Bizzare Situation

[doshi8000 19]

Hi Guys,

This enquiry is made on behalf of someone I know very personally;

He is married to a Nigerian- American(been married for 19months and known each other for ten years) and currently going through administrative processing(CR1)it is the third month after the interview however he got transferred to another location(Delta State) by his employer five months ago He spoke with spouse about it and she approved of it since the transfer comes with lots of benefits

However there is an old time family friend of his, a single female who his wife also knows(they are all family friends from same church) that works in Delta state , he spoke with the lady about his transfer and how to settle in the lady suggested he stay in her apartment as it is a three bedroom and in the same city he would be working it was a good one so he took it with the spouse's approval, sometimes the host's sisters come around and since they family friends its always a full house and they live like a family and know he is married too.

His dilemma however is that neighbours both in the apartment block and neighbourhood are beginning to think he is married to his host(family friend) and the host has even confirmed that nosey neighbours have made such remarks too.

He is beginning to be worried as the contact sheet he gave to the embassy following administrative review bears his current address and is worried if private investigators sent by embassy interview neighbours a WRONG IMPRESSION may be created which may affect his chances of visa approval , he is really thinking of moving out to his own apartment( reason he hasnt moved is because he thought he may soon relocate to join spouse and already has rent in lagos running) but his spouse disagrees with him moving out as it may create wrong impression by the embassy if he sends another address, that they can defend it anytime if it arises.

What do you guys advice he should do because when he told me I was shocked of what to say (kinda strange)

[Ontarkie 13,904]

I would move, why has he not corrected the neighbours? If he wont move he needs to make it very clear that he is just a room mate, renter or anything that can clear up this mess. He really should not of let it get to that point. Is he sure the friend is not telling ppl other wise?

[dwheels76 5,459]

Hi Guys,

This enquiry is made on behalf of someone I know very personally;

He is married to a Nigerian- American(been married for 19months and known each other for ten years) and currently going through administrative processing(CR1)it is the third month after the interview however he got transferred to another location(Delta State) by his employer five months ago He spoke with spouse about it and she approved of it since the transfer comes with lots of benefits

However there is an old time family friend of his, a single female who his wife also knows(they are all family friends from same church) that works in Delta state , he spoke with the lady about his transfer and how to settle in the lady suggested he stay in her apartment as it is a three bedroom and in the same city he would be working it was a good one so he took it with the spouse's approval, sometimes the host's sisters come around and since they family friends its always a full house and they live like a family and know he is married too.

His dilemma however is that neighbours both in the apartment block and neighbourhood are beginning to think he is married to his host(family friend) and the host has even confirmed that nosey neighbours have made such remarks too.

He is beginning to be worried as the contact sheet he gave to the embassy following administrative review bears his current address and is worried if private investigators sent by embassy interview neighbours a WRONG IMPRESSION may be created which may affect his chances of visa approval , he is really thinking of moving out to his own apartment( reason he hasnt moved is because he thought he may soon relocate to join spouse and already has rent in lagos running) but his spouse disagrees with him moving out as it may create wrong impression by the embassy if he sends another address, that they can defend it anytime if it arises.

What do you guys advice he should do because when he told me I was shocked of what to say (kinda strange)

That was the dumbest move I have heard. Why in the world would someone who is going through AP even consider or do such a thing. They are checking him out for the validity of his relationship and he moves in with a single woman. Are you kidding me.

Oh well may God be with them,. Just shaking my head.

And by the way he is sending the wrong impression. I mean he is married he is living with a single woman. You don't or he doesn't see how bad that looks. The spouses permission. I doubt that she probably had no say so in the matter. What she going to do drive by every night from the US.

I am sure they are watching every move he makes. What do you think they do with a contact list....let me stop this just gets me more pissed off just reading it.

Edited November 19, 2014 by dwheels76

[Dohan 133]

He needs to MOVE OUT, NOW. No ifs, ends, or buts. I'm gonna sound real ignorant for a minute here and I am sorry but I think he can find an affordable place to live if he is employed full time. His future is hanging in the balance and he can't be so careless!

[mstee81 28]

I would not have not have agreed to this going through immigration or not. IMO he should move.

[Maharosa 251]

Hi Guys,

This enquiry is made on behalf of someone I know very personally;

He is married to a Nigerian- American(been married for 19months and known each other for ten years) and currently going through administrative processing(CR1)it is the third month after the interview however he got transferred to another location(Delta State) by his employer five months ago He spoke with spouse about it and she approved of it since the transfer comes with lots of benefits

However there is an old time family friend of his, a single female who his wife also knows(they are all family friends from same church) that works in Delta state , he spoke with the lady about his transfer and how to settle in the lady suggested he stay in her apartment as it is a three bedroom and in the same city he would be working it was a good one so he took it with the spouse's approval, sometimes the host's sisters come around and since they family friends its always a full house and they live like a family and know he is married too.

His dilemma however is that neighbours both in the apartment block and neighbourhood are beginning to think he is married to his host(family friend) and the host has even confirmed that nosey neighbours have made such remarks too.

He is beginning to be worried as the contact sheet he gave to the embassy following administrative review bears his current address and is worried if private investigators sent by embassy interview neighbours a WRONG IMPRESSION may be created which may affect his chances of visa approval , he is really thinking of moving out to his own apartment( reason he hasnt moved is because he thought he may soon relocate to join spouse and already has rent in lagos running) but his spouse disagrees with him moving out as it may create wrong impression by the embassy if he sends another address, that they can defend it anytime if it arises.

What do you guys advice he should do because when he told me I was shocked of what to say (kinda strange)

I would move, why has he not corrected the neighbours? If he wont move he needs to make it very clear that he is just a room mate, renter or anything that can clear up this mess. He really should not of let it get to that point. Is he sure the friend is not telling ppl other wise?

I hate to say this, but, Ontarkie, you raise a really good question about the friend...

I don't want to sound paranoid, but sometimes you never know what a persons true motive is, and in my opinion, it is never appropriate for a married man to live in a home with a woman other than his wife, mother, or sister, regardless of the circumstance.

I think it is better for the husband to find a temporary home by himself or with another man. There is too much at risk with him staying with the woman friend both in regards to the AP he is under now, and in regards to the future relationship with his wife, as you never know if or when the woman friend could decided to make up a lie about the husband to the wife out of jealousy or loneliness. If the husband truly loves his wife, he would do what is in the best interest of his marriage. If anyone questions why he moved again, he can just explain that he was uncomfortable with his living situation as people began to form the wrong impression about his relationship with the roommate, and that because he values his relationship with his wife, he did not want to do anything to jeopardize it. Therefore, it was in his best interest to move out, not only to protect his marriage, but also both his and his wife's reputation.

[dwheels76 5,459]

I hate to say this, but, Ontarkie, you raise a really good question about the friend...

I don't want to sound paranoid, but sometimes you never know what a persons true motive is, and in my opinion, it is never appropriate for a married man to live in a home with a woman other than his wife, mother, or sister, regardless of the circumstance.

I think it is better for the husband to find a temporary home by himself or with another man. There is too much at risk with him staying with the woman friend both in regards to the AP he is under now, and in regards to the future relationship with his wife, as you never know if or when the woman friend could decided to make up a lie about the husband to the wife out of jealousy or loneliness. If the husband truly loves his wife, he would do what is in the best interest of his marriage. If anyone questions why he moved again, he can just explain that he was uncomfortable with his living situation as people began to form the wrong impression about his relationship with the roommate, and that because he values his relationship with his wife, he did not want to do anything to jeopardize it. Therefore, it was in his best interest to move out, not only to protect his marriage, but also both his and his wife's reputation.

You are so right about peoples motives. Especially for Nigeria. I have known of neighbor people who lied to field investigators telling them the person was married had wife and kids in village just to mess them up. Jealousy can do many things.

Plus my ears went up wondering why in the world AFTER an interview and AP would you take on a NEW job in a NEW state when you are about to move (hopefully). Just seems crazy. And personally I doubt very seriously if wife in US agreed. Probably she had no say in the matter.

Just dumb move on all accounts. And Ontarkie is right your friend knows all the gossip going around and knows there are probably field agents right outside his complex watching his ever move why would he not correct such a thing. Family friend. Sister visiting. Sounds like a dang harem up in there what you think immigration going to think.

And he will come back and post on VJ how Immigration is so mean and bad and hates Nigerians and pick on them. Na wa o, abi.

[Maharosa 251]

You are so right about peoples motives. Especially for Nigeria. I have known of neighbor people who lied to field investigators telling them the person was married had wife and kids in village just to mess them up. Jealousy can do many things.

Plus my ears went up wondering why in the world AFTER an interview and AP would you take on a NEW job in a NEW state when you are about to move (hopefully). Just seems crazy. And personally I doubt very seriously if wife in US agreed. Probably she had no say in the matter.

Just dumb move on all accounts. And Ontarkie is right your friend knows all the gossip going around and knows there are probably field agents right outside his complex watching his ever move why would he not correct such a thing. Family friend. Sister visiting. Sounds like a dang harem up in there what you think immigration going to think.

And he will come back and post on VJ how Immigration is so mean and bad and hates Nigerians and pick on them. Na wa o, abi.

I hate to be cynical, but I could see this living situation as a potential plan to disolve the marriage a couple of years down the road.

I can see it now, two year or three years down the road the woman friend tells the wife that when the husband stayed with her he made passes at her, or even worse, was intimate with her. From that point, the marriage starts to fall apart and either the wife divorces the husband because she does not trust him now, or the husband divorces the wife because she turns crazy possessive and jealous based on"lies" told by the woman friend. Meanwhile, the husband, green card in hand, is the "innocent victim" stuck between two crazy women because all he did was pay the woman friend a little rent while he waited to be reunited with his wife.

[A&J4LIFE 0]

Why on earth will a MARRIED MAN live under the same roof with a single woman who is not his wife nor mother??? It seems shady to me???

Edited November 19, 2014 by A&J4LIFE

[EOC 440]

This are the kind of people that makes AP rampant in Lagos because no sane person would do such except his dating his host.

[doshi8000 19]

I would move, why has he not corrected the neighbours? If he wont move he needs to make it very clear that he is just a room mate, renter or anything that can clear up this mess. He really should not of let it get to that point. Is he sure the friend is not telling ppl other wise?

Seriously, i.thought he should move too and he feels the same way but the spouse clearly diasgrees and feels they would explain rather than raise shoot themselves in the foot by changing address.

No,No, No the family friend wouldnt say such he stronly doesnt think so as she is engaged herself to be married some time next month

[doshi8000 19]

That was the dumbest move I have heard. Why in the world would someone who is going through AP even consider or do such a thing. They are checking him out for the validity of his relationship and he moves in with a single woman. Are you kidding me.

Oh well may God be with them,. Just shaking my head.

And by the way he is sending the wrong impression. I mean he is married he is living with a single woman. You don't or he doesn't see how bad that looks. The spouses permission. I doubt that she probably had no say so in the matter. What she going to do drive by every night from the US.

I am sure they are watching every move he makes. What do you think they do with a contact list....let me stop this just gets me more pissed off just reading it.

I totally understand your imaginations even beyond your words of expression, the thing is he had moved before the interview and he was one of those that thought their case was an outright approval( thought so myself too} but what baffles me the most is that I know these TRIANGLES involved personally and His wife supported Him all through because she wanted her hubby in trusted '' hands'' people she can trust and help monitor her hubby and make settling temporarily in new place easy.

At first I judged hurriedly too but he claimed it was the wife decision

[doshi8000 19]

He needs to MOVE OUT, NOW. No ifs, ends, or buts. I'm gonna sound real ignorant for a minute here and I am sorry but I think he can find an affordable place to live if he is employed full time. His future is hanging in the balance and he can't be so careless!

But all things equal if their case is returned do you think when USCIS contacts spouse she can reaffirm case and it will still be sent back to embassy?? as right now moving is not their priority.

If i may add too the hubby has a visitors visa that He got via his company and it has less than 7months to expiry I think its on that basis that the spouse feels they have abided by terms and there is no need to start moving out

[doshi8000 19]

I would not have not have agreed to this going through immigration or not. IMO he should move.

I totally agree!!!!

they were stubborn and thought they would be approved outrightly.

The attendant cost involved in renting another home in another state and the way rent runs in Nigeria is basically annually or every two years and what he was given in new state was a year rent so they felt they couldnt afford it as they wouldnt have lived through the entire duration of the rent

unfortunately( hate to say that) they were myopic and their decision was purely a financial one and that made out of naivety and sheer innocense

[doshi8000 19]

I hate to say this, but, Ontarkie, you raise a really good question about the friend...

I don't want to sound paranoid, but sometimes you never know what a persons true motive is, and in my opinion, it is never appropriate for a married man to live in a home with a woman other than his wife, mother, or sister, regardless of the circumstance.

I think it is better for the husband to find a temporary home by himself or with another man. There is too much at risk with him staying with the woman friend both in regards to the AP he is under now, and in regards to the future relationship with his wife, as you never know if or when the woman friend could decided to make up a lie about the husband to the wife out of jealousy or loneliness. If the husband truly loves his wife, he would do what is in the best interest of his marriage. If anyone questions why he moved again, he can just explain that he was uncomfortable with his living situation as people began to form the wrong impression about his relationship with the roommate, and that because he values his relationship with his wife, he did not want to do anything to jeopardize it. Therefore, it was in his best interest to move out, not only to protect his marriage, but also both his and his wife's reputation.

what is the way forward asides him moving out????