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The Meghan M

Screwed up and need advice

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So at the end of 2012 I met a man online. I was (I thought) finishing my divorce procedures and free to marry again. This was not really my intent as I wanted to enjoy my newly gained freedom and enjoy what was left of my youth for a little while longer. But there was something about this man. He is from Syria but is living in Beirut and we started talking all the time. I am not describable as a desperate or crazy person in a negative way. But this situation seemed crazy. I decided to go to Beirut and meet him. I had no idea how it would turn out but it was an adventure for me and worth the time. He was amazing we got on better than anything I could imagine. We talked marriage and I agreed but there was a little confusion on this in my part about the timing of this but his English was good and I thought we understood each other. I also at the time thought I was divorced just waiting for the copy of my documents to arrive in the mail and they didn’t come by the time I left so I still did not think anything on it. We somehow got married I am not 100% sure on how it happened (Well I remember everything I just didn’t think that’s how a marriage worked as we only went to an office and some man asked me some questions of my intent and signed a paper. To my American brain this wasn’t how you got married and it confused me.) But after I realized what I had done I embraced the idea as well it was not the craziest thing I have ever done. So the issue is when I got home my supposed to be Ex-husband had put a hold on our divorce proceeding and had the decision postponed just too be an ###. So there I was married to 2 men and freaking out trying to get the first marriage dissolved as quickly as possible. It took till the end of August to do so. But the stress of this put a huge strain on my new marriage because I HATE the long distance thing and didn’t think I would have to wait long to bring him over. We had fights over my male friends and things that were online we were both feeling lonely and crazy and we broke up several times. I tried dating other people and we talked about him filing divorce papers. But here we are a year after everything fell apart and both of us are still crazy in love with each other and still maybe technically married. I want him still and he wants me. He is handsome and there are many women who have been more than willing to marry him and bring him here to the USA or other countries and it would have been easier for him to do so. I know I am pretty and many men talk to me. But we both make each other crazy and this feels more real than anything I have ever been through.

So I need advice. Yes I know a lawyer would be the right start but I am not rich and living in DC area and the good money I make doesn’t go very far. So I wanted to know if we should divorce in his country and do the fiancé visa and I bring him here that way?

Or go with the Spouse Visa and see what happens?

Or option 3, give up walk away and feel regret over a life of stupid choices?

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Correct me if I'm wrong but your new marriage isn't legal and cannot be recognised as being so as your divorce wasn't final.


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~~Moved to What Visa Do I Need - Family Based Immigration, from K-3 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures - As the OP is looking for visa options~~

Moderator hat off

Your first marriage was not dissolved, so your second marriage is not legal. You must have a legal marriage to file for a spousal visa.


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Wow! What a story. So --you aren't actually married to him. Your divorce wasn't final, therefore your "new" marriage wasn't legal in any sense. Polyandry is illegal in the US and Lebanon.

That being said, you have a lot to consider before you pursue a spousal or fiancé visa. You said you struggled with the long distance--this doesn't go away. Either process can take up to a year or more.

The problem with your story is the instability. In order to do this process your relationship has to be ROCK SOLID. You're complaining about him being controlling of your friends. You had this big fallout and now you may realize you love each other and want to be together, but you need time together (physically together), to see if this will work. You guys have to resolve your issues--in person. You clearly have communication issues if you accidentally got married. :P

Personally, the fact that you even put option 3 on there shows that you're not committed enough to him to be ready for option 1 or 2.


 

 

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You're not married to second man, it's invalid.

But this bit caught my eye

He is handsome and there are many women who have been more than willing to marry him and bring him here to the USA or other countries

That is not what a spouse visa is for. It's to allow people in love to be together, not just for the purposes of getting him to the US or any other country.

You have to ask yourself, would you marry him if he was already in the US and would he marry you if you suggested moving to his country instead?

But first things first you have to resolve the issues with your previous marriage, nothing can be done until you're properly divorced.

Edited by MacUK

August 2000: We start e-mailing. I'm in Bosnia, she's in Florida

October 29th 2000: She sends me e-mail asking if I would marry her

October 29th 2000(5 seconds later): I say yes

November 2000: She sends me tickets to Orlando for when I get back

December 6th 2000: Return from Bos

December 11th 2000: Fly to Orlando, she meets me at airport

December 22nd 2000: I fly back to UK

January 3rd 2001: She flies to UK (Good times)

Mid February 2001: Pregnancy test Positive

Mid February 2001: She flies back to US

March 2001: Miscarriage, I fly to US on first flight I can get

May 2001: I leave US before my 90 days are up

June 2001: I fly back to US, stopped at airport for questioning as I had only just left

September 2001: Pregnancy test Positive again

September 2001: She falls sick, I make decision to stay to look after her as I am afraid I may have problems getting back in.

April 16th 2002: Our son is born, we start getting stuff together for his passport

March 6th 2003: We leave US for UK as family

Early April 2003: Family troubles make her return to US, I ask Embassy in London about possibilities of returning to US

April 16th 2003: London Embassy informs me that I will be banned from the Visa Waiver Program for 10 years, my little boys first birthday

June 13th 2006: I-129f sent

August 11th 2006: NOA1 Recieved

After our relationship breaks down she admits to me that she had never bothered to start the application process

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Yeesh. I get frustrated when the US interviewers are sticklers.......... and then I read a post like this. As several others have pointed out, your marriage to the man in Beirut isn't legal. Second, if you HATE long distance, as you mentioned in your original post, this probably isn't the relationship for you. International relationships are long-term, long-distance relationships. That's just how it goes. It sounds like you have a lot of instability and drama... it's none of our business but since you asked, my advice would be option 3. And then to work on your own life by yourself before jumping into another relationship.

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I feel the need a small bit of defense for my complete amount of foolhardy stupidity. No one really likes long distance relationships, I was just being honest with my disdain. I thought I was divorced, I had no idea you could reverse it and at that point I was feeling like nothing could go wrong. It was a -it moment and I come from a long line of people who have done many crazy things and it worked out fine. In fact my parents just celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary and they knew each other after a night in protective custody while she was being protected from her crazy ex-bf. (Everyone has a story)

I got caught up in something that was bigger than I truly understood and I have grown A LOT. I never had a problem being the weird wild person I was. Just this time it had repercussions that need more attention than I could have ever understood.

I want him. If I didn’t I would have walked away and left this alone because it is hard and there will be work. I am not an emotional masochist. So I really do need solid advice. A lot of people on this site have been through weirder things and I was hoping someone might have something I could start with. We worked out our communications issues and that’s why I am back to seeing what I can do.

Please take pity on the wild child who is not afraid of a challenge and is prepared for a LOT of work ahead and give me something I can research and use to hopefully make work to my advantage.

So should I go for the fiancé visa because in my opinion we are not married..

Or any other angle that I am not seeing.

Please advise…

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You're not married to second man, it's invalid.

But this bit caught my eye

That is not what a spouse visa is for. It's to allow people in love to be together, not just for the purposes of getting him to the US or any other country.

You have to ask yourself, would you marry him if he was already in the US and would he marry you if you suggested moving to his country instead?

But first things first you have to resolve the issues with your previous marriage, nothing can be done until you're properly divorced.

MacUK your advice was very solid. Thank you...

I am over explaining thing there is no filter brom my brain to anything and I type and say what I think.

My Previous marraige is reloved and a year fully recognized as over. My point in saying he has many women that could bring him here was my way of saying this is not a Scam marraige. He has asked me to move to where he is. I just really love my country and dont want to leave for more than vacation purposes. I would have loved to have dated him for a year then married him. But With out sounding like some fatasy based moron. I have never felt this before and I truly do love him. I need help my stupid phase is passed in this and I am trying to get real on it.

Should we divorce as well? Or because it isnt valid act like it didnt happen. I want to be married in my country, I want my famiy and friends there to pay witness.

Thank you

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If you want to get married in the US, the K1 is the best option for you.

http://www.visajourney.com/content/k1flow

This gives you an idea of what to expect. If you've decided this is what you want, then go for it.

Edit: In your original post, you mentioned you don't make a lot of money. You need to make at least 125% over the poverty line to be able to sponsor your fiancé. For 2 people, that's around 19k. If you can't, you'll need a co-sponsor. Just something to add.

MacUK your advice was very solid. Thank you...

I am over explaining thing there is no filter brom my brain to anything and I type and say what I think.

My Previous marraige is reloved and a year fully recognized as over. My point in saying he has many women that could bring him here was my way of saying this is not a Scam marraige. He has asked me to move to where he is. I just really love my country and dont want to leave for more than vacation purposes. I would have loved to have dated him for a year then married him. But With out sounding like some fatasy based moron. I have never felt this before and I truly do love him. I need help my stupid phase is passed in this and I am trying to get real on it.

Should we divorce as well? Or because it isnt valid act like it didnt happen. I want to be married in my country, I want my famiy and friends there to pay witness.

Thank you

Edited by nitsirk7562

 

 

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