Did you have any concerns before marriage?

[suwon to nyc 3]

Questions you can ask yourself:

How different is the culture, diversity, language and mannerisms of the people of the city you moving to and with your current location?

How often will you be able to visit your family, friends and home when you come to the United States? Is using skype, facetime, phone enough?

What differences and similarities do you and your future spouse hve?

I realized that when my wife moved to the United States she had to face various challenges

- English wasn't her first language, so had get used to listening native New Yorkers speaking many times quicker that she was used to

- Brand new neighborhood, no familiar cafes, restaurants, supermarkets.

- Being away from her family and friends. When she first arrived she only depended on me to talk to and ask questions and find out things. That's tough, because I have my friends and my family here I can depend on. For awhile, the only person she can depend on is me (lots of pressure on myself!!!)

- I grew up in the United States, she grew up in Korea. We have different opinions on food, socially acceptable behavior (yes Americans are loud, obnoxious and rude but at the same time we're used it from each other!)

However, she's been living here for 3 years. She has become friends with some of my friends. She has made her own friends (who I've becomes friends with). She has found a stable job and found a community with her church. It took some time for her to venture out of the house. Some of that was nervous and scared of new language and culture and location. We knew each other for 3 years before we got married, but we were still strangers when it came to living together! I have bad habits at home, so does she, so it takes time to accept each other's behavior and manners and compromise on what needs to be done or what needs to change. Marriage is all about getting to know each other and also about compromising and understanding each other. It's a pretty exciting and difficult journey (and we're throwing on top of that... displacing somebody from her home and everything she was familiar with to a completely new and different and strange location!).

However, any difficulties we faced are no different from difficulties of those who don't have to complete this visa journey. Just as long as you are willing to help each other and guide each other, you'll do fine.

Good luck!

[kehills 217]

Sure, living with someone else is hard. Living with someone else that you've only ever spent time with on a visitor basis, and who has literally uprooted from halfway around the world? Harder. (Having been married to another USC and now married to my Aussie, I'll attest that the latter has been more difficult.) It's hard to adjust to each other, to where you think things should go in the fridge or habits like leaving cupboards open or putting clothes in a pile instead of the hamper, or... all the little bits of personality and habit we build up after a lifetime of living our own lives.

Merging lives in marriage is hard.

That doesn't mean that it's not worth every minute of it, and it is. Worth every minute. No matter how frustrated I get, I realize that ya know? Instead of being frustrated at a computer screen, I can be frustrated while holding his hand. And that? That is the best thing in the world.

[aruadha 58]

Sure, living with someone else is hard. Living with someone else that you've only ever spent time with on a visitor basis, and who has literally uprooted from halfway around the world? Harder. (Having been married to another USC and now married to my Aussie, I'll attest that the latter has been more difficult.) It's hard to adjust to each other, to where you think things should go in the fridge or habits like leaving cupboards open or putting clothes in a pile instead of the hamper, or... all the little bits of personality and habit we build up after a lifetime of living our own lives.

Merging lives in marriage is hard.

That doesn't mean that it's not worth every minute of it, and it is. Worth every minute. No matter how frustrated I get, I realize that ya know? Instead of being frustrated at a computer screen, I can be frustrated while holding his hand. And that? That is the best thing in the world.

This made me cry. I tell myself this all the time- no matter how frustrated or upset I might get- if he is here, then it doesn't really matter. One upside of long distance is, for me anyway, realizing what really matters.

[sweet cakes 326]

Before I moved here, I was scared of:

- People not understanding my words because of my accent

- Not getting a job related to my professional background

- Not being able to eat my favorite home and local dishes

- Not having a reliable public transpo around our area because we live in a suburb

- Winter

I guess I took it one day at a time. My husband and I somehow got used to each other's routine, made new traditions and I have made some friends too in our community. It helps a lot as well that my in-laws are very warm and friendly that missing my family and friends back home is less painful. It takes some time to getting used to a completely new and different environment, of course, and I am still in a learning curve.

Was I sure what I'm putting myself into? No, but like any other choices I made, I learned to adapt. What I'm 101% sure of is my feelings for my husband (mush alert! ), and that I wanted to build a family with him. And what's more important now is that I have overcome all the fears I listed above and I can definitely say that our marriage is totally worth it.

Edited May 28, 2014 by sweet cakes

[Tired of wait 0]

you guys are gonna get married couse is the only way to live with your fiance or would get married anyway?

[Sam and Fen 41]

Ever seen the movie "Fools rush in"?

[ninadrianna 1]

Of course I had concerns! And one by one, I uncovered them together with my partner, and it allowed us further space to fall in love.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

Did you have any concerns before marriage? like if you gonna adapt to new life, find a job, miss your family? or were you sure and positive that was going to work?

Ever seen the movie Runaway Bride??

[PallasAthena 101]

you guys are gonna get married couse is the only way to live with your fiance or would get married anyway?

I read that you withdrew your petition and then submitted a new one. I went through a divorce 7 years ago. I got married to someone and had doubt's even the day of my wedding. my thoughts to you is that if you feel a shadow of a doubt, don't go through with it. Problems will only amplify and get worse. I remarried 3 years ago and I am sure my husband is right for me. Very different feeling than when I married my ex.

If you have doubts, don't go through with the marriage. I'm not saying break up but work on the issues and tie the knot when you both feel ready.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need are two hearts and a diamond.

In the end, you'll wish you had a club and a spade.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need are two hearts and a diamond.

In the end, you'll wish you had a club and a spade.

Shame shame on you Avery Cates! I love it!! hahaha

[sweetgal8 4]

I have no doubts at all about my fiance. I love him so much. He's everything that I want in a man.

What I am worried about when I move to the U.S.:

- Finding a stable job that pays the same or better salary than what I am paid now.

- Public transportation that is not as good as my current city

- I don't have a driving license

- Different culture... Speaking French (I am from Quebec).

- Missing my family

I have a lot going for me here in Canada, but I want to be with my fiance so bad. I wouldn't do all this if I wasn't 100% sure.

Edited May 29, 2014 by sweetgal8

[David & Diana R 1,005]

I have no doubts at all about my fiance. I love him so much. He's everything that I want in a man.

What I am worried about when I move to the U.S.:

- Finding a stable job that pays the same or better salary than what I am paid now.

- Public transportation that is not as good as my current city

- I don't have a driving license

- Different culture... Speaking French (I am from Quebec).

- Missing my family

I have a lot going for me here in Canada, but I want to be with my fiance so bad. I wouldn't do all this if I wasn't 100% sure.

Sounds to me like you want to stay in Canada. Why in the world are you going to give up all that good stuff? I mean really, why would anyone give up a good bus system for a man????

Edited May 29, 2014 by David & Zoila

[Tired of wait 0]

cool, thx all

[Tingbudong 12]

LOL, I had doubts when I married my ex. She was US citizen and we met in college.. (Im also US citizen) It didn't work out but we were together 12 years … So i don't think necessarily I was subconsciously knowing it was going to go bad...

Everyone gets scared before a big decision like that.. You have to listen to your heart.. If you know you love each other then trust yourself to have made the right decision BEFORE your last minute jitters kicked in. Don't put unfounded fears of the unknown on to your fiancé. I talk ever day about the things I or my fiancee are afraid of. We talk it out together and after, we al;ways feel better. (communication works)

Its going to be hard work for sure.. You will get mad at each other and fight sometimes but thats normal too. The trick is not to fight dirty.. You cant take back bad hurtful things you say in a temporary fit of anger or frustration.. Just remember you are in it together and work things out together.. Both people need to give and compromise so you will both be equally unhappy with the result.. LOL.. no really you need to meet in the middle and work together.. Don't go to bed letting bad feelings still float around.. Always remember you love each other and never take what you have for granted and you can get through anything.. COMMUNICATE your feelings.

The wedding isn't the end goal.. A positive life together is.. The wedding is the beginning, its really not much a of a milestone.. Maybe a 5th, tenth, 20th etc anniversary is..

Good luck and don't freak out and run before you even get this thing really started.

Good luck.

My fiancee (and our son) gets here in only two days… Wish me luck too!!