs' as we call them. Britain is certainly different from what it was when I was young, it's gotten far rougher. I just feel so jaded here. It's like being in a room for so long; after awhile you'll start to feel sick and want to get out. That's how it is with me and needing a fresh start. I only have travelled twice outside my country in my lifetime! Once in 1991 to see my grandparents in India, and last year 2013 to Norway on a cruise which was also something I always wanted to do and glad I did it. I just can't see myself doing the same thing I am doing now for the next 30 years. People say only I have the power but surely if it's through a spouse, employer or having struck lucky in being a millionaire, I can only do so much? The woman or employer has to accept me and immigration has to give me the green light, only they make the decisions and I can do all I can and still not get any results. I see videos of people saying how much they're enjoying it over there on Youtube like this one...

...and it's left me with an unhealthy feeling of envy, jealousy and wishing I could start over and be born there, all of which are useless feelings to have but they're there.

And yes, I'm aware now the grass isn't always greener, with a different tax system, healthcare system and shorter holiday allocation. But that doesn't stop people from going there still?

And when the VWP reaches its full number of days, then what? Can I use it again for the following year?

Would you like me to ask my sister's work friend about how he got here? He's a friend of mine, as well. And I found out- he has no special skills that he's doing. He's doing the same thing my sister is at the company, and they don't make a ton of money, let me tell you that! Both their fiance(e)s make more than them.

[SantyAndAllie 155]

Also, as someone else mentioned, if this dream can't happen for you, what exactly are you going to do? None of us want to see you in a bad place.... and there are tons of people with the same dream as yours.. not necessarily for the US, but to go SOMEWHERE else. Perhaps if this can't happen for you, you should consider other options that would make you just as happy. We can't all get what we want in life, unfortunately, so if it can't happen for you, what CAN you do? Just something to think about...

[nitsirk7562 82]

I think your best bet would be to pursue jobs in the UK that have offices abroad. This is the easiest way (other than marrying a USC) to achieve your goal. It seems like you are ready to settle down and I don't see any problem with actively searching for a USC partner. Obviously, you shouldn't marry someone because they can get you into the US. Don't sell yourself short or put yourself down. I'm marrying an Indian man- there are plenty of American/Indian relationships. Remember- American women (and women in general) like confidence.

As others have suggested, counselling would be a great opportunity to build your confidence and help you learn to be more content with your current situation. That way, you won't feel such despair if things happen to not go your way. Don't give up on your dream though. There's always Canada! Canadians have a much better reputation for being kind. Try visiting both

[Bjorn&lyne 20]

Health service is definitely NOT free in Britain. health services are paid through taxes and Britain therefore has very high taxes to fund such services. Also, Freedom of Speech is much more limited in Britain than in America and not near as protected as the American Constitution protects Freedom of Speech in America. That said there are of course other things that favor Britain, so it is really a matter of choice what one values.

[yuna628 9,528]

Good posts, here. Perhaps the only turn-off about the US is the healthcare system. And I am open to the possibility of changing careers if it means being able to live somewhere quieter. It needn't be natural wilderness, a small town would do. Doesn't have to be Montana but I don't really like loud busy places like New York, California or Florida. I agree that maybe I should take some holidays there to sample the country, 'try before you buy'. This is likely to be sometime between July to September next year. My worry is that if I really like the place it might strengthen my desire to go there, and I'm back at square one at how to get there. I'm not really good at networking - if I get someone's email or contact info, I could write to them but in time communication would wither away as we'll be in our own worlds doing our own thing so we wouldn't have time for each other anymore, short of maybe 'liking' a few things on each others' Facebook on the odd occasion.

In the meantime, this has left me really bothered and I don't know how to cope. I've noticed I feel like I've shut down here. I've ceased taken an interest in anything here. At work I'm so preoccupied with this and the same back home, I don't care to hear other peoples' stories. I'm putting money in my savings account but I wonder if I am saving myself for a future that might not even happen. I'm 32 now and haven't really left the nest. Rent rates here are obscene and I feel if I rent or buy a property here I'm condemning myself to staying here forever. And the people here are either non-English speaking immigrants or 'chavs' as we call them. Britain is certainly different from what it was when I was young, it's gotten far rougher. I just feel so jaded here. It's like being in a room for so long; after awhile you'll start to feel sick and want to get out. That's how it is with me and needing a fresh start. I only have travelled twice outside my country in my lifetime! Once in 1991 to see my grandparents in India, and last year 2013 to Norway on a cruise which was also something I always wanted to do and glad I did it. I just can't see myself doing the same thing I am doing now for the next 30 years. People say only I have the power but surely if it's through a spouse, employer or having struck lucky in being a millionaire, I can only do so much? The woman or employer has to accept me and immigration has to give me the green light, only they make the decisions and I can do all I can and still not get any results. I see videos of people saying how much they're enjoying it over there on Youtube like this one...

...and it's left me with an unhealthy feeling of envy, jealousy and wishing I could start over and be born there, all of which are useless feelings to have but they're there.

And yes, I'm aware now the grass isn't always greener, with a different tax system, healthcare system and shorter holiday allocation. But that doesn't stop people from going there still?

And when the VWP reaches its full number of days, then what? Can I use it again for the following year?

There is nothing wrong with using the VWP for multiple visits in the same year or even once every year. Me and my guy have done that often enough. The only issue happens is if you start spending many successive times in American on the VWP. For instance to the point you spent more time in America than you did in the UK. My fiancé has done at least two 90 day periods in one year over the years we've known each other (one in the spring and one in the fall) but of course with strong ties to return to the UK. We'd often do back to back trips so that we'd be able to live together a good six months across two countries with each other. The only actual restriction is the allowance that you have on customs duty per year -- I believe it is $1,000. But I don't think you'd be hauling back tons of shoes like I did... :-p

I am wondering if you wouldn't do better with a different change of pace in the location you live in. I don't know what part of England you live in, but there are many places out in the countryside that might offer the relaxation and solitude, fresh start, and beautiful scenery all around. I've always been a city girl, but now live in a tiny town out in the country. I get bored with it frequently, but England offers the flare of the big cities coupled with villages and gorgeous mountain life in some places. It recharges me more than anywhere else could. It seems like you may just enjoy to travel as you mentioned Norway, and that is also a really nice place to see. But as an EU citizen you've got tons of options. You may find something you like if you test the waters a bit.

[SantyAndAllie 155]

There is nothing wrong with using the VWP for multiple visits in the same year or even once every year. Me and my guy have done that often enough. The only issue happens is if you start spending many successive times in American on the VWP. For instance to the point you spent more time in America than you did in the UK. My fiancé has done at least two 90 day periods in one year over the years we've known each other (one in the spring and one in the fall) but of course with strong ties to return to the UK. We'd often do back to back trips so that we'd be able to live together a good six months across two countries with each other. The only actual restriction is the allowance that you have on customs duty per year -- I believe it is $1,000. But I don't think you'd be hauling back tons of shoes like I did... :-p

I am wondering if you wouldn't do better with a different change of pace in the location you live in. I don't know what part of England you live in, but there are many places out in the countryside that might offer the relaxation and solitude, fresh start, and beautiful scenery all around. I've always been a city girl, but now live in a tiny town out in the country. I get bored with it frequently, but England offers the flare of the big cities coupled with villages and gorgeous mountain life in some places. It recharges me more than anywhere else could. It seems like you may just enjoy to travel as you mentioned Norway, and that is also a really nice place to see. But as an EU citizen you've got tons of options. You may find something you like if you test the waters a bit.

Really? To my knowledge you could only come 90 days in one year period... At least that's what the gov website says. Are you sure he came more than once for 90 days in one year period? I'd double check that one, though... In other countries when you overstay without a visa (like in Ecuador) you face a hefty fine. I'm sure US wouldn't like it, for sure.

[lost_at_sea 995]

Really? To my knowledge you could only come 90 days in one year period... At least that's what the gov website says. Are you sure he came more than once for 90 days in one year period? I'd double check that one, though... In other countries when you overstay without a visa (like in Ecuador) you face a hefty fine. I'm sure US wouldn't like it, for sure.

Which gov website says only up to 90 days per year? It's a maximum of 90 days under VWP *per trip*. Re-entry is of course up to the discretion of border agents, who may not look favourably on many long visits, but there's not strictly a rule against it.

http://travel.state.gov/content/visas/english/visit/visa-waiver-program.html

The Visa Waiver Program (VWP) allows citizens of participating countries* to travel to the United States without a visa for stays of 90 days or less, when they meet all requirements explained below.

Stays. Plural.

http://www.***removed***/visa-waiver-program/restrictions.html

After you have entered the U.S. through the Visa Waiver Program, stayed in the U.S. (or, more precisely, U.S., Canada, Mexico and adjacent islands) for any period up to 90 days, and leave the United States, there is no minimum period requirement to stay abroad before attempting to enter again using the Visa Waiver Program.

You can enter as many times as you wish.

http://belgium.usembassy.gov/faq4/visa-waiver-program.html

Is there a limit to the number of times I may travel to the United States under the Visa Waiver Program in any given period of time?

There is no limit to the number of times you may travel the United States under the Visa Waiver Program, and there is no minimum period of time you are required to remain outside the U.S. before returning. If you frequently travel to the United States for lengthy periods under the VWP, however, you should be prepared to demonstrate the purpose of your visit, that you intend to leave the U.S. within 90 days, and that you have sufficient funds to pay for your visit without working. If you are unable to do so, the Bureau of Customs and Border Protection may not be convinced that you are a bona fide visitor for business or tourism and deny your admission.

[SantyAndAllie 155]

Which gov website says only up to 90 days per year? It's a maximum of 90 days under VWP *per trip*. Re-entry is of course up to the discretion of border agents, who may not look favourably on many long visits, but there's not strictly a rule against it.

http://travel.state.gov/content/visas/english/visit/visa-waiver-program.html

Stays. Plural.

http://www.***removed***/visa-waiver-program/restrictions.html

http://belgium.usembassy.gov/faq4/visa-waiver-program.html

Wow, that would've been helpful to know before... Lol. Could've sworn I saw on the website when my fiance did the ESTA twice that it was 90 days in one year period. That's what it was for Ecuador & other countries I visited, too. If you overstay 90 days in one year without a visa, you get a huge fine on the way out. That's so weird. I never knew that.

[yuna628 9,528]

Wow, that would've been helpful to know before... Lol. Could've sworn I saw on the website when my fiance did the ESTA twice that it was 90 days in one year period. That's what it was for Ecuador & other countries I visited, too. If you overstay 90 days in one year without a visa, you get a huge fine on the way out. That's so weird. I never knew that.

It seems to be a common misconception. 90 days is the max per trip, but there is no restriction on how many of the 90 day trips you can make. However I certainly would never use the VWP where you end up spending more time in America per year than you do your home country -- that would send up tons of red flags. And I would at least let some months elapse between trips with strong ties to return. An ESTA is more like a background checking/authorization form with a period of validity each year (you'd have to fill out a new one when it expires or you can even fill out one before it expires.) The ESTA is valid for a two-year period.

ESTA approvals are typically granted for a two-year period or until the applicant's passport expires, whichever is sooner. The approval is good for multiple entries - meaning you may use it for more than one entry into the U.S. ESTA provides validity dates upon approval of the application. https://help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/1197/kw/esta/session/L3RpbWUvMTQxNjkzMjMwNC9zaWQvMzE4UklqOG0%3D

And

Approved ESTA applications are valid for a period of two years, or until the passport expires, whichever comes first, and multiple trips to the United States without the traveler having to re-apply for another ESTA. When traveling to the U.S. with the approved ESTA, you may only stay for up to 90 days at a time - and there should be a reasonable amount of time between visits so that the CBP Officer does not think you are trying to live here. There is no set requirement for how long you must wait between visits.

Travelers whose ESTA applications are approved, but whose passports will expire in less than two years, will receive an ESTA valid until the passport's expiration date.

https://help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/1072/~/about-the-electronic-system-for-travel-authorization-(esta)

[SantyAndAllie 155]

It seems to be a common misconception. 90 days is the max per trip, but there is no restriction on how many of the 90 day trips you can make. However I certainly would never use the VWP where you end up spending more time in America per year than you do your home country -- that would send up tons of red flags. And I would at least let some months elapse between trips with strong ties to return. An ESTA is more like a background checking/authorization form with a period of validity each year (you'd have to fill out a new one when it expires or you can even fill out one before it expires.) The ESTA is valid for a two-year period.

ESTA approvals are typically granted for a two-year period or until the applicant's passport expires, whichever is sooner. The approval is good for multiple entries - meaning you may use it for more than one entry into the U.S. ESTA provides validity dates upon approval of the application. https://help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/1197/kw/esta/session/L3RpbWUvMTQxNjkzMjMwNC9zaWQvMzE4UklqOG0%3D

And

Approved ESTA applications are valid for a period of two years, or until the passport expires, whichever comes first, and multiple trips to the United States without the traveler having to re-apply for another ESTA. When traveling to the U.S. with the approved ESTA, you may only stay for up to 90 days at a time - and there should be a reasonable amount of time between visits so that the CBP Officer does not think you are trying to live here. There is no set requirement for how long you must wait between visits.

Travelers whose ESTA applications are approved, but whose passports will expire in less than two years, will receive an ESTA valid until the passport's expiration date.

https://help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/1072/~/about-the-electronic-system-for-travel-authorization-(esta)

Good to know! His brothers will still be using VWP to come and visit if they come to the US, so that's good to know! Definitely makes sense why you wouldn't want to do it too much because of the red flags, but I SO wish I knew that before!!!

Edit: I just told my fiance on Skype, and he said that the ESTA said wrote his days remaining FOR THE YEAR. So wait.. this doesn't make sense. His ESTA stated his days remaining per year... So... apparently the government told us incorrect information or what? Something isn't right here.

Edited November 26, 2014 by lovecometruex

[yuna628 9,528]

Good to know! His brothers will still be using VWP to come and visit if they come to the US, so that's good to know! Definitely makes sense why you wouldn't want to do it too much because of the red flags, but I SO wish I knew that before!!!

Edit: I just told my fiance on Skype, and he said that the ESTA said wrote his days remaining FOR THE YEAR. So wait.. this doesn't make sense. His ESTA stated his days remaining per year... So... apparently the government told us incorrect information or what? Something isn't right here.

This is in reference to his period of ESTA validity and is nothing to do with VWP of up to 90 days per trip. ESTA is valid for a period of two years or until his passport expires. Thus if there was a warning or note in reference to how many days per year he has left, he would need to fill out a new one before traveling. Our last back to back visits were in 2011, thus when my fiancé came in spring of this year he needed to fill out a new ESTA, when he went back home he got a new passport and had to fill out the ESTA again to visit this fall. Generally it will note if you have 30 days remaining, which pretty much means fill out a new one. https://help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/1201/~/esta-expiration-notice

Though having it expire while during your trip isn't a problem and won't affect you leaving the states for home, you'll just have to reapply for it again if you want to make another visit. Again ESTA is just an authorization form with a validity date that attempts to filter out bad persons or persons with dubious backgrounds, VWP is just the amount of time you're allowed to stay per trip. Hope this makes sense.

[SantyAndAllie 155]

This is in reference to his period of ESTA validity and is nothing to do with VWP of up to 90 days per trip. ESTA is valid for a period of two years or until his passport expires. Thus if there was a warning or note in reference to how many days per year he has left, he would need to fill out a new one before traveling. Our last back to back visits were in 2011, thus when my fiancé came in spring of this year he needed to fill out a new ESTA, when he went back home he got a new passport and had to fill out the ESTA again to visit this fall. Generally it will note if you have 30 days remaining, which pretty much means fill out a new one. https://help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/1201/~/esta-expiration-notice

Though having it expire while during your trip isn't a problem and won't affect you leaving the states for home, you'll just have to reapply for it again if you want to make another visit. Again ESTA is just an authorization form with a validity date that attempts to filter out bad persons or persons with dubious backgrounds, VWP is just the amount of time you're allowed to stay per trip. Hope this makes sense.

No, no. It said that his VISIT was limited to 20 or however many days he had. I got you, yuna.. I wasn't thinking that it was the ESTA. It's not. And his ESTA wouldn't have expired. It hadn't been 2 years. It had been about 11 months. It was in December, and it said his time remaining for travel was like 20 days until the year was up.

I still don't think it sounds right because my fiance specifically remembers it saying his time remaining to visit the States. And other countries have this policy, as well. You can come for 90 days in A 1 YEAR PERIOD.. not multiple. You'd have to get a visa to stay longer. At least that's how it is in Ecuador and a few other countries I've traveled.

I don't know.. I mean the website's say that, but why would it say days remaining if he had just filled out the ESTA recently??? I mean that's great if you can come multiple times on the VWP. I just wish we hadn't been given wrong info then!!!

Edited November 26, 2014 by lovecometruex

[Boiler 43,433]

VWP entries are 90 days or nothing.

[jd1982 0]

Would you like me to ask my sister's work friend about how he got here? He's a friend of mine, as well. And I found out- he has no special skills that he's doing. He's doing the same thing my sister is at the company, and they don't make a ton of money, let me tell you that! Both their fiance(e)s make more than them.

If he has no skills, how did he get in? What visa did he use?

I thought about Canada for awhile but I prefer the US. I haven't been thinking too much about this issue lately because I've been busy with work. But I feel like packing it in despite years to being where I am now. It's nothing glamorous, just an 'assistant' position in an office, getting sick of the office politics. I was thinking of doing what alot of Americans seem to do for making money - work for themselves and setting up a business. But I don't know what to do business in.

Re to counselling and depression. I don't know if I have depression as I thought that means to be sad? I don't cry much either, but perhaps unhappy and numb do spring to mind. If I lost my job I wouldn't care now whereas months before I would be panicking. But then would any US employer hire an unemployed foreigner?

I agree perhaps it's good for me to start looking to finding a USC partner. But from my experience of dating online, women simply won't write back to you unless you're one of those good looking white men because they get all the women. Even if I have an accent, when they think of 'those hawt British guys' they think of white men primarily, not otherwise like me. Plus I've heard my ethnicity has a bad reputation there as well? It's unfortunate because inside I am a westernised person, the only thing Asian about me is my appearence. That's not 'self-hating', I'm just being me and not tying myself to any culture or religion.

Maybe I should rename my name as Mr Doom and Gloom. A part of me says to man up but it's easy to act hard and ignore the hurt but then what to do next leaves me stumped.

Shall I start applying for jobs in America and see what happens and give online dating one final chance?

Edited November 26, 2014 by jd1982